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2003 30 September :: 10.46 am
oh yeah and this is the person that knows everyting about me and actually the first person i have ever told everything too. so anyways
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2003 30 September :: 10.37 am
so yeah today is just another "one of those days" if you know what i am getting at Nothing terribly wrong yet nothing exactly right. um.. i want to say that i hope you all are doing a lot better than what i find myself too be. I realize that i actually have a crush on someone. not the type where you get flustered when you try to talk but just a down to the whole butterflies feeling. I realize that this isnt exactly the most perfect person for me to like but its weird like that. Maybe he could change me for the better in so little words. I really like him and know that he only likes me as a friend right now...for a fact. It is really hard for me to see him flirt and i couldnt and dont want to imagine him with anyone of my friends or anyone else really. between him and things are really weird and undecided. i really know that i like him i like him a lot and i always find myself waiting to see him in different places and waiting just to see if he is at school. and the thing is the guy i like is a truley down to earth decent loveing guy and i just want to be with him. umm. im guessing that i am just obsessed and i wish i could get over this because it just makes me sad when i think about how much i like him and how much he probably doesnt care for me the same. I want to get over this to get rid of the pain but just find myself getting worse. umm.....i dont know what to do and i dont know if i want to do anything
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2003 25 September :: 11.23 am
so i open myself up and i just get rejected. nice to know. NOw i know not to get involved in things that wont turn out right anyways. i guess myself being open isnt exactly the best thing i could do. and dont plan on doing it anymore. i am sick of this and am sick of being so Vulnerable yet i dont know how not to be. whenever i let the truth peak through i just get hurt anyways and now that i know what will happen i guess i wont do it anymore. why do i agree to things that i know will hurt me in the longrun anywayss.....or short. so i guess the letter (my release)was indeed given to the wrong person and i guess i wont have to worry about ever giving it out anymore. so yeah this is my trauma. dont have sympathy i dont need it and wont show my feelings too much more so see ya.
1 poops |
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2003 25 September :: 10.39 am
:: Mood: complacent
today i gave out a letter...it told about myself, more than what meets the eye. I guess i felt it needed to go out..but who too, might be a mistake. everyone thinks they know but they dont and so confusion sets in. back to the ordinarly seen someone., stop.
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2003 16 September :: 10.39 am
i get to go home and sleep for once...hopefully
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2003 16 September :: 10.35 am
:: Mood: sick
what...
what is going on? my stomache keeps getting really sharp pains and then again it is quite hungary too. its happening again to wear i eat it hurts. I had fun homecomming...thanks to everyone. and sorry i couldnt go with you all...i hope you had fun.
1 poops |
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2003 9 September :: 10.47 am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Dashboard
So yeah school has hit me and i realized now that i am not going to go out of my way to talk to people because i just dont fricking care. you know and its funny because this year its like everyone is going out of their way to talk to me...what a switch. yeah um hm bye
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2003 2 September :: 10.33 am
please write me so i know there is someone listeing....it is important to know that i have other people out there that in some ways feel the same and i am not alone.
oh yes and i will be at your alls homecomming
1 poops |
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2003 2 September :: 10.28 am
:: Mood: optimistic
:: Music: Cold Play
Have you ever had that beautiful feeling you get when you are around someone that you have grown quite fond of? The butterflies in your stomache is only one feeling you get when thousands of others take over the rest of your body? The funny thing is you dont know why exactly it happens with this certain individual but you are damn glad it does. IN the same since you are afraid of the future because you feel you have been hurt so many times in the past.
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2003 26 August :: 10.49 am
:: Mood: anxious
Well hello stragers
hey everyone whether or not you want to you are gonna be able to hear from me again and my pathetic little problems. so yeah this summer i think i found something......myself and i truly think it was one of the best summers of my life! I also like hilary found whom i think are my true friends and if your out there you prolly know who you are so i love you all.....talk to you thursday!
thank you guys for all being there for me when i needed you...(all three of you know who you are)
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