Oh life is wonderful.......
Wednesday I went to this counceling thing. It was ok I guess. I kindof felt like I was there because I had a problem or I was some kind of freak though. I didn't really feel at ease at all. I beged not to go but my mom doesn't care what I want out of this. All she is concerned about is how we can do it her way. Why do they call it counceling when it feels like your at a shrink? You walk in there and there's a 2 chairs and a couch for you to either sit or lay on. When you talk about things that bug you and problems you have all they ever do is go "Uh huhh" in that simpathetic tone. This is their job. I don't think they give a shit about their patients. They want you to talk only so they can tell you that your a "sad/ depressed angry person". Damn right your going to be angry when you've been through this kind of shit.

Anyways, Tomorrow I have to leave school eairly like 1:15 to go to the doctors to get my prescripted anti-depressant and I have to exercise everyday because its supose to make me "happy". I went to champion after school and it did no good. Exercising isn't going to solve anything except for maybe dropping a couple pounds. That's not going to change how I feel or who I am. These shrinks get paid too much..It's like they make up their own diognosis and solutions to everything. I have to go back in January..ugh. Maybe this time I won't cry.

Tomorrow I plan on leaving my house ASAP to get away with Carinna and maybe others to go to LOTR The Return of the King. I hear its a 3 hour movie so that will be good. Then I'll probably spend the night at Carinnas and probably stay there forever lol. Ya right, I wish.

I was given all sorts of some form of rules or something that irritatied me.
*I'm not aloud to not talk because I'm being a bitch to everyone in the house
*I have a feeling that i'm not aloud to stay home alone
*I can't hold a grudge against my sister or I get in trouble of course.
* and if i'm rude to anyone I get everything taken away from me.

How is this supose to help me again? And what pissed me off the most is when I got up and walked away my dad goes "Shes only mad because she got her internet taken away." YES THATS FUCKING IT DAD. I GET MAD AND GO CRY AND WANT TO PUNCH THINGS AND WHAT NOT JUST BECAUSE I CANT GO ON THE INTERNET THATS EXACTLY HOW IT IS.. BOY YOU KNOW ME PRETTY WELL I GUESS I'M JUST THAT FUCKING PREDICTABLE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. And I'm mad because.....? This is what I have to go through they dont care what I have to say. Even if I say something they dont listen to it. Tonight I talked about going somewhere for like 10 minutes to my mom then I said something about it again like 5 minutes later and she said "you never told me that" She didnt even listen. Even if it was important she never listens if it is anyways. I don't want to talk to you people can't you see that. My skin crawls just living with you. But guess what? I'm going to put on a happy face just for you. I'm not going to put up with you fucking my life more than you already have. I'm done with it I really am. Don't expect me to be happy. I want to see your faces if I tell you that your the cause of all this shit. I bet they totally shit all over the councelor parent interview...I know they did.

2 made me bleed | take a stab