cutie2187
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2004 2 March :: 8.42pm
i had a good day but i fee shitty and i need to talk to mike and he might visit me tomorrow....im so sick of people...oh wellz...
i got this from someones journal and i liked it...
oh i throw it all away,
like throwing faces at the sky,
like throwing arms around yesterday.
i stood and stared
wide-eyed in front of you,
and the face i saw looked back
the way i wanted to,
but i just can't hold my tears away
the way you do.
...believe i never wanted this.
i thought this time i'd keep all of my promises.
i thought you were the girl i always dreamed about,
but i let the dream go,
and the promises broke
and the make-believe ran out...
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babaloo181
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2004 2 March :: 7.52pm
here's tonite's song..
The Heart Of The Matter
by Don Henley
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
You know it doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you, baby; 'cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
The fun girl
Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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babaloo181
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2004 2 March :: 7.50pm
hmm...found this on someone's journal and thought it was ..... thought-provoking? sure that's the word..
> > > > > Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk
> > > > > who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who
> > > > > worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner,
> > > > > help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious
> > > > > moments with her children.
> > > > >
> > > > > Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested
> > > > > young man who can't make change correctly is a worried
> > > > > 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over
> > > > > final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for
> > > > > next semester.
> > > > >
> > > > > Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money
> > > > > in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is
> > > > > a slave to addictions that we can only imagine
>in
> > > > > our worst nightmares.
> > > > >
> > > > > Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly
> > > > > slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping
> > > > > progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the
> > > > > biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last
> > > > > year that they go shopping together.
> > > > >
> > > > > Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you
> > > > > give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share
> > > > > that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to
>just
> > > > > those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow
to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and
love.
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babaloo181
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2004 2 March :: 7.43pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: stop by plain white t's
eh..
well..today was a purdy good day...got to kiss colin...yummo.....hehe im sure u needed to know that....agh...somehow im not as happy as i should be....i think that has to do wit spanish guy......god that guy always manages to bring me down..no matter how happy i am he always manages to make me feel like shit...like i've done something so terrible that i should feel guilty as fuck....agh! it pisses me off cuz he's the one that ended things....and im glad he did cuz i was over him before he did...but i just didnt have the balls to end it....and now he's all like "u dont care about me anymore?" and im like wtf!!! agh....i seriously wish i had never gone out wit that kid...i mean i hate making him feel bad....he keeps askin me questions he knows the answer to....i hate hurting ppls feelings...it sucks...the guilt kills me. ok well on to lighter news before i explode....i saw jovan...and somehow he knows bout colin...haha i thought that was strange...he comes up to me and he's like hey sweetie! im like hey jovan....and he gave me a hug and he's like so how's ur bf? i was like um..he's good....hehe then he told me i smell good and he tried to sniff me...i was a wee bit scared hehe. then he presented me to his friend as .. and i quote.."his middle-school sweetheart" haha..i wanted to be like yea u forgot the part where u cheated on me like fifty bazillion times...but good job. hehe so ya...colin called me today....he's so sweet....im so happy wit him..i really hope this lasts longer than just like a month...i think it will...we have a lot in common..haha same dorkyness...and stupid sense of humor...hehe. i dunno i guess we'll see. im just glad things worked out...i liked a guy and he liked me back....what a wonderful thing hehe. ok ima go...bye u guys.
tonite's song: heart of the matter..by some guy..ill post the lyrics later or something
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babaloo181
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2004 1 March :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: hands down by dashboard confessional
keepin it short....
hmm....great day...colin's adorable...spanish guy sucks.....here's a great song hehe
Stay With Me
by Finch
Once again your eyes
Make it hard to say goodbye
So I'll just keep driving
Where you wanna go
It doesn't really matter
As long as you are here with me
With me
With me
Whoooa
There's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive
And I said whoooa
What were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now
Once again your eyes
Make it hard to ask you why
So I sit here knuckles tight
Hands against the wheel
Your head against the glass
And you mean so much to me
To me
To me
Whoooa
There's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive
And I said whooa
What were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special
Stay with me
Cigarettes in open air
Hand in hand
And I said stay with me
Cause every star that I see
Is brighter than the last
So stay with me
Cigarettes in open air
Hand in hand
And I said stay with me
Cause every star that I see
Is brighter than the last
So stay with me
Cigarettes in open air
Hand in hand
And I said stay with me
Cause every star that I see
Is brighter than the last
So stay with me
Cigarettes in open air
Hand in hand
And I said stay with me
Cause every star that I see
Is brighter than the last
So stay with me...
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cutie2187
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2004 1 March :: 6.10pm
Thanx mike for the song!
SYSTEM OF A DOWN
"The Metro"
I'm alone
Sitting with my broken glass
My four walls
Follow me through my past
I was on a Paris train
I emerged in London rain
And you were waiting there
Swimming through apologies
I remember searching for the perfect words
I was hoping you might change your mind
I remember a soldier standing next to me
Riding on The Metro
I was smiling as you took my hand
Saw the moon
We spoke in France
You passed with shallow words
Years have passed and still the hurt
You passed with shallow words
Years have passed and still the hurt
I can see you now
Smiling as I pulled away
Sorry
I remember the letter wrinkled in my hand
"I'll love you always" filled my eyes
I remember the night we walked along the sea
Riding on The Metro
I remember a feeling coming over me
Then the soldier turned and walked away
Fuck you for loving me
Riding on The Metro
ahhh
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babaloo181
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2004 29 February :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: flirty
:: Music: number 6 on the dashboard confessional cd
googly moogly! hehe
*sigh* what a great day! well..ok so i get there at like 5 and we go up the escalator and buy our tickets....i forced him to let me pay for myself..hehe after some persuading he let me do so....blah blah...we went to the cd store but he didnt buy anything....then we went to the movie theater where we picked a nice lil corner to sit in. well so ya we sit down and i grab his hand... and he's like u wanna put the armrest up? and im like okie dokie...so ya we do.....then we watch the previews...and laugh and blah blah...so ya we're all cuddly....movie starts..purdy funny movie....very...um..sexy? hehe yes lots of humping that supposedly qualified as "dancin" hehe....i started playin wit his hair..it was soooo soft...he said i was makin him sleepy hehe..so ya im sittin there playin wit his hair and he puts his head on my shoulder it was soooo sweet.....aww...hehe u know what he told me? he's like the other day i was sittin in ap euro...and i was like resting my head on my arm...and my arm smelled like u! i was like aww..thaimi's with me everywhere i go...hehe i was like awwww that's so cute! and then he kept tellin me how good i smelled..hehe and he kept commenting on how hot patrick swayze was for an old man...hahahah and how he'd do ben affleck if given the chance...haha he kept tryin to make me look at him funny hehe then later....he put his arm around me so i had my head resting on his chest and he was like runnin his fingers through my hair....it was so cutieful! hehe so ya we're like flirtin...he starts bitin me and ticklin my ears...which causes me to like scream! hehe..so ya...then i just kinda look up at him and he leans in and kisses me...it was sooooo sweet! so ya we kissed for a lil bit....then we cuddled some more....and it went like that for a lil bit...till the movie ended...haha it was kinda funny cuz just as the movie was endin we kissed again...and all of a sudden i open my eyes and the lights r on and im like oh crap! hehe so ya i stopped and he's like ooh whoops the movie's over.....hehehe so ya then we left....and he was hungry but none of the stores were open! i think it was cuz it's a sunday so they all close early or somethin...but w/e we foudn this ice cream place and he got a cookies n' cream ice cream cone and i got a rocky road ice cream cone...haha i warned him that i was prolly gonna get it alll over myself....and guess what? i did...hehe he laughed at me and he like wiped it off my cheek....haha that's rite MY CHEEK! hehe he even licked me! hahaha! i was like oh god! hahah there was this like painting in back of us where we were sittin and it said these french words on it "c'est juste parfait" and he tried to pronounce it....HAHA OMG IT WAS PRICCELESS! hehe so ya i taught him how to say it....and it means it's just perfect.....btw. hehe so ya we spent like 15 min there...then we went outside to the pay phone and started dialin some random sex chatlines...haha which he apparently knew like rite off the top of his head btw...hahaha then his dad showed up...his dad is awesome! he's purdy funny...so ya they waited wit me till my step dad got there..so i gave colin a hug told his dad it was nice meetin u...and went home..hehe and here i am....talkin to u bout it.....hehe i notice i always say u as if it's only one person....although it's purdy much like one person who reads this anywayz....hehe alritey well im done.....buhz byez pplz nitey nite.....enjoy as cesar would say haha
tonite's song: love song by 311 from 50 first dates....such a cute song!
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babaloo181
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2004 29 February :: 12.23pm
can't wait till tonite! whoopee! hah yara went to see dirty dancin last nite and said it was so sad that bianka and tania cried! haha i told colin and look...he's so cute!
babaloo181: my friend went and saw dirty dancing yesterday..she says it has a sad ending and that the ppls she went to see it wit were cryin
Happypunkjew09: lol
Happypunkjew09: i hope i don't cry
babaloo181: hahaha
babaloo181: i was just bout to say if i cry im sorry
babaloo181: haha
Happypunkjew09: i'm a big softie
babaloo181: hehe
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babaloo181
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2004 28 February :: 8.37pm
haha just found out that dirty dancing: HAVANA nights....was actually filmed in puerto rico! hahaha considering all the puerto rican/cuban rivalry that goes on all the time...i found this to be quite amusing....hehe....dont mind me...guess u have to be either cuban or puerto rican to understand...im out peace :P
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babaloo181
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2004 28 February :: 6.50pm
ay ay ay...so much drama in this world......ppl need to be nicer to each other..and more aware of other ppls feelings. u know....i found this quote the other day it said something like "love is the only thing that can make one man jump for joy while bringing another man down to his knees." i dont know....it's just..agh...ppl rn't as caring and sympathetic as they need to be...look around u'd be surprised just how much someone cares about u....agh i dont know...ppl can be so clueless sometimes..as to how they're making others feel...it's sad really..ignorance that is....while one person is falling apart....the other goes about their merry life...with no worries...guess that's y "ignorance is bliss"
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cutie2187
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2004 28 February :: 4.11pm
new poem i wrote....
Untitled
Nothing can heal these scars
Scars that have been created physically and emotionally
I don't even know if they are intentional or on mistake anymore
It happens too often
My personal demons are coming out again
I can't think straight and emotions are taking over
I'm created from self destruction
The only thing I'm good at is creating mistakes
I'm here left wth my shame
I'm lost and I don't know where i am
I don't know who I am
I need to be found
hmm im really ammused right now....if i called a carrie a bitch i would say it to her face...i have enough balls to do it...so there...done....anywho it amuses me how nick and carrie went to the mall last night...its funny cause mike told me that they werent supposed to go out and then mikle told them we were and look who was at the mall...its funny how they love to push my buttons...and now they both ride my bus...hmm its nice me being the center of there world since all they can do is find ways to get me mad...hehe its great...amusses me how i dont give a fuck and that pisses them off...no one will ever see me break.....so it wont work....anywho tday was a blast so was last night...me and jen are cookie pies...i wish i could be as confortable as i am with cesar and alex...its weird...then today me marcos olivia jerrica went to the hcc sat workshop.......omg hotties and i was getting checked out but i couldnt do anything cause marcos was there...FUCK!...hehe anywho im sleepy...tomorrow im getting cloths...i think not sure...me and olivia will look cute at the induction....i got marcos to come and watch me and im like aww...i thikn i got jerrica too..who knows who is goiung to come see me...but i will trip and fall on my ass i tell you...im going to get black pants with pinstrips and wear a white collered shirt with a black tie and then black heels...i know heels on donna but i got to do it...hehe oh wellz...i got to go cause alex is here and my grandparents are coming0...so bye bye bye...
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babaloo181
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2004 27 February :: 6.48pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: spongebob squarepants theme song in the background hehe
brrrrr! cold!
omg today was soooooooo frio! i was like dyin it was soo cold. well in the mornin colin came and he went to grab my hand and he's like "JESUS THAIMI! UR HANDS R FREEZING!" haha......my hands were soooooooooooo cold! and his were so warm. as we were walkin he would put both my hands in his and just like rub em together to make em warm...i was like aww how cute....i think he's been tryin to kiss me lately but i haven't let him hehe. cuz like he'll go in for a kiss and i kinda move a lil bit so he'll kiss my cheek.....thing is i dont want our first kiss to be at school in the middle of the hallway...it's just so....public! hehe so ya i think it'll happen this weekend....we're gonna go see dirty dancing. my mommy said it was ok so yay. i got a 100 on my gast notebook check! i was like yayyy! and i have an 88.27 in that class...which means i am on my way to an A baby oh yea! haha.....omg this weekend i have to do my group english proj. somehow....and i have to get my timeline started and do my euro extra credit...i need to get an A! grr..i need colin to come online cuz he was sposed to ask his dad if he was willin to drive to westshore. ooh i stayed after school today wit kelly and we went over some stuff...haha it was funny cuz we had to get out of ms sager's room cuz they said somethin bout if we're on school premises it's considered trespassing....some new law they just started enforcing....anywayz....we leave the room and it automatically locks itself....and then kelly realizes she left her cell phone in there! so we go back in the school and ask this janitor to open the door for us but he didnt speak eng and i was like oh no prob i speak spanish..so blah blah i told him and he opened the door for us...but haha when we're walkin out kelly's like....wow ur handy to have around hehe... iwas like haha! and she's like wow see? if he woulda talked eng u woulda understood him....span....u understood him..french u still woulda understood him....and im like yep and if by any chance he happened to be the pope i could talk to him in latin baby! hehe and she goes..oh yea u know cuz the pope would be a janitor at our school hahahaha. omg it was priceless. but ya i had to stay outside till like 4 30 and omg que frio! i almost died...there were these ppls cuddlin in front of the school....i was like damnit i need someone warm! where's colin when i need him!? hehe...alritey well ima go do some unimportant things....buhz byez ppls
tonite's song: read your mind by avant
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babaloo181
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2004 27 February :: 6.02pm
You'll Think Of Me
by Keith Urban
I woke up this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been trying my best to get along
But that's okay there's nothing left to say but
CHORUS
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I dont need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So
(Repeat chorus)
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
(Repeat chorus twice)
And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday
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Breathe
by Melissa Etheridge
I played the fool today
And I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I buried in you
I'm all right, I'm all right
It only hurts when I breathe
I can't ask for things to be still again
I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I buried in you
I'm all right, I'm all right
It only hurts when I breathe
I'm all right, I'm all right
It only hurts when I breathe
My window through which nothing hides
And everything sings
'Cause I'm counting the signs
Cursing the miles in between
Home is a feeling I buried in you
I'm all right, I'm all right
It only hurts when I breathe
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cutie2187
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2004 26 February :: 8.24pm
anywho...today umm doesnt umm matter....OMG I GOT INTO FUCKING NJS!!!! wow go me.....im done...it surprises me how my work is finally paying off...whoopy...hehe...i was soo excited to tell some people....i screamed it out when i finally saw jerrica and everyone stared at me like i was nuts...hehe it was great...then i told thaimi and i felt bad cause she didnt get in..how the fuck do i get in and she doesnt....beats me...oh wellz....saturday i have the sat thing at hcc and i need to ask about the college placement test....tomorrow night im supposed to go out somewhere...cant remember where or what...hehe sux for me...ill figure it out...then sunday im going shopping for my outfit for the induction ceremony...i need black pants and a black shirt..im supposed to wear a black or white dress but i think some dress pants will look fine...oh wellz i dont care...screw them.....and im going to go see the passion with my mommy... im kinda scared...i dont know how ill respond to all that...oh wellz we will see sunday.....ill be crying like a baby at the theater...im counting down the days mike comes back...he has been in oss for 4 days tomorrow and then 6 days left....hehe....okay so what else happened today oh yea i didnt get jr class treasurer...oh wellz...hehe screw people...i hate them....anywho....im hungry and i want ice cream like coo coo...i want to paint my nails...cause i ruined the black...im itchy....damn it...my leg is itchy...i cant wait till this summer....excitement...ill tell everyone about it tomorrow...im too lazy to type that much....plus i know what i want to be when i grow up...hehe tomorrow....ahhh i got a lil crush on two guys in my class actually three but he is gone right now....he needs to get his ass back to school..oh wellz....well im going to go...people to talk to...bye bye
update::: now im now im not allowed to talk to certain people.....fuck im sick of her controlling me like im a damn puppet....crystal seriously needs to move on from her little jealousy shit...im tired of it all...she is exactly like my dad...she can just go shove it....man fuck it
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babaloo181
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2004 25 February :: 8.02pm
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: perfect for you by plain white t's
a bunch of mumbo jumbo.....PREPARE!
haha guess what happened to me today?! well.....u guys know how im all retardedly ticklish on my ears?...well if u didnt ... u do now...well donna comes during my lunch and she starts messin wit my ears and i start like screaming and movin all around.....before u know it.....i banged my head on the concrete patio table! ooh it hurt sooo bad! so needless to say my head got like super swollen....haha it was purdy funny cuz all u heard was "KAPLUNK!" haha....but u wanna know what was adorable?....well colin walked me to latin and then he gave me a hug...and he kissed my boo boo on my forehead...i was like awwwww hehe.....ya and then all through lunch he held my hand..it was so cutieful..grr tomorrow i dont eat lunch wit him....cuz i gotta go practice for latin forum...grr oh wellz...argh spanish guy made me feel like shit again...he always does that....w/e fuck him....im happy so deal wit it ass.....hehe okies well im purdy much done...ima log off in bout a half hour to watch american idol..which btw i missed last nite grr! but that's ok cuz i was talkin to colin...okies now im goin for real hehe bye
tonite's song: i can love you like that by john michael montgomery
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