I started to ache when I started to think of you, Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new.
There's only so much I can fake, There's only so much that I can prove.
Well, do it in a minute, I could go play the fool for you.

Lights, camera, action, I think I'm going for it this time.
There's something you should listen to, Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
I'll play it for you.
Oh no, I think I've lost this one, Can we try again?

Well I'm a wreck.
I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I'm so in love with you.

Are you looking for an answer?
Because I could really use a friend tonight.
We can make this last forever, we don't have to fear the sunlight.

I'll take a chance and steal away this movie moment.

I'm in deep whenever I'm with you.
I'm directing the scene that has you and me forever.
We'll I'm so in love with...

*shrug.

Will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you're deserting for better company? I can't accept that it's over, i will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied game rivalry. so just say how to make it right. and i swear i'll do my best to comply. tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together ?

I feel i must interject here. you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions and gaps in history. so let me help you remember. i've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear. i've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave. so please back away and let me go.

i can't my darling i love you so... tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?

don't you feed me line about some idealistic future. your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

i admit that i have made mistakes, and i swear i'll never wrong you again.

you've got a lure i can't deny, but you've had your chance so say goodbye.

woohu is in neglect.
i don't really get it.. we all pay to keep our accounts here.. and then immediately stop using this and move to livejournal.
shows how we love to throw money out the door : )
even though it's only two bucks, but still!
yeah, that's the cheap side of me talking.

so school hasn't been that bad. i mean, yes, it's already considerably harder, and yes i don't get to see the people i used to see a lot that much anymore, but i think the change of that is good, cause you get closer with different people. so yeah.

lots of parties coming up, it seems like there's 38749823 birthdays between now and the end of september, so there should be some fun there.

mm yeah.

i like to be around people that make me smile. i'm starting to realize that when i surround myself with those kinds of people i never seem to think about the bad stuff. so keep the good times rolling!

ive decided to start alternating between here and eljay now, it seems like less people read up here. i like that its more.. hidden, i guess.
things have been really weird lately, i feel something else everyday. no consistency whatsoever.
emy and i broke things off i suppose, im happy/sad about it ,
happy cause, well, all we do is fight anymore, and it seems as if lately all hes been doing is provoking me and TRYING to make me mad, and just been getting on my nerves and hurting me left and right, and i just need the break.
sad , cause, well, as much as i dont want to, i do love him. and whenever i get lonely all i want is to be in his arms again. and, thats always gonna be there. until i have him back or until i fall for someone else. thats just.. how it works i guess.
it seems to be a mutual decision now, cause we've gotten to the point where its not really anything but a physical relationship now, and well, it used to be so much more. we used to be best friends.. and now, i feel like we dont know the first thing about eachtoher. and that only makes it that much easier to fight, when you dont know someone . so, maybe since we have that whole, physical aspect down pat, if we swerve away from that for a while and just not allow it, and work on the friendship we once had so well, maybe one day things will turn out the way ive wanted them. but maybe not. who knows. maybe one day we'll be such good friends that we wont want to ruin it again. maybe we'll get back together. maybe he'll fall in love and ill be heart broken. maybe we'll drift apart even more. maybe we'll hate eachother. i really dont know anymore. but im just , sick of hoping and dreaming and wishing on stars for him. whatever happens, happens from here. im done planning it out. cause that leads to nothing but disappointments and feeling of failure. and im really sick of that.
all i can hope for is the best. and that one day ill truely be happy.
hey, it could happen.

i just really want to get away for now. even if its just a sunny getaway with my parents. itd be nice to just go someplace i dont know and lay in the sun and listen to music and read books all day. i havent had time to read a book ive wanted to read in, ages. i never have time for me anymore. and from now on, thats my first priority. cause before i can find what i want in someone else i have to find it in myself. hopefully that getaway will come soon enough.
summer school may be over today for me, idk yet. cause even if i get an A, it might drop my hpa as it is, cause i think this class is only on a 4.0 scale. so it wouldnt make sense. plus i dont want to wake up early anymore. and i dont pay attention anymore, so , there really is no point. shrug. i guess i'll just decide by monday night.
someone wanna take me in for the fourth of july? i dont really wanna stay here. but dont really wanna impose upon people. maybe ill light some sparklers and just dance around my room. but then again that could be a fire hazard. we'll see. :/

now on to that me time.

i am a butterfly.
so. lots of thinking this morning i suppose. woke up around 6.. couldnt really sleep. there is confusion in the land of the boy going through my head. and normally at a point like this, i'd spend my time crying. but i dont feel it necessary anymore. somehow i know that in the end everything will be okay, whether i'm with him or not, so there's no point in spending time crying and being sad when i could be out in the sun with my friends laughing and having a good time. i realize that im fortunate to have the life that i do, and i don't want to ruin it by being upset over some boy. which probably is over something misunderstood anyways. so, whatever. im going to live my life happily. because after all, these are the best days of our lives.
i have a date saturday night at the something corporate/yellowcard show with my fellow something corporate lover liz. i think i'll try and stop to get tickets tonight on my way home from the beach party. so liz, if you see this, call me and make sure you can go , for sure. and anyone else who wishes to see if they can go and want to join us, call me by 7pm on my cell phone

back into that same old routine.
hmf. i suppose school hasnt been too bad yet, its been somewhat fun being back with friends and in the presence of my usual surroundings of them. it seems like its back to the boring old days of nothign changing though. oh well. got my hair cut today. i like it. a weekend full of being in the sun should be dandy. :) . if only he were a part of it, it would be perfect.

!!
1 more day. 1 more day.
today was good. nice and easy. thats what i'm talking about. no real work in school, 2 of 4 classes were spent watching movies with nudity. ( of course the foreign language classes) . weird ass europeans. after school rachel and natalia and adam and i went to taco bell. full of adventures. tis a scary scary place for a girl to ever go to on her own. every time ive been there something scary has happened with old scary men hitting on us. today a bum tried to hit on me and i got so freaking scared. even the cashier was like, ehhr. funny times after. we all went to adams. then mom picked us up and after dropping off the girls went to best buy and got cds and dvds and such. tomorrow:easy school day and packing.
have a lovely spring break all. <3

4. more. days.
<3333333333

yesterday was spent around the house. i ended up actually making something for once. a purse. i like it. then rachel came over at night. watched pirates of the caribbean. she felt she had an ulcer. :-/
in the morning i did math and chemistry. then drove lizabeth to the mall ;)
got some cute stuff. a skirt from gap kids, 2 sweaters, a tank top, and emy's birthday present. i hope he likes it :-/
i wish it were friday. at freaking 6 in the morning. getting to the airport, and seeing him there, will put a mile-wide smile on my face. <3
ICANTWAIT!