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xxthacuteonexx

:: 2005 21 April :: 9.34pm

i love my baby girl

..


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 19 April :: 7.12pm
:: Music: bitch- meredith brooks

life is a highway...
i havent written in this thing in the longest time, i guess thats not an unfamiliar concept to our woohu world, though. i keep on waiting until i have something to write about, and finally, i do.

as far as lives go, mines been pretty damn good all these years. as far as lives go lately, i find that statement fits well also. i think this is due to a bunch of things, but mainly because there has been such a turn around in terms of how i treat myself. since the beginning of last july, i had no idea how to respect myself in terms of guys. i went the first fifteen years of my life waiting and expecting my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet to some far off happily-ever-after. finally i realized that that was never going to happen, at least not any time soon, so i started to just hook up with a bunch of different guys that i liked, yet every time, my heart was broken. i guess deep down inside i was still holding out for my soul mate, and just decided that by handing my heart out to every guy i had a slight attraction to. time after time i would be pushed to the ground, and time after time id stand up and let it happen again. it wasnt that i was naiive to what was happening, it was just that i simply didnt care, to me at the time, the chance of emotional pain was minimal compared to the chance of happiness. i had no respect formyself and didnt even realize this was the case. the turning point was jlew. i let him do it to me too. but unlike all the other boys that i let take advantage of me, somewhere along the line i got fed up with being a doormat. after jlew, i was hesitant to do anything until i figured out exactly what it was that i wanted and needed, and eventually, i did. recently ive harvested the fruits of my experience. i took the things ive learned from my mistakes and realized that all i really need is someone i care about and trust, and the ability to take things at a steady pace without rushing and obsessing. still, more important yet, as soon as i realized this i found it in someone. things with jon have been so awesome lately. ive found that happy medium in him, but more than anything ive found that trust that ive never encountered before in any other guy. i can be myself around him without thinking twice about what im doing and making sure that its considered acceptable or normal, just as long as its "danielle". when the time is right to fully and completely hand my heart over to him, ill have no problem with it at all, i know he'll handle my heart with care and i know hes the one i want to have it.

while ive found such an incredible balance and completeness in my life with jon, ive been struggling with other relationships in my life a lot lately....namely, my mother. we've always had a rough relationship in terms of communication and sometimes treatment of eachother, but lately things have been worse than usual. while on the outside to all of my friends, she seems like the sweetest woman, and she is to them, to me and my dad she feels like she doesnt have to try to be nice around us. shes always struggled with the problem of knowing how to deal with anger, and everything, every little thing she says comes out with an attitude or ends (and starts) in a screaming war. according to my dad, shes always been this way. her mother was this way to her, and now shes the same way as her mother was. time after time we've told her "its not what you say, its how you say it" but nothing ever gets through to her. she doesnt listen to what you have to say, because when her mind is made up, sometimes its best to just give up and forget everything that you wanted when dealing with her.

im sick of doing that, though. im sick of not doing things i want to do because its easier to not argue with her. im sick of watching her run certain aspects of me and my dad's lives because theres no other way to deal with her.

she also claims that shes my friend. as far as im concerned, thats the biggest load of crap ive ever heard. if she was my friend, she wouldnt treat me like she does. if she was my friend, she would be nice to me. if she was my friend, she wouldnt just assume that i have to like her because she has to be in my life so she doesnt have to try to treat me nicely. but shes wrong. she has to try. because to tell you the truth, if i werent her daughter i wouldnt like her. i dont like her a lot of times. i think this partially comes from the fact that i dont understand her. the woman is scared of everything. its what holds her back from the world and what holds me in from a lot of things. on the top of her list is people. the reason she loves animals so much, i think at least, is because of their inability to hurt her emotionally and their need to be cared for. theres nothing to be scared of, they dont have the capacity to hurt people, and they cant tell her shes wrong or go against her. because they need her. she's scared of everything, i dont understand how anyone could go through life fearing everything, always asking "what if..." and always considering the worst case scenario and assuming that its a possibility. what kind of a life is that?
my dad kind of wants to go for counseling, considering shes never going to change. thats so hard for me, because she took after her mother...and i dont want to travel down that road.

with every good, comes some bad, i guess life cant be completely perfect at any time.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

"cause everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dmb




1 . | ..


crazychix143

:: 2005 6 April :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: finding out tru love is blind

im half asleep so meredith lied
hey carrot juice!

omg that girl likes my clothes but she doesnt like cheri
OMG U ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THESE THINGS PUBLIC MER
it wuz quite funny cuz i was in the b-room and just minding my own business p-ing and shes like hey and im like hi and then i look in the mirror and shes all like "i hate her" and im like HAHA I SAW THAT and it was nice

and i was busy in chorus while all the other ppl werent singing and everyone was laughing at me cuz i was moutihng the words
and mr. peace was like HAHa meredith is my friends
CAN WE PLEASE NOT MENTION THE CHORUS MONSTER, THANK U
I CANNOT BELIEVE HES LOWERING MY GRADE! GRRRRRRRRR

huff

im annoyed

and in throat pain

and scotts spying

AH
GET AWAY
haha
he laughed
its not a laughing matter scott

silly healthies
(cuz we're in health)

alrite im seeing how many words i can make with my name

MEREDITH
it, the, tide, hide, hit, there, dirt, hire, tire, tired, dime, mit, meet, term, heed, their, red, hired, him, her, rim, dim, deer okay thats enuf..merediths going psycho and started to think she had an A in her name

class is almost over

mr. m is telling us to stop laughing

but we cant

okay toots

crazyluv
cherindmeri

..


crazychix143

:: 2005 6 April :: 1.42pm
:: Mood: angry/happy at mr. peace (cheri is the angry one)
:: Music: Where is my mind?

HOLLA WE HAVENT MADE A POST IN A LONG TIME
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY

omg mr peace is lowering my chorus grade becuz i havent gone for the past two days and i was like...well its my only free period and i needed to make up work and hes like ITS NOT A FREE PERIOD and his eyes are really scary blue and i cant believe he's lowering my grade WTF i deserve an a in chorus even if i always eat while im there and if i never sing and never pay attention and write in the folder..i still think im deserving of an a and he shud just go choke on some music notes thank you

well mr. peace is my friends-m

we have a fun year

brians pretty cool too

this weekend we went to the library and we saw paul there

ooooooooomg im dying my throats dying and i hage a sore and im gunna get herpes

that sucks.

IT HURTS

i like earth scrience
science smart one
(yes very harder)

um this is tony's song!

omg wen i was in the city once this year i gave directions to 2 guys from california and it was really cool

mad fast typer now

okay u are so slow its pathetic

nOOOBNmgjhj

YES

um we'RE a happy family !
123

wut is with meredith and her uming

um idk

we its reall hot today\\
im hungry .. getting food...\\3

yesterday me and mel got lost on our distance squad run and we laughed a lot and then this was th2e distance7 "WHERE WERE YOU??"

so i took off my shoes and did a cartwheel


amausing

uh right

my mom's too poor to afford plastic bags


*bio is really hard*

no euros harder

i miss mr c

boohooOOOoOoOooooOOOOooo:'(
my bubbles~~~~

my throat hurts

omigosh i forgot to mention that im a bohemian !!

thats cool

meredith just had a convo with herself

DIPTHONG we're learning about dipthongs in latin

laaaaaaTIN!

leyts make another entry

ttyl in a minute

ok bye
<3 CRAZY LOVE U LOSER
meri and cheri

..


goobs827

:: 2005 1 April :: 5.34pm

SUNDAY BABY
Image hosted by TinyPic.com

thats what im talKin about

3 . | ..


goobs827

:: 2005 1 April :: 5.20pm
:: Music: system of a down~byob

friday afternoon music fest for me..
15 songs that are completely perfect:
The Academy Is~Classifieds
TAI~Slow Down
TAI~Down and Out
Brand New~The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
Coheed & Cambria~Favour House Atlantic
Fall Out Boy~Tell that Mick He Just Made My List of Things to do Today
FOB~Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
MCR~Drowning Lessons
MCR~Hang 'Em High
Taking Back Sunday~Cute Without the E
The Used~Blue & Yellow
The Used~Let it Bleed
The Used~Buried Myself Alive
No Doubt~Spiderwebs
No Doubt~Sunday Morning

..


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 30 March :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

holy crap---last time i updated was...a really long time ago.
its not that i havent been doing it because im "too busy" or "i forgot", its actually quite the opposite, ive been wracking my brain for something to write about and i got nothing. i dont know what it is, my life hasnt been painfully boring or anything lately, just that i find theres nothing for me to write about when i sit down to do it, but i guess ill just give it a go, some random stuff thatll make for a bad entry:

-today i finally got the fruit of my hard work--an a- on my euro essay. thank god for small favors, possibly getting a c for the quarter now?
-dont u just love when you come across people who are 100% genuinely good hearted, nice people? and even better, when you realize that you dont have to seek them out, but that theyre already in your world? i love when you find people like that, when you find that genuinely good person in someone you've always had around. and its not even that i didnt know that side existed, because i always did, but for some reason i just find it shining through more lately. sometimes i feel totally blessed by the people around me--its a wondeerful feeling.

as far as im concerned, this weekend could not come any sooner. and we've only been in school for 2 days. and look at that, only 2 more to go....i can do it, right??


maybe one of these days this writers block will relieve itself and ill come up with something better than this crap that i just wrote
xoxoxdml

1 . | ..


briggs17

:: 2005 22 March :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: champagne supernova



hi



God Bless,
Briggs<3


goobs827

:: 2005 25 February :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: random!

fun music game!!! FINISHED*****
i listened to my itunes on random shuffle for 20 songs and wrote down my favorite lyric from each song below.
guess the name of the song by the given lyric and i'll write who guessed correctly...

(btw i accidently deleted this post so all the comments are gone but erica had the page open before i deleted it so i got the lyrics back)

;)

GO FOR IT! anyone...comment away!!!


1) She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her **Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades by Brand New, ELIZABETH**
2) Cos my momma taught me better than that! **Survivor by Destiny's Child, HILARY**
3) We're both such magnificent liars so crush me baby i'm all ears **You Know How I Do by Taking Back Sunday, ERICA**
4) Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now **Cigarette by Yellowcard**
5) this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, telling you the woman i love, that i'm having a baby with a woman i barely even know **Confessions by Usher, DANIELLE**
6) But your joy ride just came down in flames cos your greed sold me out of shame **Fighter by Christina Aguilera, LAUREN**
7) and will your love keep burning baby, burn a hole right through my eyes, i think i might just just trust you maybe but i'm not sure **Lunacy Fringe by The Used**
8) All of my life, I've longed to discover something as true as this is **I'll Cover You from RENT, HILARY**
9) She's got a life of her own and it shows by the benz she drives at 90 by the barbies and kens **To The End by My Chemical Romance, ELIZABETH**
10) Cos I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low? Do i look like a mind reader sir, i dun know! **99 Problems by Jay-Z, LIZ**
11) Shine on diamond eyes, separate the space between love and lies,
and as days go by the memories remain, I'll wait for you **The Transition by Hawthorne Heights, LIZ**
12) Why would I want to destroy something I helped build? **Like Toy Soldiers by Eminem, DANIELLE**
13) You'll listen to reason while you're face down in the dirt, you'll stomach the hurt, and break for him here, just how much he's worth **Three Evils by Coheed and Cambria, LIZ**
14) I know what nobody knows, where it comes and where it goes, I know it's everybody's sin, you gotta lose to know how to win **Dream on by Aerosmith, ERICA**
15) And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away, it's not fair to deny me of the cross i bear that you gave to me **You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette, ERICA**
16) Everybody do the propaganda, and say hello to the age of paranoia **American Idiot by Green Day, DANIELLE**
17) Tryin to find a pigment of truth beneath my skin **Come Clean by Hilary Duff, HILARY**
18) I wanna hang onto something, that won't break away or fall apart, like the pieces of my heart **Globes and Maps by Something Corporate, LIZ**
19) And the bags are much too heavy in my insecure conditon, my pregnant mind is fat full with envy **Bathwater by No Doubt, LIZ**
20) Believe me when I say that I've got something for his punk ass **Santeria by Sublime, LIZ**


...Didn't think anyone would get 4 or 7 so I just filled em in myself...
nice work though people!

xoxo

3 . | ..


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 13 February :: 9.30pm

there are times when you get yourself so worked up over something that you say things you don't mean. we all know it happens, and this is not me trying to excuse myself from the things i wrote in the previous entry.

after getting all of those comments, i just went back and reread what i wrote and swear to god that i didnt even remember half the things i said because a lot of it was my rushing emotions talking, not me. i sounded like a pompous asshole. and for that i'm sorry. i didn't mean to pass judgement on anyone, especially people im friends with, and for that, im sorry too. because i dont even believe half of the things i wrote when im thinking straight.

gabi was right on target. i need to work on fixing what could potentially be wrong with me and her and not get so scared that i throw my problems and point fingers to other people. i put the entire weight of my fears on my other friends, and offended them in the process, and did so without even realizing this.

but all of this stems out of where she and i used to be, not even the drinking, but the fact that when we were little, it wasnt her and me, it was her and someone else. and i wanted to badly to be her best friend, to have the best friendship they had with eachother. but they would push me away and make fun of me, and be mean to me. and last year when i lost her this whole not being wanted thing resurfaced. you all have your siblings and other constants in your lives, but shes all i have. you know ur siblings will always be there for you, and thats who she is to me, but for me, i have the chance of losing her. and thats a scary reality.


im sorry to anyone i offended, you're all important to me, just remember that.

..


goobs827

:: 2005 10 February :: 6.19pm

I'm pulling a Danielle here and putting what everyone had to say about me. They all made me so happy and really mean a lot to me. I want to have them if I decide to print this thing out...

From Lauren:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi..what can i say. from the seely days, i feel like throughout everything-- we've watched eachother grow, and for that reason i value your opinion very much. you have such a big heart and i feel like you would never turn down an opportunity to help someone in need.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
mama- spice girls....uyy dont ask why, no clue!
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
hmmm, an italiano mamma sita with a wooden spoon lol, i have such a great imagination
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
understanding
05. Put this in your journal.

From Danielle:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
theres so much i could say about you gabi, you're just such a good person. i dont think that ive ever seen you do anything to hurt or cause harm to anyone. i admire the way that you handle certain situations, and your ability to stay strong almost 100% of the time. you have a heart of gold, and i know that that quality is something every one of your friends treasures.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
anything rent or sic transit gloria because its the only song thats screamy that i have :)
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
eleanor roosevelt, based on the soul reason that she said this quote which reminds me of you so much: "a woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets herself into some hot water."
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
strong

From Erica:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi is my favorite YENTA and listener. your my go to gal when i need a laugh, rant, hint of gossip, and when i have a secret to tell cuz you keep them best. everyone tells people that they are so glad they became friends w/ them, but to me, you are the epitome of this. My high school years wouldnt be the same w/out you.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
say you'll be there- Spice girls
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
Betty Crocker, Mrs. Fields.. etc, that lady from the sat/sun night sex show, from this italian cartoon i watch (a really old lady whos always loses her pasta pot, and says things in a funnny italian accent)
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
realistic

From Hilary:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabss---since that day on the log at 6th grade camp i knew u were someone i wanted to get to know. ur suchh a special person, with a quick remark or comeback to almost anything. you dont let people tell u what u think and ur one of the most caring, supportive people i know. gotta agree with nez on this one--ur laugh is contagious and i love spending time with you cuz ur so fun to be around
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
seasons of love is the obvsss choice here
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
omg deff bridget jones best friend that says fuck a lot lol
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
loyal

From Neza:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
Gabi-you have always struck me as one of those people that's open-hearted, non-judgemental and at ease with everyone around you. Your laugh is contagious and your generosity is evident. You have a good head on your shoulders and good morals.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
Madonna- like a prayer
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
julia roberts? i donno that kinda hits me
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
genuine

From Elizabeth:
1.Gabi- Ever since I moved here you've been one of the girls I wanted to be friends with. I got this great vibe from you right away. You're so mature for people our age. Whenever I'm around you i get this feeling of comfort. I like being around you, you're so sweet and good to people. You seem to know how to rise above stupid situations. You'e wise, you seem to know alot about life and whats going on around you. Your someone who seems completely comfortable in their own skin which is rare for a 15 year old. You've always been someone I looked up to and even though we're not as close as we were in 6th grade my love towards u hasnt faded
2.I'm not okay- My Chemical Romance, because we were all gonna go to the concert and you seem like a real dedicated fan(thnx for the comment on the icon btw i thought it was so fun!)
3.Gwenyth Paltrow
4. Poised

love you all<33

..


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 9 February :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: fool to think- dave matthews band

okay. you wanna play like this? we can play like this.
just keep it up. push me farther, closer and closer with every action you take, with everything you say, til i reach the edge until i explode. you like to flirt with boundaries dont you? you like to push buttons. you like to be the cause of tension. you like to make other people miserable- dont you?

just because you cant find a happy place for yourself doesnt mean you have to antagonize other people around you who have been fortunate enough to find theirs, or able enough to create one. i know its a form of comfort to see that other people are miserable, but why do you have to be the one to cause other people's problems? shouldnt that make you more upset at yourself, knowing that you're the cause of other people's problems for the sake of creating waves?

ooooooh what i wouldnt give to just go up to you and tell you what everyone thinks of you. what i wouldnt give to show you that the whole act you put on to cover up who you really are is totally transparent. everyone sees right through you. everyone knows you're fake. everyone knows that you talk behind peoples backs, mine included. how you manage to affect my life in this way is beyond me since you and i arent even close, but jesus, STEP BACK AND TAKE A LOOK AROUND ONCE AND A WHILE, because you could use some major adjustments.

2 . | ..


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 8 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: angry

WORST DAY EVER.
for a number of reasons.

1. i do not care what anyone says, this school that we go to is not esteemed because of the teachers, its as awesome as it is because of the drive of the kids in it. and as far as im concerned, perlman can go fuck a dog in the ass and then burn in hell for the rest of time. i dont think that once this entire year ive ever sat in her class and learned something thats valuable to me when it comes time to take her awful, heartless tests. we had a test in there the other day and we got them back today, and theres nothing like having your teacher stand at the front of the room and yell at you because of how poorly everyone did on the tests, like it was our fault. "i'm so disappointed, these were horrible, i dont know what happened, you tests were all terrible, especially the ones where people got more right than wrong...." she went on forever, making everyone feel like we fucked it up, like she had no role in my failure, or anyone else's on this test. as if the fucking 45 on the test wasnt bad enough, she had to make a statment in front of the whole class about people who got more wrong than right. and even though the majority of the class doesnt know that i was in that category, i know...and she insulted ME when she said it. fucking bitch. and im sitting here now and all i can think of is erica's pin "oh mother, is it worth it?" and im feeling like the answer is no. NO. things arent supposed to work out like this. as much as i hate the typical edgemont "im going to fail" and then doesnt, i wish i were that person right now. the person everyone hates because they draw attention to themselves for saying things like that. i'd rather have that than be the one who actually did fail...and failed miserably. euro can kiss my ass and burn with mrs. perlman in hell for eternity.

2. who the fuck do some people think they are? do they do what they do to purposely create tension and irritate people? or are they actually as stupid and oblivious as they come off? there are obvious, clear things that will piss me off, and not necesarily stuff that only applies to me, stuff that would rub ANYONE the wrong way, so why would you go out of your way to shove something in my face to make me this frustrated? why would you come up to me and say something stupid, that would lower my spirits, and act like a totaly airheaded idiot? do you want me to be mad at you? because god knows that you get agitated easily and god forbid someone did something like this to you, you'd be just as frustrated as i am. sometimes people step over the line, and i hope that you know enough not to exaserbate the situation further by exceeding the limits you've already pushed. brie84b983g4823y498giugu89348923gh482g94g82g89WHATTHEFUCKAREUTHINKING?rieb79wgh9889h45hio4h5o3.





and thats enough of my rants for now. i had to get that out.
"cuz everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dave matthews band

2 . | ..


briggs17

:: 2005 3 February :: 9.10pm

...before i lose all my emotions this entry is dedicated 100% to my basketball so for all of u not interested..leave now or shut the fuck up..

...altho there are no real words to describe exactly how i feel nor do any even come remotely close.....i'll give it a shot..no pun intended

todays game sucked for sure..sooo close then we just didnt finish it..our season overall was a good one...our record did not show whatsoever how amazing our team was and we had soooooooooo much talent that we didnt even kno wat the hell to do with it...when times got rough we had eachother...we were always there for each other and thats all that matters...like cozza said..we're one of the bst teams he's ever had..and cmon now we're historic..we were undefeated before winter break...we'll always have that to brag about....the dynamics of all of us and the way we played together....couldnt have asked for better....

i...i can say, despite wat i might have said during the season at times....that i was so truley happy practically everyday...and the reason i always got up in the morning ..is cuz i always had my girls and cozza to look forward to..i knew laur and me would be partners automatically..i looked forward to the way the gym smelled and the feeling of pure exhaustion and not wanting to go on but really knowing i was only whining to hear my voice...cuz either way gersh was ganna make my ass get up..

the frreshman..the 8th graders the friggin 7th grader....i trust them all...they would always be there trying to make me smile when things were down or they saw i wasnt my normal hyper loud self...it was just this security i had..i knew i would eventually crack outta my mood and be happy and forget about n e thing that was pissing me off....i had my team, my sophs...every1....and now it like hit me that im never going to play with all these girls ever again...and it just plain sucks...because i love each and every one of them soo much in their own way..whether i make fun or act mean towards them they always know i cared..

and cozza..i dont even know where to begin..he's like my 3 month best friend..like, whether it be advice w. guyz or b ball help he was there and gave it all..the most genuine compassionate man I have ever met in my life...he, i must say, was truly the reason the season was as memorable and amazing as it was..he was that spark....i cant even explain...like, after a bad game and him yelling at me id be soooo mad for about..6 minutes then id just smile and brush it off cuz i kno i cant stay mad at someone i love so fucking much.....and the fact that im not ganna ever be on his team again...it just gets me cuz he was always there..and im sure he still will be in a way, but he has other things and so do we all..nd i hate that feeling..that loss....cozza was my rock on which i build my foundation of my love of basketball on. it's as simple as that. or perhaps not simple at all.


about next yr--only God knows right now..we'll see....life takes very unexpected turns...so im not deciding n e thing now....i just hope this one thing comes through....i need it.

...life goes on.....even if bball doesnt.........i can say it..i wish i could believe it now.....HEYY LACROSSE TIME!!!!!!!!!<3<3 ------<#)

EGSaturn: i still havent showerd so i have to go but i just want to tell you how much i love youuuu
EGSaturn: and that i will pop a cap in your ass if you dont play next year

Awwbaby628: i cant even put it into words
Awwbaby628: being part of something that great
Awwbaby628: its just sad


Buggyb678: dear briggy-,you were an amazing captain..haha...i love it when u sayy stuff outloud on the court..then u turn 2 see if cozz. heard it..u are 1 of the greatest captains i have ever had!! and i love u sooo much...and i couldnt have asked for a better season...love, alyssa!

Oppie7777: ah ur depressing me...iim thinking about last year bball and all u girls and cozz and "cant we try" cause ur icon reminds me of that song for some reason and how crazy we were and how much i fucking love you!

b e c k w 4: you elder ones are to emotional...be optimistic, now you get to play with all these cool older kids..and you'll be the youngest on the team...trust me, its not that bad ;-)

b e c k w 4: even though we dont play together anymore im gunna still write notes on the chalk board for you :-)

..frum their heart to mine<3....i am finally left silent

God Bless,
<3BriGgy<---


dmlxoxo

:: 2005 3 February :: 7.01pm
:: Music: roll to me- del amitri

just some stuff.....
some things you know about me if you know me well:
1. i know what i want.
2. i know where i want to be and how i want to get there.
3. i know the type of people i like to be surrounded by.
4. i know what i believe in and i dont sell out those beliefs for anyone else.
5. i know myself. and i know myself damn well.



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....but sometimes i wish i just knew were i was supposed to end up. im all for the whole "you create where you're going, where you are, and where you end up" thing, but at the same time, i feel like theres a place where we're all destined to end up, and just having this idea back in the way back of my mind all the time, makes me wonder if sometimes the things i do, the things i say, the way i act or carry myself, is wrong, or is going to make me take a wrong turn. and this may be stupid and it may be a contradiction of myself, since what i said was that we all have a life thats been predetermined, im still always hesitant, thinking that what i do is going to mess up how things are "supposed" to be.


and then again, along the same lines as what i was just talking about, i wish that there would be some way to know whats going to happen. rreading through my past entries always makes me dig deep inside myself where i find stuff like these queries. i read one before where i had been mad at john for not hanging out with me, and the last part of that entry is about me finding someone, because theyre out there- around the next corner or a couple years down the road of life, i have no idea, but what i do know, is that theyre out there, and thats for sure. and its things like that, that i anxiously await, that i wish i could see the map of my life to find out how many more mistakes i have to make, how many more times i have to hurt myself, hurt other people, how many more wrong people there have to be before i find someone whos right. and i wish i could know if i were wasting my time on stupid nothings that will never amount to anything. i wish i could know if all this time ive been holding myself back for nothing, when i may have missed a sea of opportunities. and in that sea of opportunities, may have been what i was always looking for. but sitting here and going through every "what if" i can think of wont do me any good, because no matter how much i put my heart and my mind into the things i wish for, life is a mystery until you've lived it. presents and futures become pasts quicker than we realize. but like they say, a watched pot never boils, and sitting here waiting, wishing, drags seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to eternities.

"life is a mystery until you've lived it."-----but my question is, how do you know if you're living it right?

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