:: 2003 19 November :: 12.37 pm
:: Mood: numb

i dont know how long this is going to last. i am scared. things are already going wrong.
i dont know if i want this anymore. it sucks that i keep changing my thoughts and moods. totally uncontrollable. do i even want a boyfriend anymore. do i even really feel wanted like i need o feel in a relationship.? i hate this. i hate the worry and i hate already doubting how long we will last.

1 poops | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 19 November :: 12.34 pm

so our journey begins
after the twisting tide of turmoil
the kiddy rollarcoaster ride unloaded
figuring our new adventure,
will only lead to the best...
when you find yourself reloading once again.

to be continued. written by casey

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 18 November :: 11.00 am

Name:	Casey
Nicknames:	twiggy
Age:	17
Birthday:	4-12-86
Nationality:	white
Current Height:	5ft7in
Hair Color:	naturally blonde now red/brown
Eye Color:	blue
Family:	gerri, robbie ,kevin, barry ,jason and me
Location:	Mi
College:	none yet
Piercings:	ears..dont wear earings though
Red or Blue:	blue
Spring or Fall:	spring
Santa or Rudolph:	rudolph
Math or English:	english
What are you going to do after you finish this survey:	go to class
What was the last food you ate:	cookie dough
High School or College:	high school
Last movie you saw:	jurassic park three
Last noise you heard:	sneeze
Last time you went out of state:	last year
Things you like in a girl/guy:	lips, eyes, personality,
What book are you reading now:	speak
Favorite board game:	monopoly or sorry
Favorite magazine:	ym
Worst feeling in the world:	not knowing something...and letting it haunt you
First thing you think of in the morning:	school
Future daughter's name:	alexia
Future son's name:	Elyigh
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:	sometimes
Dream job:	journalist, photographer, animal cop and peace corp
Whats under your bed:	nothing fits

Overview Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 18 November :: 10.26 am
:: Mood: loved

i love you
im so worried. i dont know what to do. this is bad. um...anyways cant wait till friday...if ryan can come and plans pass. i am worried that ryan is getting sick of me. what do i do? should i distance myself from him more? today is our one week anniversary. i really hope we have a lot more. i keep worrying about stuff. like what if he breaks up with me"? i know i shouldnt but i still do....he told me he loved me on friday. i said you too. and on saturday he said it and i said...i love you too. i am lost as to why this has happened like this. i had the talk with him about it though, he told me he did mean it and i told him i was happy then. and i told him i would say it to him but one day down the road when something just clicks i will scream it. i hope he didnt feel bad because i told him his saying that was a complete surprise to me. i asked him if he meant that he loved me as a friend or a girlfriend and he said girlfriend. so yesterday is when we had the talk and i really didnt want to do it but i knew it needed to be said. we dont see eachother out of school much because he is really busy. is that bad? i think i need things to do to take my mind off him for a little while. i really like him. i really like him a lot. a lot a lot. so yeah this is what is going on right now.

3 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 17 November :: 1.02 pm
:: Mood: thankful

so i did end up seeing ryan this weekend. it was a really great time. him and i bonded. hehe. guess what....ryan and i are celebrating our one week tuesday. yay! i hope this lasts for ever. or at least we got through past the three day thing. i kissed him twice so far today and he came early again so we could spend more time together. im really happy and i still have butterflies. i am obsessed. im so happy. im going to church with him wednesday. love you all.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 13 November :: 10.25 am
:: Mood: ecstatic

infinite feeling
im so happy. i feel as if im floating in a dream far a way cause i didnt expect this. i wanted it so bad but i didnt know i could get it. i thought it became out of reach. i am ecstatic. i have not been this happy in a long time. it feels so good to have this feeling. in stead of confusion and the uneasiness of not knowing. i know now. the confusion has cleared almost as if it were the change from night to day. meaning that it takes time for night to become day...there is morning...dawn and then the afternoon into an un telling evening. mine finally shares all stages. i know no one really understands how i feel and how actually happy i am but im trying to explain. i feel as though i couldnt be happier with anyone else ever. nothing ever felt so nice. i think this one is definately a keeper. the only thing im worring about is the feeling as though this is still a dream. i feel as though when i feel like nothing could go wrong something ultimately disastorous might occur. i dont know why but i feel like something bad will happen. i keep thinking of one of us getting in an accident or somehting and dieing and us not truly getting the chance to be together. i know this thought is morbid but i cant help it. im so happy that i have doubt in things. like what if he breaks up with me soon? and what would i do if he did? its to horrible too even imagine. so i wont. i just want to happy but i am afraid that he will again feel that we should just be friends. i dont know if i could take it. i really think i should leard to be more optimistic. oh well what can i do. i just want to enjoy the time i am given with him now and the time i have to truly get to know him and so much more. i love life at this moment in time, thank you GOD

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 13 November :: 8.55 am

i am happy. finally. i know what i want. he knows what he wants. we have eachother now. we are together now. hopefully longer than the last. i am happy.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 6 November :: 12.49 pm

Stillness swirls perfection
and moving closer
love swiftly breaks
urgently looking to endure silence
steady pale horizon
lonely blue water

this is a poem i wrote today

2 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 6 November :: 12.47 pm

"But i dont get it. If Gods will gets done anyway because it is God's will, what is to pray for? And is all the horribleness of the world gods will? How come?

2 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 6 November :: 9.45 am

my life is harder
it will always be
you dont understand
i was closer than what you were
you dont get it
i have no compassion
not asking for anything from you
i dont care
mine is harder
you dont know what hard is
get over it and leave me alone

pooper dooper scooper