:: 2004 21 April :: 1.37 pm

skipped math today. legs are in pain. havent seen jon in a while...fight with him a lot now....soccer game tonight...need sleep

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:: 2004 19 April :: 2.52 pm
:: Mood: depressed

i hate my body...why cant it just be normal? im in soccer, as most know and my legs right now are in the most pain they have been sense last year. they hurt so bad. just walking i almost tear up. i hate always having something wrong with me....last year i couldnt play the whole season because i had a really bad stress fracture. now that im on varsity, and start every game, and actually play the whole game....my legs start to hurt. i couldnt run all weekend cause they hurt so bad. im so sick f myself i could puke. jon and i got into our first little argument lastnight...that wasnt cool. i find that he kind of brings me down sometimes. he disses on soccer, which is the most favorite thing i do, and he disses on colorguard. i tell him it pisses me off but i guess it isnt a big deal, sense those are the only two things im actually involved in. oh well thats life..

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:: 2004 11 April :: 11.59 pm

im getting really scared. i keep hearing things out on the deck....

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:: 2004 11 April :: 11.53 pm

school/family
i really dont want to go back to school.....it sucks thatmy birthday is the exact day we get back...if only i had one more day off. spring break was fun...eventful, ansd now i have to do some homework cause i am the worlds biggest procrastinator. ohwell what to start first is the harderst part lol. I Wish! i doubt ill get it done in time. I have been housesitting for the break and kind of wish they werent getting home tomorrow or tuesday...the dogs ran out of food which sucks cause i have to get food for them but oh well. we went to my dads today and more and more i realized how much i am getting to dislike my family. i dont like my dad, i cant stand my brother barry, my oldest brother is having sex with one of my closest friends....and he doesnt know i know. infact i found out today. what an ass...the funny thing is both my brothers have now slept with her. what is really sick is the fact that she has had sex with him when ive been home. i just didnt know they were over in his room..i dont even have a door seperating my room from the rest of the basement...i guess i just slept through it....they have been doing that for like 3 weeks. if they get caught hell go to jail. so now im not really fond of him. my mom gets on my nerves all the time and we have been fighting more and more when we are together and kevin only really talks to me when he wants something. (like for me to babysit) so pretty much, my family sucks and the onlything good in my life right now is soccer (which kills my legs) and best of anything...JON! i love him so much and dont know what id do without him. hes been there for me so much....more than anyone. it was funny cause my mom asked me where i wanted to go for dinner tomorrow to celebrate my birthday and i said that jon and i were planning on doing something together...i think she was hurt by it....ohwell.....besides all of the family chaos, my kitchen is getting redone and its a total mess at my house right now. nothing has even started.....we just finished getting everything picked out....now we just have to put it all together. oh i also found out todya that my mom got drunk lastnight...what pisses me off about that is the fact that i have only seen her drunk once and the next day she said she would never do it again. well i guess by that she meant that she would never get drunk around me again. my family sucks and i cant wait till i move out. i need a job.

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:: 2004 11 April :: 11.51 pm

so yeah its late and i have yet to begin a long night of work...i just realize how much i actually have to clean here before tomorrow....

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:: 2004 11 April :: 11.06 pm

READ THIS!
IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO GET A DIFFERENT JOURNAL, FOR FREE, THEN GO TO WWW.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. YOU CAN EVEN HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THAT AND STUFF JUST LIKE THIS. IT JUST TAKES LONGER TO FIGURE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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:: 2004 11 April :: 1.28 am
:: Mood: contemplative

whats with the people in the world/? including me?
and what also makes me a little upset is when people are two faced...to your face they will be your buddy and act like your best friends but behind your back theyll say how they really dont like you and...they (your friends) will talk about what they dont like about you. i guess all i can say to that is....i know! oh well cause if this goes on anymore, then im just giving up on trying. im going to not think about it anymore....slate is cleared( im going to try) just as long as my friends(?) dont do that crap anymore and confront me to my face. the funny thing about all this or actually not funny at all, more painful than anything, is the fact that the people who have caused this great subject for me to write in woohu about are the friends that i thought were the closest to me....go figure....im going to go tear up for a little bit. ~thanks people!

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:: 2004 10 April :: 11.21 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

after watching Gothica....(sp) i was scared to drive home....and even more scared knowing its empty..house sitting is fun i suppose...i get a little bit of alone time...the only scary thing about it is the fact that i get to sleep here alone here to in a rather unfamilliar house. it is just different laying down on the couch with lights turned off and just a little spooked cause you are indeed alone in an empty home.so many things have occured during this spring break...i think it can be considered my most eventful spring break yet...i guess that is a good thing. but finding other things about certain people isnt so fun...what i mean by that is realizing their not as close as you had hoped. not really thinking about there actually being a problem but soon realizeing that there is just sucks. i wish things could just be good. obviously that is impossible... is forgetting about the known problem the answer...i guess it is going to be because confronting it will just make the situation worse. i guess i would like to just pretend i dont know anything like i have, but where will that get me sense the problem still remains and i know it does? this is just babbeling but what else can i do? the great thing is, doesnt everybody use everybody? the next question that comes to my mind, is....why must we let friendships fade...the way we do and why does it all resort to talking behind backs? oh well again that is life...what can we do? everyone talks about everyone and the listeners are most intrigued when its bad....isnt that ironic......thats what ive come to notice. it is so true. that is the problem with people today. the fact that we are most interested in others pain or hurt feelings and talking crap is sad but true. ohwell there again thats life. what pisses me off even more...and i admit that i do this too....is acting like there is nothing wrong when you know there is....to be continued....hold on gotta check something out...

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:: 2004 10 April :: 12.33 am
:: Mood: happy

mission accomplished!!!yay!!now we have both experienced something rather new!hehehe...no one gets is but me!!!..............................and becca!!hahahahahahqahahahhaaahahahah

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:: 2004 8 April :: 11.20 pm
:: Music: halifax

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