godessalthena
|
::
2015 15 October :: 11.51pm
being in any type of committed relationship scares the absolute shit out of me
but I want to feel loved and wanted with every fiber of my being
I don't know if I can over come these feelings
I feel so powerless
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 13 October :: 12.42pm
I'm well acquainted with villains who live in my head
they beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 11 October :: 12.59pm
and they say
You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline.
I think there's a flaw in my code...
these voices won't leave me alone....
give me props
|
xhan
|
::
2015 8 October :: 7.52pm
stepping back onto old, familiar ground
I've been thinking about journaling again.
Life is busy and I don't have much free time to sit and write anymore but the thought is there.
So for now, hello woohu! I'm not sure who is left but I hope you're doing good and life hasn't been too harsh since I tapped out. The time I've been gone has been... rough. Got sick, nearly died. All good now, but I lost a few years.
Life is strange.
- xhan
3 props |
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 4 October :: 1.20pm
:: Mood: malaise
mental illness is constantly evolving and adapting to circumvent the measures one takes to conquer it.
instead of feeling eternal pain and misery, I feel hollow, aimless, restless. I feel bored, impatient, confused.
I don't know what I want or what I need. I don't know what to do. I have completed a major chapter in life, looking bewildered into the future, feeling utterly overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.
I keep waiting to get sick. I feel like I've had the "day before the flu" feeling for two or more weeks, but nothing ever gets worse. I'm just waiting for something to fall.
it's dark in here by myself
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 22 September :: 5.34pm
was he even real?
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 21 September :: 8.41pm
"but you're special"
I am a unique snowflake
in the middle of a blizzard in Antarctica
but what happens after global warming
we will all melt away
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 15 September :: 11.55am
how can you keep trusting when all you ever do is get hurt
how can you keep believing when love is so obviously dead
how can you keep breathing knowing that love and trust don't exist
how does the world keep spinning when nothing matters?
grasping for any straw you can see, hoping you'll find the one that doesn't break off
and ultimately realizing that straws will always break, and there's nothing to save you
falling into the dark abyss but knowing the only difference is the blindfold of innocence has been removed
it's too dark to see the others who are falling too so you lean back and wait for the bottom to raise to great you
if the heartbreak of slipping doesn't kill you, the impact at the end will finish the job
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 14 September :: 11.45am
completing projects feels really good.
finally finished the baby blanket I've been working non. it looks so good, the biggest project I've done!
tie dyed the sheets I've been sitting on. was waiting for company but just decided "fuck it" and did it. they turned out really fantastic.
give me props
|
goodbye
|
::
2015 10 September :: 9.50pm
In other news: It's only slander if it's not true.
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 10 September :: 6.14am
this week has been really rough.
treasured friend has malignant brain tumor
Dali died
horrible slander about me thru the grapevine
a dead bird at work
it was nice sleeping all last weekend, forgetting about how fucked up things are, how shitty and petty people are, how shitty I've been.
I am swallowed up by the current. my head is a meter under water.
if I could just be held, and told it was alright, maybe I could breathe for just one moment.
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 9 September :: 9.13pm
happiness is fakin' it til you make it.
maybe you'll never make it, but at least people will remember you as happy when you're rotting in the cold wet earth.
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 8 September :: 12.09pm
you can't kill what's already dead, so leave my soul alone.
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 7 September :: 1.35pm
most days I wake up and I wonder... what the fuck am I still doing here?
and I still don't know.
give me props
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2015 4 September :: 6.44am
I just don't want to feel invisible anymore.
give me props
|
|