godessalthena
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2020 31 May :: 9.44pm
I'm tired of everyone dying, why is life so sad?
drug addiction just decimated another bright young man.
just so some cartel can have another swimming pool or whatever else.
and now there's another hole in his heart and I hate that I can't fix it.
rip Ashton. you will be dearly missed, I know.
1 prop |
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godessalthena
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2020 18 May :: 10.28am
can I just die now? thx
1 prop |
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godessalthena
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2020 15 May :: 9.16am
:: Music: ember city by mastodon
I'm really missing you today corry. to think last year this time last year I was taking you to the hospital and you were in there so long... and I never visited you.
you must have felt so scared and alone. that probably pushed you away the most. like I only half cared about you.
I just miss you. why did you have to go. why aren't you here?
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godessalthena
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2020 3 May :: 11.37am
I'm not sure what it is that I'm feeling
I know I wish I could help, but I know that I can't
at least the view is beautiful
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godessalthena
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2020 21 April :: 9.14pm
so sick of having a cycle. every month it's the same stupid feelings, same stupid insecurities.
just really homesick too. I'm lonely.
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godessalthena
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2020 12 April :: 8.03am
:: Mood: utterly devastated
can it just be tomorrow?
I hate everything about today.
1 prop |
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godessalthena
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2020 11 April :: 8.16am
it's called free fall
I'm the noose mistaken for a necklace.
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godessalthena
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2020 31 March :: 3.25pm
I just wish I had someone to talk to, who said more than just "ok" or nothing. I have animals for that.
this is why I don't trust anyone, or open up, or share. because people always just are hard like rocks or prickly like porcupines when literally all I want is a hug and for someone to say "I know how you feel, and I hope it gets better for both of us" and maybe idk.. actually try to relate to me? rather than just making me feel like an idiot for even trying to share.
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godessalthena
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2020 25 March :: 11.55am
happy birthday
1 prop |
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godessalthena
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2020 23 March :: 3.38pm
I hate myself with every fiber of my being.
why are these decisions so hard?
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spud
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2020 19 March :: 4.00pm
COVID-19
If I get stuck at home, you can bet your sweet booty I'll be uploading lots of recordings ;)
As it stands, I still have a job, and we're staying open, so I get to continue working. But if that changes, expect to be seeing some updates <3
Stay safe out there, friends.
2 props |
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godessalthena
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2020 13 March :: 12.43pm
I know my heart should guide me but,
There's a hole within my soul
What will fill this emptiness inside of me?
Am I to be satisfied without knowing?
2 props |
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godessalthena
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2020 13 March :: 8.41am
almost to our 4 year anniversary and finally starting to plan on moving in together
we both have a lot of trepidation as we are concerned our personalities might clash living together. we both enjoy our own time apart, but also enjoy each other's company.
I've been on edge lately. we went to Corry's grave last weekend and it filled me with sorrow, grief, regrets and introspection. I wish I had done more to help him, taken him to follow up appointments. he is buried next to his dad, who literally died the year before. so much heartbreak. I miss you.
and that just tore open the flood gates for all my other negative emotions. I just feel terrible about myself, and everything seems to freak me out. this move is scary because of my past with roommates. this move is scary cuz I still have a bit of debt and I'd like to not have that hanging over me. I'm nervous about living with a 19 year old.
but I'm excited to start my life with him, and excited for the future, and I want to stay that way. it's just hard to overcome my negative thoughts.
idk what to do. stay here longer? move out now? wait for the bubble to pop and buy a house and live there?
I wish I knew. I wish I had a sign.
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godessalthena
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2020 2 March :: 7.22am
shit is just so boring. even with a new plague taking the world, I'm still just like...
meh.
who cares?
good riddance anyway.
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spud
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2020 1 March :: 8.01pm
Recorded on 2.29.20
OPEN TALK
In which I am joined by a host of promises. I gave an open talk at the alano club in Grand Rapids, and didn't really talk about booze that much.
Links to stuff I mentioned:
(Ultraclean floss is rad, btw. It is stretchy and doesn't break or tear like normal floss. Get you some ultraclean.)
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