There's so much about being happy that confuses me. Like I don't have stress or obligations or...anything. But I do have my friends and I love my friends and I love driving around in search of racist movies all day and doing random things but I don't feel like it's....okay to be content with that, like I should want more for myself but I'm not quite sure what. I think it's also my old feeling of paranoia which isnt completely unfounded because...shit happens. What if I lose my friends for some reason then what will I have I can't rely on just one thing in my life it's too scary idk if that makes sense at all I'm just so damn tired of being completely codependant in every aspect of my life : \

And I don't like how I am acting lately I feel like a bad person in general.

Aside from that the irony of it all is...I'm happier than I have been in so long. And now when I finally know how to be happy and not be so intense about everything, no guys in sight. I went from having too many when I wasn't ready to handle it, to none when I am finally in a place where I could probably pull off a normal low stress relationship. That's life I suppose I'm fine with it I guess.

~J

dissolving