Life Is An Ever Changing Road

:: 2007 5 July :: 11.12pm

when i get this paid off, its going to get 4gigs of ram...
that is all.

:: 2007 5 July :: 7.46pm

time to find my calculator.

:: 2007 5 July :: 12.03am

I havn't updated in awhile, I havn't had anything interesting going on lately.
At least nothing worth writing about.

Just a list of stuff to do:

1. Clean room, I hate the clutter.
2. Get the Helicoil kit for the truck, along with a 40mm frost plug and some red engine enamel
3. schedule classes for fall.
4. read chapter 15 for english, Submit paper and topic proposal.
5. chapter presentation thing, due monday i do the one that starts with C heh, can't remember it right now.
6. critical reading assignment summary due on monday. holy shit to much english for a weekend.

Today was alright. Justin came over then phil and will came over and we went to see transformers, bitchin movie :D

i've got so much catching up to do on stuff, i missed 2 classes this week because i drive a peice of shit car and it wouldn't start.

Girls are confusing... wich brings me to a joke i heard along time ago.

"a man is walking along a beach and finds a magic lamp. the guy picks the lamp up and rubs it and a genie pops out and tells the guy that he will grant him one wish, the guy says "okay, i dont like flying so can you build me a bridge to hawaii i want to go there on vacation" the genie looks at the guy and says some thing like "well... do you have any other wishes that one is hard to do" the guy looks up and the genie and says "can you teach me to understand women?" and the genie replies "would you like that bridge 2 land or 4?"

i need to find direction in my life, it keeps me happy and content, so if anyone has any ideas, let me know. thanks

:: 2007 4 July :: 12.47am

It hurts me when my friends are hurting. I understand. I do. I'm here, but that's all I can do, really.

It's raining outside for the first time in a long time. When I was driving home from work tonight, there were flashes all around me. At first I thought it was fireworks, but then straight ahead, I caught a glimpse of a spectacular lightening bolt. It was amazing.

angel_bob

:: 2007 3 July :: 2.17pm

I got contacts.

sugarjackj

:: 2007 3 July :: 9.02am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: The Trucks

I know you know the words I want to hear.

Its just that you never say them when I'm near.

:: 2007 2 July :: 1.18pm

rough day. I can't write a paper.

new computer though.

toshiba satellite laptop.
1 gig of DDR2 ram, 200gig harddrive, AMD athlong turion 64 x 2 mobile, ATI x1200 mobile video card.
got some bitchin speakers to it, the 1.3 mp in moniter webcam,

and mother fucking windows vista.

5 laughs | smile

sugarjackj

:: 2007 2 July :: 9.29am

Sometimes I hate this obnoxious roller coaster.

Just when things seem ok I plunge into despair.

My sister got evicted from her apartment. She and her three kids moved into our living room. If you know anything about my house you would know how crazy small it is.
Mom is sick so much. She can't drive anymore. She can't write anymore. Each day her memory seems to be worse. And again, there is nothing I can do to help her through this.
But the Deftones concert was amazing. Miranda and I were second row center. I was so close to Chino, it was heaven.
The BNL concert was also amazing. I'm glad I went with my parents to that. They don�t really get out much anymore. So it was nice doing something they wanted.
Goo Goo Dolls, again, spectacular. We were pretty close.
I'm getting my Interpol ticket today.
I lost some scholarship money this year because my GPA was not good enough. But I'm getting grant money from CMU and from the government that I didn�t get last year. So that�s cool. I know I should go to ISU, but not yet.....

Again, it�s like I said. Life�s a roller coaster. Sometimes I almost can�t handle it, but sometimes it�s ok.

:: 2007 2 July :: 12.49am

just a quick though.....

IF hillary clinton is elected president, i probably won't have the money to move to canada, nor will they let me in. So I will buy a flag pole and fly the rebel flag every day she is president.

/thought

:: 2007 1 July :: 11.04pm

progress.
you know, lately i feel like i've been making progress in life.

i look at some of my friends, not naming any names at all, but i look at some of them and they don't have jobs arn't going to school, they just exist.

i've been taking my ritalin again, i can concentrate on doing tasks i compleatly hate doing like homework. It also gives me ambition, last wednesday i took some before i went to my class, i got to math and realised that i didn't check my schedule and that my math class is on mondays and thursdays so i went home and cleaned my car. by clean, i mean the interior is spotless the only thing in it right now are my keys, 4 AAA batterys, my radio, my headphones, and my CD's. in the trunk i have a gas can and a few tools. I vaccumed, scrubbed the carpets, powerwashed the floor mats washed the dash and even claned the stuff out of the glove box.
as far as life goes right now, I feel GREAT, i feel like i'm on top of the wold and nothing can bring me down.

I look back on where I was last year; I was in a job that I dreaded getting up for each day, A relationship that I compleately regretted and wished I would have gone a compleatly different way back then.

8 Months ago; I was beginning college, very very excited about it. I got there and my relationship ended 6 days after I started it seemed like a blessing because I didn't have to deal with the nagging and whining when I came home on the weekends, Progress starts.

6 Months ago; Febuary, the distance of college was taking its toll on me, I wanted to be home with my friends, my uncle passed away, I wasn't doing to hot, Ohio wasn't to friendly with me. I had thoughts of scuicide, Lizzy and Andy we're going to come and pick me up one night but I told them not to.

5 Months ago; I quit college and have been depressed since.

Currently; I am going to G.R.C.C. to get some general credits taken care of, I'm back on medication and doing really well in school. There is a new female interest in my life, someone that I've known for a really long time and I know wouldn't ever do me wrong.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and finally an update on the stuff thats happened today.

Justin McWilliams shows up around noonish, my Dad, Justin, and I hop our asses up on the roof and finish it. Kayleigh Calls me and her and Chase come over, was good hanging out with them, Later We went to the mud runs in Sand Lake. Kayleigh left when we got there, Chase, Justin and I saw a bunch of people there that we knew, I had fun. Then we came home and watched some movies, I took chase home before dinner and tried to fix their computer, I don't know if I was successful or not but I tried.

Steak for dinner, Helped my Dad carry some stuff up from the basement to the dumster, wen't and fueled up the Tempo, stopped by Howies and hung out with Jennie for awhile, I miss her as my boss.

Came home, Finished my homework and now here I am, Writing a Woohu entry that is taking me 21 minutes.

Good Night.

thanks for reading.

- The BeaVe

joeydomina

:: 2007 1 July :: 3.32pm

Roomate/s wanted
If anyone wants to join in on an apartment with my gf and I as long as she says its okay to let me know. Rent would be around 289 for two people or 193 for one..... let me know ok

jedibumblebee

:: 2007 1 July :: 12.14am

i'm watching "can't hardly wait" and having a really awesome early 90's flashback.

and i think i might secretly be in love with seth green.

:: 2007 30 June :: 11.03pm

put some stuff on the back burner tonight, was going to go to nates, but we got done roofing and i'm whooped, was supposed to go to mirandas but again whooped, mitch wanted me to come hang out with them guys, but whopped.

skipped running last night because i was sore from the other night.
skipped it tonight because i'm way to tired to do anything.

confused a little bit about stuff but thats normal.

looking forward to going and watching the mud runs in sand lake tomorrow around 2 roof should be finished.

if my cam is here by wednesday it will be put into the motor and the truck put together.

mounds trip on the 21st hoping i don't break anything.

i'm getting better with money, i'm stashing $50 from every check away. the rest goes to car parts or paying bills. or getting me to and from college.

i got my hair cut, i have side burnns tan lines from where they used to be, i think i look better now.

kate is on her way home, i hope she brought me some of poland back.

anywho, off to sleep. i'm whooped good night.

:: 2007 30 June :: 2.50pm

I can't help but laugh...
If you'd like the WHOLE story, go to Gillette's post about Jesus Camp. Get in on the debate if you'd like. For now, an excerpt that is, well, awesome.

"i'm happy how i am. living my life day to day trying to be the best person i can be and let me tell you when i die i will go to wherever i wish to. if it is my own paradise then so be it. perhaps i'll go to disney world. i don't fucking know. i'm not dead yet.

btw how do you know all these things are real. has a dead person come to your hosue and knocked on the door and said i died and went to heaven i also went on a fieldtrip to hell. no i don't fucking think so. it's only what people tell you. read a history book or ask a fucking history fucking teacher.

the bible was written by men. men lie. they are all liars. but aren't we all? we all must repent. if we want to live eternal life in the joys of jesus with golden roads and lollipops."
-Jessie Gillette

:: 2007 30 June :: 2.19pm

spent like $150 today, havn't seen anything from it yet.

ordered a cam from summit, then i ordered a TRD shirt from toyota.

:: 2007 29 June :: 11.38pm

its friday night, i'm all alone.

:(

:: 2007 28 June :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: contemplative

I was sitting in the middle of Zach's field watching him and Rueben build their earth bag structure and watching the sun, shrouded in clouds like holy cloths, sink slowly behind a grove of trees and down into the horizon...and the clouds that were in the sky above me were very tall and large and loomed bright and purple and pink, slowly drifting to the west...and I sat there in thought, the clink of shovels filling bags with earth as my background music, my medium of meditation, while I braided grass that I collected from around me...the conclusion came suddenly of the selfishness of it all. We live for each other. Humanity is too wrapped up in itself, and that's where all the problems come from. Too involved, too lost in self absorbtion to get even a glimpse of the real, big picture...and it was just me wedged between the earth and the sky, the clouds pressing down on me as the light diminished to shine in another place. What does it matter? It's all too big. We live as if it matters what we do. It might, for a moment...but not for long.

I spend my days in a large building with no windows. Eventually, the field that was raped to put that building there, will destroy it. The grass and trees, and the little insects we sell repelents to destroy will consume it. It will take years, but what does that matter? The earth has years.

And then, when it's gone, what will it matter that I spent my days locked inside that building, wrapped up in the price adjustments, and money transfers, and the selling of overpriced synthetic food items?

I should have spent them else where, doing something else. But alas, I'm wrapped up tightly in it, playing by all the rules, doing what is expected, what is supposedly right.

And even if it's right, or wrong, or indifferent, what will it matter?

And it's hard to live with these kinds of questions in my head. It's hard to wake up in the morning with no purpose, with up becomind down and down turning up. Confusion is the name of the game. I don't know if I have a purpose. I know it's not to do the bidding of some guy up in the sky.

But somehow, I have this, this seemingly eternal hope. Hope for what? I have no idea. But it keeps me going when it seems like there is no purpose, no reason for it all. I suppose it's just some animal instinct that's buried deep in my subconscious, the message in the DNA to keep going, to procreate...

But we've created such an elaborate game of it all. If the goal is to procreate, why don't we just do that? Why are there so many other factors involved? Byproducts of something of evolution. It seems that everything we've created is so unnatural...

Why can't we be like every other animal and fuck each other and then die?

:: 2007 28 June :: 9.48pm

well, i just left MA 104 an hour and a half early. i got bored so i was like "hey, what are we doing next week" and the teacher told me we have a test i was like "okay"

and i went home.

i like college. but MA 104 is easy as shit, it bores the fuck out of me. everyone is dumb in that class.

rayray

:: 2007 28 June :: 3.07pm

Apparently cheeseburgers from wendys are worth getting in a big fuss about.
Shannon and I had quite the experience today.
We went in the side entrance to the wendy's parking lot that clearly states drive thru and has arrows pointing the way, and we pulled up to wait our turn and this bone head in a gaudy white station wagon got out of his vehicle and says "you guys aren't going to cut are you?" and I was like "Maybe" and he replies with "The line starts behind me, I suggest you get in it".
However, we were there before he was. (Douche bag).
I was going to cut just to be an ass, but I decided that if I had, he may run into me.
So I just hung back and let him go, and he rear-ended the truck in front of him.
And the guy in the truck was like "You fucking dumb ass! That is what you get for being a total ass hole".

Unemployment and Peoplelink are trying to jew me.
Bastards can suck my anus.
Because I specifically state on my application at Peoplelink I wouldn't work second shift, or for under $8.00 an hour, I apparently do not meet michigans standards to collect unemployment.
So they are going to try and make me pay back the money I collected on unemployment in may.
But I am protesting and they can kiss my fucking ass.

sugarjackj

:: 2007 28 June :: 2.27pm

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child, a long way from home.

:: 2007 27 June :: 10.00pm

just got back from another run, i ran farther before slowing down this time, definatally out of shape, but getting better.

my female intrest came over today and we hung out again, good times. i got my hair cut, and she cut my sideburns off and i have a sideburn tan line now haha.

angel_bob

:: 2007 27 June :: 3.01pm

Did I tell you that you all suck?

Because you do, losers.

3 laughs | smile

:: 2007 26 June :: 10.31pm

today was going great, class got out early, i got everything together for the truck, i called this girl i like, she didn't answer but she called me back. shit was going GREAT until i put the cam into the motor and i stripped the middle cam cap bolt hole, i dont know if i can helicoil it and it will be fine or if the head is junk, if the head is junk i'm going to be pissed because i just bought it.

after i got home from work, i ate some dinner and went for a run. the run helped me get my thoughts together and calm down. i think i might do it regularly now.

oh well,

BeaVe

angel_bob

:: 2007 26 June :: 6.33pm

Did I tell you about when I saw Mark Ruffalo in Prague?

It's a good story.

5 laughs | smile

:: 2007 25 June :: 6.53pm

i'm done for good with this lexapro generic knockoff...

i'll deal with depression my own way, pills don't work for me.

3 laughs | smile

:: 2007 25 June :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Along for the Ride" Vannessa Carlton

I'm in a rut. A summer rut. I don't like summer. It's too...loose. There is little structure, routine. I find myself wasting time. I dislike wasting time. I don't have time to waste, yet, that's what I do, I waste it.

Right before I fall asleep at night, my mind races with a thousand things that I should do the next day. I can't remember them when I wake up in the morning, and I'm caught in an endless cycle of waking up, eating, watching t.v, usually going to work, coming home emotionally and physically exhausted, reading for a while in bed, and going to sleep.

This is the point where I think there is more. And there is, but I just don't have the [drive, motivation, energy] to do whatever it is.

I just felt a horrible, unexplainable loss when I woke up this morning.

I'm way too uptight. And I don't think I know how to relax.

:: 2007 25 June :: 7.22am

what do you do when anti-depressents make you worse?

:: 2007 23 June :: 11.40pm

tonight was fun.

today i went and got the head for my motor, met this kid from GL4X4 and he had an AWESOME truck. way way cooler than mine, but yeah.

then i went and hung out with a friend of mine and helped her with some work, had a great time. and i'm just overall happy right now.

good night.

-Justin

:: 2007 22 June :: 9.38pm

forecast for the weekend looks great,

so far, tonight i bought a set of wheels and tires for my truck, the tires are 33x12.5R15 on 15x12 slotted mag aluminium wheels. i wanted these wheels for my cutlass sooo bad, my uncle found them at a yard sale for $125 he talked 'em down to $75 :D haha

tomorrow box and i are going to ypsilanti(sp?) well, newboston its over by there to get a head for my motor. afterwards i get to help build a fence, then after that who knows. hopefully something cool. :D

sunday is probably going to be spend working on the truck, MAYBE MAYBE monday it will run, not likely but there is a slim slim chance

rayray

:: 2007 20 June :: 6.26pm
:: Music: Home: Daughtry

My grandmother is being transfered out of the adult care home she is in now.
I am very thankful for that.
I still don't like that she's going to be in an adult care facility, but I suppose ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
I talked to my Aunt Cheryel quite a bit over the weekend.
For about an hour each time actually, and we talked at least 3 times.

Baseball is almost over.
Thank goodness.
I do not know how much more I can take of having to deal with these kids.
They do not listen at ALL.
But I guess quite a few of them are scared to piss me off.

We have a terrible problem with ants.
They are driving me nuts.
They are the little ones too.
Bastards.
Not sure where the little fuckers are coming from being the apartment is really clean.

Anyway, I believe Im going to go clean my car out..