mudpiegrl
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2005 3 November :: 12.02am
earlier:
im in the library and on a high up chair. that means my legs are dangling. i feel so helpless.
i met with my advisor. he told me waht classes to take. i also talked to my history teacher. he told me what books to look at for my paper. i have another paper due, too, in harlem art and lit, as well as a presentation. so ill do that. i have a quiz in japanese too. i also talked to keri, my mentor. we're seeing the changling on the seventeenth...it looks really good.
i wrote out a sheet to give justin in junction with his chalked up driveway. that'll be fun too. but its a lot of time that i dont seem to have...:) oh well. ill get it done. i will.
now:
we just left baker's square from having dinner with our boss. it was interesting. justin has huge acceptance issues...he doesnt know how to accept something he doesnt believe. he thinks that anything he doesnt believe is wrong, with which i dont agree. but well discuss that, no worries.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 29 October :: 2.06am
:: Mood: disappointed
Today was bad, and I know that’s no excuse, and so I’m sorry. I mean that with all sincerity. I know you don’t understand though. I wish you did.
You don’t understand the fact that your existence has been an experience like that in Alice in Wonderland.
At first, I curiously peered into the hole that stood before me. The cave was dim, but soon, sunlight came and I could see the cloudy room. The haze blurred my vision so much that I bravely took a step blindly. I assumed it would be a short fall: that what would come would not be a fall at all, but a decrease in height. I thought I would merely be standing in a puddle of water. I found I was wrong. I began to collapse quickly, and the hole lightened up, but only to the depths that I had fallen. A few times, I questioned my journey and grabbed hold to my slimy surroundings, gripping that which was trying. Reassuring myself, I allowed my swollen fingertips to loosen and plunged hopelessly once again. I rejoiced in the freedom of the descent upon release, which was quickly passed in the monotonous hope of a malleable landing. Of course, at the times of greatest hope, the light dimmed darker and I feared that I would not land, but stop falling and find myself shouting in fear at the roots of a tree, being awoken in a real world. However, the plummet continued and still does. I fear the light will dim once more and I will feel only a miserable rousing from an enchanting dream of tumbling freely.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 27 October :: 12.05am
:: Mood: content
today was one of those days where i almost planned to loathe it, but it wasnt as bad as i thought, but, because of the expectation, i came out in the end saying, "today was not so great".
i met my mentor today. she's just as i pictured her. take a moment and picture someone from this information only:
Keri Walters
Dance Advisor
that's it. How do you picture her?
she's young, with straight blonde hair, thin, but not sickly, and happy.
so she's pretty cool and next wednesday am meeting wiht my advisor to sign up for classes next semester...
then the next wednesday am going to a play with her. so it'll be fun.
in other news, i got called into work today around five, when i still hadnt reached vernon hills. three people called off, probably for a party. so kristen and i went in, and although we said six, we had just begun eating at five til, so didnt go in until six forty or so. well, some mistake that was. the parking lot was packed, which it has never been since we opened. so we really were needed.
the reason that sucked was because there were things that i was so excited to do that i was planning what to do first on the train instead of sleeping! i wanted to write on justin's driveway in chalk and carve pumpkins with kristen and go to caribou and study and do my artist's statement. but no. "oh, could you come pick up everyone else's slack because you're really the only one who realises that 'job' means responsibility and commitment." grr.
yesterday we met the french kid/"king". i think we scared him. kristen told kirk's girlfriend like this:
"We were told to enter the house. so we did. we were greeted by a guard. the moment was tense, and then, when the guard realised we were okay, our hands were licked.
"Then, the next doorway brought us to yet another, who was seated at a table eating [broccoli and cheddar soup]. 'The king is upstairs,' he said in the most monotone voice.
"At the bottom of the stairs, we were once again greeted by someone, who exclaimed, 'hey, guys! he's in the bathroom, i think. wanna play with the psp?!'" {this is enthusiasm you can only imagine...}
"And after about twenty minutes of waiting for the King to emerge from the bathroom, we realised he was in his room, sitting on his throne!
"So, we went in. We said, 'HI!' and then said, 'BYE!' and left."
It could be summed up no other way. ah, kristen. making everyone laugh. :)
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mudpiegrl
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2005 25 October :: 3.03pm
This is too right:
Virgo
The sign Virgo is symbolized by the Virgin.
Your sign's element is Earth. Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury.
You enjoy helping others and being of service. Virgo is shy, and prefers working behind the scenes. You are highly discriminating and a bit puritanical. Virgo is intellectual, critical, fussy, shrewd, logical, methodical, practical and has teaching ability. Virgo can lack confidence and needs constant reassurance.
Possible negative aspects of the sign Virgo:
You can be highly critical, cynical, sarcastic, unforgiving, nervous, self centered, and ridden by fear. You may also have a tendency to be unfaithful.
This is interesting:
Virgo Compatibility with Capricorn
Both of your down-to-earth signs are responsible, hard working, devoted, loyal and stable. You are each stubborn so you will have to work on that. Neither of you wastes money and you will both probably have good jobs. Savings is important as you have similar goals for your money. Being earthy, the chemistry between you is awesome - as I am sure you will have already noted. You have similar ways of showing displeasure (the cold shoulder treatment). If you do not hit it off right away or otherwise find yourself alone - don't worry - the next time you see each other everything will be fine. The chemistry, you know. It is a good idea to compare your rising sign to the rising sign (or Sun sign) of the person you are comparing yourself with. This will give you a more detailed overall picture of the relationship.
oooh...
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mudpiegrl
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2005 23 October :: 12.04am
i have found salami. life is good.
i just returned from a really fun wedding. i think lauren and maria and kristen are my favourite people to work with. lauren is a bit of a tomboy and hates pink just as much as me lol. maria and kristen are just so playful that it's hard not to have fun with them. none of them are chastising or restricting; just act as equals, even though they're ten times more expirienced.
and i decided ama ask justin out. but in time.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 October :: 1.38am
people are incredible hypocrites. understandably, one can trust in another until that trust is broken. but when one is angry at another for breaking the very same trust barriers as they have done, how can they be angry at the one to whom they told it.
i am not going to lie and tell them im sorry, because im not. its not that big of a deal to anyone else. he was right; i am souless.
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Aaron
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2005 18 October :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: Thoughtful
:: Music: Here Without You, Three Doors Down
Memoir...
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that i saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And i don't think i can look at this the same
But all these miles that seperate
Disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life was overrated
But i hope that it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me
Everything i know,and anywhere i go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me
I heard this today in biology...Lots of memories...I first heard it on holloween. Oh well, what's dead and gone is dead...but I can't help but feel a part of me died with it. I tried today, with Laura, and there was a spark. That same spark of life...but yet it was so infintismal compared to the blazing fire that engulfed every fiber of my being back then. This whole closure thing may be more difficult than I had originally thought. Well, wish me luck.
Later.
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Aaron
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2005 18 October :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: Loving
:: Music: In Your Honor, Foo Fighters
Can you hear me
Hear me screamin'
Breaking in the muted sky
This thunder heart
Like bombs beating
Echoing a thousand miles
Mine is yours and yours is mine
There is no divide
In your honor
I would die tonight
Mine is yours and yours is mine
I will sacrifice
In your honor
I would die tonight
For you to feel alive
Can you feel me
Feel me breathing
One last breath before I close my eyes
This offering
For receiving
Deliver me into the other side
Mine is yours and yours is mine
There is no divide
In your honor
I would die tonight
Mine is yours and yours is mine
I will sacrifice
In your honor
I would die tonight
For you to feel alive
For you to feel alive
For you to feel alive
For you to feel alive
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Aaron
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2005 18 October :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: Apathetic
:: Music: The Best of You, Foo Fighters
Guardian Demon
A demon watches over you. You may find yourself at
times wishing those you dislike dead.
Sometimes, you may find yourself being jealous.
Anger can often get the best of you. You are a
unique individual. Overall though, you are a
kind person with a big heart. Your demon is
always watching over you. Though a demon may
seem like evil is watching you, it is not true.
Your demon is on neither side; good nor evil.
Your demon is on your side. Your demon is
constantly protecting and guiding you down the
right path for you in life.
Who is your soul guardian?
brought to you by Quizilla
Irony is my guardian.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 18 October :: 12.49pm
Petra was just here. she thinks knows am mad at my mum. quite understandably, i think. Day after day, watching overlapping line ups with litanical commercials in between on every station, she sits. There is no mother in a creature that does that. I've accepted it though. Life is happy for me right now, but I suppose that's selfish. But that's the reason I'm not doing anything like Petra wants. I can't give up, though. Everyone has given up on her; I guess that urge goes along with wanting to be different. I pity people who have been left behind and collect the wrappings they leave upon discovering themselves.
I found out that I need someone to put me back on track every five years or so. Shaun did it back in third grade; Christine in seventh and eighth; Justin now. The people that I look up to. I understand what Justin says about needing to something for someone. I like to protect everyone and teach them if I can. I strive to understand, but understanding does not come from watching, but from being. Therein lies my camoflaging skills, which really aren't all that great. That's why, when I hang out with someone for a while, their style and ideas rub off on me, as they do anyone. But from those things, I begin to understand.
Petra thinks I'm troubled, wounded. Everyone has been wounded, only they heal up and become scars. I think mine has a thin layer of skin on it because right now, I'm comfortable with the fact that my mother is an alcoholic. I'm sure if something happened, it would hurt once again though. I hadn't thought about it in a while, but she sort of made me think. She went so far as to say that even my dad is an alcoholic. You'd think Tyler would be cautious, having such a history. But he isn't which is probably more of a worry to me than my mum's health.
It seems like something that should be buried because of it's recent death, but it's always got a finger poking up in the new ground. I don't think I'll ever be able to bury it, but then again, that's what's made me who I am, so why would I want to?
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Aaron
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2005 16 October :: 1.07pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: In your honor, Foo Fighters
"Waky, waky, waffles and baky!"
I love my sister.
Later.
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Aaron
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2005 16 October :: 1.07am
:: Mood: Apathetic (always am afterwards)
:: Music: Bach. a concerito.
The last fifteen minutes.
Your a vampire congrats! YOu live for the darkness
because you can't go in the light.you live of
blood but you don't kill when feeding(only if
your evil you will)Being immortal is a a very
lonely road,but somehow you deal.YOur rich and
money is not an object since if you wanted to
you could rob a bank!(that would be so cool!)
Your saying:Bite me and I'll bite back.
What creature of darkness or you?(COOL PICS)CHANGED
brought to you by Quizilla
The irony of this result in reference to the last fifteen minutes of my life is so great it almost stings as bad as my freshly-inflicted wound...beautiful. I am now officially gushing blood. It'll clot though. God, I'm sore...and tired. Okay. I'm off to clean (sword, wound, etc.) and then to bed.
Later.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 16 October :: 1.34am
am eating eyeballs and cheese cubes...it makes me soo happy!
no one will get both of those, even if he or she gets one.
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Aaron
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2005 15 October :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: Peaceful
:: Music: Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton.
Sabbiticle
"...time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, if you beg it please, beg it please. Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure. And I know, there'll be no more tears in Heaven. Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven? Would you be the same, if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven." -Eric Clapton, Tears in Heaven
Yes, I am on a sabbiticle. I can say with sincerity my sword has remained sheathed for one week as of four thirty tomorrow morning. It is an exercise in discipline for me. My tendancy is fight, not flight, and all too often I almost get myself killed this way. Don't get me wrong, I want to die by the sword, but as the colored man in gladiator said, "Not yet, not yet..."
Later.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 October :: 1.50am
today has gone quite well!
my brother got me a bday present! the Z! book! EEP! and then we talked for a bit...i told him about express and such, and then we talked about boys...lol...i told him i had a good day...i got paid $234.49...i had some overtime...but now i have monies! thats awesomeness!
so the other thing that happened, which is why it was a good day and what i told him, is that dianna is now out of the picture. she made the stupid mistake of lying to justin. i dont know quite the point of lying anyway, cuz it always comes back to you, but happily for me, he could tell me about it. that made me excited. strangely enough, just today i was thinking about how itll be one thing thatll put me first in the race...and look...i had to do nothing!
so that is just a happy thing for me. i didnt see kristen today, which is weird that she didnt call or anything either...must be playing ddr or in trouble again.
however, i did see stunkel and danny and jackie and corey. jill was supposed to come to but she didnt. i dont think she knows that there is no particular dislike on my side. i can deal with her, in fact, id like to see her. anger is an easy emotion for all; even easier to forget for me, especially since its been so long. i dont see why i couldnt hang out with her...i dont understand sacrificing a friday night because you dont like someone. then again, thats the problem with most things isnt it, that you dont understand.
well, good night.
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