every day a re-run of the next



the fucking end.







..i'm just another victim of the game..

<\\3
*************

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

this bond, is broken

i got a letter in the mail today......






....and it was from nick.

oh damn.

:,(
*************

the memories that you gave to me.
the years i watch you waste away.

well I'm waiting for my wakeup call

valentines day. its fucking pointless.


*<3 lesley*
random




'it will be special'
whatever. fuck you.



last years was 564687895641651651869019874894 times better.<\3


i was here. nothing happend.

:(

**********************

had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
my little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
and I'm sick of my sickness
don't touch me, you'll get this.
i'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
you can't save me,
you can't change me,
well i'm waiting for my wakeup call,
and everything, everything's my fault.

I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away

its pathetic when your at a friends house, its past 11, your cell rings, its your brother, asking you to please come home, because the parental units are at it again.
....you dont understand.

divorce time.

seriously.

i don't give a fuck anymore.

<\\\3

i need to be held. badly.
*******************

so here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
it was mine, so when your dead and gone,
will you remember this night, twenty years now lost,
it's not right.
the anger hurts my ears, been running strong for seven years
rather then fix the problem, they never solve them, it makes no sense at all

I'd sit around listening to your story

i'm at my girlfriend kelly's house.
she got drunk. it was hilarious<3
i had a high buzz.
stairs, swings, trampolines, woods.
good times.
tada.


b/f and g/f forever<3

did you grab your sleeping bag when you hit the floor

Sudden invisible movement of whispers he spares sends chills down my spine. Surprising whirlwinds sweep through his atmosphere full of haze. The smile on his face brings a nice calm breeze. This person radiates intensely warm air currents.
Unseen vapors make one choke on their breath. Stillness in the gloomy air conveys vague responses. He hides in vain behind the striking gusts of wind. Unexpected silence leaves you gasping for one last breath.
The days of quite flows are fulfilled with suspense. While the nights of calm drafts take you into a deep vagabond. Swift currents are found vacant giving a person the feeling of uncertainty. Drifting air leaves you disturbed with sorrow.


i wrote this.
for english class.
compareing a person to air.
i'm not sure if i like it.
*****************

.did you get your heartache.
.and your head rush confused.

and i'll become the sacred faith you lost
goodbye 2004.

had some amazing times this past year, some in which i wish would have lasted.... sigh. also had a lot of horriable times that killed me inside and out.

welcome 2005

curious as to see what this year has in store for me. hm...

tonight should be major kick ass with lesley. party time. <3
happy new year.

***********
every second changes everything
the panic will see me through.
naked, exposed our only fears tonight.
scratches, vomit, I'm sleeping here again,
and I will wake up with a purpose,
i will be free
i'm thinking...

i cling to memories while falling

.merry christmas.

my christmas was okay. i got a digital camra. its my new play-toy. and i recived many awesome gifts. visited both sides of the family, which was intersting. it litterly doesn't feel like christmas, which sucks. i think its becomeing my least favorite holiday. i had no holiday spirit this year.

exactly a year ago today... sigh ... enough said. :(

**************
.in sorrow i speak your name.
.and my voice mirrors my torment.

.but already i'm wasting away.


tonight was incrediable. steeling your own 'soccer mom' van, while i distract your aunt and then driving with your permitt because you don't have your liceins yet . <333 you amaze me sometimes.





night ended shitty when i came home. i all of a sudden started crying, and i dont know why. then i thought of um, you and wow. you have absolutly no idea how intense my feelings are for you and what you even do to me .....as if you even give a fuck anyway.




*************

you do something to me that I can't explain.
so would I be out of line if I said,
i miss you?

.it takes more time than i've ever had.

oh my. here we go again...


<\3


*************

we're moving forward,
but holding ourselves back.
and we're waiting on something,
that will never come.

tears are feelings we cant say

its been two years one month and 9 days since you moved away and i last saw you, and all of a sudden, your standing in my driveway with lesley at 10:30 saturday night. wow. you have changed dramaticly. i'm still in terror about you. lesley and i fucking love you with all our heart. it was really nice to see you again, but when you left, it felt like someone stabed me in the heart 35465 times. please come back, i already miss you.

Happy Birthday Nick. <33

***************

i sit and watch you leave my life forever.
i know youll be gone so long.
my last words are nothing.
i tell you i care, and nothing more.
i can't say how i feel, so i cry.

i swear i won't say what happened that night
after 8 months my huge secret comes out.

now we will see how things go from here. slow i hope. one step at a time. just have to get rid of the other one first.... easier said than done. :(


***********************

in fact, i wish your heart was mine
and i can hear the memory in my ears
back to the years and all those tears
but hear me when i say im glad we steered that way
because now we're here