.

:: 2004 22 September :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: stand by me- oasis

stand by me, no body knows, the way its gunna be.....
things have been very uneventful lately....boring- for a change. schools been good, i guess, or as good as school can be, because lets face it...its school. all my classes are going well for the most part, but i miss my schedule from last year. bio, 6th period lunch, 8th period italian, mrs. kuklis....im having trouble putting in to words what an amazing year last year was for me. you dont come by years like that so often...and wow, that totally makes me seem like a grandma, like ive lived such a long 15 years that i can say something like that. that reminds me of the time that someone came into the flair house this summer and called me ma'am...i turned around and looked for someone assuming that it couldnt have possibly been me who was "ma'am", and when i finally realized that it was me, i was like um, yeah, i dont think so.

woah, tangent- anyway.....

in other news....crappy car broke the other day on evandale. the people at toyota said that theres a shitload of stuff wrong with it, which means we'll probably have to sell it which means that i dont have to have to drive it when i get older. score one for me :), i get good car now :) :)

the downside to having crappy car be broken: there was a teensy shot at us going back to the beach this weekend, which obviously, i was totally psyched about, but since crappy is the car with the permit to park at the ferry and since it may still be broken, i dont know if we'll make it out there. we'll see.

thats pretty much it for now- xoxo dml

1 . | ..

goobs827

:: 2004 21 September :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: No Doubt-Running

Be the one I trust most...don't stop inspiring me...
Sorry that my last post was a little crazy.

This weekend was so fun. The Yankee game was insane. Just amazing. 2 day weekend is gonna be rough.

So my back is just starting to get a bit better and whaddaya know? I get sick...grrr...I was on such a streak too.

I'm already getting lazy with school. It's just that my classes are so lax I can't stay focused...I haven't been challenged enough yet to get me to actually do work. And I guess it's hard to deal with my schedule considering last years was awesome.

I'm excited for this year though...all the extracurriculars, friends, seasons...I love all the changes of the year.

And I've finally gone back to a way I used to use all the time to express myself and use as personal-therapy...write; stories, "novels," whatever...it's amazing what you can concoct when you're imagination is spinning.

Wow this community is slowly dying. Come on guys, update! And more than once a year.

One Tree Hill Tonight ..Sickk

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 18 September :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

i was okay until i called them....
why the hell would i do such a stupid thing? i knew it would just make it 10 times worse, but i picked up the phone regardless and called zack. i heard everyones voices, laughing and talking and having an amazing time---but i wasnt there. i was jealous, sad, but most of all, i missed them so much, and i just, broke down. im now sitting here crying my eyes out, felling like i have nothing to be sad about, but its one of those things where you're so heartbroken to be away from the people u love so much, that its almost like a physical pain. all i want is to be back with them, nothing more, nothing less.
stupid as this may sound, and it may also make me sound conceited, i dont know nor do i mean it to come off that way, but i want to know that im being thought about. after the summer is over, friends have a tendency to let eachother drift apart, both people could be online, but they choose not to talk to eachother----that is my biggest fear. i dont want to drift away from these people i care so much about. i want them to know that theyre all thats on my mind, but most of all, i want to know that theyre thinking about me too. in fire island, i know that theyre thinking about me every time they call me on the phone or come to see me at work, but when school starts, work and other people may take my place....i want them to remember me and how much i love them and how much they loved me.
....i really have no idea where i was going with this, i just needed to get this all out.

i left my heart in ocean beach

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 18 September :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: city of angels- red hot chili peppers

no matter how many times i say see u later, theres never a goodbye like the last one
i just got home from fire island, and once again this is going to be one of those sulky, depressive, reflection entries so if those things make u sad or annoyed, i suggest u dont read this. this was the first weekend since the summer that everyone was there [excluding nick, but he was sorely missed...]. it honestly had just felt like i had never left. the day i got there i went to victorias house and just layed out by her pool and listened to the "songs of the summer" cd i had made for everyone, and just laying there listening to those songs that reminded me of the summer, laying by a pool in the sun hearing the ocean crashing against the shore, even having that irritating sand between my toes and inside my bathing suit, just made me long for the summer. being with all of my friends, i felt like i was home again. on friday we all went to justins house and had a huge water fight with water guns and hoses and water balloons- it was amazing. i was standing on justins deck, soaking wet in a boys bathing suit bottom and an oversized trangleball shirt, freezing cold and uncomfortable as hell, when i realized: this is what i love. it doesnt matter how uncomfortable i am or how cold or anything, but when i hear their voices and see their smiles...THATS what its all about. after the water fight we all went home to our respectable houses and then came back later for movie night since it had started to rain. we watched jay and silent bob strike back which was retarded, but it didnt matter. i was lying on the couch in morgans arms, and just feeling him against me---i wansnt ready to leave that. its only so often in life that u come across something like that and i realized that when i looked into his eyes and he kissed me. this morning i said goodbye to everyone....not see u next weekend, but a final goodbye. it was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do, fighting those tears back when i all i wanted to do was cry so hard. saying goodbye to morgan was the hardest of all- that kid was my world this summer, and regardless of what anyone else has to say about it, he made me truly and genuniely happy, a happiness that i have yet to come by in my lifetime many times before. thank god for the short distance, we're having set dates where we're going to hang out every month. this group....no, this FAMILY, that we're grown to become this summer cannot last 10 whole months without seeing eachother, and so we're not going to let that happen.
to my fire islanders- i love u all more than you could ever know, and each and every one of u has a special place in my heart. you are my world, and no one could take your places. thank you for being my rock when i needed u to be, for making me smile when i felt like all i could do was frown, and for helping me maintain this everlasting happiness that i found when i found all of u. i love u with all my heart.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JUSTIN

thats all for now- danielle*morgan

goobs827

:: 2004 11 September :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Buena Vista Social Club

First I'd just like to acknowledge and honor all those who died three years ago today and the brave policemen and firemen who risked their lives. It's a day that I recall so vividly and I will always remember and pray for every single person who was affected by it. It's an awesome thing to have lived through.

It really irks me when people like to pretend tragedies never happens. People just can't seem to handle sadness, it's some sort of disease that we pop a pill for and pretend doesn't exist. When someone loses someone close to them or is going through something very tough, people say: "Don't tell them your sorry or that you're concerned, I'm sure it's the last thing they want to think about." Who the FUCK are you kidding? It's the ONLY thing that they're thinking about. What a frickin lame excuse just to avoid an awkward situation. That's why I was so annoyed after 9/11 when people didn't talk about it...ever. NEWSFLASH: You can't just turn off the world and pretend like there's nothing going on in it. People like that bother me too. Okay, so you don't want to be scared and it depresses you, well um maybe if you payed attention it'd make the things that are depressing you about your life seem MUCH smaller and make you feel even better about how fortunate you are. There are things much bigger than your issues and pretending that they don't exist and that we're trapped in some bubble is ignant and immature. You should be thanking God every single day of your life if your loved ones are safe and that you haven't gone through a tragedy like 9/11 or any other tragedy for that matter. What if you lost someone you love...would you truly not want people to say they're sorry, would you truly want people to ignore 9/11 if you lost a loved one to a similar situation? I'm sorry if anyone is offended by this but it's how I feel and I truly think you're offending our country and the people who work so hard to make your life safe and give you opportunity if you DON'T care about them or the outside world.
I really am not writing this with anyone specific in mind so don't take it personally, but for the sake of our world; pay a little bit more attention, be a little bit more concerned, say you're sorry, pray, whatever, just care about something outside of your own life or your friends own lives. I know I can't change people, all I'm saying is just to care.

On a lighter note, first real night of 10th grade was actually really fun. I love this grade so much. Supporting the sophomore football troops was very cool. After that, some good talks. I love having real talks about everything once in a while and I really think people need to stop complaining that we have a stupid grade. We're cool. And you should appreciate Edgemont too. We're very fortunate to live here. So what we're a little neurotic and gossipy, what suburban town isn't? The grass is always greener on the other side. You're probably a lot happier and could make things much better than you really think.

School is fine I guess. I really miss my schedule from last year...Irreplaceable classes and teachers for sure. But I think I'll be okay. It's just hard to get used to it all.

I'm really looking forward to the year to get going. I hope things change a little bit. I'm just excited to see what happens. I get the feeling it'll be my best year yet. But, that's just one of my silly little inklings.

I hope everyone's enjoying their first weekend...homework yipeee...and can I get a what what? 3 days of school next week....niceeee...The Jews come through in the clutch..jus playin you know I love you all.

I know many people will feel annoyed by this post and think I sound holier than thou and never give me that satisfaction of agreeing with me but I know everyone reading this is an amazing person, and I'm sure many of you care and are concerned about the things I'm talking about already and deep down agree with at least a little bit of what I'm trying to say. But if there's anyone who didn't care and wasn't concerned before reading this or didn't care that much, if I even got them inspired just to turn on the news for 5 seconds tonight, I feel like I've parted the seas.

Much love and peace.

4 . | ..

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 7 September :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: depressed

wishin i was back in 11770....
waking up to a silent bedroom, in a silent house, and putting ur feet on a carpeted floor that isnt scattered with sand can be oddly disturbing when ur so homesick for the summer. when all u want is to hear the crashing of the ocean and the noise from the houses next door, to hear ur cell phone ring and know its ur friends calling because they want u to come to wherever they are, when u want to be on the beach at night with ur friends and ur boyfriend laughing and talking and kissing ;)......god do i miss the summer. i feel like it just came to a crashing halt yesterday when i walked back into the suburban house that i call "home". i miss everyone so fucking much, and it puts such a spin of negativity on everything. i find myself glued to the computer screen talking to someone from fire island or waiting for a fire islander to sign online so i can talk to them. they are the MOST incredible people. its such a contrast too, coming from a place where everyone gets along, no one gossips, and the boys and the girls are social....together- then being back in edgemont where all there is is gossip, everyones always fighting and the guys and the girls barely ever talk. its such a reality check...i dont care what anyone says, its not like this everywhere, its EDGEMONT.

wow tangent.

so anyway, i miss my fi kids so much. i swear i almost cried last night.

"damn i miss u already"

i miss them. i miss them all so fucking much. i swear to god if i make it through this week without crying over them itll be a miracle.

************************************************************************
in other news, i need to go shopping REALLY badly. i havent been to a mall in 2 whole months. i made over $2000 ths summer and i have a major urge to spend it. lemme know if u wanna go to the mall with me on friday.

im out for now, see u all tomorrow----schools here. oh god. i hate that.

goobs827

:: 2004 7 September :: 11.25am
:: Mood: pensive

Here we are again..
looking back I think I have changed significantly. I've changed the way I handle things and I think I've gotten more mature, and I've really just found myself...but I realize that I still suffer from a lot of the same things and still have that ever present worrying problem.

I associate times of the year with colors, smells, feelings, atmospheres and I'm looking forward to all of those times and changes...it's just a matter of getting into it. The first few days suck but once I'm in a groove-I really don't mind school most of the time. In fact, the Virgo that I am appreciates and likes the organization that comes with school. It's good for me.

That doesn't mean this wasn't the best summer ever though, and losing that is going to be very tough.

There's no looking back though. Considering how fast time flies, another summer will be just around the corner.

So I don't really know what the point of this update was other than to just get my feelings out and clear my head before school starts...Very me.

calm, cool, collected

Namaste<3

..All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again..

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 5 September :: 11.58pm
:: Mood: sad

"it started out just like any summer..."
tonight was the last night of my summer. tomorrow's labor day, which means a lot of things- too many day trippers, sales in all the stores, all u can eat pancake breakfasts and the end of the summer. everyone leaves tomorrow, my summer family that has grown so close this year is splitting apart tomorrow and all going their separate ways.

this summer was the most incredible summer ive ever had. i grew so much throughout it, mentally and emotionally. it was a learning experience, mostly in the sense that ive come to learn who i really am, through the experiences and mistakes ive made throughout the summer. but most of all, this summer was complete and the most amazing summer ever because of the people i shared it with- my friends. in the past summers ive spent out here, never before this one have i developed such a strong bond with a group of people. i spent everyday with them all day long, and until 1130 every night. i got to know each and every one of them on a level that i didnt know was possible to reach in just 2 months. every single one of them is special to me in a different way, and i love u all with all of my heart.

::victoria::out of everyone here, i think i can relate to u the best. ur always here when i need someone to talk to and ur not afraid to tell me when im wrong, u keep me in check. this summer u and i grew to have a sisterly relationship. we've shared tears and smiles, been through good and bad, but no matter what, u always were here to hold my hand when i needed guidance, and i was always ur shoulder to cry on.

::jenna::u make me laugh like no other person i can think of, weather u mean to or not. ur my personal entertainment center. 11 years of a best friendship and still going....thanks for the memories.

::jordana::u always guide me in the right direction and can keep cool when i cant. im so glad we had a chance to become close this summer, ur friendship means a lot to me and im going to miss u like crazy.

::zack::ive never felt so loved by someone in my whole life, and this summer u showed me that there are people that no matter what, will always be there for me, and u are one of them. even at my lowest low, when u didnt even want to talk to me, u stayed up until 3 in the morning "burning ur minutes" to listen to me cry as u calmed me down on the other end of the reciever. that is the definition of a true friend, ur ALWAYS there for me. thank u for always being there, for reminding me every day how much u love me, and for telling me how special i am to u- because sometimes, even though some people think my ego is the size of the post office- i need to hear that for my own self esteem. i credit this amazing summer to u, because u selflessly always put me before urself, and i dont know anyone who would do that for me but u. i love u so much, thank u for being one of the best friends i have, i could never ask for anything more.

::justin::u r by far one of the funniest people i know. ur unlimited supply of hugs and kisses---and butt squeezes---make my day. u stick by me through anything, even when u think im wrong, and are understanding and comforting through everything. thanks for keeping me smiling, even when i thought my smile was broken, u always knew how to fix it again :)

::nickycap::uve grown to become one of my best friends. u give me advice when i need it, and u, like victoria, arent afraid to tell me when im wrong. thanks for making me smile endlessly with our "we're so white, we're black" convos, and thanks for rocking out with me. ur so good at rocking out :)

and last but not least...

::morgan::one of the biggest reasons this summer was as amazing as it was, was because of u. being with u for august was indescribable, i was so unbelievably happy the entire time, being held in ur arms, being kissed by u, and most of all, sharing the "like" that we had for eachother. most of all, though, id like to thank u for my 2nd chance. not many guys would even consider giving me another chance to gain ur respect back, let alone be ur girl after what i did to u. u are incredible and i cant thank u enough for doing that. because of u, we had the end of this summer to share together and next summer as well. thanks for being my guy this summer---and keep that pony around, u may need it next year ;)

"wake up the dawn and ask her why, a dreamer dreams, she never dies, wipe that tear away now from your eye, slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannon ball, where were you while we were getting high? someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky, someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova, a champagne supernova in the sky, cuz people believe that theyre gunna get away from this summer, and you and i will never die, the worlds still spinning round we dont know why, why why why, someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky, someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova, champagne supernova in the sky....."

2 . | ..

goobs827

:: 2004 5 September :: 10.24am
:: Mood: sad

Memo to Pepsi-please stop taking low blows at coke.

Memo to Ms. Gillan-please stop being a horrible guidance counselor.

Memo to the Boston Red Sox-lose a game or two..or twenty-five...please.

Memo to the New York Yankees-Please do not punch walls and break your hands. Thanks.

Memo to Edgemont Boys-Please grow up...inside and out.

Memo to Napoleon Dynamite-You Rock. Please be real.

Memo to rd-Please re-find me. It can't just be over like this. It just can't.

So there's a brief list of the people on my mind...some obviously more of a big deal than others. I guess I'll get to that later.

So, my birthday was amazing, my family being here was amazing. But the time slowly dwindles away and falls to dust and here I am. This weekend was awesome, but I just can't believe it's over. I had to fight back tears on top of extreme laughter all of yesterday and last night. I finally know what it's like to have been at camp and really just love it. The thought of not seeing these people and not being here during this time of year for almost a year makes me sick to my stomach. And to think that I was worried about having to stay here until labor day...now I never want to leave.

It's not that I'm dreading school.
I'm dreading not being here.
I've finally found my little piece of heaven in these six weeks. Everyone and everything is just so different.

And I guess I'm kind of weirded out that everyone seems to have changed so much...and I didn't really that much. Or maybe I did, who knows. And school seems so sudden, even though we've had so much time to get ready for it, it's still abrupt...sophomores..I can't believe how fast time goes.

I have to go...I guess I'll finish later, but I don't really have a computer at home working...so enjoy my quickly typed thoughts.

I'm off.

1 . | ..

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 4 September :: 12.06am
:: Mood: content

finally things are back to normal
so last night i finally became fed up with the way things were with morgan and i. i couldnt deal with having him hate me. hate is such a strong word, he told people that he hated me with a passion. thats as bad as being dispised, and coming from a person who i liked and respected, that really really hurt my heart. i accused him of lying to me...he told me he wanted to be my friend, he told me he wanted to have everything be normal- he lied. a friend doesnt go around telling people that they hate u- thats not a friend, at least not one that i want to have. we talked last night for about an hour, and it was honestly the best thing that ever happened to our relationship. for once i felt like he opened up to me, told me how he was feeling. ive never seen him admit to being emotionally hurt by anything before, but through talking to him i saw that he was. after having him curse me out for being stupid and making a "bitch move" and telling me that i should expect to be hated, i finally told him why i was talking to him. i told him that i wanted him to give me another chance to gain his respect back. after him shooting me down once or twice, i finally convinced him to think about it, to think about the person he knew me as, and if that old danielle was important to him, to give me another chance to prove to him that i can still be that girl.

dmlxoxo: im sorry everyday that i did it, because of the respect that i have for u and the feelings that i still have for u too
dmlxoxo: obviously those feelings and respect are lacking for me though
SirLmO1017: i still respect u and i still have feelings for u, but i just dont understand y u did it danielle
SirLmO1017: i would much rather be with u than be at the status that we're at right now but im just having such a hard time comprehending what u did

i finally got to see what was going on inside his head, and moreover, his heart. i hurt him, and i got to see it, he opened up---finally. after that hour of talking, we ended up deciding that what we had with eachother was something that we were both willing to work at keeping, and we werent ready to give it up because of the stupid mistake that i made that put a strain on things. he wore my pony tonight, it put such a smile on my face to see it there again. and even more than that, he kissed me.

we're back. yes :).

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 2 September :: 11.54pm
:: Mood: tired

a breif account of the past few days....
finally, having a guilty conscience won me over- i needed to do the right thing and come clean with morgan, risking our relationship and his friendship with aaron. all that night my stomach was churning just thinking of what i was going to do, but just to make it worse, since rarely does morgan show emotion, i had no idea how he was going to react. the time had finally come when i decided to take him aside. he didnt have the slightest clue what i was talking about, i would hint and hint and hint, but because it was me, and since it was something that i would NEVER do, but did anyway, he had no idea what was coming. he was thoroughly and completely shocked, but since we had never determined our status he didnt know what to think. he didnt say much, but i could see it in his expression. he couldnt look me in the face....he couldnt even look me in the goddamn face, and that killed more than anything else. "i just really want to be ur friend" he told me- he lied. today i find out that he told everyone that he hated me. i can deal with not being liked by people i dont care about and even those who i do care about, but i cant stand to be hated by anyone---especially when im so far from hating them.
im talking to him right now about it and so far it not going anywhere, he cursed me off at the beginning and now towards the end i think he may be coming around a little. its gunna take some time.

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 30 August :: 12.04am
:: Mood: depressed

no regrets huh? yeah right, i could never live like that.
i told 2 people, people i thought i could trust, all my friends found out.

i fucked up.

im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.

all my friends have lost all respect for me. EVERYONE fucks up. and when someone fucks up and they need help, their friends should be by their side helping them with whatever they can. but ive learned that i only have one true friend out here- jordana. everyone else that found out, and even nick who i told counting on him to help me, have been total jerks. theyre not true friends. all ive heard from them is "ive lost all respect for u" and "how could u stoop so low" and "im so disappointed in u". tonight at the vma party they were acting like total asses, subtly hinting at the subject while morgan and aaron were there. i hate them all right now. i need them, and all along i thought they needed me too, but if they really loved me like they said they did they would help me out now.
"uve changed so much danielle, and its not for the better"
i cant stand to hear that. when someone has me questioning my own identity and my morals and what i thought i stood for, then i know im in trouble.

everyone fucks up. this was one of the few times i have and i think i deserve some slack. i cant deal with them all coming down on me so hard for something like this. do i tell him, or do i not tell him?

why the hell did i do something so stupid? i hurt morgan and in the process, i hurt myself. he didnt deserve any of this, even if he wasnt being right to me all the time. i hate everything right now.

im sorry and i mean that with all my heart. i would never hurt u and i didnt keep my promise. i took ur heart with the promise not to break it and now, i fear that i may have done damage. with all sincerity, im sorry.

4 . | ..

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 29 August :: 12.23am
:: Mood: devious

living life with no regrets...thats quite a concept, one that i thought i could never grasp. but tonight someone made me see what that actually means, living with no regrets.

morgan starts acting weird when his family friends come out, a 16 year old guy named aaron and a 14 year old girl named tori. a funny thing, you know, just out of no where, he doesnt act normal when aarons here. today at the beach i was complaining to my friends about how i had to babysit tonight and jokingly was like "if u guys get bored in town, come and visit me". i was sitting inside watching barney with elena (the little girl i was babysitting for) when i hear someone scream my name outside. aaron had actually come to see me---i was totally shocked. elena had fallen asleep on the couch at that point so i was sitting outside on the porch with aaron. we talked for 2 and a half hours and the conversation was just flowing. somewhere in between, i get a fone call from my friend nick who tells me the following: victoria was sitting on morgans lap and he was giving her a massage, and in a previous conversation of the night between morgan and shane, when asked if we were still together morgan said i guess so, and when asked if he would care if i hooked up with somone he said no and if there was a hott willing girl he would hu with her. this obviously wasnt a shock to me, i just wish he wouldve told me when i talked to him the night before and he had denied having anything wrong. so we talked about everything, friends, relationships, school, problems...everything, but most importantly our "policies on life". he told me about no regrets and it almost made sense to me. we talked for 2 hours and he was just like wow we have so much in common and we have a connection which was all so true and he was like i was telling morgan that he really shouldnt be acting like this, especially since ur such an awesome girl. so finally we're walking home and we get to the front of my house and he hugged me and we just started hooking up and he goes to me: remember that thing about no regrets? and then we hooked up again and he said: thats one of them, ill see u tomorrow and then he kissed me

i feel so bad, like such a sleeze. what the hell did i do?

goobs827

:: 2004 27 August :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: excited

Whole Cow! Anotherrrrrrrrr year
So itzzzz my quinceeee....yay!

Having the family here has been awesome. And my dad's horse won yesterday! And he had another one that came in second.....I just love the game, I can't wait to buy my own horse. Those 10 seconds of them coming down the stretch are one of the most exhilerating 10 seconds I've ever experienced.

And I met Don Zimmer lol!

....And today was great; presents, tubing, jetskiing, massage and now the big partay! And I have to work like 26 hours tomorrow so I'm enjoying the day off.

I don't want this summer to be over.. :(
It's been the best of my life.

Ugh.

Well...much love to everyone...thanks to all the well-wishers!

Btw-my house was burgled and my schedule was found! I have 4th period lunch, 1st per chem 5th global and last spanish--thats all I remember. Comment if u have anything.

Oh, and how could I forget? We got a lawn jockey lol its awesome!

4 . | ..

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 27 August :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: crushed

jordana: i hate stomachs......................me: i hate boys.
that last entry, as much as i hate to admit it, was entirely denial. things with morgan and i were at an absolute high a few days ago, but recently there has been a definite change. over the past 2 nights, ive noticed a difference in his actions and body language that has been scaring me. i walk over to him, he pretends not to see me and sort of walks the other way. hello kisses are running lower than usual, and he fucking picked nick over me. its funny, you know, the other night was a special one at the beach, but after that its been down hill. i cant help but think that thats all he wanted from me, since im reminded every dday to "get inside a guys head danielle, hes being nice because ur hooking up, and thats all he wants". and then i think, "dont break my heart" and it sort of gives me some hope...though not enough to make me believe that we may actually still have a chance. he didnt say goodbye to me last night, nor did he talk to me...at all. its things like that, things that make me think: what the hell could i have done? im not suffocating him, im not making him uncomfortable or being unreasonable by any means....what could it possibly be? i miss the kisses, and the tickle fests, and our frequent night-time beach escapades, and im not sure that im ready for it to be over. although according to a lot of people who talk to me about it, hooking up is all we have, im happy, and im not ready to give up this happiness just yet.

please, if you're reading this, "dont break my heart".