Random confessions of a song writer

Random confessions of a song writer

:: 2006 20 July :: 7.37pm

TEN EMOTIONS.
1. are you missing someone right now?: Yes
2. are you happy: somewhat i guess
3. are you talking to anyone right now: Yes
4. are you bored:Yes
5. are you german: No
6. are you irish: No
7. are you french: No
8. are you Italian: Yes
9. are your parents still married: Yes
10. are you in love with someone right now: I dont belive in love, theres no such thing.

TEN FACTS.
1. hometown: Wyoming
2. hair color: brown with blonde highlights
4. hair style:short i guess
5. eye color: brown
6. shoe size: 9
7. mood: tired, irriated
8. orientation: ?
9. available?: Very much so
10. lefty/righty: Righty

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. have you ever been in love: Yes, i guess so, but i dont think it exist for me.
2. do you believe in love: Not anymore
3. why did your last relationship fail: Because I know how to fuck things up.
4. have you ever been heart broken: Yes
5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: Yes
6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: No
7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: Yes
8. are you afraid of commitment: No, but everyone is with me it seems
9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: Yes
10. have you ever had a secret admirer: No

TEN THINGS:
1. love or lust: Both
2. hard liquor or beer: hard liquor
3. night or day: Night
4. one night stands or relationships: Relationships
5. television or internet: Internet
6. pepsi or coke: Coke
7. wild night out or romantic night in: Both
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: Colored
9. phone or in person: Person
10. aim or phone: Phone

TEN HAVE Y0U EVERS.
1. been caught sneaking out?: Yes
2. skinny dipped?:Yes
3. done something you regret?: Yes
4. bungee jumped?: No
5. been on a house boat?: Yes
6. finished an entire jaw breaker?: Yes
7. wanted someone so badly it hurt?: Yes
8. been caught by your parents with a hickey?: Nope
9. danced in the rain?: Yes
10. had a hang over?: Yes

2 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 19 July :: 11.05pm

OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE MENARDS.

I AM NEVER WORKING 2 WEEKS WITHOUT A DAY OFF EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! EVER~!@@!%!#$%^!#$^#$^$%&@$

I FUCKING HATE IT.

1 i guess you do then.. | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 17 July :: 11.15pm

in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes.
i wanna cry. but only if i'm with you.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 16 July :: 10.56pm

Wouldnt it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldnt have to wait so long
And wouldnt it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together weve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldnt it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldnt do
We could be married
And then wed be happy

Wouldnt it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldnt it be nice

3 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 15 July :: 10.12pm

sooooo dude.

yeah.

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chelthesmell

:: 2006 14 July :: 11.48pm

I blame myself for alot of things, because most of the time, they are my fault. I feel really bad about myself. I used to be all like "I'm sucha bad person" But I think I'm starting to except it all now. " *deep sigh* oh well. I'll grow up eventually and figure out what I want. Till then...who knows...?

Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 13 July :: 9.00pm

Tomorrow I'm going to see the apartment we'll be moving into. Today I picked out all the colors and I love them. I wasn't sure on all the colors I had but I had a lady in wallcoverings help me so now I'm sure.

I'm listening to this scarily pansyish song that reminds me so much of being little. I remember it. It reminds me of when Stef and I shared that room with little heart wall paper and had that little black tape player. She had to tape symbols on the buttons because I didn't know which one was play and stop and pause and all that. I was so little and I still remember this song. I'm not telling what it is. I dont want anyone to steal it. haaaaaaa.

I really feel like I am done with high school and all that but you can never erase the memories. So I guess that means you can never let things from high school stop affecting you.

It's not that I dont appreciate everything you've done for me. Everything you've given me. it's not that, because I do appreciate it and I see more and more that I'm lucky to have that maybe other people don't. but there's something definetely missing. something that even though it's great, doesn't make it add up to more, because the something that's missing is a huge something. so that's why i dont just ugh nevermind

you know, i just downloaded msn live or whatever, and i dont think i like it. not so far anyway. it's too hard to read stuff.

we're down to the last weeks before the apartment. i'm stressed out, working all the time, and his hours keep getting cut.

wonderful.

fuck this shit.

Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 12 July :: 11.27pm

i just wrote something but then deemed it too mean to say. but what i was going to say, was something about how I am pissed. I feel like you really should'nt be a jerk to me. It's not fair and I am doing so much for us on my own right now that I really don't think it's nice. I feel like I've done so much and not been appreciated enough for it.

whatever.

UGHH jerk.

i am still working every day until next friday. i really dont want to. really really dont want to. i am pissed. and i kind of really really hate menards. ugh and i can't get into my bank account online right now for some reason and i hate not knowing exactly my balance every day whenever i want to.

so right basically i am pissed and tired and dreading the fact that i have to work 10-6:30 tomorrow. fuckers.

1 i guess you do then.. | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 10 July :: 11.54am

okay so stef's bridal shower was yesterday. that went well i thought.

and then last night after that i left and met roman in k-zoo. ughghghghgh and now i probably wont see him until august 5th which i know i keep saying but i'm pretty sure i mean it this time.

we got stef and pauls wedding gift last night. which i was thinking Stef- can't you just go to the places you're registered and even though it's not a big suprise what you're getting for presents anyway, since you picked them out, you could just print your list off and see what people have already bought you before the wedding. ha. it's funny i think.

and then after we bought the gift we went to the movies which i dont think we have doen since.... last summer or something when we saw fun with dick and jane, or was that this winter? i dont remember but it's been a long ass time because we never want to spend our money on movies but i wanted to see click and it was pretty good and i cried.

and then there was this storm in kalamazoo when we got out of the movie, it wasn't raining but there was thunder and lightning . the lightning seriously looked so cool. whenever it striked it lit up the sky and was all purple . it looked like a poster or like professional photo of lightning. it was so pretty. so we just watched that for a while. and then went to arbys.

anyway, long story short i didnt' get home till 2:10 am and then had to get up at 8:30 to go to the fricken doctors. i looked at the scale for the first time in a long time today and i WANT TO CRY. but oh well, me and roman were talkigna bout how we're gonna lose weight anyway when we move in so whatever , i'm not that concerned. and i'm gonna try to use the gym or whatever at davenport too when i can.

anyway, the apartment lady called me this morning and told me i get to see OUR apartment 212!!! on friday. yay so i get to see the real one that will be our home in one month!!!! So friday i get to go down there and pick out the colors that they will paint it and get that all settled. i can't wait.

welll now i have to leave for work because i have to work from 12:30 to close which is 10 which sucks a lot. nine and half hours that i picked up even though now i dont want them but too bad for me and i guess more money.

ughghghgh~!!! stupid work i hate you. hopefully i get to work on service today because that is more fun.

g'day.

3 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

moomoo

:: 2006 9 July :: 5.01pm

Life is going so good right now. I am so tired from last night. I swear this week has just been plain fun fun. I need more weeks like this.

4 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 9 July :: 11.35am

oh my gawwwd.

i can't wait to move out. why are you talking to me about all this stuff i dont give a crap about. seriously. stop talking.

well i'm glad the money got your attention. what a fricken suprise.

cannnnnnnnnnnnnt wait.

i have one month and 2 days left but really it's more like about 25 days because i'm gonna be so busy w/ stef's wedding that i wont have time to think about the apartment within the last week. yayyyyyyy

2 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 July :: 11.54pm

oh wait, i have to write about one more thing because i am so serious about it.

when we move into the apartment, i'm putting this picture of me and roman on the fridge. It's a picture from when I was in the beginning of my Junior year, and him his senior year. and you can tell such a difference in our weight. we were so skinny.

i swear i'm getting back down to like 105. swear. as soon as i can buy my own food, when i buy the healthy stuff, that's all i'll have for the week and no exceptions. seriously in my moms house they never buy anything healthy EVER. like fruits and veggies dont even exist in this house. well, canned ones but that doesn't really count. i cna't wait until i can buy what i should eat and then be forced to eat it because i can't waste my money. hahaha. and then also i wont over eat because then i will be broke!!!!

i just seriously can't wait to get skinny again. and i know roman can't either. my baby wants his big ol guns and tight ass back. lol. i'm buying him weights for christmas too. shhh.

so yeah that's my plan and i SERIOUSLY am sticking to it! no freshman 15 for me. it's freshman negative 15 for me. yeah i'm so serious about this i even bought a scale for us today. haha. right now i will continue to pig out though...yeah.... i'm horrible oh well!

4 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 July :: 11.33pm

Right now there is a lot going on.

I'll be moving in a month, that's probably... no definetely the most important and biggest thing going on in my life. But Stef's wedding is also something on my mind a lot and something I'm looking forward to as well.

I've only been to like one wedding, and definetely never been in a wedding like I will be in Stef's, a bridesmaid, so I'm excited for it. I think it will be fun and really pretty. I mean, it's at Fredrick Meijer Gardens. You can't get much more pretty than nature's beauty like that.

I'm so ready to move in with Roman. I've been 2 hours away from him since January and I can't take it anymore. I feel like it has definetely strengthened our relationship , our trust, our commitment... but it's so hard. I thought him being at Ferris was hard but him being in Jackson was definetely more trying. I dont know where I'm going with this... just , I am really excited for the move. ahahahsdl;fkjasfl;aksjfaksjfa;skdfas;lkfjsdf

so ready for it.

Almost everything is packed. almost everything. yay

and i'm done typing in this thing cuz it's dumb and i have to work 9 to 7:30 tomororrow
so night.

1 i guess you do then.. | Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 July :: 11.23pm

ugh it makes me mad because i lost a good friend but it's like i dont even want to mend things because you're so fake now anyway.

hmph.

so i guess i just wish i had the old you back but nothing else.

Leave a message if you care..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 July :: 6.59pm

JACKIE. how do you like my pic? yeah i'm pretty sure it's really really hot.

hit me back jack.

5 i guess you do then..s | Leave a message if you care..