Well if you wanted honesty, That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
For photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but still don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

wish you were really here listening to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this I'm okay!
(Trust me.)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

Another Pointless Survey
What time did you get up this morning?
:: 6:30
Diamonds or pearls?
:: Diamonds
What was the last film you saw at the movies?
:: The Incredibles
What is your favorite TV show?
:: The O.C., 24, Desperate Housewives, Rescue Me, ahhh
What did you have for breakfast?
:: Coffee
What is your middle name?
:: Anthony
Favorite cuisine?
:: Italian, more specific... I'm a lasagna critic!
What foods do you dislike?
:: Not sure, I'm pretty open-minded about food.
What is your favorite flavor?
:: Orange or Cherry
What is your favorite CD at the moment?
:: Hmm... Sum 41 - Chuck & The Game - The Documentary
What kind of car do you drive?
:: White 2003 Acura RSX Type-S, It's turbocharged too.
Favorite sandwich?
:: The Subway Club with everything but hot peppers
What characteristic do you despise?
:: Scandalous acts
Favorite item of clothing?
:: Hmm, I like all clothing... but probably shoes, and maybe hats.
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
:: Italy and Europe
What color is your bathroom?
:: White and Red (Like my room)
Favorite brand of clothing?
:: Hmm... I wear different skate, snow, surf, mx, yah...
Where would you retire to?
:: The beach, if I don't already live there.
Favorite time of the day?
:: Happy Hour! HAHA
What was your most memorable birthday?
:: So far, my 20th... My 21st was pretty boring (I was sick) but I'm hoping to blow the 20th out of the water with a huge bash for my 22nd.
Where were you born?
:: San Bernardino
Favorite sport to watch?
:: Football
Who do you least expect to fill this out?
:: Probably Joe
Person you expect to fill this out first?
:: Lauren
What fabric detergent do you use?
:: I dont know
Are you a morning person or a night person?
:: totally a night person
What is your shoe size?
:: 10 and a half... but i try and squeeze into 10 and smaller cuz I hate when my feet look so big
Do you have any pets?
:: we have 3 dogs... Zach, Kobe and Bacardi (guess which one is mine...)
Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family and friends?
:: i want to have a MASSIVE party for my 22nd bday, an having EVERYONE come... EVERYONE!
What did you want to be when you were little?
:: Doctor, Fireman, Actor, Spaceman... haha
What are you doing today?
:: work, sitting on my ass, and hopefully something fun

maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here
maybe I'd find out nothing new
maybe I'd end up just like you

there's no solution
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

this constant pressure that keeps hanging over me
it makes me feel so empty
it's more than anything that I could ever be
what else could you take from me
it's getting harder to relate
don't want to make the same mistakes

there's no solution
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

it took me so long to find out it's right
there in front of me
too close to see
what I thought was true
I see right through what's killing you

there's no solution
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
(am I out of my mind)
just take me far from here
maybe I'd find out nothing new
maybe I'd end up just like you
(am I out of my mind)

So here we are
We are alone
This weight on your mind
I wanna know
The truth
That this is how you feel
Say it to me
That this was ever real

[chorus]
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me

I want the truth
So this is you
Your talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So Im not hurt when your not around
I was blind
But now I see this is how you feel
Say it to me
That this was ever real

[chorus]

I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
Gotta say whats on your mind
On your mind x 2

I know that it will hurt me
And break my heart and soul inside
I don't wana live this life

[chorus]

I don't care no more no
Give me the truth x2
Cuz I don't care no more
Give me the truth
Cuz I don't care no more no
Give me the truth x 5
Cuz I don't care no more no

"Fuck it all!
Fuck this world!
Fuck everything that you stand for!
Don't belong!
Don't exist!
Don't give a shit!"

You know what... I'm fucking pissed off right now... I am sitting here talking to my cousin and a friend of mine (both female) and they are both having guy problems... I sit here trying to help them out but it's so hard because both just need to break the fuck up with them... I swear to all girls out there if you are fighting/hurting/crying with/from/over him 40% of the time you are with them, then its probably just going to get worst. The reason I say that is because if you guys have fights and whatever that is normal, but if its too often it's not good for you, and guys aren't perfect but there are some out there that will treat you way better than what your going through now. There are guys out there that aren't such idiots that do understand and know what they have. There are guys out there that wouldn't even think about treating you like these dickheads do, guys that are willing to do anything for you.

Ya I know your wondering where this is coming from, so I will tell you... I am sick of relationships where the guy gets to get away with almost anything and the girl stays with him, most of this is jealously because I treated my ex perfect (to an extent) and I put up with so much shit from her and yet she still dumped me. Our breakup wasn't over anything that I did, it was her thinking that she had to do this because she had no other relationships but me, so I can understand but still why would you leave someone that was so great to you? So there, it just pisses me off that outta all these girls the ones that get with the assholes will put up with anything and then me, one of the non-assholes gets with the very few girls that will treat a guy like shit.... What is wrong with females anyway? Get a clue!

Yah so now you should understand the new theme of my journal...Eminem? Hater of females? Divorce papers? Yah get it.

Peace

They call me superman, leap tall hoes in a single bound
I'm single now, got no ring on this finger now
I'd never let another chick bring me down, in a relationship
Save it bitch, babysit, you make me sick
Superman ain't savin' shit, girl you can jump on Shady's dick
Straight from the hip, cut to the chase,
I tell a muthafuckin' slut, to her face
Play no games, say no names,
ever since I broke up with what's her face
I'm a different man, kiss my ass, kiss my lips, bitch why ask
Kiss my dick, get my cash, i'd rather have you whip my ass
Don't put out, i'll put you out, won't get out, i'll push you out
Puss blew out, poppin' shit, wouldn't piss on fire to put you out
Am I too nice, buy you ice, bitch if you died, I wouldn't buy you life
What you tryin' to be my new wife,
what you Mariah, fly through twice...

But I do know one thing though, bitches, they come they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday yo'
Maybe i'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow
Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho'...

Don't get me wrong, I love these ho's
It's no secret, everybody knows
Yeah we fucked, bitch so what,
that's about as far as your buddy goes
We'll be friends, i'll call you again,
i'll chase you around every bar you attend
Never know what kind of car i'll be in,
we'll see how much you'll be partying then
You don't want that, neither do I,
I don't want to flip when I see you with guys
Too much pride, between you and I
Not a jealous man, but females lie
But I guess that's just what sluts do,
how could it ever be just us two
I'd never love you enough to trust you,
we just met and I just fucked you...

Eddie?

Okay so I have the following convo via text message yesterday:

Unknown: Hey Sup?
Me: Who Dis?
Unknown: Eddie
Me: Oh hey what up?
Eddie: nothing much, you?
Me: just got off work
Eddie: i love working woman
Me: woman?
Eddie: your a woman to me
Me: haha
Eddie: i have some bad news, call me later and ill tell you
Me: why can't you tell me now?
Eddie: i can, looks like i am going on that 30 day trip
Me: why is that bad news?
Eddie: because we wont be able to talk for 30 days
Me: its not like we really talk anyway
Eddie: true...

I think that was it...

So then today i get this:

Eddie: hey sup?
Me: nothing
Eddie: wait who is this?
Me: KEVIN
Eddie: do i know you?
Me: (at this point im thinking this anit eddie, so i check his number in kyles phone, and its not) I guess not
Eddie: oh im sorry someone gave me the wrong number
Me: just curious, where is your area code?
Eddie: chicago
Me: wow, someone gave you a number for southern cali
Eddie: nah, she just messed up on the last for numbers
Me: oh okay, good luck

SOOOO FREAKING WEIRD, cuz i thought it was Eddie from Wyoming, i thought it was weird that he said the working woman thing, i just thought he was messing with me. haha anyway me and kyle were cracking up over it so i decided to share.

Peace.

Firsts & Lasts

::::FIRSTS::::

-First Car: That was mine: '85 Civic Hatch
-First real kiss: French: Sarah, On Lips: Shannon
-First Break Up: Allison, Haha, me and Shannon never really broke up.
-First screen name: krandall13? I think wow, but I have had so many!
-First self purchased album: Probably Aerosmith - Get a Grip
-First funeral: That I remember: My Aunt Cheri, RIP
-First pets: Joanna, my hamster.
-First piercing/tattoo: Piercing: Ears at 19 or 20?, Tattoo: Kanji symbol at 21
-First credit card: Visa at 18?
-First true love: Sounds bad, but I think I have told most girls I have been with that I love them, but they did too, the word is miss-used ALOT, but yah I did love one girl.
-First enemy: I don't have enemies, if they don't like me then whatever, but I don't dislike anyone.
-First big trip: Cross country trip with family, I think I was 11.
-First orgasim: The first time I masterbated.
-First time having sex: I was 18, four months before my birthday.
-First illegal drug taken: Weed, don't remember when but I think I was 19, which was also my age when I first drank.


::::LASTS::::

-Last car ride was with: My mom, going to work this morning.
-Last kiss: Kissing my ex on the forehead as I said good bye for the last time.
-Last good cry: Last friday at my Grandpa's Funeral, RIP gramps!
-Last beverage drank: Just drank 2 cups of coffee here at work.
-Last food consumed: Last night's dinner, Mrs. Rich brought it for us, Thanks!
-Last crush: Hmm, I'm sorta like crushing on 3 different girls right now lol.
-Last person called: My brother
-Last shoes worn: White with Red "E" Etnies, I love Etnies!
-Last item bought: Yesterday I bought: Young Buck, Lloyd Banks, Stat Quo Mixtape, DJ Green Lantern Mixtape, and 3 Alpinestars Hats (a yellow, green, and sliver)
-Last annoyance: Yesterday one way home from work.
-Last time wanting to die: Haha
-Last time scolded: LOL scolded? Um, I don't remember
-Last time you argued with someone: Can't remember
-Last time you orgasmed: HAHA last night
-Last person you saw: My mom here at work

Just Some Gibberish

Got "The Game" cd yesterday, its damn good, this adds another guy to my list of rappers that I have to buy... Everyone from Aftermath/Shady/G-Unit and then theres Redman & Method Man... Anyway The Game's cd is 'off the chain' he has 50 Cent on like 4 tracks with him and Eminem is on one with him too. You should check it out if you in to Rap.

So yah Valentines day is round the corner, and so is my birthday... I love being born in the same month as V-Day, and Black History month... I share my b-day with the co-founder of the NAACP... And since this is gonna be my first V-day without a girlfriend since 1998 (freshman year) I think I'm gonna buy my mom and grandmas flowers or something, I dont know... oh well...

Okay here I have to use names so that you can understand the relation because its pretty confusing... Before Kristi was Allison, but that was back in 99-00... Allison has a brother named Aaron that is my brother's age... Aaron, Kyle (my brother), Cameron, and all of our friends all used to hang out at some point or another. Anyway since me and Allison broke up back in 00 I don't think we really hung out with Aaron anymore even though Kyle probably still talked to him just not that much. Oh yah Allison and Aaron lived two streets over from us, and Cameron lived down the street almost from us. Our small world, most of the guys we hung out with in Jr. High ended up knowing Kristi once we all went to high school, she came from the other Jr. High and lived at the very base of the mountain in our city.

Anyway, so they all knew each other independently as opposed to being introduced by us. So when me and Kristi broke up I found out when we got back together that she slept with Cameron... At that time when I was with her I didn't mind because we were broken up, but I didn't want to see him because it would be too weird.

Kyle and JD got invited to hang out at Aaron's with Cameron there this weekend and I didn't mind, and would have gone. Its seems wierd because he did sleep with her, but since I dont ever plan on getting back with her it shouldn't matter, plus props to him for scoring and screw her for screwing a guy I used to hang out with. Right?

Anyway I know that was outta left field, but now I'm talking to that girl I had a crush on in high school, and she is having problems with her boyfriend and wants advice... Right..... My advice, break up with him, date me!

HAHA

Peace.

"If there's any bitches in this room, then there's something I gotta say
For all the fools who fell for the first girl who comes their way
I've been down that road and now I'm back, sittin' on square one
Tryna pick myself up where I started from...

...I never woulda thought that I'd see you outta control
Even though my penis was deep down in your hole
You should know between us we was like mates to soul
Nothing could intervene us, especially no hoes...

...I never thought I'd find someone to be mine
Lord knows I was right cuz you just crossed the line...


...I used to say I never met a girl like you before
Still ain't got a fuckin' clue as to who you truly are...
...Now I just feel stupid for the loop that you threw me for
Can't believe I almost flew the coop for some stupid whore
You used to say all you wanted was for me to be yours...
...You started getting moody on me, pretty soon we'd argue...
...Cupid could shoot another one of them God damn darts at me
It's true that I got shot in the heart
But when someone seems too good to be true, they usually are
But see, when you're in it it's too hard to see...

...In most cases, Stat's attitude is fuck-a-bitch
My only motive is to get head and fuck a bitch
But you was different, thought we shared a covenant
Even held your hand in public, we sufferin' because of this
Shorty on some whole 'notha other shit
Tryna play sick thinkin' i'mma trick off rick
I'll admit, I was caught in the mix, down to commit
Feed you the best of me, I shoulda fed you piss
We started off closer than close
But who coulda predicted to know, your triflin' ways woulda stopped our growth
And the final result, back in that same boat
I ask myself, do I love these hoes? NO!...

Four Element Tattoos
I was thinking that Kyle (my brother), Joe, Tom (Joe's brother), and me should all get a tattoo symbolizing a different element, and it would sort of bond all of us. We talked a little about it but here is just something I came up with.

Well here are the four elements and definations:

Fire: (Kevin)

Definition: Alchemical symbol for fire. One of the four alchemical elements, Fire has the properties hot and dry, and symbolizes emotions. In alchemical tradition, the elemental spirits of fire are Salamanders.

Water: (Tom)

Definition: One of the four alchemical elements, water has the properties cold and moist, and symbolizes intuition. In ritual magick and Wicca, the elemental spirits of water are Undines.

Air: (Joe)

Definition: Alchemical symbol for air. One of the four alchemical elements, Air has the qualities of coolness and dryness, associations with breath, life, communication, and the holy spirit. In the Latin Alchemical language, it is Flatus, gas. In Ritual Magick and Kabbalah, it is the element overseen by the Archangel, Raphael. The ruler of Air is Peralda, and the elemental spirits associated with air are Sylphs. In Astrology, it rules the signs Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra. The elemental sybols are derived from the hexagram.

Earth: (Kyle)

Definition: Alchemical symbol for earth. One of the four alchemical elements, earth has the properties cold and dry, and symbolizes physical sensation. In esoteric tradition, earth represents the manifestation of matter.

and here is kind of what I was thinking....

Fire:
Water:
Air:
Earth:

Of course you can make yours however you want but this was just a thought, and Joe is the only one that claimed air, after reading fire I was surprized to see it mention emotion... Tom and Kyle just kind of picked like they didn't care, then again me and Joe don't think they will do it anyway.

Bro's before Hoe's

Well tonight while we were all hanging out Jacob came over and hung out and everything was normal and everything is straight. That bitch thought that my bro would abandon me but he isn't stupid, like her.

Happy because tomorrow I think we are gonna be celebrating the Birthday of Martin Luther King Jr. by having some carne asada and drinking some beers.

Peace.

Kevin

Fill it out!

I _____ Kevin.
Kevin is _____.
Kevin thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Kevin.
If I were alone in a room with Kevin, _____.
Kevin needs _____.
I want to ____ Kevin.
Someday Kevin will _____.
Kevin reminds me of _____.
Without Kevin, _____.
Memories of Kevin are _____.
Kevin can be _____.
_____ is how I describe meeting Kevin.
Worst thing about Kevin is _____.
Best thing about Kevin is _____.
I am ________ with Kevin.
If I could describe Kevin in a word: _______.

Peace