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How Strange, Innocence

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:: 2004 21 December :: 7.04 am

Snow Day
The window fogs from my breath
My face pressed up close, up close against
Catching the snowfall under a beam of streetlight
And praying for accumulation all through the night

These confrontations puncture the skin
Reveal evidence that you are easily broken
You're so easily broken
Exposed and relentlessly bleeding from the cracks
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Please let the snow swallow the streets whole
Keep the bus from coming
Let us stay at home
So we can avoid the daily drudgery
The cruelty fueled from laughter that will echo in our sleep

Seasons, weakening the hold
The blades dulled from the front that hints the snow
Warming engine slowly turns
Stuttering awoken from the sounds of shovels scraping concrete
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Adrenaline fuels my
Fist grinds my teeth through sleep

first breath after coma


:: 2004 20 December :: 4.20 pm

the world we see is 24 frames per second. photography is slowing that all down and capturing the one frame that explains the moment in just a glance.

first breath after coma


:: 2004 20 December :: 4.18 pm

What is your name?:Eric
How old are you?:17
When is your Birthday?:24 November 1987
What is your zodiac sign?:Sagaterius (sp)
Where were you born?:Detroit, Michigan
Where do you live now?:Macomb Township, Michigan
What color eyes do you have?:blue
What color hair do you have?:black
How tall are you?:5'4"
How much do you weigh? (Be Honest Ladies):137
What is your race?:white
What is your worst fear?:not really scared of clowns, but i hate them
Do you smoke?:no
Do you drink?:no
Do you cuss?:sometimes
Do you use drugs?:no
Have you ever or will you ever steal?:no
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?:i guess
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?:not in a band, guitar, bass, piano, drums, trumpet, flute
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?:no
If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be?:what kind of question is this?
Do you suffer from depression disorder?:i hope not, but you never know
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?:firing squad
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?:no
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?:yes
What subculture do you belong too?:indie or hardcore i guess
Are you evil?:no
Do you believe that you can be possesed?:yes
Are you a paranoid person?:sometimes
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?:yes
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?:no
Are you a violent person?:if you really really piss me off, which takes a while
Do you take your anger out on other people?:no
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?:yes
What is your favorite game?:call of duty
What is your favorite movie?:fight club
Who is your favorite band?:inmemory
What is your favorite song?:jesse and my whetstone
What kind of books and/or magazines do you read?:photo, rock climbing, running. ernest hemingway.
What is your favorite color?:blue
What is your favorite food?:pizza i guess
What is your favorite drink?:water
Do you own a pari of converse?:no
Do you own a pair of dickies?:no
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?:depends
Are you a virgin?:yes
Are you kinky?:i don't know
Do you like biting?:no
Do you masturbate?:who doesn't
Do you watch pornography?:no
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?:black-er
Have you ever shaved your head in a socially unacceptable way?:no
Are you hyper active person?:no
Are you religious?:yes
Do you have any self inflicted scars?:yes
Does pain turn you on?:no
Do you stand for originality and creativity?:i guess
Do you like meeting new people?:sure
What do you like most about life?:stopping all life down to one frame.
What do you dislike most about life?:it in general
Do you believe in love at first fright?:first fright?
Have you ever pierced a body part yourself?:tried to
Have you ever had to beg for dinner money?:yes
Do you own a car?:no
Have you been to jail, yet?:no
Are your clothes held together with safety pins?:no
Do you have actual scars from punk rock shows?:no
Have you ever vomit while making out?:no
Have you held a job for less than a day?:no
Do you own more than two pair of jeans?:yes
Have you ever had to fuck stuff up for no good reason?:ni
Have you ever been kicked out of your parents house?:yes
Have you ever been fired from your job because of your attitude?:no
Does the world piss you off?:sometimes

About Me Personality Quiz brought to you by BZOINK!

first breath after coma


:: 2004 20 December :: 7.10 am

you don't know me, i'm permanent.

first breath after coma


:: 2004 19 December :: 8.26 pm

Belt
I wouldn't sell my belt to industry
So they carded me
And they carted me off.
Naked with that belt around my waist
It was my father's once
I still see his face
They carted me off.
But I managed to escape the good gendarme
And I fled through field and farm stripped of natural charm
Naked but that belt I wear so well
Past the pyramids
And the liberty bell
Hey this is something I have to do for myself
I have to for myself.
I ignored the sheep and shepherds on my way
What could their small words say
When they say them that way
Bathed in sweat and feathered as a crow
I laid a beating on the sleet and snow
With my frostbitten toes.
I remained unrecognized in my home town
Beneath my monstrous gown
Of feather and down
But I gathered up and army made of those
Who aimed to shame them
From their repose
We took up weapons
And took off our clothes
So what say you
And all your friends
Meet all of my friends
In the alley with knives
What say you
And all your friends
Step up to my friends
In the alley tonight

first breath after coma


:: 2004 18 December :: 12.04 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: You And I - Silent Mourning Whisper

so i'm an asshole. god, i fucking hate people. all of them, every single one. fuck. i put up with too much shit. fuck the saying "bad stuff happens to good people" what the fuck do i do to deserve what i get? ridiculed for everything i do, everything i am and everything i might be. so much shit. "fucking dirty mexican this, dirty spic that" fuck you all. i'm 16% mexican assholes, more irish, itailian, spanish and french than mexican. so what if i like hardcore music, so what if i like indie or "emo" music? is it such a bad thing that i don't drink or smoke....or even...gasp! refrain from sex at all?!?!? oh yeah, its just my excuse because "couldn't get any if i tried" even if i had a girlfriend i wouldn't want any. its just how i am, i'm not gay or fucked up. i'm not like everyone else, i'd kill myself if i was, and i'm guessing thats what you want...both parts. so you know what, fuck you. i'm staying the way i am and you can go fuck yourself or whatever disease ridden bitch you do fuck. merry christmas asshole.





i'm not in the greatest of moods. so i have no friends. i guess the only real reason i'm writing in here is so i have something to look back on? i'm odd, but i like it that way. so my plans for this weekend are to finish my homework, sleep and work on something for photography. went to mayfair today, tom actually like my work. can you believe it? a real, top of the line, professional photographer liking my work. me, mine. my lowly excuse for a picture. he told me i should think about applying to the center for creative studies. i think i just may. god, i long for real, intelligent, human, face to face contract outside of the few people i talk to somewhat at school. i come home, sit here, go to my darkroom, go to starbucks and then lock myself in my room til morning because i just want to avoid all people that i can have a real conversation with. my family kind of understands, thank god for that. i love my family. no sarcasim in there, i promise, really. they actually tell me to follow my dreams and try to help me along the way. can you really ask for anything else? so tom is in saganaw for the weekend-ish time span. i don't have eric's phone number, so i'm fucked there. two of the people i can have real conversations with are gone. everyone else is either too busy or won't talk to me. you can go from having a goo amount of people to talk to, to almost none instantly. so while i'm on this whole long rant of an entry i'll talk about my other things in my life. i'm single, i'm 17. i have no chance of having a girlfriend in the remainder of my high school years. doesn't really bother me. i miss having someone to talk to about lots of things, someone to rant with. so i guess this journal is my mistriss. my place to rant. plans for the holidays? nope. i'm so awesome and popular i decorate my tree alone? an indicator of things to come? i hope not. i've become somewhat more religious, which is a good thing. i found somethings that i've been yearning and searching for.

so apparently we are getting an arctic blast soon. only thing i have planned during that period is seeing how long i can stay outside when it gets that cold in only my boxers. i'm thinking 30 minutes at least. should be interesting. only thing that i really do wrong with my body is pushing it to its limits. like i said, no drinking, smoking or sex are givens. its the extreme stuff thats much more fun. been trying to teach myself more piano, its coming along. i probably should try to go and get some sleep. i'll probably write more tomorrow. good night.





you don't know me, i'm permanent

2 breaths | first breath after coma

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