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2004 5 October :: 8.34 am
i want to go on a date. i havent been on one of those in a while.
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2004 5 October :: 8.27 am
i am on a search for party buddies. that can actually stay out late or whatever. so if you like to party.....
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2004 5 October :: 8.22 am
had band yesterday from 5 to 9, have to work to day from 5- 11:30, have to work tomorrow from 5-11:30, have to work saturday and probably sunday. wow....go me! i thought i was going to get fired at grand video, a while ago but i didnt, and i got a job a movie gallery....then i had to tell them i couldnt work there yet cuase i was still employed by grand video. at least i know i could have gotten another job if i needed too. hope all is well with everyone.
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2004 5 October :: 8.16 am
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2004 4 October :: 9.04 am
um...thats cool. that a day before my birthday!!!
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2004 4 October :: 8.32 am
homecomming was great. danced a lot. had fun....before and after! had a great weekend. Seniors won the red apple, we one our homecomming game, and had a great king and queen! i get to meet my new manager at grand video tonigt...im nervous. its a guy. 21 years old, and hes not going to know how to do a lot cause he doesnt know our computers. this will be fun. um.......i miss people, but dont really have any time to act on it.
oh and i was looking at my message log where my mom writes down who calls me, and i saw a name on there that rather surprised me. so i dont know if im supposed to call this person back cause it was a few weeks ago. so my question is....dilion did you call me, and am i supposed to call you back?
infact this could be a completely different dillion all to gether. sorry if the name is spelled wrong.
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2004 30 September :: 8.01 am
today is the day of hatred to myself. why do i do this........i dont understand why i keep letting myself go so much. how can i still like someone who treats me like nothing but a piece. why.........am i so stupid. why do i obviously insist on hurting myself...by ripping my heart out over and over then setting myself up for that pain to be again repeated. when i think about it mystomache hurts and my heart is weak. this is weak. my breaking down is so stupid. i feel so stupid for even admitting i feel this way. i hate this boy but at the same time im infatuated, obsessed,enamored. you guys think you understand but you dont. you dont get it because you havent done what i have for this guy. speaking of that i could write this and go cry for hours like i do when i think of how much i want him, and the feelings not being returned by him, but if i see him again i would go right back to him. right in his trap. its like an addiction, an obsession, you know its not good for you but its what you need to keep some sort of sanity, some sort of happiness... and you know that the last recovering parts are ripped away from your soul yet another time. i guess i can only blame myself. i hate myself, way to go casey. way to set yourself up for something...someone who would never be able to return any type of feeling towards you except the closeness of knowing for that hour or however long, you were wanted. i hate liking him so much. i hate myself...i hate myself
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2004 29 September :: 9.08 am
cool class is almost over. hey taking back sunday is playing in chicago illinois on saturday, anyone want to go?
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2004 29 September :: 8.50 am
:: Music: the used...the mile after
dumb poem
so here it goes...corny poem i wrote....not finished...already rather long....
knowledge do i not have
of why i feel so strong
ive known that sense i met you
things would turn out wrong
i cant stop the thoughts
that keep running through my mind
when i think that im over you
i see you one more time
i try to stay away from you
then my mission fails
i turn around and your right there
and i know that ship has sailed
few words said between us
then we end up close
i regret the first time i let this happen
its my problem, path that i chose
respect i think i lost
when i gave in so easily
i already liked you so much
but let you to close to me
i cant hold back
id do anything for you
no matter how much of me you hurt
the times to say no are few
i hate the times when i think
that there could be a chance
because as soon as the nights over
my way you no more glance
4 poopss |
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2004 28 September :: 7.53 am
well i have a date, her name is heather! she has actually been my date for three dances so far! im happy. lol.....so i have a dilemma....i just found this out like two minutes ago. this boy ryan, that graduated last year, and i went on a date friday. we kissed, and held hands, and he put his arms around me when we were walking. we even went to best buy so we could buy some cd's. we arnt going out, or anything, but he acted like he liked me....infact weve had a crush on each other sense last year, and he told me that. (he had a girlfriend though, she broke up with him though) anyways i just found out that my friend april, has to talk to my friend heather (my homecomming date)because ryan told her too. cause he likes HER. and he wants to (i guess) be with her. and he did all this without telling me about it. shes my best friend....thats low, so im going to yell at him at lunch for being such an ass. this should be fun. any advice, that i can use to get over this?
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