you'd think i'd be excited. that's usually how it goes this time of year. a little mellow and pensive, but excited nonetheless.
however, this year i just feel kind of depressed. like it's basically over already, and i'm just going through the motions. jumping through hoops until the hoops are gone. i guess i'm just depressed because i know that i won't know what to do when that happens. i've been jumping (whether poorly or not is of little consequence) for so long, that it's all i know how to do. or at least, it's the only thing i've managed to convince myself i'm comfortable doing, despite the fact that i still to this day do not know how to do it.
i think i'll feel better once the days start getting shorter and cooler, and the leaves start to change, and i get to enjoy the smells of warm donuts and fresh apple cider and pumpkins and hay. i always love that time. and every august i forget that it's not for another two months or so.
but a boy can dream, i suppose.
and in the meantime, he should get a fucking job. how many times have i said that on here? and how many more times will i repeat myself until it actually happens?
Staying busy at work...Ya...this is really depressing because all those things marked 1-3 will each takes about 30min+ to check and move to the next section below it, Start Testing. I hate the tail end of a development cycle.
This is a tale explaining the manner in which my way of life was rotated along a Y axis until it reached a position roughly 180 degrees from that which it started. If I could have 60 seconds of your time, simply place your posterior in the selected location, and I will relate to you the details of how I was made the male monarch of the district of the City of Los Angeles, California located at coordinates 34.08333 -118.44778.
In the western region of the “City of Brotherly Love” known as Philadelphia, my mother expelled me from her womb and indeed that is also where I spent my childhood, in my mother’s care. The majority of my time was spent in a recreational area containing such diversions as a jungle gym, swing set, sand box, etc. I was typically at the height of leisure while frequently at a temperature slightly below what might be considered standard room temperature. Outside of my educational institution I was engaging in a game of basketball with some of my friends, when a couple of gentlemen who seemed to be of the disposition to cause a great deal of mischief began causing a great deal of chaos and disharmony in the area in which I lived. I was involved in one rather small bout of fisticuffs after which my mother became concerned for my general safety and well-being, and she informed me that I would be moving in with her sister and her sister’s husband in the previously mentioned community located at the previously mentioned location.
We went down to visit his mom last night.
She was able to remember who Mike and Jerry were, but she didn't remember who I was.
I told Mike that it wasnt that big of a deal because it's probably her short term memory that is afftected by the infection and it hasnt gotten to the long term completely.
But he insisted that it is a big deal because she remembered me on wednesday.
I dont like how quickly things are progressing.
Tomorrow his family is all getting together with the doctors to discuss what options they have, and what is the best for her.
Its going to be rather depressing, but it definately needs to be resolved soon.
i'm kind of hurt because a bunch of people i know apparently went out to a bar that i may not frequent, but have certainly been to several times (and have thoroughly enjoyed every time), and not one of them invited me.
i mean, maybe i wouldn't have gone anyway, but at least then i would have had the choice. it just makes me sad that there are so many nice people out there that really don't want me around.
and mom wanted me to find a friend to go with us to the baseball game tomorrow night, and i completely ran out of friends. i was running off the list in my head, and most of them were out of town or busy. and i wasn't going to count on kevin, because i figured he'd be with andrea. but maybe he'll pull through still.
all in all, i don't feel very desirable at the moment. and shannon doesn't count because she has more justifiable reasons to despise me than most anyone else, and her ignorance of that fact is not any fault of my own.
i'm gonna go mow lawn soon, i think. i don't feel like calling lenders today. addison was supposed to call me, though. maybe i'll give him a ring first.
So things have gotten worse..
Mike's mom is doing a whole lot worse..
The end is definately closer than what the doctors were saying.
She doesn't remember who Mike is anymore.
Seriously, I cannot stop crying.
It's horrible.
I feel so bad, and there is absolutly nothing I can do.
There is nothing the doctors can do.
Nothing.
:(
EDIT: oh, and one of the ladies that live where my grandma is at, died on monday.
So to add to my weekend filled with bad news and unfortunate events, I found out today that the Stanton man killed in the car accident friday morning, was a kid I work with..
And he was one of the only people I talked to at work.
We made fun of each other all the time.
This weekend has been pretty crappy..
Started thursday night..
Mike's mom is in the hospital.
It's pretty serious business..
The doctors are saying that it won't matter if she is in a medical facility, or goes home and has nurses come in, she might see labor day.
Spent all day friday at the hospital, and we're going back down there in a little bit..
I feel really bad..
Rachels been super busy this week, starting at Wal-Mart and all that such stuff. Havent talked to her much but if nothing else she got to know the joyful news. I was just talking to her but she left, internet stealing still so her connection is shit, she was putting some pics on my photobucket. That didnt seem to get accomplished beyond picture #1. Alas, Im happy with that 1 for now.
Spent about the last hour and a half talking to Brittani -from work receptionist/accountant- last night. We've been talking alot lately because Ive been down there fixing things for them more. Shes my inner workspace gossip talker. Its all good though. Shes my age and knows some of the same things I do -relationship wise- so we constantly chat about things. She enjoys rambling on about her wedding coming up Sept. 6th. Shes getting married at 19. Shes been with the guy for about as long as Ive known Rachel. Just kinda shocked somehow by her getting married at only 19.
Ive decided to take the week after my last Op for the airsoft season off and go down to see her. The tickets for Amtrak are insanely cheaper than anythign else around. I was shocked. GRR to KCY roundtrip was $190. Its unfortunate that MO only gets a few locations, none located in the southwest corner of the state, to choose from but it works. And based on the rest of this months event, we shall see if both is do'able. I may have to skip the airsoft event. Unfortunate, but possible. Woman > Airsoft
So when Id get home Monday from Wisconsin its straight into repacking for leaving the next morning to Kansas City where Rach' would pick me up.
Im going to have to skimp like no other for this month pull it off but Im ok with this.No spending for Kelly. If Rachel was here she'd totally budget me. Boo hiss.
/slap @ wrist
so, i'm completely done done with my summer class. still hasn't quite sunk in yet. but it will soon.
and emily is gone again. also hasn't sunk in. coffee today was nice though. i can't believe she'd never played chess before.
so yeah, that's pretty much it. i lost my phone charger at kevin's this weekend. kinda sucks. but i'm getting my new one soon, so it doesn't really even matter that much.
i don't know. i'm gonna go play drums, since i'm all out of ideas.