loner-skyz
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::
2004 10 December :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: random songs floating through my head at warp speed
a sort of oldish poem..
*elusive queen mirage*
hello.
how are you?
normal people say these things to eachother, right?
hmm.
i could be normal..couldn't i?
where are you?!
i need someone to understand me
but i dont see you anywhere
i know you were here.
you were, weren't you?
there you are!
my radiant queen;
strong,
proud,
beautiful
i was beginning to think i made you up,
you were something in my mind.
an image to pass the time,
a mirage in the vast desert-hell of life.
maybe you are...
im not so sure now
goddess, i feel odd.
so, how are you?
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 9 December :: 5.36pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: Run Away - Live
love has had its day and its way with me
whoa-o...i've been banging my head against the wall
whoa-o...for so long it seems i knocked it down, yeah it got knocked down
whoa-o...and the heating bill went through the roof
whoa-o...and the wall i knocked down was the proof
that my landlord needed to kick me out
i got evicted now i'm living on the street
my spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn't me
too many turns have turned out to be wrong
this time i learned that, i knew it all along
when car crashes occur
then i'll be what you were
when i see what i should
when i see that it's good (that it's good)
to experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush my teeth
experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush my teeth
cause i struggle with forward motion
i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
it's harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
whoa-o...i've been banging my head against the wall
whoa-o...for so long it seems i got knocked out. yeah, i got knocked out cold
whoa-o...and the medical bills went through the roof
whoa-o...and the scar on my head is the proof
that i'll still remember this when i get old
i got evicted now i'm living on the street
my spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn't me
too many turns have turned out to be wrong
this time i learned that, i knew it all along
when i grasp the concept
then i'll sleep where you slept
when i know i need help
when i allow myself (allow myself)
to experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush your teeth
experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush your teeth
cause i struggle with forward motion
i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
it's harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
[in background:]
(cause forward motion is harder than it sounds.
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again)
cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 7 December :: 8.33pm
:: Mood: worthless
:: Music: The Best Deceptions
i heard about your regrets..
we put lights on the tree tonight.
we're waiting until tomorrow to do ornaments and such.
i couldn't handle anymore of The Asshole, anyways.
he was being all sarcastic at me after i ACCIDENTALLY spilled my water on the table.
of course he didn't offer to help mum and i clean it up, he just waited until we were done, and back to putting lights on, then he pounced.
he pulls out this basket of old magazines that nobody's looked at in over a year and he says to me, "How about you wipe off these books that got wet since you're just laying there doing nothing. Or is that too hard for you?"
wow, i was shocked and didn't say anything.
mum, however, wasn't so speechless. she snaps right back, "Holly is helping me with the lights right now, so she's busy."
hehe.
and i lay there thinking Go Mum, tell that cocky bastard off!
he really bothers me because i know that what he really meant was "Since you're being a lazy bitch and not doing anything productive how about I give you a totally worthless task so I can exercise my manly power?"
HE'S SUCH A FREAKING ASSHOLE!
he thinks that just because he's the only "man" around here he can tell us what to do.
and i hate how he fucking lectures me for everything!
ugh!!!
screw family activities...HOLIDAYS SUCK!
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 6 December :: 5.05pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: We Are - Ana
FUCKFACE!
sorry i haven't updated in awhile.
not since....thursday?
wow.
well on friday we went to get our christmas tree, and did some random moving shit.
WE MOVED THE COMPUTER BACK INTO THE OFFICE!!!!
saturday and sunday i spent with amy.
her mom and brother came up from missouri.
they were staying at best western, and i got to stay with them!
:-)
twas awesome.
uhh..i now have a desk in my room..
tis cool.
i can like bring home my homework now.
hehe.
went to the library after school, cos i had to interview mrs. akers for publications.
megan was there!
twas fun..we got to talk a lot.
hence the "FUCKFACE" subject...yeah.
inside joke?
uhh..not much else to say.
later.
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 3 December :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Saints And Sailors - Dashboard Confessional
time is a broken glass that splinters against the wall..
wow, haven't had a chance to update until now.
yesterday was pretty fun.
i "missed" the bus (the buses weren't still there...really!), and justin said i could go home with him.
:-)
yeah..
but, my parents got off work early, so i only got to be with him until about 4:15.
after that we went shopping.
it was pretty fun.
went to valley junction, valley west mall, world market, and barnes & noble.
i got a good start on my christmas shopping.
yeah.
today was...okay.
i didn't feel very good (tired, and my legs hurt!), and yeah..
my mum called me about 3:10 and said they were off work, and asked if i was already on the bus.
since i was they just picked me up at crocker.
we went to get our christmas tree.
twas pretty fun.
it's rather nice getting a free tree every year.
:-)
yeah...
now we have to work on my room.
the top bunk is going away, and im getting a desk!
yay.
this weekend..
i get to see amy tomorrow!!!
most likely the highlight of my weekend.
yeah.
well, im out.
<33
-holly-
1 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 1 December :: 2.57pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
belief is gone
i am no longer associated with any religion.
i am not wiccan, christian, jewish, buddist, hindu, muslim, or any other religion the world throws at me.
I DO NOT BELIVE IN GOD!
god and religion are like Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, A LIE FED TO US IN CHILDHOOD!
well, im doing the natural thing.
im done with them.
i am old enough to realise that god and any form of religion is just a crock of shit.
belief is a crock of shit.
there is but one thing i still believe in.
love.
the only thing i believe in is love.
HAH!
let's all laugh at holly, she's gone soft and romantic.
no, not really.
i just realised that the only thing in this whole fucking world worth believing in is love.
and who knows, maybe one day love will bitch slap me in the face, and i'll deside to give up on that too.
but for now love is kind, and the only thing that gets me through the day.
:-)
so there you have it.
I AM PURGED OF ALL BELIEF BUT ONE!
-holly-
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 30 November :: 1.17pm
:: Mood: random
:: Music: the random sounds of the ELP room
meow!
well, here i am in ELP.
actually it isn't ELP, it's advisement.
but i hate my advisement, so im in here.
the "smart people" room.
lol.
or maybe just the creative people?
yeah...
anyhoo.
today was pretty fun.
we finished up the gay holocaust movie, and i had to go up in front in chorus to sing.
it wasn't that bad.
and now everyone is all like "holly you have such a nice voice!"
even randal said something to me.
::shutters::
uhh, not much to say.
i have to go to algebra in 10 minutes.
ick.
WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN ALGEBRA?!?
tisn't going to help me in later life.
:-(
whatever.
i'll update soon.
love and such.
-holly-
1 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 29 November :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "silence"
im falling into memories of you..
1. What time is it: 8:38 pm
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: as it appears on my birth certificate? Holly Rose Henderson..but im a Wheeler now.
3. Nicknames: Holly Rose, Hols, Miss Holly, Naya, Enna...
4. Piercing: nope
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theatre? Christmas With the Kranks
6. Eye color: mood changing
7. Place of birth: portland, oregon
8. Favorite foods: baked potatoes and uhhh..carrots?
9. Ever been to Africa: no
10. Ever been toilet papering: yep
11. Love someone so much it made you cry: mhmm
12. Been in a car accident: no, my father is a *superior driver* ::cough::asshole::cough::
13. Croutons or bacon bits: but i dont like salad..
14 Favorite day of the week? monday..i like new beginnings
15. Favorite restaurants: Cazador (the DSM one), and Papa Johns i guess
16. Favorite flower: lilacs or oleanders
17. Favorite sport to watch: football
18. Favorite drink: water
19. Favorite ice cream: cookies and cream
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: i dont do fast food
22. Color of bedroom carpeting? biege-ish like all the other carpet
23. How many times did you fail your driving test? ::giggle:: i haven't taken it
24. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? uhh..Woohu, telling me i had a comment
25. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: i dont have one, but probably Hot Topic
27. Bedtime: it varies
28. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest: but im not sending it as an email..
29. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond: yeahh..
30. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire: everyone?
31. Favorite TV shows: umm..anything on VH1?
32. Last person you went to dinner with: family
33. Ford or Chevy: ford
34. What are you listening to right now? "silence"
35. What is your favorite color: grey
36. Lake, Ocean or river: ocean
38. Time you finished this e-mail: 8:44 pm
39. Which came first God or Evolution? well, i dont belive in god, so im going with EVOLUTION
40. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? none
2 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 29 November :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: One Year Six Months - Yellowcard
stale poetry from a bent spine
*desire*
you're laying here so close to me,
i could reach out and touch you.
yet you are a world apart,
i can never have you as i desire.
you lay there, unknowingly taunting me,
the image of what i cant have.
you cant even grasp the concept,
why do i need you like this?
*stop, drop, and roll*
stop,
these empty promises
drop,
the fake happiness.
roll,
away the pain.
stop,
this pretending.
drop,
your restlessness.
roll,
away from me.
if you please...
*me*
people look at me,
i wonder what they see.
do they see a happy kid,
grinning about something she did?
or do they notice all the sad,
and wonder would could be so bad?
do they see right into me,
or just my outside plea?
will they believe im just dumb,
or know ive only become numb?
are my bit and pieces what they see,
or an they put it together for the whole me?
i've become a puzzle,
can they pull off my muzzle?
oh, i wonder what they see,
when people look at me..
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 28 November :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Bend And Not Break - Dashboard Confessional
pretending everything's okay..
::sigh::
the weekend is over.
tomorrow is school.
another week is starting.
bleh.
i dont really have much to say.
i could go into detail about today, but im too lazy.
the weekend was boring.
but i survived.
that's the only important part, right?
i dont wanna write anything else.
later.
-holly-
1 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 27 November :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Cute Without The 'E' - TBS
you jump so hard but i always catch your fall..
hmm..not much has happened since yesterday.
::sigh::
i got a xanga, so i could comment on xanga again.
just incase you want to check it out here's the url:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=thelonertheory
yeah..
anyhoo.
today i slept until about 11 (we went to a late movie and i didn't get sleep until around 2:30).
mum and i hung up christmas lights around the dinning room window and the front door.
i helped out with the extention cords too, when dad got home.
after awhile they didn't need me (thank goodness, tis cold outside), so i came inside and ate some ramen and watched spongebob.
when mum and dad were done hanging lights around back, mum and i did our hair (dying).
yeah..
tis uberly reddish again.
:-D
YAY!!!
we're leaving in about an hour to go to Hy Vee (i can rent White Oleander!! ::grins happily::), and then to my Aunt Linda's party.
tis the last time we'll get to see Ryan and my aunt and uncle.
they're leaving early tomorrow morning.
today is the 27th..
YEAR AND A HALF!!!!!!
:-)
yeahhh..
i think that's about all.
I LOVE MY BOO!
-holly-
boo/puhchew
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 26 November :: 7.52pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: random christmas music playing downstairs..
the innocence of youth..
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee.
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies.
Well, I'm all grown up now,
But still need help somehow.
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream.
So here's my lifelong wish,
my grown-up christmas list,
not for myself, but for a world in need:
No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Every one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list.
As children we believed
the grandest sight to see
was something lovely wrapped beneath the tree.
Well, heaven surely knows
that packages and bows
can never heal a hurting human soul.
No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Every one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list.
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth..
There'd be...
No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Every one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list,
this is my only lifelong wish,
This is my Grown-up Christmas List..
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 26 November :: 12.56pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: What's My Age Again? - Blink 182
you are some beauty queen, or something better...
mmkay, i finally got a chance to update..sorry for the wait.
(not like anyone *really* cared)
Wednesday- early out...justin, mindy, grant, and i went to the park. grant left around 1:30, cause he had to walk home. mindy left...later? justin and i stayed until around 4ish i think. we probably would've been there longer, but joey, david, darren, heather, and gavin came by on their way to joey's so we joined them.
twas fun.
:-)
wednesday night we had family come over for pizza.
i spent most of the time with my cousin ryan.
he's 19..but definatly the coolest relative that's visiting.
::sigh::
yesterday was thanksgiving.
we went over to my aunt rhonda's and had supper there.
about 18 people...yeah.
twas pretty fun.
we went over at about 12 and stayed until 8ish.
yeah..it was a long day, but i got in a GREAT run.
(my aunt and uncle own and live on a christmas tree farm, so there's about 50 acres to run around...)
hehe.
last night when we got home mum and i watched Don Juan De Marco
::swoons::
i <3 johnny depp
but dont worry boo, i love you more-erest.
;-)
yeah..
today mum and dad are doing christmas lights, and i think we might go shopping.
heather's working at the mall, so i *might* go see her.
dunno yet.
i'll update later.
<33
-holly rose-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 23 November :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Always - Blink 182
i'll miss your laugh, your smile..
went to the movies tonight with my mum and dad.
we went to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
i thought it was a great movie.
but i could be a little swayed by all the GREAT looking actors.
;-)
hehe.
damn Angelina is nice looking.
::goes off into lala land::
anyhoo.
tomorrow tis early out.
i told mindy i'd go to the park with her.
idk if anyone else is going.
finch and a bunch of our friends are going bowling.
whatever.
mindy and i shall have fun alone, if it comes to that.
ugh.
im finishing up my Of Mice and Men paper.
i must say, it's pretty damn good.
:-D
yeah.
oooh..it's all done printing, so i think im out.
farwell everyone.
i'll write tomorrow...
-holly-
8 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 20 November :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
follow me there, to a beautiful somewhere..
well today has been totally useless.
:-(
my activities today have been:
get online for endless hours, read, watch tv, get online for more endless hours, and dust.
fun, eh?
why do i always expect to do something fun on the weekend anyways?
where the hell did i get this odd little idea of weekends being fun?!
I NEVER HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!
okay, that's not true.
but a good weekend is very rare for me.
i barely ever see friends outside of school.
i sit around at home listening to music, and spending too much time online, and feel sorry for myself.
the thing is i dont really want to change it.
if i have fun every weekend what will i do when a weekend comes that i cant do anything?
good weekends should be like holidays..they only come once a year, and they're exciting.
yeah.
enough analysis of why i do nothing over the weekend.
i have too much time on my hands.
later.
-holly rose-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 20 November :: 11.20am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: nothing yet
i can break and take it with a smile..
babysat last night for 6 1/2 hours.
wow, those kids are crazy.
we played a million different games, and they were still totally wired.
:-)
but i suppose all the candy and such didn't help them calm down.
hehe.
the hunter (the lil boy..he's 4) was soo cute.
his sister and i were making popcorn, and he doesn't like it so he's like, "holly i dont want you to have popcorn!"
tehe.
yeah.
getting them to bed was hard, but when isn't it, eh?
anyways, we've got new neighbors.
somebody finally moved into the abandoned house (the people who lived there moved to arizona in july..actually they moved on my birthday).
yeah.
it's weird seeing so many cars over in the driveway.
tis probably another young couple.
bleh.
i wish we had someone around here my age..
::frowns::
i guess there's brie, jessamyn, and hannah, but i dont really know them that well.
brie and jess were my friends in elementary school.
anyways.
my grandma and tami are supposed to be here today, and i think we might go see Spongebob The Movie!!
yay!
i also really need to go to the mall.
i gave away almost half of my clothes to goodwill, and threw away a ton more.
yeah.
im left with like 3 pairs of jeans, a couple hoodies, some t-shirts, and barely any pajamas.
:-(
so yes, i tis hoping we can go to jordan creek.
last time we were there was with my mum's parents and a mall trip with them never takes more than an hour.
::sigh::
but yeah..
mum and dad are currently putting carpet on the basement stairs, and im still trying to wake up.
i think that's about it..
<33
-hols-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 18 November :: 7.52pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Inner Glow - Blue October
call it rock, or pop, or Bach, or fuck...
well, i am, updating again.
didn't feel like updating after school.
i was really hyper, and then justin called and i got distracted, and then my parents came home, and mum and i watched a movie (Elf) and then i studied for my states quiz, and then i was like "whoa, i should update.."
:-)
hehe.
still a wee bit hyper.
yeah..
today was pretty good.
justin twas there.
::grins::
it was an a day, so it was pretty easy.
i organized mrs. aker's books.
one shelf anyways..i wanted to stay for advisement and do the other, but she wouldn't let me.
damn reading days.
:-\
anyhoo..
let's see, i already said i only got 2 1/2-3 hours of sleep last night..
hmm.
::sings::
"call it rock or pop, or Bach, or fuck...
goddamn! where did we go wrong?
now there's a category for every song."
err..tis stuck in my head.
not that i mind.
i <3 blue october.
and i <33 my boo!!!!
well, i think that's about it.
later everyone.
-hols-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 18 November :: 6.43am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: 3 Weeks She Sleeps - Blue October
good morning..
hey there.
i got on to copy some blue october to my mp3 player and desided to update..since i didn't yesterday.
i would've but i talked to justin on the phone for awhile, and then once we hung up i fell asleep until my mum woke me up around 6:15.
yeah.
i got up, ate, did my homework, and by the time i was done it was time for bed again.
but i couldn't sleep.
i dozed off for a little while around 10:30, but some cars leaving the neighbors house woke me up.
i didn't get back to sleep until about 3:30.
yeah.
im rather tired and i have an ortho appointment in about an hour.
::sigh::
and then i get to go to school and try to function on 2 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
heh.
i'll update when i get home.
<33
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 16 November :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: The Outsider - A Perfect Circle
what a beautiful day..
today was good!!
i was happy all day, still am, despite the throbbing headache.
:-)
for once im pretty much convinced that my life is taking a turn for the better.
i do believe everything will be okay from now on.
"to love and be loved.."
::sigh::
everything is perfect right now!!!
everything, everything, everything.
we'll see how long this lasts..
-hols-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 15 November :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Wonderful - Everclear
a brief overview..or something like that
alright, whatever.
i give up waiting for y'all to comment.
YOU CAN REMAIN ALL SECRETIVE-ISH!!!!
::rolls eyes at self::
umm, my weekend was sucky.
i had to spend pretty much all of it working in the basement.
but i guess it was worth it.
we have some nice walls, and new carpet, and it didn't cost too much money.
yeah.
i keep hoping maybe my parents will finish up in the basement, and then they'll remember me.
im so fucking selfish.
i just wish we could be a real family again.
my father doesn't eat dinner, except sometimes on weekeneds, so we dont ever sit down to eat together unless it's pizza.
when we do order pizza and have a "family dinner" it's in front of the tv.
lately ive been just eating baked potatoes.
mum doesn't care, dad doesn't notice.
so my diet lately has been rather healthy i guess.
a small bowl of cereal on school mornings, a bunch of carrots at lunch, and a baked potato in the evening.
whatever.
WHO CARES?
lots of people actually.
had a good conversation with justin today.
:-)
goddess, i love him.
it's like, everything can be totally horrid, and then i remember him.
he's always there for me.
ALWAYS!!!!
so today was pretty bad too, but i have justin.
i think everything might turn out okay.
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 12 November :: 5.01pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Runaway - Linkin Park
anybody out there?
okay, i tis going to take a quick survey.
if ANYONE reads this i would like them to please comment.
if you're not a user at woohu you can check the "post anonymously" box
i dont even care if you sign it, and let me know who you are, i just want to know how many people read it.
:-)
THANKS
-hols-
EDIT: by saying "ANYONE who reads this" i meant EVERYONE.
NEWER EDIT: so should i just assume that the only people who read this are erin and mysti ;-)
3 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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::
2004 11 November :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: justin's music :-)
Sorry If I Hate Your Parents
i cant stand old fashioned, christian, bible thumping, people.
you know the ones i mean.
they've somehow brainwashed their kids into believing going to church two (or three or four or five..) times a week is fun!
they dont allow their children to have any social life outside of church.
they dont let their daughters have boy/girl relationships (you know what kind i mean ;-D), instead they keep them as these virginal children who still think boys are gross.
the girls aren't hard to pick out. they're the ones who have never kissed a guy. or held hands with one..or hugged one..or really come in any kind of physical contact with those of the male gender.
but the thing that really ticks me off about these parents is that they get their children to go around and try to convert their friends.
"Oh, Susan, does your little friend Betty not attend a church service regularly?"
"No Mom, I'll make sure to talk to her about how she's going to go to hell if she doesn't accept Jesus, and invite her to go to church with us."
WHERE THE HELL IS FREEDOM OF RELIGON?!
i see how it is, the government doesn't care what religon you are (or aren't) but we'll continue the persecution within the citizens.
I DONT WANNA BE A FUCKING CHRISTIAN AND I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD!
how hard is that to understand?
1 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 10 November :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: All My Problems - Smile Empty Soul
SUPRISE!
i want more suprise in my life.
i miss being suprised...
especially at christmas time, christmas used to be so much fun for me.
i loved the suprise, and the magic.
i never knew what santa would get me, or what he'd write to me in his note.
now it's all gone, i make a list of what i want and my parents get it for me.
yeah, it's wrapped up in pretty paper, but there's no suprise, no magic in that.
this year im not asking for much, maybe that'll put some suprise into it.
but i doubt it.
::sigh::
holidays aren't fun anymore.
now it's just going over to my aunt's to be with a bunch of old people.
mum says we have to, cause they wont be around much longer, but we've been doing it for the past 7 years and they dont seem to be going anywhere.
:-(
i want some rain!
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 8 November :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Sexual Powertrip - Blue October
"can you show me how to treat someone i dont recall ever learning how, cause i keep fucking up.."
ahh, such a good song.
anyways, i saw Running Boy today.
first time ive seen him in about a week and a half.
haven't been quick enough since brie started riding the bus, but today she didn't.
it was nice.
i tried to keep enough distance, so he wouldn't run, and it seemed to work.
:-)
yeah.
anyways, today wasn't bad.
rather boring, but not too bad.
except that i forgot my awesome entry for my BoO and that was angerfying.
i got 1/4 of the way done and then totally forgot it all.
whatever.
well, i think that's about it.
later.
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 7 November :: 11.02am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: White Trash Beautiful - Everlast
i swear to god it's true, im coming home to you
well, last night wasn't that bad.
justin and i didn't get to do anything, but the movie didn't turn out too bad.
j-lo was easy on the eyes...though all the talk in the car was about richard gere.
my mom's like "oh i just about melted when he came up the escalator with that rose, didn't you holly?"
i giggled, and was like "no..he's too old for me. maybe if it was johnny depp......."
hehe.
though i had someone else, and much less famous, in mind as i said it.
;-)
yeah.
when we got home it was about 9:30.
i tried calling heather, but the line was busy.
so i changed into my pjs and went downstairs to see what dad was doing.
(crazy, huh?)
he was channel surfing, and we watched a little bit of the Iowa/Purdue game..it was pretty good.
im guessing Iowa won..twas 20/14 with 6 mins when we switched channels.
yeah.
dad went upstairs about 10, and i watched Whose Line until 11 and then Driven w/ Tyra Banks until 12.
very fun.
i was going to watch the next show on VH1, but i was sooo tired by then, i couldn't.
::sigh::
oh well.
today im hanging out here until about 2 and then going to heather's.
yay!
:-)
i got on to type up my christmas list, but then i got distracted with checking everyone's updates and such.
::sigh::
i'll get to it eventually.
well, not much else to say.
<33
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 6 November :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: NPR
im back for good!
yeah, so im going back.
i miss woohu lots.
:-)
nobody's here anymore, but whatever.
tonight is going to be sucky i think.
mum and dad want to go to the des moines cazador, and then see Shall We Dance at Sierra 3.
DAMMIT!
i'd rather do something with justin, but he hasn't called, and im too lazy to call him.
:-(
so i guess i'll end up going to see the movie with Them and not doing anything with justin this weekend.
ick.
tomorrow im going to heathers, i believe.
that'll be fun...
yeah.
nothing else to say.
love to you all!!
-holly-
3 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 6 November :: 11.59am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Classical on NPR (National Public Radio)
wow
yeah, so i haven't updated in a long time.
hmm.
not much has happened.
school is boring as hell, and my life is okay.
im getting happier.
ive stopped cutting, and starving myself.
:-)
nothing else to say.
<33
-holly-
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 4 September :: 2.21pm
i doubt anyone has looked at this in a long time but if anyone was wonder i got a new blog.
http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/lonersyz/
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 2 August :: 3.22pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: nowhere kids - smile empty soul
nobody really knows who i am.
what's the point exactly?
i think i'll just stop using my blogs.
no one needs me.
farwell
1 Rolled down my cheek |
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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loner-skyz
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2004 29 July :: 7.21pm
Epiphany Lyrics..i love this song
Your words to me just a whisper
You faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear
'cause it's always raining in my head
forget all the things I should have said
So I speak to you in riddles because my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head and feel it wash away
'cause I can't take anymore of this I wanna come apart
or dig my self a little hole
inside you precious heart
'cause it's always raining in my head
forget all the things I should of said
I am nothing more than a little boy inside who cries out for attention yet I
always try to hide and I talk to you like children
but I don't know how I feel but I know I'll do the right thing
if the right thing is revealed
But it's always raining in my head
forget all the things I should have said.
A tear for everything that i did wrong.
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