Badriya
Perhaps my father's name will pass on extra-genetic traits
that will allow her fingers to be linguists,
or call the cat that tore the tongues from our faces
and left us a site for reconstruction.
Perhaps I will carry her in the folds of my pockets,
the full moon rising on the sound of horse hair in the wind.
But it's likely I'll feed her as my mother did me,
feasting on founding fathers and Great Expectations,
though the cat remains curled in the corners of our mouths
waiting for a thoughtless sigh or a Please pass the butter.
So together we dangle among our twin ribs,
belonging, at the moment, only to each other.
A Taste of Home
I.
My eardrums fought against the pressure change,
everyone exhaled and the wings shuddered
open. The engine's hollow roar dissolved
and the lights ticked on.
II.
Not-my-bags trundled endlessly before
my mechanical muscles reached for one they
recognized and swung its familiar bulk
to smash on the cart.
III. Shway shway! Fee combyutar dakhil, hajji!
The words come only after I say them -
like half-formed pearls oozing and popping at
the back of my throat.
IV.
This place feels mushy and incoherent
like old food re-found behind molars,
but it tastes like my bedsheets and smells like
something left behind.
Mindfulness in a Minefield
When you are breathing, know that you are breathing.
You expand your lungs and fill them with dust.
When you are walking, know that you are walking.
In a sterile room your sister is teething,
the lobby adjacent is all char and rust.
when you are breathing, know that you are breathing.
On a slick poster two children are talking
in a desert minefield: "You must adjust
when you are walking." Know that you are walking.
Across the lot, the refinery, burning,
makes your mother look at your birdcage bust
as you are breathing. Know that you are breathing.
You dream you are a lion hoarsely roaring
backwards. Breathe dust, walk fire. You learn not to trust
when you are walking, know that you are walking.
Faint memories, sporadic, murky dregs cling
to the sides of your skull. You are the stillest
when you are breathing. Know that you are breathing
when you are walking. Know that you are walking.
::
2009 9 August :: 12.31am
:: Music: Take Me to the Riot by Stars
Warning: Rambling Ahead
Nick asked what The Time Traveler's Wife was all about and I told him. He was all
WHAT
THE
FUCK
Life Update: I didn't pass the test in Sault Ste Marie because it had things like math and history on it. Those will get me every single time.
We saw Away We Go today and it was fantastic. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Nick was at his computer and just turned around and said "if we leave right now, we have 13 minutes to get across the street to see Away We Go." And so we went. It made me feel all fuzzy and happy. And then I had to go to the bathroom and peed THE WORLD'S LONGEST PEE and I was afraid I was going to be peeing for the rest of my life and Nick was going to have to sneak me food because I was in the women's restroom and I hope they at least allowed him visiting rights because I missed him already and I couldn't eat food in a bathroom while I was peeing and it's never going to stop and it's still going and I can't even feel it anymore but IT IS STILL GOING and I will be peeing for the rest of my life and I can't have a kid while I'm eternally peeing and I'll never have children, I'll just pee forever and ever and my skin will fuse to the seat like that poor woman a few years ago and then I'll have toilet seat butt but no one will care because I'll be peeing forever and I'll already be that woman who peed her entire life and that was really bad enough and will they bring children by to see me like I'm in a zoo or something: THE MYSTERIOUS ETERNALLY PEEING WOMAN and then I stopped peeing thank God.
NewJob is beginning to vary between sucking so hard that I cry on the way to work to OMFG EASIEST JOB EVER EXCEPT I DO IT ALL IN FRENCH to HORRID to I AM SO GLAD I LOVE THESE PEOPLE to I MIGHT PUNCH THIS KID IF HE TALKS TO ME AGAIN to MONEY IS MONEY I GUESS AND THIS MONEY IS GOOD to AT LEAST I HAVE A JOB, SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE JOBS to OMG GET ME OUT NOW MAYBE I CAN JUST QUIT. My French is awesome now, bitches. Mangez-le! I told Nick that I liked speaking French because I can talk to people and they understand me and I understand them and we get things done and he was all YOU JUST SAID YOU LIKED SPEAKING FRENCH and I was all OMG I DID, KILL ME NOW.
We finally have a place to live come September. After much drama (we found a dream place, got turned down, found an okay place, found another dream place, dream place ran out of funding and wouldn't be finished until October, saw two horrible places, found an okay place and found out that October apparently = maybe probably November/December but not soon and we actually shouldn't hold our breath (see the kind of math I can do? Word math.), I gave up hope and just wanted a place to live, Nick held out hope for our dream place while I got all sad-like.), we found our dream place for real. It's a totally awesome place that I am totally having friends over at STAT. That is if I had friends. Anyway, party time, kids. Can you say awesome condo on the third floor across from the police station on the best street in GRap: Monroe Center?
NewPlace means NewFurniture (eventually) because Nick and I are not moving the pullout couch alone and whoever moved it before knows better now. That leaves us with the TV, a loveseat, two desks and a small bookshelf. Oh and our three awesome shelves. And our bed, of course.
Changing deodorant helped the smelly problem go away by the way. Apparently your body can get used to deodorant. It only took about 4 years but it happened. I like this new stuff more actually. I'm not pregnant in case that was still a worry of yours. I know you were concerned for an entire comment thread.
I think that's it. That's been my life so far. I'm hungry. The end.
Things that are funny
When people yell at you ON THE INTERNET for saying things to/about them ON THE INTERNET and are upset that you did not say these things to them in person, only to then insist that it is your responsibility to contact them and apologize. Like it's your problem.
I'm sorry, kids. You are way overdue for a life update.
Not about anything
I didn't expect it to be so strange when I merged worlds. It's not bad, but it's different. I brought Poland, Australia, and America into the same place. I have Kara, who is experiencing what the real Shelton family is, and marveling at how I came from it. I have Prudence, who counts as both Polish and Australian to me, who is experiencing the American life. And then I have my American friends, who are experiencing the people I spent most of my time with abroad. Surprisingly (or maybe not,) I make friends with a similar type of people anywhere I go. Not that everyone doesn't have their own unique qualities, only that I tend to surround myself with people who will get along with each other. I really like my friends.
We're going to be traveling soon. Next trip will be about two weeks and we'll see Boston, New York City, Washington DC, Cincinnati, and Columbus, as well as everything in between. I'm really excited about this because I've always wanted to see New England more than ANYWHERE else in the USA. I know it's not a really thorough trip, but it's going to be great nonetheless. It's sad Prudence will have to leave about a week after we get back to Cedar, and Kara will leave in about three. I wish I could go with her.. I really hope I can. It all depends on the Australian government. I've already applied for residency; all that's left is waiting.
I'm going to miss my friends and winter Christmases. But Melbourne gets colder than Brisbane, so it will feel a little more like home. I can't WAIT to start studying, but once again, I'll have to wait. Two years. :S
I don't want to think about the future. My life is made up of a lot of phases. I'm always in a position where I can't do one thing until I've done another, and usually, it's time that's holding me back. Such as, a visa needing to be approved, or having a visa that won't let you study for two years. I'm not really in a hurry, but I like to feel like I'm working towards something. At least it never hurts to save money for a while.
I'm not going to complain about anything, or say anything contemplative, because I don't really feel like it, even though God knows I could. But it's been ages since I've written, so I thought I would. I used to keep a journal that I wrote in regularly, ever since I was little, but I haven't for the last year. I've never lived with anyone before in the sense that your lives actually affect each others, and ever since Kara and I moved in together, I haven't needed to write. Not much, anyway. We used to go to bed every night and just talk while laying there. It's harder to do here in America, where my mother is creeping around, making sure we're not being ourselves. That must be why I feel like writing right now. But also, Kara and Prudence are taking quizzes on some website right now. Instead of joining in, I went to woohu. I even forgot my password. I had to ask Kara--good thing she stores memories like a computer.
Well, we're going to drink some vodasz tonight, and watch Harry Potter movies (god help me.) The wine will help. :P
Gonna go work for my uncle Rob at his place just a few minutes south of a canada for a few weeks here soon, gonna do it a few times. Thinking if I can save up enough money I'm gonna send myself on a vacation.
With Travelocity I can get myself a week in Japan for $1250 if I book far enough in advance, add another grand or so on top of that for food, touristy shopping, etc. and I'd have a great time.
Meant to post this last night after Donnie Darko, but I was le tired and forgot, but it just came on during shuffle in itunes!
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world
