my mum brought me like fifty chocolates fro m a wine tasting to which she went! eeP!

if you havent watched it yet, watch Good to Be Square you have to play the music composer thingy, too. its the last tab.

um...today. employee meeting...breakfast...nothing important.

last night=interesting.

for the first time, i saw justin as a child...someone who still has some growing up to do. he got drunk enough to puke for a while, and zack and ian went upstairs to sleep, i went outside with him. i rubbed his back and brought him water and kleenex, because i figure thats the nice thing to do.

apparently, its not common; at least not for him. he said he would leave himself...strange.

he's got all these beads spread out on a table, but they have no string to hold them together. what i mean is that his ideas a thousand and widely knowledgable, but has no basic logic to hold it together.

He laughed at me, saying i was like his mum, only without the grounding; weird, but it made me think of freud's theory...no good lol.

jen said its okie that i cant let go...but then, i know i will get hurt. that's my defense, letting things go. she argued that it's more difficult to let things go, but a sharp weight on your shoulder will only be healed by dropping the object.

i really wish i knew his reasoning for not wanting to go out wiht me. i hate the fact that "am too much of a guy friend" for people...it makes me feel like i have no options. and the fact that i know my body plays into it is a bit of an ouch. cuz how do i change that? zack excaimed tonight in quite the same way sean from chuck e. cheese did that "holy crap, [my] calves are huge!" how do you take that? yes, i am aware that i am not tall and slender; dare you point it out more? weight isnt even that much of an issue. i like the fact that am not a stick, and rather muscular, but its a little tough on the conscience.

i dont know. last night, i liked spending time with justin. he laid on my lap and shivered in the cold, and despite the cold, i did not shiver when i gave him my hoodie. i liked the fact that i could hold him and care for him, that he was in my arms and i knew he was safe. i liked being there, even though he was sick. am glad i went over there, and i hope to go with him wherever he feels its necessary to drink, just to make sure he's safe. i guess that means i care about him, eh?

guess that explains why i wont give up...

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