Today
Today was a shit day. It sucked.

My dad got pissed cuz I took the mouse pad and moved it cuz I hated it, and he didn't like that. Of course, he really hasn't ever supported any of my actions. Or at least shown he cares. So, he got mad, screamed at me and my mom, because I told him it was in the computer room and he couldn't find it. I went in and found it in about 3 seconds. So, now, I'm not talking to him and vice versa.

What pisses me off is stupid things like that bother my dad, and he gets bent out of shape and goes on rampages. Its bullshit.

So, mom tried to fix that by taking us out for breakfast. I didn't have anything to say to my father, so I brought that retarted "To kill a mocking bird" book along...I can't stand it. It gets worse the more I read it. hate hate hate hate HATE it. I'm doing my hate jig right now.

So, neither of us are saying anything. Now right now, you might be thinking, "Addison, why not tell him your sorry?" Because, I'm not. I always have in the past, to halt his rage, but these days I just don't say anything, and when something he's done has pissed me off, I'm the one who had to be the bigger man. Fuck that.

So, dead silent at the diner, and mom is getting annonyed. Can't do anything mom. Sorry. We go to great day, and we all know how much I love that store. People always watch me in there. I hate it. They think they are crafty, but they aren't. Ha ha, and I proved it earlier on. So, we get out of there and go home, and my dad takes the computer ALL day. Ayei...playing his damn solitare, which he plays day in and out. So, I'm bored to tears, and wishing I was elsewhere. I was left alone, and you all should know what happens when...that happens? I over-think myself way too much. I try to justify the things I tell myself, but its too hard...and I unjustify those things.
The only escape I have right now is an old video game I play on the computer...ah...its awesome though. Anyway, I over-thought myself all day. I finally get the computer and play for awhile, and my parents are trying to lull me back to them.

Whatever...I'm wondering if I'm ever gonna get past this over-analyzing thing I have. I hope so, or I'm gonna drive myself insane and commit suicide or something. Its that or I need someone I can talk with...someone I can trust...someone who would take me seriously, yet at the same time wouldn't.
I gotta go think about something else or escape to my electronic escape, so ILYTL.

check me out
Yup. Fun filled day.
Spring break...I think I like matts description better. Shitty break.

I got a work-out for sabinas cuz I'm gonna be in the "Bahamas" for awhile. Its stupid. Even if...I mean, where am I gonna run down there? That makes no sense. I got...
5 mile run
race pace 800, break, 800
Semi fast 800 break, repeat
3-4 miles every other day.
Its stupid.

Whatever. I'll find a place to do it. Today though, I woke up at nates at about 10:30...ahhhh...so refreshing to wake out at a reasonable hour. Then I went with them to pick up their car, and ended up driving it to their house. I barely ever get food when I'm over there, so the night before I had no dinner, and I had no breakfast, so when she handed out grilled cheese sandwichs, I ate as many as possible. Then we went to alpine. Heres what I wanted.
Go to Meijers, for I had a gift card, buy a game I wanted, and be done. Five minutes tops.
Hell no.

God knows that'd be too easy.
So, for the first place, SHOE CARNIVAL, Nates mom took her time. Nate got bored so he drove around. Sure enough, we got back, and he lost the keys when she went into KOHLS with his little sister, Leah. That took another hour of PURE boredom. So, during that time, we entered Office Max. One of the employees questioned us, and probably checked out my ass, cuz he looked gay, and was stupid. Like I'd steal anything from office Max...That'd be stupid, that'd be like being in great day and...right.

Finally, they come out and we go to target. I found...um...something there that I bought, but I'm not at liberty to say what. But I got mocked for it. So, we left there to go to TJ Max's...my god. This was the worst one. Nate left to go to Media play, but I didn't feel like going, so I stayed in the car and slept. I'd wake up, and fall asleep.
Wake up, asleep.
Wake up, asleep.
Finally, he came to the car, and we talked, and played a few rounds of "pretend you are a car alarm" That game is fun until an old couple stares at the car, and you have to stay down until it hurts your neck. She still wouldn't come out, so we went in. Split up, and it still took awhile to find her.
We found these baby things, and if you ever have to shop with me, I pity you. I touch anything that makes noise. So, we touched this thing that was humming a song, and suddenly, I was jigging to it. In the middle of the store. Nate smacked me and I snapped out of it, but it was fun. We found her and she claimed it'd be a couple of minutes.
Aye. We waited another 30 minutes before she came out of the store. Then we went to Sam's Club. OMG. That place is awesome. I gotta meet the guy that came up with that idea.

Straight to the candy area. No messin around. I got there and just spin in a circle staring at the ceiling, like when they are looking at heaven and stuff. Nate smacked me again, because people were staring...maybe they should get a life.
Losers
Anyway, nate and Leah couldn't make a call, so I went halvesis on different things...
Airheads
Airheads Exetremes
Big League Chew

So I have about 50 things of candy in my room. Awesome. But during the trial and error, I ran up and down the little area doing my sorta 3 stooges wooowooowoo type of noise. Again, nate smacked me. People were staring, and a guy asked if I was gonna be ok. We left and went home.
Then I was gonna go to the bean and talk to raych, but no dice. Parents wouldn't let me leave. Didn't matter, it got cancelled anyway. I wanted to see raych though...drat.

Nate came here, but jacki called and I talked to her for about 40 minutes. I hope nate understands. Besides, I've been putting up with his "counterstrike" bullshit for awhile now. Its a game, and its a long story. Just know that I've suffered.

Yeah, but I had fun on the phone....they left so late, so I couldn't call jacki back...:( That sucks.

Yup, so now I'm on chat like usual. Average day. So, I'll hopefully see ya later.

Oh yeah, and chris...your phone disconnected me and mom wanted to check horse stuff. so, thats why I wasn't on the other line.

Yup, ILYTL.

Blows
First day off...of course its awful weather.
God knows the first day of spring break has to be a crap day, just to anger everyone.

I'm double pissed because I can't go to the bean.
The weathers just terrible. Sleet and hail.
Its beyond bullshit.

Well, nates coming over. Hurray. Thats the only positive thing I got going for me.

Plus, I was thinking maybe I could get someone something on tonight, but thats shot down, and I gotta find another time to do it.

I'll come back on later and type away about my day, but now I need to get off...

You are a sick bastard, I know what you are thinking. ILYTL

Ouch
Jackie, you must have a direct effect on me.

Imagine me hopping around with an ice pack on my right leg. Thats what I got going for me. Yup, tracks just fucking awesome.

Its not even like I did anything special, either. I reached 2:32 for the 800 like I wanted, but whoopty frick. I don't care. My other two times sucked. Aie. It sucks.

Plus, I can't bitch can I? Everybody I know looked like they had a bad meet. I guess my leg decided to join the band wagon.

Heh, I'm still sort of in a good mood. People keep cheering for me as I run. Its nuts. Last year I think people just stared at me. Now people are all like,"go addison" "run addy", and "unleash the sexiness!" (chris's own cheer)

Whatever. I got to see jacki throw once, and I saw chris throw too...not much else happened.

Today was boring too. Thanks to anyone who thought it would be funny to put something REALLY messed up on my paper. I plan on telling her I passed it on and band and didn't look at it again. Oh well. She won't like it, but I don't care. Its her fault. Don't give me something where my peers can express their "Creativity".

My classes don't suck anymore. The only class that bites is english and thats because we are reading that stupid book. Ugh. I'm sick and tired of reading about sexism and racism, and hard times. Jesus, can't we read something different? The only book I EVER liked reading in english was probably...Maniac Magee...if thats how its spelled. That book was awesome.

To kill a mockingbird is basically "A Sound of Thunder" reworded. No? You don't think so? How about that one book in sixth grade about the nazis? Still had discrimination in it.
No huh? Whatever. I'm tired of reading about it. My parents main argument for the book is that, "lots of people like it, why don't you?" Yeah. Right. Lots of people also would like to rape little girls. Is that what I should do?
I'm not liking it. But everyone says it gets better. It better...and I feel stupid for mocking a book where I'm currently only at Chapter 5. We'll see, but my expectations are low.

Tomorrow is snack day. HA HA HA!

Oh, and before I forget, I'll burn a bridge. So, today in biology, Katie got Jessica Stewarts test, and for one of her answers for why certain flowers and dull and colorless, she wrote,
Pretty flowers are good, and dull flowers are boring.
Wow. So get this.
She also checked my paper, right? Well, she says I missed twelve, when I got a 49 out of 60.
WAHAHAHAHA! Thats pretty good timing.
Sorry, I'm easily amused.

Yeah, so I managed to prattle on for a little while, wasting your friends page...SUCK ON THAT! HA HA! ILYTL
Wow...

Tired as hell and I'm gonna have to keep taking it more.
Yup...another average day.

First hour is always stupid.
Band sucked cuz all he did was pick on us.
Third hour was the hot spot of the day. Reading "To Kill a Mocking Bird", and talking about that teacher who micromanages...Soooo funny. Miller did an example, and its so great to hear him do that, for its his complete opposite.
Fourth hour sucked, because I realized I'm taking science review, and I'll probably be the only one. And Mr.McDonald lied when he said the school doesn't get money when we do good on the MEAPs.
Fifth hour always sucks, purely because I hate geography.
Sixth hour was fun.
Track I sucked in...only 2:34 for each 800 I ran...I feel awful...I should be doing soo much better. Oh well. I'll improve.

Well, nothing else to talk about except jacki's boobs, so, I'd better go. ILYTL

Favorite song right now
I am
Little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
a handful of complaints
But I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But its like
no matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe its real
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
but I'll be here
Cause your all I got

I can't feel
the way I did before
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
time won't heal
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure
a little bit unconfident
cause you don't understand
I do what I can
but sometimes I don't make sense
I am
what you never want to say
but I've never had a doubt
Its like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
for once just to hear me out
so I let go
watching you
turn your back like you always do
face away and pretend I'm not
but I'll be here
cause you're all I got

I can't feel
the way I did before
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
time won't heal
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

No
hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me
like it or not
right now

Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me
like it or not
Right now

I can't feel
the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
the way I did before
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
time won't heal
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Today was...wow.
I woke up at about 9 and ate a good breakfast. Then...I watched 'Stealing Harvard' which is a good movie. Then I found my sleeping bag and basically stayed in that all day. Played on the computer...napped...computer...nap. Boring day. Mom asked me to take her to alpine so I could find a gift for my dad. Got him a movie review book. Then, I looked for the new linkin park cd. Found it, and am currently listening to it. Ah...
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
like I'm close to something real...
Wah, must not sing the song. My parents are probably gonna wanna do something with me again. Tomorrow I'm going to my grandmothers for my dad's b-day. Best part is, grandma ALWAYS makes dirt cake for me...that stuff is just TOO awesome.
Ah...but yeah, now I'm on chat, wasting time.
Current Issue:My report card. I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm sure its awful. I can't wait to hear the long speechs on how irresponsible I am. Yeah well, I don't fucking care. I've already said I'm stupid, but I've given up on school. Some teachers have just killed my motive to work. Armstrong, Schoen, and who could forget the bitch, Fournier? Armstrong just because he's so stupid, schoen because he just hands out work, and Fournier purely because she has a lot of negative traits. What do I mean? She:
Kills creativity
Is ignorant of others
Stupid
Thinks I'm a smartass, but for all the wrong reasons
She doesn't have the balls to tell my parents I'm a smartass.

Ayi...people like that make me wanna become a teacher.
The worst part about fighting is a teacher, is they win 90% of the time, purely because they are older.

Mom says:Respect your elders
Atman says:Why? I'm merely reflecting the same respect they have for me back at them.
Mom says:Now your not. Your just an ignorant teen.
Atman says:Screw you. Have you ever seen me do anything in class?
Mom says:No
Atman says:Then how do you know I'm the one being a gheed?
Mom says:Because the teachers wouldn't lie.
Atman says:Bullshit. Some do.
Mom says:Not all teachers are bad
Atman says:I never claimed they were ALL bad
Mom says:Yes you did. You told me the other night.
Atman says:Wow...now your a teacher...they get you in your sleep or what?

I hate arguing with my mom...logic never prevails unless she's using it. Plus I never get to voice my side.

Whatever. I gotta go. ILYTL

Band follies
Yup. So today was a good day. First hour was funny. Band is always good. Third hour didn't have cupcakes, but it still wasn't bad. I have a rockin time with james there. Fourth hour had a sub who was completely blind. Fifth hour didn't suck because we watched a video again...sixth hour is NEVER not fun...Neier actually responded to one of the comics I put on my quiz...ooooo, its on now. Next test is gonna be filled.
Track sucked...eh. I got through it though.
After track I got home and tried to sleep because I wanted to be rested and I was tired, but I couldn't. First spud called and wanted info about tonight. I told him, half asleep. Then bill called and was all like, "I can't go" Ok, whatever. Then mom called and asked, "are you home?" Yeah mom. "oh, ok, just checking".
aiye...It only got worse. She called back and said, "you need to be home when I get there" Yeah sure...
then she called back later and said, you know, cuz of the horse" YES MOM, I GET IT.
So then some survey people called...
Hi, would you like to take a survey?
No
question one. do you like fishing?
no
Would you consider fishing on Lake Michigan?
no
Would you fish on Lake Superior
CLICK!
Then a freakin tellemarketing call comes in and sounds like a machine. So I start bitching at it.
YOU MISERABLE F*CKS! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP DAMMIT, BUT I KEEP GETTING USELESS F*CKING PHONE CALLS, TELLING ME ABOUT SH*T I KNOW ABOUT OR DON'T CARE ABOUT! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!
Then this woman comes on and says, Hello?
Quickly, I hung up.
The band thing was pretty fun. I enjoyed hanging out with Katie squared and chris. My shyness got in the way at one point.
I hate it. But I talked to Raych. She appeared almost right next to me and freaked me out. So did her friends.
Still, it was good fun...some of it was steals from SNL or simple fillers, but it was all good.
I enjoyed talking to raych...really need to find a way to meet up somewhere other than a concert or a performance.
I enjoyed it but it could of been better I guess...if I had an unlimited supply of candy.
I had a good time...but now my mood is dropping because I think I did something wrong again on chat. I dunno. If people can't accept me...then they've got problems, lol.
Yeah, so...ILYTL.

Controversally speaking on the contraversy with a man named percy, with a sister named Marcy, who had a dog named...
Today had the potential to be good, but died. Well, it only died for 4th hour.
1st hour always sucks. Suffering for no reason is what they should call that class.
Band is always ok, but Jess hugged me. :) Thats awesome...I can't think of that many chicks that would do that, despite the fact she was kidding around.
3rd hour we had cupcakes. He he. Yeah! Oh, and we started a book or something. It was...I think..."to mock a raven"...or something. Plus I got my awesome crazygonuts red ring.
4th hour sucked because I took that placement test and BOMBED! Holy cow, did we ever learn that stuff? The thing with the frog pissed me off. I wanted to say, You know McDonald, maybe if we ACTUALLY DID SOME CUTTING OPEN OF ANIMALS, WE MIGHT GET IT RIGHT.
Ooo...what was funny and mean at the same time, is I told Mr. McDonald to tell katie she had to take the placement test too...just to freak her out. Serves her right...she pissed me off by laughing at me for it.
Lunch is always weird because sometimes I'll catch myself looking over at jackies table sometimes, not even noticing or paying attention. Not even slightly steathful.
5th hour is Schoen, and today it sucked because we watched the video on the mayans...and how nice they were. They did blood letting and suicide and sacrificaing...great. As I said to Alice, another positive ideal dead.
6th hour is now officially my most awesome math class EVER. Neier is just awesome. Kicked joey pav. out of class...don't know he deserved it, but, I guess Neier thought he did. Personally, I wanna see him make fun of mike more. But, I can put bill and bob stuff on my quiz's and stuff, and he doesn't care. Thats just plain awesome.
Track wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be mile warmup; fast 800; 3laps; fast 800; mile cooldown. Not hard at all, in fact. I didn't have the balls to tell sabinas...he'd make me do more.
Then jackie was all like, 'Run addison run!' on my final cooldown lap.' I was all like, oh hush...thing is, I actually sped up without knowing it. Aye...just like last night...
Oh, my times were 235 and 237 for the 800 yesterday too.
Then, I got locked out of my house for about an hour or so...playing basketball, in only my weak windbreaker type pants and a t-shirt.
Brrrrrr...but it was fun. Cleared my head and junk.
So thats all. ILYTL

No more negative stuff...today
Yup. I'm done being negative...for now.
I thought about everything last night, and despite Dav's absence today, things went well.
Well, not off the bat.
See, heres where woohu probably got kicked off and why, but everytime I bitch or complain about a teacher, theres a good chance they deserve it. I'm not doing it to be a dick or a rebel.
So, I get to first hour (Family Living) taught by...you guessed it. *Everyones favorite teacher,* Miss Fournier. Now you might be saying,"Addison, caught her some slack. She doesn't deserve your insults" Bah. After today I officially hate that class...although I always have. But, she gave me a C...A C!! Jesus man, the only thing that ever posted my name was honor roll, but I guess we can screw that. Its because she decided that I didn't turn in two things WHEN I DID. Heres the conversation that was held.
At:So, yeah, how come this assignment I got a 0 out of 20 for?
F:Oh, thats because you didn't turn it in.
At:No, I put it on the back of a different worksheet, because you said we could do that.
F:No I didn't.
At:(Rolls eyes) Fine, what about this one?
F:You obviously didn't do part of it, or you would've gotten full credit.
At:I DID do it though, thats the thing.
F:Well, as soon as you show me both of those things, I can give you credit.
At:I threw them both out, because I thought you had reasons for them being wrong.
F:Oh, can't help you.

So WTF? What do I do now? Just say,"ok, even though its practically YOUR fault I'm getting a C, I'll just sit back and watch?"
Funk no.
I'm gonna redo one of those worksheets tonight, and give it in tomorrow...according to my calculations, that should boost my grade, and, if she rounds, puts me at a B-.

On to track. No, nothing negative. Tomorrows the first meet...in Greenville. Does our pitiful hero stand a chance? No, but, I'll just show and do whatever. I don't care. I basically have to do the 800 twice. Once giving it barely any gas, then again full out. Aye, this sport tests your guts to the exetreme. I gotta beat at least 3 guys from our team tomorrow...I'm gonna need luck with that.
I figure whatever. Do what I can, ignore what I can't. Its all good.
So now, I gotta stay online, AND search for schools good at certain subjects. Great. I'll still HOPE that chat comes back online, but I doubt it. ILYTL



Where * symbols were used, 5 brown nosing students were polled on whether or not they liked Fournier.

More negativity and sex
Do you yearn for intimate relationships yet feel that you are too socially inept to obtain them?

Do you suffer from low confidence?


Wow...I think these two should go together or something...

Anyway, its a monday, and tomorrow is another stress-inducing thing for me. A geography test which I will fail, and a big science review I'll fail. Aye...

Some of you might be saying, "Atman, how can you be so negative about either of those?" First off, I suck at both subjects. Second off, I studied for one test and geography and didn't study for the other...I got the same grade...joy. So, not only am I not studying for biology, I'm not for geography either...its bullshit. I'm stupid no matter how hard I try to change it. Until someone proves me wrong, I'm gonna keep that opinion. And I don't see any evidence of that at all. I can't think of the last time I said anything positive about myself. Hmmm...nope. Its not like anybody else has said anything positive to me lately either, so, I'll just keep that opinion.

Umm...any other issues to address? Lets here...I covered I'm stupid, and inept at relationships of any level...what else is there? I'm ugly and my mother dress's me funny? I dunno. I just want something POSITIVE to happen. I wanna pass either of those tests tomorrow with flying colors, I wanna do incredibly good in track, I wanna be complimented...somethin.

Heh, oh well. Lets see...is there anything else to update? I'm screwed wedsnesday for my track meet...oh well, I have spud there, so its not so bad. Last year I had nobody.

heh, I did have fun today though. so, maybe life doesn't completely suck. I just won't really know til tomorrow...

I feel even worse now because all I'm doing is infecting my unhappiness into other people...I can't really stop until I shake this funk...asdflkasdlkj. asdlkadsfkl. fjfuawlrtjawertjljvxv. adfslkja asljfwea asfj fjfk a;al. If things change tomorrow, I might be more peppy.

eh

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --