so now my truck sits without a motor, took us like 4ish hours to get it out. Going to take ALOT longer to put it back in and fix some stuff that was put together wrongish
A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off.
In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy.
I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass.
I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same.
It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it.
I used to be a pretty independent person.
I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time.
But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of.
I let my mother get the best of me.
I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing.
Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months.
Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up.
Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet.
I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks.
I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen.
To see if he's had the last straw.
Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time.
Guh!
The heat has me cranky and tired.
Im not very much fun to be around.
Today was a miserable day at work.
Oh and let me tell ya if I felt like typing out how my day went, trust me you'd get every last detail.
So I will just leave it at this.
Christine is a fat fucking lazy skank ass that smells like bad fish and dirty socks.
Anyway.
Baseball tonight in Palo.
Woohaa!
Im too tired to even sit here.
::
2007 30 May :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Interpol - The Heinrich Maneuver
At least the new QOTSA cd comes out in two weeks.
I was running for awhile, but then I stopped, and now I’m starting again.
Even though it's bloody hot out there.
I figure I can at least make myself more appealing physically. Because it’s not what inside that’s winning the boys over.
They want me out of the house. It's obvious. Very obvious. I can't do anything right. Everything in my life, even not doing the fucking dishes, is up to scrutiny.
I'm trying so hard to stay calm and not do anything, but if this keeps up, which I'm sure it will....
Rueben, Shae, Jessie, Josh, and I went to Big Rapids to go ghost hunting last night. No ghosts, but on the way back, a hornet got into the car and bit Jessie five times and Josh once. We were all freaking out because Shae is allergic to everything, and we pulled over at a speedway for a while to find and kill the hornet.
Then, on our way back, after we got on 131 south, we hit a deer. Actually, Rueben hit a deer with my car, because I made him drive, but he did wonderful. We were only going about sixty anyway, and as soon as he saw it, he slammed on the brakes and swerved just a tiny bit. It hit the front driverside of my car. We were all absolutely fine, and my car has an inch long crack on my blinker light, along with some random blood and hair. Other than that, the one who got the worst of it was the deer. It was still trying to get up, and then a semi hit it. It was still twitching, so we called the police so they could come shoot it, so no one else ran it over, or got in an accident because of it, and pull it off to the side of the road and mark it for the people who get dead animals off the highway.
By the time he got there, it was actually dead, and we left because I didn't want to file an accident report. We got back at about four am.
Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.
Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.
Wars don’t change except in name;
The next one must go just the same,
And new foul tricks unguessed before
Will win and justify this War.
-Robert Graves, "The Next War"
Glory does not engulf those who are today's subject, just maggots and worms who devour their bones.
There is a difference between defending yourself and your country and making a pre-emptive strike on another country for no clear reason.
Then there are the others. When will we remember the thousands of Japanese that were disintegrated in a second? Those who suffered with cancer for years? 100,000 Iraqi civilians?
Today is not a day to buy furniture or roast marshmallows or praise honor and courage and sacrifice. Today is a day of mourning for ALL who have died, not just those who have won and are memorialized in a vision of superficial peace and tranquility.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Yane
It's all been working and sleeping lately. I don't have time for much else. I only work thirty hours this week, but I only have two days off. I have to drive down there for a five hour shift. After gas and taxes and union dues, I probably only make about eighteen dollars for that shift.
Another thousand hours and I'll be making seven twenty five. Of course, the minimum wage will go up by then, making it meaningless.
It's been a stressful past couple of days, or at least week. Now I'm just pained.
So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.
So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.
Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.
Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.
I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!
I survived the great fire of '07
So, I took a five hour cashier shift from six thirty to eleven thirty tonight because I'm trying to get to fourty hours every week. Little did I know that I was in for an exciting night.
At about ten thirty alarms started going off in the back of the store. Me being on a lane, I couldn't really go see, so I just told everyone to not worry about it...we would have gotten evacuated if it was serious. So, they keep going. Ten or fifteen minutes later all of our lanes go down (there were about seven of us). It sucked because we couldn't ring anything up, we had to scan it, put in dept. 10 (grocery) and then a price. Hard to do if it doesn't have a price on it, or it's on sale. Anyway, so the s.c. comes over and tells me to shut off my light, and I was going to the gas station because they had the same problem.
So, at eleven, I go up to the gas station. Their registers were down, you couldn't even sign into them. So, I called back down to the store (luckily, because a few minutes later the whole phone system went down) and I said that there was nothing I could do. So, we decided to close down the gas station. I also found out there was a small fire in the computer room where all of our servers that run the store (and gas station because they're connected) were.
So, we got out some good old "caution tape" and some trash cans and chairs and blocked off the two exits into the gas station. The pumps were still working, but we couldn't ring anyone up...so we didn't want people filling up and then getting it for free.
By this time, there are tons of police and fire trucks and flashing lights everywhere, and I learn that I'm "in charge" of the gas station, and they had to evacuate everyone from the store due to carbon monoxide.
Finally, they let everyone back in, but we had to have the customers leave because we had absolutely no way to check them out. So, I made a trip back down to the store to see what they wanted me to do. I went back up to the gas station to "be in charge" and I sat outside on a folding chair telling people we were closed.
Then, a lady that was "high up" came and told me that the lanes were back on. Of course, she was misinformed, and they weren't, and as we were talking, a second round of firetrucks and police come back to the store. It was one fifteen, and I was going to be on overtime, so I had to leave.
All the firemen had to say was "it's going to be a while" before our system was going to be up again. The corporate lady said it was just one server and IT was on the way. Of course, that was before the second round of firetrucks and police.
Anyway, this all means that I got two extra hours in (that means forty for this week!) and Meijer will be closed for a while. This is really bad for them, since we are an expressway store, and Friday is one of the busiest days of the year for us because people stop on their way up north to buy all of their camping food and equipment.
So that was my exciting story for the night. If anyone knows anything more, please let me know!
Baseball 4 nights a week is going to be the death of me.
My birthday is nearing.
17 days actually.
Im way excited.
Red Lobster for Carley and I!
Not sure what else though.
Mike isn't getting very excited about my birthday.
Oh well.
Tara and Katie Graduate on Thursday!
Makes me feel old.
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here ?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money´s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this ?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile ?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house !
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife !
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money´s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean !
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money´s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house ?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go ?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right ?...Am I wrong ?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD !...WHAT HAVE I DONE ?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money´s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
so, i decided to get in shape for paintball, i went for a run tonight, maybe 8 blocks at the most i ran, a 4 minute run at a decent pace, i'm so tired right now haha. my legs are burning already. but i feel really good about myself
was up at 11 yesterday, played 9 holes at north kent, worked from 5-7, worked from 11-11, going to what was formally mayhem and is now magnum sports (ghey name) filling my tank, get to daryl's about 2ish maybe, rock the field for a few hours, go pass out. wake up and do it again!
Things seem to be holding themselves together.
I went back to work on monday.
It was a little rough trying to get back in the swing of things, but I managed to get myself through the week.
I realized that I function better if I sleep less.
Actually, I have a hard time falling asleep or feeling tired before 11:00.
My last day through Peoplelink is the 28th, and then I transfer to Manpower.
Unless GRC decides that they want to hire me in full time.
I sent a rather lengthy email to the head HR personnel today.
I thoroughly explained my reasonings behind why I believe I should be hired in, with details of what my daily tasks entale.
I, being a temp shouldn't be doing the computer update, the paper work, making labels, or full-time employee annual testing. (There are other tasks but my mind fails to remember them).
I also became line leader when I returned back to work, because Micki went to Rockford to work on third shift..
Total crock if you ask me.
I care about my job because I fear losing it, but I don't care enough to blow or kiss ass to get a raise or promotion.
I signed a job posting to work in service, but I won't get it.
I spent 3 hours doing computer testing today and then I was frowned upon because my line was behind.
Not my fault by the way.
Mike got his lay off slip last night.
Sorry, I am just in the mood to piss and moan about whatever I possibly can.
It started at 6:00 this AM.
I've been working for the past two weeks like crazy and what do I get? My first paycheck is 162.43 after all is said and done. I definitely don't make enough money.
I spent five hours in the E.R. with my mom last night.
It was upsetting to see my mom like she was.
It was late, and I had to work in the morning.
The only thing that made me smile was the meth-head who shared a curtin with us. She was totaly nuts and it was funny.
Now I know I shouldent laugh at that, but at least she will get help.
I get two of my teeth filed today after work. That should be interesting. The only thing left to do will be to whiten my teeth then I will have a nice smile. I hope.
