Brandi's Journal

:: 2006 1 April :: 12.53pm

isnt it the greatest fucking feeling when you realize you have no fucking friends at all, your boyfriend is a jerk ,and all you wanna do is fukcing go fucking shoot yourself in the head but you dont have the guts and you have to work at 5

yeah fucking great. go to fucking hell. i swear all of you.

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:: 2006 31 March :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: Happy

F-L-O-R-I-D-A
Well Lisa and I are here in Florida. It's 84 degrees right now :D.

We sat in first class on our plane. It's pretty much the only way to go. Once you sit in first class, you never want to go back to...half ass class or economy class. Whatever people call it these days. While everyone was getting served peanuts, we were getting served breakfast.

Yesterday we got here really early so we went to the pool most of the day, went shopping, went out to dinner, watched The O.C. (which was very dissapointing by the way.) and then we went to bed.

We just got back from the pool and now we're getting ready because in a while we are going to the pier to go shopping and then out to dinner.

I guess I really don't have anything else to say besides I miss everyone.

much love, ashley

I guess i'll take this really quick. Thanks pie.

Read more..

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:: 2006 30 March :: 11.17pm

thank you to everyone who said i did good at the talent show. shannon said i missed 3rd place by like 3 points so that kinda sucks but oh well..

"I was hungry! Where's my dinner?!" lol..

and La Cookaratcha La cookatratcha.... lol

but i got to hang out with roman all night and he came to the show and it was fun and i just miss him. ugh i just hate like not seeing him more than once every other week. RAR.

but yeah, i'm glad i did it because it just makes one feel accomplished and whatnot. so... yup.

omg and roman was driving me home tonight and there was this bright light and i swear.. we were the only ones driving ... it was up in the sky this bright circular light just following us everywhere we drove... even when we turned on my road it was still following us. i was so scared i was like screaming and roman was freaking out to lol all while keeping his 'manly' stature of course. Only when we turned into my driveway did it go away and i think it's only because of that bright light we have up my driveway.. I duno, but it was like the first time I actually thought I believed there was like a ghost or something. AHH freaky! Seriously!

Oh and ONE more thing. that GIRL -*ahem, ahem ahem* Jess and Lindsey know who I'm talking about- has got the biggest head and today I just told her to shut up. Not really but in a nicer way . Like seriously, what the flip. UGH! I hate people like that. Shut up. You're not as cute as you seem to think you are.

-Jess

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:: 2006 30 March :: 7.13am

ahhhhhhhhh i'm scared.

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:: 2006 30 March :: 12.53am

Tomorrow=Florida! We just got to our hotel room in Detroit about 20 minutes ago. Our plane leaves VERY early. We'll be in Florida at around 9:00am. We have to get up at 4:00am which is not too far away so I doubt Lisa and I will even go to sleep. We're going to try to stay up. My dad is already sleeping haha..

In other news I guess I was just being paranoid about Aaron and tonight everything worked out like it was supposed to. He was like "seriously Ashley, I ran out to your car after school just so I could see you before you left!"...*smiles*

I hope everyone has a wonderful spring break. Stay safe.

I had quite the time putting my suitcases in the car today...Kelli knows that haha.

Love, Ashley!

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:: 2006 29 March :: 10.18am

oh and seriously... when did 3rd marking period end? hey, dont get me wrong i'm GLAD it did... but i was completely unaware of it. YEAH for your information, I REALLY WAS. jeez you coniving b8****88*8888*.

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:: 2006 29 March :: 10.10am

omg what a humongous b itch. seriously! i hate when you ask someone a question... i didn't aruge or complain or anything. just asking an effing question and she acts like i'm the hugest idiot in the world

I SWEAR TO GOD I F UCKING HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH ... I WOULD SAY WHAT I WANT TO DO TO IT BUT YOU KNOW.. I'D GET IN TOO MUCH TROUBLE. SCHOOL, YOU CAN SHOVE IT..

SEVERAL ANNOUNCEMENTS MY A$$..............

UGAH;;LKFJA;SLDKFJS;LDKJFLKJASLKJSA;LKFJAS;LK I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I'M DOING IT.

:: 2006 28 March :: 3.15pm

I really don't think things with us are going to work out. Maybe they will but right now I'm having doubts about this whole thing. I'm not doing the whole in between thing again. I really am not looking forward to tonight because I know I'm going to be forced to say things that are really hard for me to say. I really don't have any interest in talking to the kid right now. I would ignore him but it's not going to solve anythinig at all and considering I leave tomorrow, we have some problems we need to fix. We'll see what happens I guess.

I'm going to Dani's grandmas mansion today to stay the night. That should be fun.

I need to go pack though..

I should have learned over the years that good things don't last forever.

So apparently I messed up on my T.

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:: 2006 27 March :: 9.28pm

I�ll admit it got to me
Hearing your voice
It took all I had to just let you talk
And not pick up where we left off
Every night since your goodbye
I hit my knees and closed my eyes
And I pray that you�d come back
Too many tears washed out that bridge
You wanna cross, but baby, it�s too late for that
Last night would�ve been a different story
But the morning sun must�ve done something for me
Because I bet I�d gone the other way
If you�d called yesterday
If you�d called yesterday

:: 2006 26 March :: 11.57pm

Fate fell short this time.
That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm sorry.

I know things are a mess but everything will be alright. I promise.

This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How could you say you meant anything different to anyone
Standing alone on the street with a cigarette on the first night
we met
Look to the past and remember and smile
And maybe tonight I can breath for a while
I'm not in this scene I think I'm falling asleep
But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

:: 2006 26 March :: 6.17pm

sooooo maybe i'll go back to sleep for the 3rd time today since my life is so effing pathetic.

and boring.

and .

ugh fuck you seriously. fuck you and how much you unappreciate everything you have . you fucking whore.

:: 2006 24 March :: 1.02pm
:: Mood: calm

Dear Ashley,

I love you. You're perfect just the way you are, don't ever change for anyone. Not that you would anyway, haha ^_^ You're the best, don't ever forget it. So no matter what, (and you know what I mean) chin up, because someday, you're going to be somebody. Those who couldn't make the time for you now (and you know what I mean) will be kicking themselves when they see who you've become.

You're a star, babe. Let it shine.

<3 M

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:: 2006 23 March :: 10.19pm

I've been gone for far too long, I want to come home
Well, to put it lightly, I haven't felt this dejected, irascible, neurotic, and disoriented in so long. Honestly.

I have decided I am going to play piano in the talent show. Please don't laugh at me.

I feel like since I hate and have hated high school so much that this will be a good way to end it. It might and hopefully will be a "happy" memory to leave school with. I guess.

And I don't know I just feel like my body is in 12 different places at once. I'm not all here and I can't stop biting my nails which I know is just gross and that is so not like me and when I develop a new bad habit, I know something is really wrong with me.

I feel so full like I need to pour everything out. I thought I did last night with that little breakdown but I guess I just filled right up again. In the worst way.

I guess that's it.
Jess.

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:: 2006 23 March :: 5.35pm

Cant you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me.
Close my eyes.
You're the only one who leaves me completely breathless.
No need to wonder why.
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny.
I wanted to fly so you gave me your wings and time held it's breath so I could see, yeah you set me free.

When I was alone, you came around.
When I was down, you pulled me through.
There's nothing that I wouldn't do for you.

:: 2006 23 March :: 3.53pm

So...

I have an interview at Menard's tomorrow... (like I need another job, or another new one for that matter..)
I don't know what I'm doing in my life...

I'm doing this thing that I don't want to do at all.

Yeah, what's new.