godessalthena
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2021 22 January :: 1.19pm
I'm starting to feel like there are only like 5 people who would call me a friend.
the rest are just people I interact with occasionally, for 5 years, we can't be friends.
I just can't fucking make friends.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2021 19 January :: 8.31am
:: Music: smashmouth Lord help me
smashmouth and cake always remind me of better times. I've been looking back more and more at my experiences, and I feel myself slipping away into a lethal kind of nostalgia.
I miss the friends I used to have.
I miss giving a strong impression of a sense of self.
I miss having fun.
All I really want are more people I can laugh until I cry with.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2021 13 January :: 3.16pm
what ever happened to ska?
remember the mickey avalon concert where we met?
and that birthday party. all those birthday parties.
I miss you friend, I wonder where you disappeared to, why you ghosted me, and if you're still doing alright.
I hope things are good for you. you deserve the best
give me props
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godessalthena
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2021 12 January :: 6.10am
regret is a deep rabid river, constantly trying to pull you under
give me props
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munkysaurus
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2021 3 January :: 9.36pm
:: Music: David Bowie - Lazarus
Time is not a stream, but a thick and chunky undertow...
Mr. J,
That's what Harley Quinn calls the Joker. But we both know that's not here or there.
You scallywag, how's the slipstream time-dream beauty Queen? :P I kid you, you're a wonderful soul for heeding the now with me.
But, isn't life such a rope finger's-length from grasp?
The puzzle is never truly solved, only provides more questions. Ideas so intimate in proximity, suddenly so distant. And the vice versa.
If time is a body of water-like substrate, is there a shore, beach or rocky precipice in which I may glimpse and enjoy it's better amusings?
Maybe it's you, my dear friend. Only a condensed series of switches held within place against the better of your nature. Anti-equilibrium :P I figured you out.
You know it's not time yet, but what does that even mean?
Maintain the heading and wind direction, let's rendezvous s'il vous plait avec vous chez du temps.
At all the hour <3
give me props
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godessalthena
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2021 2 January :: 11.50pm
is it just me or deep at it's core metal is really fucking dorky? have you actually ever listened to the lyrics
the guitar licks may be sick, but those words knock it out if me
give me props
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labyrinth
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2020 25 December :: 11.30pm
Life is short. Gotta focus on what really matters.
give me props
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labyrinth
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2020 22 December :: 1.32am
Running out of ideas for things to do for fun.
give me props
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labyrinth
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2020 15 December :: 12.16am
I Like Happy Mail
Things are getting better, overall.
I miss getting happy mail but I can't afford to keep paying for stickers and prints from other countries. In the past, it was exciting to be getting happy mails from Budapest, Canada, Portugal, Uk, New Zealand, etc.
If I ever make an income, I can afford prints and stickers again. My new favorites are memo pads, washi tapes, and planner stickers.
give me props
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goodbye
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2020 11 December :: 10.36pm
 ![]()
1 prop |
give me props
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godessalthena
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2020 8 December :: 2.05pm
on a more positive note I made home made gnocchi with leftover KFC potatoes and they turned out really tasty!
give me props
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godessalthena
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2020 8 December :: 8.07am
:: Music: good girls (don't get used)
maybe it's time for a real update...
4 months until our lease is over. then he wants to leave Spokane. I never thought I'd want to stay here so much.
but I'm so conflicted because living somewhere else could be really fun and whatever.. but I don't make friends, and if I move away I'm basically isolating myself...
it's just so hard when I feel like you hate me every single day. half the time I talk to you, you're just an ass. I know you're going through some really hard things, and life seems pointless, and everyone is your enemy. but I'm not. im on your team. just be fucking nice to me.
but all this negativity has me thinking that maybe somehow I deserve what I get. I deserve to consistently have a broken heart. consistently forgotten and pushes aside for others. not invited, not talked to, just leav me alone. I'm tired of the game and all I want to do is bury myself under a blanket of dirt and soft moss, with a pillow of flowers and pine needles. leave me there and forget my existence some how touched you.
I feel a dark heavy hole where my heart used to be. I feel a lingering pain where a soul supposedly existed. an absence mind where intelligence and creativity once sat.
I'm drowning in bad feelings I'm filled with intrusive thoughts the voice in my head is never sweet or kind to me I miss my family so. fucking. much.
I just miss everyone. I miss everything. I wish everything didn't get so fucked up. I wish I knew how I felt and I wish I could say it out loud. I am invisible, inconsequential, worthless, and a waste. I'm aa bank account. I'm just a good credit score and too generous.i have trouble making boundaries and even more terrible maintaining them.
the only thing keeping me is knowing how sad everyone would be if I killed myself. I don't want to hurt anyone else.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2020 7 December :: 6.40pm
I know I say this a lot.
but fuck do I hate being alive.
give me props
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labyrinth
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2020 2 December :: 1.34pm
YAY DECEMBER
HAPPY DECEMBER!!
I'm going to start a YouTube channel in a few days. I need to make my first video in these few days!!
give me props
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labyrinth
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2020 28 November :: 12.43am
Death
My father is ill, and I'm staying home with him because he was told by a doctor he'd die soon, which I don't know if it's 1-3 months or later. Don't know. I already have plans to get a job if I have to be alone. I don't want him to die. Life is better with him but eventually, I have to be alone. Relatives don't care about me. I've never felt so alone in my life.
give me props
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