I got accepted into GRCC.. well, I only have to take their admissions test, that is. I might as well go for it, although I'm not sure I'll be able to qualify for financial aid [I'm defaulted on past student loans due to not having a job..] even though I don't have a job, and "technically I'm homeless" [lol thank you Pj... my name isn't on the lease. I'm just listed as an occupant]
We came across a conclusion of bifurcation in his cranial aporia. Scattered cognitive dissonance, unlike contrasting audible syntax, can lead to no beauty.
The collusion of the two works something like bent nails and unplugged television sets. "Two heads are better than one, though." I am sorry, but this binary efficiency motto was not created with situations such as dissociative identity disorder in mind.
And so we stumble upon this desert, this jungle again. Why must we always land here? I step onto a train of thought and I never arrive where I expect. I should start looking at the destinations, or mapping them myself.
and claim the deserved respect. - - - - -. - - - - [it's allegiance, or it's vengeance,
in a honorably sclerotic society - - - - - - .. ---. - with the vengeful somehow justified
where does one turn? - - -- - - - -- - - - - -- - - - .- by the allegiance they forced upon us]
for truth in roots ripped from tooths by soothsayers. deracinate the evidence from gums and fill each cavity with cement. (aw fuck, just flood that entire gaping hole.)
these lies will not be spread;
like butter with tongues as knives.
like the legs of whores for a price.
The distinct edges and hard lines are blurring. They pulsate and quiver with an unquenchable need to escape their dimensional restraints. To shift, to fluctuate in size and shape. To annoy and drive the eyes insane*.
They are tired of defining only the objects they envelop, and wish to be seen as entities themselves. They are sick of being the outlining structure that holds everything together and inside.
To inundate, and to invade
Messages on optic nerves
To flood them and to persuade
Chemicals to make it worse
Every rod and cone there is
Each retinal layer and lens
Will rot and finally perish
As my acuity descends
I'm feeling particularly sappy/lovey today :] I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you
Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you
In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you
Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you
Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you
Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back
Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you
He's probably the only thing that is keeping me from completely falling apart and sinking below the water. MC is still being fuck faces, and I'm STILL not working. I never got some letter that they supposedly certified and sent out [how convenient], so I finally called and was all like, "um do I have a job or what?" Then I found out that I had to have my doctor fill out some form stating what my restrictions are or aren't, and I ended up having to go back in and waste another $20 that I don't have all because MC's quack of a doctor claimed my lower back strain wasn't work related nor was it a back strain even though my regular physician said it was..
So that form got faxed yesterday morning, and here I am still waiting for the cunts in HR to get their heads out of their asses and either tell me I can go back to work, or tell me that they aren't hiring.
I am SO sick of being thrown around and jumping through hoops.
In the mean time, I've been stalking careerbuilder.com and monster.com, and I've reached a high level of desperation that has lead me to applying to restaurants as a waitress :[ I have yet to hear back from anyone. Not even temp places call back :[[
I feel like a grade A failure.
I put down a $100 down payment to my best friend in CT on his Canon Rebel XT because that, the lenses, and everything else that is being sent with it was only $550 and WAYYY too good of a deal to pass up. That finally got sent out yesterday after almost a week of being told "I'll send it out this day," and then something randomly coming up that prevented it from happening. 2-3 days, so either Saturday or Monday I'll have it.
I heard from GRCC, but it was only to tell me that they needed my HS transcripts and ACT score. I sent in a written request + money to my HS last week, and hopefully they [GRCC] got everything this week.
My car is completely unsafe to drive, yay. Pj's is slowly imploding, so we are going to Waukesha [where I'm from in WI] tonight and giving a $50 down payment to my parents on my mom's Escort that she can't drive anymore. 2001, ~50k miles, and no problems to speak of. It's a Ford. It's automatic, but it's SOMETHING, and right now something is better than nothing :\
My anxiety meds were upped and then dropped back down to the lowest dosage not too long ago, and currently it seems as though they are working.
Kelly leaves next weekend which makes my heart ache every time I think about it. I hate when I get separated from my best friends, but you would think that after how many times it has happened, I would be used to it or good at it by now. Not so much, unfortunately. I'm proud of him though. REALLY proud.
::
2009 2 April :: 10.25pm
:: Music: A Perfect Circle
A fairwell.
6th ESB Embark Specialist. for A Co. Bridge
I dont think Ill be updating this for along time so Im saying it now. Goodbye. Thank you for the friendship.Thank you for the support. I look to not disappoint.
I will be going to Boot Camp then off to MCT(30days) and follow that with MOS(21days) school. After schooling, I will be assigned to the above company. I may find myself shipping out by the end of the year, who knows. We will see. If I am, I expect it to be in Afghanistan as per the MGySgt's notice.
Saturday evening (04042009) if anyone wishes to drop by my house feel free. Im having a few folks over and I really wouldnt mind seeing friendly faces. If you to not have my address Im more than happy to give it out...just not in plain sight. Email me and I will give you it. valoth at gmail dot com
Friends past, present. Thank you for being around.
Time to grow up. Without a doubt this Marine Corps shit will go to my head. Pride motherfuckers....do you have it?
For those of you that don't hang out in IRC, there was a discussion about this yesterday. A farewell notice has been placed on FileFront, and it looks like as of March 30th, the service will cease to exist. While the message states "indefinitely," the parent of FileFront -- Ziff Davis -- is in financial trouble, so it returning in the future isn't likely. If you have content on the site, make sure to get it downloaded as soon as you can, especially if you don't have backups.
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?
Do I divide and fall apart?
'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands
I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you're coming for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine
