godessalthena
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2018 5 September :: 6.19am
I suck at comforting people
one day down of sober September and I have had no break from an uncomfortable unsettled feeling deep in my stomach, like I ate copious amounts of cheese.
I can do this.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 4 September :: 9.34pm
I'm really fucking sick and tired of being treated like I don't know shit.
I know a lot. I'm smart. I've had jobs in different areas and understand how almost all insurance works (besides life insurance, but that seems like the most straight forward insurance).
but go ahead,just treat me like I don't know anything. it's okay.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 29 August :: 2.12pm
you either are important or you aren't
you either matter to someone or you don't
I'm always in the "not" category
and it hurts, but trying harder just looks desperate, and I don't know how to do less than what I do. I'm just a non entity. I'm fading into nothing. I don't speak I don't care I just feel sad and lonely.
and I know it'll only get worse. I know I'll be the worst mom. I know I'll die in child birth. I know I'll have a miscarriage. I know I'm sterile.
why do I even exist
I am a meaningless creature on a meaningless planet in an infinite expanse of nothing.
how do I fix this?
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 29 August :: 8.24am
why is it that I always manage to convince myself that my bf is gay and in love with another man?????
it happens every time. am I crazy? am I imagining it?
is it just my insecurities about not being a man? maybe I was just supposed to be a man. idk.
life is so confusing.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 26 August :: 12.52pm
this country is so fucking fucked.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 22 August :: 9.45pm
I'm so freaking frustrated I want to scream.
there just no being happy. if I do one thing I suffer in another way.
I need to find a therapist.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 19 August :: 11.01pm
maybe it'll never be enough
maybe it's just me
2 props |
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 18 August :: 11.21pm
I know a lot of people hate lap dogs but they are honestly the best
they are perfectly destined to be our hand held best friends
I just want to snuggle my puppies forever
domesticated dogs are just permanent puppies and it's just the best. dogs were made to be with people. out of how many animals in the world dogs are the only one to truly and unrevokably to be our best friend. can you imagine a world without dogs?
it would be a pretty fucking sad world.
not to say other domesticated animals aren't awesome, they just don't hold a candle to dogs. they are the best. hands down.
DOGS FUCKIN ROCK
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 18 August :: 10.19pm
I love being the best
even if it's at something stupid.
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 17 August :: 9.10am
worst timing ever... check
constant ability to out foot in mouth... check
permanent confusion towards life... check
how does anyone actually enjoy this whole "being alive and interacting with other people" bullshit?
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 12 August :: 7.53am
when you can tell your dogs are starting to love you again because you spend more time at home
best feeling ever
working from home is truly so wonderful. I know it's hard to balance working from home and feeling "included" at the office but the two days I go in is just perfect. one day would probably be my preference but eh.
now if I could just get some extra cash....
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 10 August :: 5.53pm
ah fuck it
I'm gonna have a party
give me props
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goodbye
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2018 10 August :: 5.21pm
I deactivated Facebook and Messenger again. Whenever I used Facebook, I constantly compared myself to others - the stages they were in in their lives. I think it contributed to my depression. I wanted to be married and having children and buying a home and starting a career like everyone else was. Social media clearly negatively impacts many individuals and I don't want to be party to that anymore.
I got that job. I have a week of freedom left and I'll be working in Liberty Lake. It's a long commute but oh well. I don't know how I'll like it. I'm not too optimistic but at least it's something. This will help me save up a little as I don't plan on moving out anytime soon if I can help it.
Things are just meh. I enjoy my time I spend with him and apart from that I just kind of float. I hope I have a good time at that wedding tomorrow night.
2 props |
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 7 August :: 9.32am
first day working from home was pretty much the most amazing thing ever so glad they gave me this opportunity!
I didn't complain over yesterday. I just felt comfortable
give me props
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godessalthena
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2018 5 August :: 10.43pm
even though she still feels haunted
haunted
haunted
give me props
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