::
2003 2 December :: 8.35 pm
*sleep* *crackers n dr pepper* n *vicondin!*
HELL FUCKIN YAH!! =)
Going to bed if u need me call me..if not..see u like latah 2marro nite!! =)
4 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
::
2003 2 December :: 8.24 pm
:: Mood: sick
I jus dont knw anymore..
Oh gosh me n Steve got into a fight t day..and we havent talked like all day long really..i miss him..oh well who cares.. =/
Yah i really havent really talked wif britt yesterday or t day either..she was jus online fo a min..we really didnt talk..cuz she kinda got rite bak off..I miss her even more than steve lol Jus in a diff way =p
Talked to chelsie tho..had an interestin convo wif her..i luv dat gurl shes sucha sweetheart..thanks chels!! =)
Also talked wif da counsler before i went home sick.. =/ Dat was really interestin lol..she knows all bout britt..all bout chels..heard bout meg..knows all bout jamee n becky n steve haha =) Shes kool..i guess..
I dont know wat im going to do 2marro..ive gotta go to skool or i lose credit fo ALL of my classes and start totally over as a freshmen next year..ick!! =/ And den ive gotta work rite after skool..and prolly wont be home till late or like 9 or 10 or so i unno.. =/
Gotta work all week actually..wed *maybe thurs* fri double sat double sun..ick!! But hey money is money =)
well dats enough fo now..im gonna go to bed..latah everyone..
love..me.. =/
1 And i fall in love again. |
Then i see your face |
::
2003 2 December :: 6.33 am
:: Mood: sick
This morning im jus going to do a top pplz count..
::My top friendz::
***Brittany***
**Becky D**
*Steve-o*
::The rest of em::
*Courtney*
*Chelsie*
*James*
*Tiffany*
*Sara*
*Emily*
*Adrienne*
*Steffanie*
*Jessica W*
*Jessica B*
*Erik R.*
*Taylor*
*Heather*
*Cassie*
*Greg*
*Nicole*
*Megan*
*Ethan*
*Brandon*
*Marissa*
*Brittney*
*Chris*
*Makenzie*
Well yah dats enough fo now..
::5 friendz dat r alwys there fo me::
1. Brittany
2. Becky Dawn
3. Courtney
4. James
5. Chelsie
::5 friendz i wish i were still friends wif::
1. Cassie S.
2. Kathryn
3. Kristen
4. Stacey
5. Mike
::5 friendz i couldnt live without::
1. BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER!!
2. Becky Dawn
3. Courtney annmarie*??*
4. Steffanie *cant say middle name hah*
5. Chelsie *dont member =/*
I LUV ALL MY FRIENDS!! I WOULDNT BE WHERE I AM WITHOUT THEM!! I LUV YOU ALL!!!
Then i see your face |
::
2003 1 December :: 8.09 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Concrete angel--Martina Mcbride!!
Oh wow guess whos house i jus passed on da way there..and home lol..CHELSIES!! yippie skippie!! lol It was very pretty!! =p
mhmm lets see..im fine t day..jus fine..no britt tho..so i guess dat aint fine..but im fine..no im lieing i had a shitty day..=/ everything went wrong..tho nothing went rite, everything seemed to be rite. Things seemed *normal* but not a good normal..a normal dat showed me dat even tho i was totally miserable..everything was in da place they were meant to be in..like i was in a *normal* where i was meant to be miserable..maybe dats how my life is going to be fo da rest of my "years" =/
mhmm britt i luv u too!! bye..
Wow im going to bed at 8 o clock..*or layin down restin at least..* aint dat amazin tho..if any of u stinkers need me..u know my number.. =/ MOST LIKELY I WONT GET ANY CALLS T NITE..*cept maybe from steve*
Then i see your face |
::
2003 1 December :: 4.24 pm
:: Mood: *aLL aLoNe*
I wonder wat it feels like to be normal..? =/
Dead inside
Life has drowned me in a puddle of blood
As I took the knife slowly to my wrist
I stopped and thought
Should I really do this?
Will life get better?
Should I wait?
I decided that I’ve waited long enough
Nothing has gotten better
Everything is a blur
The good memories are all just a simple vivid image
My mind is filled with horrid thoughts that are indescribable
Life has drowned me in a puddle of blood
As the knife slits me partly
I stop and think again
Am I making the right choice?
Should I stop?
Or keep going?
I think only negative
About all the bad times
And how the cruel world has treated me
I feel that it wants me dead
Should I think positive?
Once again my mind tells me to continue
As I see the drops of blood drip from my wrist
I feel the pain and sorrow
I want to stop but my hand keeps moving the knife
The pain I feel on my wrist
Is not nearly as bad as the pain I feel inside
I take a deep breath
And realize that I’m making a mistake
I think long and hard
I feel the need to keep cutting
I come to a halt
Asking why, why me?
I have dealed with pain and pressure long enough
I am already dead inside
So, I continue with the knife
I am almost done
I can feel my body become very weak
I start shaking
My heart stops beating
I fall to the floor
I’ve drowned myself in a puddle of blood
Wow Megan sent me this like this morning i think..mhmm i kinda was like really offended by this..tho she has no idea..i really felt horrible..cuz ya know wat..dats EXACTLY how i feel.. =/ Ive been doing *dat* like fo a week now..off and on of korse..but oh wow do i ever wish dat i did it every single second of da day..and i could..but i dont..too much time spent at skool..ick!! =/
oh well..im done..bye..
1 And i fall in love again. |
Then i see your face |