where should i start? can my life get any more crappy???? if you answered no to the previous question, you are absolutly correct. lets see, i'm starting to figure out that long distance relationships are harder than i thought. kaly was right when she said they are the hardest thing you will go through. it's been pretty easy up until about now. i guess up until one of your best friends gets really upset with you and stops talking to you. that's double hard. i suppose we can add my freaking busy schedule on to the pile and make things triple hard. quadruple hard if you add algebra 2 being a stupid, hard class. so i guess this is a hard time in my life. i'm thinking about how my life was at this time last year. i was so happy and i was lovin it. life seemed so fresh and new then. the beginning of a new chapter in my life, high school. new friends, new school, new classes, new music, new attitude, new everything. now, life feels so stale. i've been the same person for a year now. i've had most of the same friends for about a year now. i've had the same school for a year now. the weekly schedule of band, lessons, pit, nothing, football, compitition, church gets really old. one thing per day of course. i really need some kind of refreshment here. maybe that's why i want to get out so bad. things are so BORING! wow! that's it!!!! that's it, i want to be with ryan so much because he's new and fun! ha! i have it! but now that i have things figured out, there is no way i can be with ryan. none. THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE WITH RYAN. i'm not into thinking things are impossible, and tecnically this isn't, but it's pretty close to impossible. and in reality, it is. i hate this!!!!!!!!!!! ugh!!! no one can make me feel better. no one but ryan. wow... i can't explain how i feel. it's such an amount that i can't even imagine. i can remember how i felt. the only place i want to be and the only place i belong is in ryan's arms.

4 can't stop the B.M. | ok...i was in band....