"She was who she once was, but not as I had known her."

 

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Life Is An Ever Changing Road

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angel_bob

:: 2006 26 September :: 9.57pm

JESSA!
Remember when we were talking about Halloween costumes for Clementine?

Well have I got some costumes for you!

Read more..

I love you.

1 laugh | smile


allyson

:: 2006 26 September :: 6.33pm

Last night I woke up feeling so sick and then I wake up this morning.. fine and dandy. It was really odd. Anyways, we get morgan tomorrow all the way to sunday. How exciting huh? We bought her so much new stuff in the past few weeks. Like a total winter coat and pants, snow boots, and fall jacket. OOH these way cute levi pants that have a button waist so you can make them tighter without using a belt. We already bought her a new pair of shoes. They are all pink and adorable. Also we got her a few new shirts too. We bought her some learning puzzles and a book too. So far she's digging the book more then anything else we bought her. Jared and I plan on getting a family photo done this weekend. We are unsure of what we are going to wear. I already have Morgan's outfit picked out though. Haha.. I'm pathetic. Let's see what else... Jared and I are also getting the house in rockford figured out because.. my dad is getting really annoyed with us. I was annoyed with him as soon as we moved in.. but at least he let us move in right? What else...

I'm still looking for a frick'n job. I need at least a part time job of anything so that we can afford the house in rockford. 1422 a month.. yippy :| That's if Lance is okay with letting us take it over. We asked today...

smile


skife

:: 2006 26 September :: 1.22pm

so yeah, i'm sitting here, and beth is trying to unbutton my pants.... with her mouth... kinda funny, well actually really funny.

8 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 25 September :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Waking up this morning was the toughest thing I've done in a long time.

I am incredibly sick. I even skipped a class. I only skip a class for a really good reason, such as sitting in my dorm trying not to throw up.

I really want some hot chicken noodle soup right now. That would make me feel better.

Your selfish needs polluted my perfect night. When are you ever going to learn? When is it not going to be about you anymore? When will you open your eyes and see the world that you so desperately claim to know so much of? Your actions are not beautiful, they are not heroic. They are just another intelligently masked motive for self gain, for pleasure.

There was a time when I thought everything you touched was beautiful. I thought you really understood how everything worked. I thought you could feel how life changed us minute by minute, hour by hour, through painful thought, tearless loss. Now I see you're the same as everyone else. That was my fault, my mistake, for you are only human, and I shouldn't have expected anything more out of you than anyone else. I'm terribly sorry for that.

michelle

smile


allyson

:: 2006 25 September :: 9.46am

This is not a request for compliments so...don't think that
*deep breath* Last night on desperate housewives I was crying inside for lynnette. Then, I did actually end up crying. Not because of that though. Well.. partly, but mainly because of how I feel about myself. I honestly believe that I am absolutly ugly. I told jared last night that, Once we get a house I'm saving all my extra money so that I can get the plastic surgery I've needed since I was thirteen. And, of course he said I didn't need it. But I do. I don't feel pretty at all. I mean I don't even think about it when I'm with just Jared but.. I'm not always with just him. I feel bad for him that he has to be seen with me. I try my best to look as good as I can. Cakein' on the make up and wearing (try to at least) nice clothes. I've felt this way since I could remember considering I got this scar at the age of 4.

Anyways, enough of my sad pathetic..ness. Jessica (morgan's mother) has taken away her friendship and says she will take away the nice things she's done for us ie. lowering the child support 70 dollars. She would prefer it if I delete my entry on myspace about Jared having sex with her and all the things she said. Her friend is sticking up for her and saying it's non of my business. How is it not?

I'm holding my ground for now. Needing a job, applying everywhere. Sending out resumes as well as filling out applications. Still no luck. I applied for a receptionist posistion at a company in cedar. That's the latest. I sent it out saturday so.. maybe I'll actually hear. I doubt it.

Alright, hope whoever reads this has a good/nice day.

smile


allyson

:: 2006 24 September :: 9.33pm

I feel like lynette on desperate housewives. Her whole situation.

smile


allyson

:: 2006 24 September :: 9.28pm

alright, just letting everyone know that I am posting under friends only from now on.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 24 September :: 8.59pm

I had a really fun weekend. I went home and saw everyone, did many things, you know what I mean.

I went to shakedown street and priscilla's for the first time Saturday. It was definately awesome.

I had such a long night last night, I got about two hours of sleep. I almost fell asleep numerous times while I was driving back to Central. That wasn't too great.

I will be back for red flannel.

I like jello.

michelle

smile


angel_bob

:: 2006 24 September :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: sick

Yesterday
Nick and I went to see The Last Kiss last night at Celebration. In the middle of the movie, I thought I head a tornado siren but shrugged it off because I always think I'm hearing a tornado siren.

Nick kept pointing out that the projector was making weird noises and he was getting nervous about it which made me nervous. The whole theater was really anxious and everyone kept shifting in their seats.

I began to hear the rain start falling a lot more than it had been. It was pounded loudly on the roof but there wasn't any thunder, just rain pouring down. Suddenly there was a big booming noise and the power went out. No one screamed or anything thank goodness because I hate when people scream when the power goes out.

Anyway so the power went out and we just sat there. Nick (thank goodness he was there) grabbed my hand and started talking to me. He just kept talking trying to calm me down as the power came back on. I told him I was okay, just surprised and we sat in the theater murmuring for thirty seconds just waiting for someone to tell us what to do.

As a girl got up to leave the theater and see what was happening, someone came into the theater: "There's a tornado warning and we need you all to come into the hallway."

There was no hesitation as we all gathered our things and left the theater. As we got outside, Nick noticed I was shaking and he talked me down again. My parents were gone this weekend so I was worried about Hannah and Nathaniel. I called them and they were okay so I was okay.

We sat in the hallway for about half an hour and in that time we were told that two tornadoes had touched down and were heading north towards us. The tornado warning was over at 6:30 but then extended to 6:42 so everyone just sort of sat around waiting. We got free passes to another movie so it was okay.

Yeah, it was fun. Tornado warnings have always freaked me out, ever since I was a little kid. The first one I remember was when I was in first or second grade when we lived in McHenry, IL. I was in the kitchen at the table with my mom and a tornado warning came on the little TV.

I love you all.

6 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 22 September :: 9.53am
:: Mood: contemplative

I went out to breakfast with my parents today. It was very, strange. I felt like I didn't belong to them anymore, however, that's not a bad thing. I think it startled them when I followed the waitres to the table, instead of following them following the waitress (I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but with my family the actions and unspoken moves you make are very important). I could see in their eyes that I had changed.
They are getting old. I could see it in their eyes. It feels so good not to live at home that I'm almost dreading the summer when I'll move back in.
They are on their way up to Beaver Island for a vacation.

I'm leaving today after my english class at noon. I'm going home, and they aren't going to be there, and it's going to be like old times.

I'm very excited for this weekend.

michelle

1 laugh | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 21 September :: 4.16pm

So i WAS going to the writing center to get someone intelligent to proofread my paper, however, they are closed at the moment. It's only four in the afternoon. How can they be closed?

Eh. My paper is too good for them anyway.

Right.

Michelle

1 laugh | smile


skife

:: 2006 21 September :: 11.33am

so i'm watching an infomercial on "the total gym"
and this guy comes up to chuck norris and is like "there's no way you can get a body like from working out on this thing"
as soon as he said that, i thought chuck was gonna give 'em a roundhouse to the face.

3 laughs | smile


skife

:: 2006 21 September :: 11.19am

beth passed her drivers test
yay.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 20 September :: 10.11pm

I finally got done with my english paper. Who doesn't love Transcendentalism? Seriously.

michelle

4 laughs | smile


angel_bob

:: 2006 20 September :: 8.33pm

I just wrote my first horrid paper of the semester and told my boyfriend that I didn't want to see him this weekend because all he does is play WoW.

Yay.

I'm in a mood. Damn period.

4 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 20 September :: 2.28pm

I'm so tired. I feel like my head is so...confused. Perhaps it's just been from lack of sleep, although I've been getting eight hours a night. I really need to take a nap, but I can't for some reason.

It's horrible.

michelle

7 laughs | smile


allyson

:: 2006 20 September :: 2.05pm

Well, a lot more has happened since I last wrote. I havn't been keeping up on this obviously but I'm going to try to more.

The cells have upgraded again and we will decide on November 8th if we will go ahead with the surgery to remove the lower portion of my uterus.

For those of you who didn't know, Jared and I planned to start a family of our own at the end of october. So, it looks like that probably won't be happening. I cried.. it was pathetic.

Over the course of two months Morgan's mother and I had been talking. Well that ended. Yesturday at that. Supposidly we're too much of a "great family" for her to handle talking to us. It makes her feel like a "bad mother". How pathetic is that. Oh, she says that she can't deal with us anymore and she's going to talk to friend of the court. About what... we already have scheduled times when we see her and who gets her on holidays... she's just jealous is what everyone is saying.

4 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 19 September :: 7.56pm

I am going to kill the piccolo player that sits next to me in U band.

I know how to play my fucking flute.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 19 September :: 2.24pm

I can feel the wind cut through my sweater. That same sweater that seemed like last night, but so many nights ago, you gave me, to keep me warm. I recollect this moment not as a moment of passion, or love, or even burning desire, but of one of friendship, of caring, of compassion. The three of us went swimming together that night. I was so scared of the cold water. I'm not sure exactly why. My body was cold, but so was my soul. And underneath those stars, that night, my body was renewed in that water, with both of you, and I felt whole. I felt as if all the world was content. I was content. I was shivering from the cold midnight breeze, and I felt childish with the sand between my toes, but I was content. I was happy. That was how summers should be. That's how summer was.

michelle

smile


upchuck

:: 2006 19 September :: 10.23am

After spending a significant amount of time this morning reconnecting with my network (catching up on friends page and going to facebook), I realize how relatively important that all of this was to me nearly a year ago. I put my life back together online. I hate to admit it, but Mica and I would never had even started talking had I had to meet her in real life to begin with. And look how fantastically that has turned out.

But now, now my life on here does not seem so important. Maybe it's because I've fallen back into my old habits, as far as just using it to maintain knowledge of all of you. Yes, I do, I read, very detailed entries, so just remember that when you keep going on about things. But I really think the reason is that I have a life outside of this. I can keep up with my friends, but I don't need to be intimately involved anymore because I have a life outside of this. I wonder if there is any research on this as far as people retreating to the internet in times of depression or lonliness. Hmmmm.............

But anywho. I've decided to try an make this a long entry, just to punish you all.

Stress is starting to get to me, but I don't want to talk about it because I just have to get perspective on work. Once I do that and realize that they are not paying me enough to stress out over little things like the stuff I get upset about, I'll be fine. It's kind of like those nights that I used to come home from Monday night practice, extremely tired, but also still wound up from rehearsal. I used to fall into a half-sleep state where I was in a dream, but back on the field. Until I could actually get some good sleep I would have to convince myself in this dream state to put down my Tuba and lay down at the back of the field and fall asleep. Then I would be fine. It's just a matter of perspective.

I got a weird call last week. Thursday night at work my dad called me and said that he had gotten a rather strange phone call from a guy who was looking for a bass player. This guy was a completely stranger and he got my name from a guy that I haven't seen in about three years. Anyways, his bass player had quit on him and he had a party to play this weekend. He wanted me to come play with his band cold. I'd never met the guy, never played with anyone in his band. I didn't even know what kind of music they played. We talked a couple of times on the phone, he told me where the party was and I showed up. Kind of a weird circumstance. I've had weird things happen all because of music, but this was the strangest. We played, at the end of the second set (I didn't know many of their songs, and I faked it, some good others really bad), my amp started to cut out. They had to go get another amp for me to play through. I felt really bad. One of the things you don't wanted to happen when you're playing with a bunch of new people is for your equipment to not work. They got me another amp and by that time it was around 11:30pm. They, the rest of the guys in the band, had given up on playing anything that they had on their song list. WHich is good, because some of the stuff was a little complex, not the kind of music you want to play on the fly. So we tossed around ideas and started playing some of the simplest songs that they knew. That set ended up rocking. Up to that point I didn't really have a good feeling about the night. I started to think that maybe i was just out of it. I hadn't played in awhile, I might just have lost what I had. But I didn't. We played stuff that I knew and that was easy and we really fell into a groove. It was awesome. I haven't had that experience all summer. So it was a good time.

Okay, well now I think I've bored you enough with the mindless details of my life. So now that you've read all that pointless crap, I will say good bye.




Good Bye.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 18 September :: 1.29pm

When I grow up I'm going to be a teacher.

smile


Angel_Bob

:: 2006 17 September :: 10.23pm

I am so excited for France that I just want to get out of here!



Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!


And Jessa inspired me to change my layout. Even though it doesn't fit on my screen it's still awesome and so is the song.


I LOVE YOU.

2 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 17 September :: 7.24pm

Do you remember when we went camping and made criss cross potatoes in the Wok?

Do you remember when we learned how to play Mau?

Do you remember how it was?

It was wonderful, wasn't it?

-michelle

2 laughs | smile


rayray

:: 2006 26 September :: 5.49pm

Awwwwe.. Im still alive.. Imagine that..
Things are fine.
Work sucks.
Mike and I are doing very well.
Getting out of debt slowly but surely.
I miss Carley.
My dad bought me a mobile memory card reader!
And he bought himself a new digital camera..
Anyway.. this is my sad update..

2 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 15 September :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: crappy

I miss my music terribly.
I'm in University band, of course, but it's not enough.
I feel so empty without it.
I don't think you could ever understand what I mean.

michelle

1 laugh | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 15 September :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Friday. Music to my ears.

I only had one class today, but eh...I stil had to get up for it. I'm feeling a little under the weather. I hope I'm not getting too sick.

I'm coming home next weekend. Since everyone loves me so much, I'm sure my schedule is going to be jam packed. Right.

If you want to hang out, leave me a comment and I'll make some time for you inbetween eating my parent's food and watching T.V from the couch.

michelle

7 laughs | smile


skife

:: 2006 14 September :: 1.17pm

this is.... different.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 13 September :: 11.33pm

Sitting here in a computer lab that won't accept my flash drive because it's too new, and the printers don't have any toner so I can't print my Speech.

Lovely.

I'm going to get a job. Yay for me.

I'm going to bed now. To sleep. I like sleep. I love lamp. And the Romantics, they, well, they love nature.

2 laughs | smile


Iron-Cipher

:: 2006 13 September :: 10.41am

Not that they will probably see this but I made a few people sigtings today. While waiting in the ridiculously long line for the bostwick parking ramp I saw Kate and her mother walking down the side walk, well kate was doing more of a hobble seeing as how she was on crutches. I also Saw Jess with her boyfriend Robby walking along the side walk. She has pretty long hair compared to when I saw her last, anyway she looked quite melancholy. So yeah I finally saw some people I know, but ironically that is all I did is see them no talking :( Have a nice rainy day all.

2 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2006 12 September :: 5.26pm
:: Mood: crazy

I just got done eating dinner. They have some really good clam chowder here!

I've resigned myself to the fact, that yes, I actually do have to get a job-and soon.

It's so foggy out right now. I couldn't even see the towers from the library, and it's only like a quarter of a mile away.

We had some roommate bonding time last night. We sat in a circle in the bedroom with Korn blasting drinking out of some red solo cups.

I was just going to write something, and then I got distracted by the Macs in the corner, and now I can't remember what it was. But to be sure, it was an ingenious, witty observation.

My memory is starting to get the best of me.

Stop smokin'?

What do you think?

michelle

smile

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