Out of Season

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Out of Season

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:: 2006 15 December :: 3.55pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Turn to Gold - Audioslave

Final Scores
Accounting - 100%
Business Management - 100%
Psychology - 95%
English - 100%

That's all the finals I had, and they were all really good, so I'm happy.

Tomorrow night is the Christmas dance... I so do not want to go, but my friends and I always get a group photo and I do already have my dress so I can't just not show up.
My hair appointment is at 1:30 so I'll have to use lots of hairspray so it'll stay. We're all going to go eat in Joplin at 4:00, then the dance starts at 7:00 I think, so we'll only be a little bit late for the start of it.
I'm debating just taking the pictures and then leaving, because I still have to do some last minute shopping.
I have to get a movie for Jessica, something for one of my teachers, something for the gift exchange at church this sunday, and something for my youth leaders... yeah. Goodbye all my money.

Everyone was bitching me out for not coming up town tonight, but... fuck them. I'm staying home and talking to Kelly for a little bit, and then I'm going to pray my face doesn't break out and die tomorrow, and sleeping. I don't even know how I'm going to do my hair. Geeze. I'm so behind in everything.

Note to self: Get your shit together.

:: 2006 14 December :: 9.27am
:: Music: Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Today marks the third month Kelly and I have been together.
Love him.

I had my Accounting final this morning, and I messed up one transaction, but thankfully I caught it before I turned it in.
I have my Psychology final today as well. I wasn't worried about my Accounting one, but Psych is a whole other story.
Kelly said I need to not be such a worry wart, so I'm trying to tell myself it'll be alright, but I'm still terrified.

Last night Ashley and I were messing around, and she tickled me and I threw my head up and she brought hers down and we killed eachother. I have a huge goose egg on my left eyebrow, and she's got one on the right side of her forehead.
Painful.
Funny.

Ok, I have to study for Psych now.

Oh yeah, did I mention I love Kelly? Cause I so do.

:: 2006 7 December :: 10.04am
:: Music: Smack That - Akon & Eminem

It just wouldn't be a good day if the school's server didn't crash at least eight times in the middle of doing something important.

People annoy me today.
I've not been able to sleep lately.
Christmas dance is on the 16th. I don't want to go, but everyone will kill me if I don't. I'm almost at the "eh, I don't care if people get pissed" point. What will I do there? Watch all my friends dance with their person, while I overload on punch, causing me to take a trip to the bathroom every 20 minutes to piss, and sigh non stop thinking of how much fun I could be having if Kelly were here. I would so drag him to petty little High School dances.

I need to get my damn senior pictures schedualed and taken. I guess I'm doing it in Spring or some shit, because it's gross now and everything is dead. I hate pictures.

:: 2006 4 December :: 8.33pm
:: Music: Oil and Water - Incubus

Mom has not stopped making my life hell for deciding to move to Michigan. She doesn't think I'll be able to afford it, she doesn't think I'm going for the right reasons, she knows that I won't like it, she knows that I won't make it.
Why does she now care after 17 years of not giving a fuck about me? I feel like she doesn't want me to be happy and have what I want. She said that I was getting out of here for a man with a dick between his legs, and that was the only reason. It's nice to know that she thinks that I'm nothing but a whore who'll go to the extremes for a good fuck. I wish that she would just leave me the fuck alone about this. She's not paying for one damned cent of anything I do after high school so she can go to Hell and keep her mouth shut.
I'm to the point that even if things don't go as well as I would hope, I don't get all the financial aid and scholarships that I need, I'll go just to spite her. I don't hate her, but I wished I could.
Dad doesn't think I'll be able to afford it, nor does he want me to go, but he's realized that if I want to go, I'm going and that I'm old enough to make this decision, that he can't take my hand and lead me in the other direction. I only wish mom were more like him.
If I stick around here for the two years mom insists that will be two years without Kelly and I don't want that. The only other option would be for him to come live down here, but he's already said that he doesn't want to do that, so that isn't even an option really.
I wish this would be made simple, but then I guess it wouldn't be called life. I'm to the point that I can't handle mom in my face screaming about how I can't do this, how she won't let me etc. I can't even say anything back. I have to sit there and take it, or she'll cut off the internet and take the computer. That would really be hell. I would seriously just move out if that happened. I would go live with my grandparents. They hate her anyway, they'd understand. Of course that wouldn't solve me having a computer, seeing as how they've not got one either, but I wouldn't have my mother to listen to any longer.

This rant settled nothing. I don't even feel better. I'm now just petrified I'll come home from school tomorrow to a bare desk.
I wish I knew where Kelly was, he'd make me feel better, but he's not talking so Lord know's where he's at.

:: 2006 30 November :: 6.54am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Dig - Incubus

Ice and Sanity
Ok first thing first. I bought the new Incubus - Light Grenades album last night, and it's completely amazing. I cannot get enough of it.
Second thing; There's this ice storm going on and ... well it got me out of school so props to it, but there's always the "it could eat my power lines" thing that dampens the glee of the no school.
Already two of the surrounding towns have lost their power. Some how it missed us and we're snuggled between the two towns. Hopefully it stays that way. I made mom a huge ass list of things that I'll need to survive if it steals away the power. Example - 1. AA Batteries for my cd player so I can still be amazed with Incubus, 2. A Door to December and Demon Seed by Dean Koontz. 3. Generator for the computer only.
Not too extreme of a request imo.

Anyway, mom informed me that we all have to clean the house from top to bottom right now incase we lose power.... Do not want to do this. I want my bed back. But oh well. I'll snuggle up after I work.

Oh! Speaking of which, I'm supposed to work Thursday nights and my boss didn't call last night to inform me of whether I was or not, when he's supposed to. So ... I take it I'm not working, which so isn't cool. I need money damn him.
*sigh*
Ok. I shall return when I am able to.

:: 2006 29 November :: 8.44am
:: Music: Crazy Bitch - Buckcherry

OMFG
I fucking got into Ferris!!!!
Just after I decided to stick around home too, and wait a few years. I'm going to call up there and see if there's any way to waver the out of state tuition, like if I get a high enough score on my ACT next time around or whatever, and if so, fuck home, my ass will be planted in Michigan.
*hyperventilates*
Mmk

:: 2006 14 November :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: I alone - Live

So.. 2 months with Kelly. Amazing? I think so too.

Psychology test tomorrow. Hopefully I don't use the noose my teacher is setting up for us.

:: 2006 10 November :: 11.14pm
:: Mood: ecstatic/bummed
:: Music: Lucky - 7 Mary 3

**Barnwarming**
So ... obviously tonight was Barnwarming. And bitches, I fucking won.
*Barnwarming Queen*
That's right. I got second in the bitting an apple on the string, first in milking a goat, first in throwing a cow pattie, first in doing an obstacle course with a spoon in my mouth with an egg on it.
It was pretty amazing, and my crown is effing huge.
I was hoping Kelly would be on and I could be all happy and talk to him to make for the perfect night, but he isn't on and I don't know if he'll get on later so I don't really want to go to bed for the fear of me getting off right as he gets on.
Ugh.
I might just go to bed anyway because I'm so tired.

:: 2006 6 November :: 8.44am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Hate me - Blue October

Why does school have to be so sucky and long?

:: 2006 3 November :: 8.26am
:: Music: The Warmth - Incubus

Let's set the scene: School. Business room. 3 students including me. 1 teacher. 8:28 a.m.
I don't like any of the people in this class, with the exception of 3 people, and they all went to take the ASVAP test for the army.
I'm a big complainer this year. I probably annoy lots of people... bur I guess I'm alright with that. I stop going around people that annoy me, and so far no one has avoided me so maybe I aint that bad? ha...

Kendra's still a resident at my house. It's not like she's some awful person, she's funny, we've been not close friends but still friends since I was in sixth grade, but it's still weird, I've never had someone live with me. Actually, it's definitly a good thing. She can stay till I move out because she steals all the attention away from me and that's Sooo a good thing. I've not really gotten yelled at for being on the computer in a long time cause mom's like "oh where's Kendra" all the time. Probably annoying to her, but that's alright. At least it aint me.

So Ashley want's me to give up on my dream of going to Ferris and being with Kelly to move to Arkansas and go to the U of A with her and some of our mutual friends that she graduated with. I told her I was going where I could be with Kelly so she told me to force him to move down here with us, and I ran it by him knowing he wouldn't want to, and I was right, so I told her I was still going to Ferris and now she hates me and thinks that I'm stupid, and then told mom that the only reason I'm going there is to be with him and that set mom on my case but I just ignore her. Ashley aint one of my favorites now. She pulls stupid shit like that all the time and acts like my mother. It would be cool to live with her because she is fun some times, but I forgot about how bitchy she can be, so I'm happy I'm stickin to the origional plan.

Anyway, I'm leaving this class. Hopefully Renkoski's got all the shit done in the library so we can watch stupid video's and get in trouble for laughing too much and too loudly.

:: 2006 28 October :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Through the Glass - Stone Sour

I'm back from my little FFA adventure in Indiana. It was effing cold. it rained and snowed the entire time, which made the already sucky deal of walking around town in skirt heels and hose even worse because no one had an umbrella and our ag advisors wouldn't stop and let us buy one.
I got home entirely psyched to talk to Kelly... and he wasn't on. still isn't in fact. So i'm allowing myself to waste energy being sad.

Watched the effing game last night and got to see the Cardinal's kick ass. <3 them. I'm so happy we won the effing world series. hot damn

Nothing else has really happened. I just miss Kelly.

:: 2006 21 October :: 9.33pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Embraceable You - George Gershwin

I love Kelly to death. he's the easiest person to talk to, he's gorgeous, he's sweet, he's funny, he's nice, he's fun to mess around with. We can be complete smartasses to eachother, and know that it's ok. That's what I wanted and that's what I got lucky enough to find. I'm so happy right now, and I can't wait until July so that we can actually be together and hug and kiss and get into our mock fights and so we can just simply touch and talk. I love his voice, it's deep and ... yummy. I can never get enough of it, yet I hardly get to talk to him because my family is crazy and stays up really late all the time.

Mom's letting me put the computer in my room though, so that's good, but dad's being a slacker and not getting around to putting the phone jack in my room.
Hopefully he'll do it soon though.
Hopefully.

:: 2006 20 October :: 8.28am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: My stupid teacher talking

Hell Week
This week has been a bad week. I've hardly gotten on to talk to Kelly at all because random things happen that prevent me from being able to. Last night I didn't even get on because I had to go to the School Board Meeting to present our case for our Senior Trip to Orlando, Florida. We wanted to fly, but no one has ever been allowed to fly before, but we proved our point that it would be a lot safer and less expensive if we got to fly for 6 hours rather than drive for 52 hours and whatever, so they allowed us to fly. That made it a little better.
What made it worse? We were supposed to leave for the trip in the beginning of May, but now we have to leave from the 25-30 of April so I won't be 18 but for the last day. that SUCKS. I wanted to do all the cool shit and get a tattoo but NOPE. damn it. All because of stupid Track.
*sigh*

Monday we finally get our Senior stuff that we should have gotten 2 months ago, so that's exciting.
Then on Wednesday I leave for Indianapolis, Indiana at friggin 5 am, and I won't get back until about 10 pm on the 28. It'll be fun though since Kandace and Tessi are going.

Anyway, I miss Kelly more than anything right now, and I'll only get to talk to him for a little bit tonight if he's on because I have to go work at my gramma's tonight.
Next week better bring tons of good things or ... something.
Ok. Accounting calls. Stupid T Accounts

:: 2006 16 October :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Shed Some Light - Shinedown

So Kendra, who's entire family is friends with my entire family, was dumb. She disobeyed her parents and stayed out when she wasn't allowed to. Her dad went and got her, she told them she might be pregnant and hoped that she was so that she could get away from them, and then her dad pulled her hair and they got into this huge fight. Her mom stuck her in the car and drove up town to the police station. Her dad wanted to stick her in DFS but her mom didn't want to, the cop "didn't think it in everyone's best interest" so at 1:30 am sunday morning we get a call asking if Kendra could live with us for awhile. of course, of course she can.
She is oh so very dramatic. I've been friends with her since i was in the sixth grade, so when everyone's talking crap about her i feel an obligation to stand up for her. I <3 her but she's just the girl you feel the need to strangle from time to time.
Hopefully she'll pull through this thing alright though, and her and her family can sufficiently patch things up.

On a happy/sad note, I didn't get to talk to Kelly on our one month anniversary. I was so upset about that. I had to wake up at 5:30 and go chase cattle because we were moving them from my grandpa's field to my uncle Larry's field for better grazing and we had to get them loaded into trailers after chasing them through the awful field full of hills and ravines in the freezing cold dawn. Not my idea of fun. Got done with that close to 11:00, came home, got cleaned up and then had to paint the effing house this yellowish/tan color that isn't even close to being an ok color. Mom enjoys it though and it's "her house" so that's of course all that matters.
I did finally get on around one something that morning, but then the Kendra thing happened and i had to leave after like 5 minutes so it wasn't even a nice night.

School's still a bitch.

:: 2006 10 October :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Let Her Cry - Hootie & the Blowfish

I needed an update.
Consider this as one.

<3 Me.

:: 2006 8 October :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Warning - Incubus

So Kelly owes me 5 games of Scrabble.
It'll be fun, he doesn't even know.

I'm definitly sick. I have a dizzy headache, a sore throat, and a cough. I couldn't stay awake last night so I bid farewell to the love of my life and went to bed at 12:30. I didn't wake up until 2:00 this afternoon, and only then because I had to help Taylor cook. I kind of want to go back to bed, but I'll just roll around restlessly because I'm more exhausted than tired.

I'm so damn happy we've not got school tomorrow. I think Kelly has to do something though. I can't quite recall what it is, but I remember talking about it. I have a lot of homework to catch up on anyway. Mean mean teachers. Only one more year though... Then college and more, harder homework.
*sigh*

I need to fill out a FAFSA packet, but I have to find dad's PIN number first. I don't want to do that. I'll probably end up making him get a new one. Yeah. Quick fix.

I really need a car. Too bad my parents suck and won't just get me one. I'd pay them back, they know I would. But they incist that people won't just do things for me with the promise that I'll pay them back, so they won't either. I know they're right, but ... they're my PARENTS. They so need to cut me some slack.

I also need to save up a few hundred and get a bank account. This would be a smart thing to do. I need to go steal a mathbook and science book and study for the ACT because I really need to get those two scores up and I'd possibly be able to get a 24. All the other scores are good. I got a 28 on Reading. I kind of went dumb last time I took it and wasn't paying attention to the time on Reading so I ran out of it and had to guess on the last 2 stories' questions. That was stupid. Won't happen this time.

��Me��

:: 2006 6 October :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Hate Me - Blue October

So Ferris has all my info. They can now love me or leave me.

Kelly's workin and totally preoccupied. Makes me sad, but I'm happy he got the Eden job... thing. Surely it'll make him happy? If not... uh... he'll do somethin. Uh-huh... Ok. Done with that one.

I want to be able to stay up as late as I want on Friday night, but staying up late during the week makes me really tired, so then I'm exhausted come Friday and not able to keep my eyes open. Not cool.

So my family keeps talking to me about going to Ferris; how I'm "not very good with money" "don't know what I'm getting in to" "I don't know anything about financial aide" "how am I going to pay for it?" "what's the cost for a full year?"
I like how they think I'm completely moronic and cannot do one fucking thing. Even if I don't get accepted, I'll work my ass off here with 8 full time jobs until I save enough money up and then just move up there anyway, just to spite them. Just to show them that I can make it on my own, don't need any of their help, not that they offered in the first place.
I just wish all the stuff they said didn't hurt and that I really did have the heart of ice they say I do.

:: 2006 4 October :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls

2 words: Long week

It's only Wednesday. This doesn't seem possible at all and I so want to just curl up in bed and sleep through the rest of the week. I'm already tired of school. It's fun ... inbetween classes. Teachers are so happy to pile on the homework in every single class.
I've got the ACT to take on the 28th. I need to study for it. Refresh my memory on Sin, Cosin, and Tangent, and every other formula in math. I shouldn't have Not taken a math class this year, but I didn't need one and I hate it so much I didn't want to torture myself with it. I'll be damned if I was going to take Calc or Trig. I suppose I could have taken Algebra II again but it killed me. I got a disgusting B in that class. Eh.

Good news though, I moved from 11th in class rank to 9th. I still have dreams of becoming 4th, but i'm realizing it's slightly out of my reach atm. That's fine though. 9th is Soo much better than 11th. Too bad I couldn't have been in a dumb class so I could be Valadictorian. Too many smart people!!!

As soon as I fax my ACT results (old ones) to Ferris they can review my application and tell me if I'm accepted or not. I'm getting nervous. What do I do if I'm rejected? Obvious choice: Curl up and die.

:: 2006 30 September :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Gone With the Sin - HIM

So... the month is over and so my life has returned to me, and somtime around the middle of October I'll be getting a $170 check... which is great news imo.
I have a ton of homework to do tomorrow. Not so much on the "good" side of news, but not all together bad.

Went to the optomotrist yesterday. My vision is 20/200. I swear I almost died when he told me that. ha... plus, adding to the greatness, I've got a mildly bad stigmatism on my right eye, and I'm developing one on my left. They have time to get better since I'm "so young" but then that also just gives them time to friggin go psycho, so eye surgery is a likely event in my future.

Ashley freaked out today. I was talking to her about Ferris and she started crying and telling me that she had always wanted us to move out and live together and all this random stuff... I had never heard of this in my life. I was like "uh... sorry...." and kind of quietly left. I felt like an asshole, But... it's my life. I might as well do what I want to do and not succumb to others wants. *shrugs*
Church tomorrow... I might just stay home. I plan on being up as late as I can remain awake talking to Kell, and then I have homework tomorrow. seems I need to do something tomorrow as well, but it's not coming to mind.

:: 2006 29 September :: 1.20am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects

SPELLING WORD!!
though commonly spelt "lieing".... the word is actually spelt... are you ready?
lying.

crazy.
i love you Kell!!

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