Life Is An Ever Changing Road

:: 2008 9 March :: 3.20am
:: Mood: honest

Bitches, I am sick and tired of putting all this effort into friendships when you guys aren't doing anything in return. I'm done, people. I am so done. And I am completely over you. I have tried, I have called, I have talked. I have loved, I have hated. I am completely done.

Oh, and Andy? I know what you said about me. I know what you have said about Katti. I thought you were an okay person but apparently I was wrong. I never realized you were such an asshole.

Ben, way to leave me hanging like you always do. It's always for another woman too.

Jessa, I think the way that you treat your marriage and your child is ridiculous. You have basically cut that part of your life out and that "horribly rankles me." It happened, you need to deal with it and admit it instead of completely ignoring three years or you might have some issues in the future.

Anyway, I know I'm being a bitch, all judgmental and whatever but I just need to get it all out.

9 laughs | smile

:: 2008 8 March :: 9.21pm

[rant]

so, yeah, i've got better things to be doing right now in grandrapids than sitting around waiting for a fucking bus to come in.

but, i've got to wait till 10:30 so i can go clean this peice of shit thats probably going to be trashed by some fucking jr highschool peices of shit.

I have to clean it tonight because the mother fucker leaves tomorrow morning at 8 am.

I relly really like this job, i'm just sick of all the bunkass hours. 8-5 then come back at 10 and do these busses that have to leave in the morning.

its dumb, really dumb. fuck it.

[/rant]

:: 2008 8 March :: 2.05am

worked today from 8-4:30 5:30-7:30 went to a birthday party, then from 10:30 till 3:30 i worked.

and i have to go back tomorrow at 8pm and work, then i have 2 busses on sunday to do

:: 2008 7 March :: 11.03pm

I am way too hormonal lately. I watched Martian Child the other day with Nick and cried. I've been reading Marian Keyes and crying for no reason. I watched New Amsterdam and cried.

Silly woman-ness.

I'm supposed to pick up the girls tonight. I was all ready to get them at 11:53 but their plane done gone and got delayed and isn't coming in until ~~1:08 1:13 1:23 1:29~~ 1:22. I best not get sleepy or we're going to have issues.

:: 2008 6 March :: 11.58pm

I worked from 11-5 then babysat from 6-11.

I am wiped out. I don't want to go to bed though because I feel like I just wasted my day.

I got a new phone. News at 11.

:: 2008 5 March :: 10.57pm

You know that girl in your math class who knew your professor really well because she babysat his kids?

Yeah, tomorrow I am totally that girl. Just replace math with folk and square dance.

I just hope it goes well. I haven't babysat in about three years. The kids seemed awesome and they will be asleep for half the time I'm there anyway. I'm just nervous for nervous sake I suppose.

:: 2008 5 March :: 11.57am

so i've decided to work myself into the ground to pay off some bills and shit.

today

work from 8-3ish
get out, come home take it easy for a little whiel
howies from 5-10:30
get out there get up to the shop clean another bus or two. ~2 hours per bus
go home, sleep for.... 6 hours or so, wake up go to work do it all again.

:: 2008 5 March :: 12.35am

I do so enjoy receiving drunk phone calls. Especially when they include stories of mysterious makeouts in the oldest bar in Boston. Next time you're drunk, give me a ring.

I am terribly jealous that my friends are wandering around Boston and getting trashed at ancient bars. I am sitting here trying not to think about how I just indirectly admitted to Nick that sometimes I miss the opportunities I would have if I were single and planning my bus ride to work tomorrow. This adult stuff sucks.

I just want to party like any other college kid during my spring break.

It's nighttime, I'm getting down like I usually do.

Nick mentioned that the reason I might not be yearning for children like I usually am is because we have kitties. I think that he's right but I want to think that I'm over the marriage and children thing. I want to think that I am okay with where I am right now and I don't need any of that other stuff. And I do think that. I am convincing myself so far so who knows if it's true or not.

Blah blah blah.

I need a vacation. But not the kind I keep giving myself. I need a college kid, let it all hang out, party til dawn vacation.

I don't know what else I was going to say. Who wants to pretend we're all getting married and go try on wedding dresses? It'll be like playing dress-up.

5 laughs | smile

:: 2008 4 March :: 6.17pm

As excited as I am for spring and summer, and as pumped as yesterday made me feel for spring (I sat in bed with my laptop and the bedroom window open, listening to the 40 degree air blowing and birds (!) chirping), I really like that during winter I can throw on a pair of jeans, shove my coat on over the ratty T-shirt I've been sitting in all day, slide on some shoes (sans socks) and pop up my hood to walk up the street and go drop off rent. Winter saves me from having to put real clothes on, take a shower, brush my hair, make sure I don't look like I've been sitting around all day and find shoes to walk in. Luckily, the office was closed so I didn't even have to see anybody and it was warm enough and dry enough that I got to wear shoes instead of boots.

All convenience of the last five minutes aside, yesterday made me really want spring to come. I heard birds chirping. BIRDS! Not ducks, not geese, real live birds. And I opened a window and turned the heat down. And I thought about not wearing a coat. I had options! I wore shoes, like today, shoes!

I am really sick of living in a place with snow. I think this snow and winter crap is hitting me harder because last year I was on the beach and tanning. Or at least thinking about it by now. I don't want to have to deal with it anymore.

This cat needs to learn how to use his claws. He just tries to pull them off instead of sliding his paw forward. I usually just let him sit there a minute trying to figure it out before I help him.

My friends are in Boston this week looking at grad schools. Which is cool except I could be hanging out with them instead of freaking out about what I'm going to do after graduation. And after they leave me.

I think I'm going to play Zelda. For some reason, Nick HATES me playing the game in the same room he's in. It doesn't even matter that I say he's not watching me play. Apparently he is watching me, just like he's watching TV, even while he's on the computer. Whatever. It just makes me mad that he can complain all he wants when I do stuff on the TV while he's on the computer but when he does anything on the TV and I complain a little, I'm being an asshole. /rant

I want to dress up. I have tons of dresses and nothing to wear them to. We need to have a dressy party or something. I can't wait until it's warm. I'll never wear pants or shoes again. It's shorts, skirts, dresses and short pants from the first warm day on.

There was lightening on Sunday. It was awesome.

The end.

3 laughs | smile

:: 2008 4 March :: 7.09am

I don't know how much longer I can do this job, I'm starting to get extremely irritable and angry at the stupidest little things.

I'm pissed off now. really pissed off, and i've got no reason to be at all.

This shit is fucking weak.

:: 2008 2 March :: 5.50pm

25 days 20 ish hours.

washed and buffed the stang today.

9 laughs | smile

:: 2008 1 March :: 7.53pm

Its weird how Styx songs can put me in an amazingly good mood.
They also give me ambition.
All time favorite Styx song is Lorelei.

So we haven't received mail in almost 2 weeks.
Not cool.

I work in a shit hole.
The lady told me it was the cleanest factory she had ever been in..
hahaha whatever.
I come home with burns on my arms from the press and from the sand paper rubbing against my arm as i try to roll it through onto the arm of the press.
I make a lousy $7.50 an hour.

Lori is in Cancun right now where it's warm and she's getting a tan..
Bitch.

Man I could go for some taco bell... again..
Shannon brought me some when she came over today!

2 laughs | smile

:: 2008 29 February :: 11.29pm

The end of Stranger Than Fiction is my favorite part. I love that movie.

I am seriously thinking about getting a tattoo. I have zero money so it's not plausible right now (or anytime soon). I also want to wait a few months to make sure I absolutely do want it and it's not just a temporary want. Also, Nick doesn't like tattoos so don't mention it to him. I probably won't be able to get it anyway since we share funds and he thinks tattoos are silly. But I was just thinking about it so I thought I'd put it out there.

I want to participate in a die-in. It sounds like a lot of fun.

3 laughs | smile

:: 2008 29 February :: 4.51pm
:: Music: Misery

Okay, seriously blogging now
I keep playing Iron Dukes even though I am really, very terrible at it.

Have you watched Drunk History yet? I resisted it for a long time but I just watched the episodes and it is quite hilarious. It's like if you filmed me drunk and I was making up stories like I always do.

I am watching Misery for the first time. I've seen some of it before but never all of it all the way through. I always thought it was so self-centered how Stephen King wrote a book about a writer being held hostage by a crazy fan. I mean, seriously.

I am waiting on one more book. I have all of them except Rachel's Holiday. I finished Watermelon last night. It was great. I am so excited to read the rest of her books and Anybody Out There? again. Oh that book is so good!

I'm debating whether or not to save the rest of Marian Keyes' books for last. I might just plow through them. I have break next week so I can always reread them if I want.

I don't really have anything else to say. I am dirt poor again. I don't even have enough money for rent. We're going to try to borrow some from Nick's parents and I'll ask my parents for a little too. I just don't know what happened. We somehow overdrafted our account again. Ugh. I would like our funds to balance out again. Sorry, you don't really need to know that.

[edit 6:26]
Phil Collins is just not as awesome in other languages. It sounds so weird. I always say that awkward sounding songs sound translated and that's really what it's like. Except it is translated. Okay, if I don't look at the lyrics and only half listen it's okay. His French accent is really harsh. His Spanish is okay, just over-exaggerated. Not like mine is any better and I'm really proud of him for signing the different versions. I'm just nitpicking because I have nothing else to do. I just realized that the one version is French Canadian so that might be why it seems so much weirder to me than the other. I'm sorry I ever said anything bad about you, Phil Collins.

Okay so now I'm watching Disney songs on YouTube. I am really surprised that I remember all the lyrics of these. And the ones in French are awesome. I am officially a dork. (I totally forgot about Strangers Like Me. I'm stuck on Tarzan songs now. I'm moving away from Tarzan by listening to songs from Prince of Egypt. (I know that's not Disney but that darn When You Believe song is awesome. It gets stuck in my head every time I hear it.))

Apparently Phil Collins is better in Italian? That's what the rumors seem to be. I'll check it out. Okay, Italian Phil Collins is awesome. Or maybe just because I don't know Italian it's better for me? I'm just going to put question marks on the ends of all my sentences now?

:: 2008 28 February :: 8.36pm

Do or Die.

28 days
10 hours.

:: 2008 27 February :: 11.00pm

didn't we go to school with this kid?

http://www.mipsor.state.mi.us/PSORSearchDetails.aspx?oid=20000899

7 laughs | smile

:: 2008 27 February :: 4.28pm

I stayed home today. Last night I couldn't sleep and kept waking up and feeling nauseated. Then I woke up this morning feeling the same way. And I still sort of feel queasy. I feel like I'm going to throw up in a couple minutes but that's how it's been all night. Just that almost throwing up feeling.

I'm still blaming the Salt Lake City air. I should probably eat something but we don't have anything that I don't have to make. Which is a bummer.

A building exploded in Eastown last night. Everyone is okay and it wasn't a usual haunt but it was freaky all the same.

:: 2008 27 February :: 6.29am

first day of work today.
mike left me a cute note.
its going to be a long day.

:: 2008 26 February :: 11.02pm

First off, I would like to thank you all for visiting my friends' blog. They were quite overjoyed at the amount of visitors to their site.

Secondly, I received two more books in the mail! I got Pontoon and Watermelon. Pontoon is a former library book from the Riverton Library in Riverton, Utah. I don't know why it got turned around so quickly, this book is still only in hardcover, but the stamp says "out-of-date material." I think it also came with some sort of Salt Lake County air because now I have a headache. That could also be because I am DEAD TIRED. Watermelon looks fine, it's gently used and I am excited to read it.

So I'm just waiting on Anybody Out There?, Rachel's Holiday and Angels.

I love getting mail.

I'm not feeling too hot. I got free coffee today and I think it did funny things to my stomach. I didn't have that much to eat before I drank a lot of coffee so that's probably my issue.

2 laughs | smile

:: 2008 26 February :: 1.26am

Today was long. Very long.

Started off with Mike's alarm going off for 45 minutes because he was being an ass pigeon and sleeping through it.. and that was at like 7 in the friggin morning.
And then the phone rang and it was his cousin, her and her friend had been in an accident and needed someone to flip their car back over, and pull it out of the ditch.
Then we made a trip to MCC to get a paper signed so he can get money!
Then it was home for a quick bit before we headed to GR..
Which was long, boring and irritating.
Social Security Office is insane. It's like the secretary of state, but 3 times worse.
The people smell, the employee's are fucking dicks.
He couldn't apply for a new Social Security card becuase of 1 fucking letter.. 1 lousy stupid fucking little letter..
After almost 27 years, someone finally realizes that his name was spelled wrong on his social security card.
I swear the only thing people in GR are willing to stand in line for is free moolah to milk off the state.. (Social Security/Welfare).
Then it was off to Ionia so he could take a mid-term.

At 9:30 in the morning I am meeting with Lisa from Qualified Staffing to discuss a possible job placement.
Kind of excited about that. Hopefully its reasonable pay.
But I guess I can't complain too much, I need a job and unemployment is about to run out.
And I can't wait until I can afford to get my eyebrows waxed, and get caught back up on bills, and be able to do things so I'm not such a hermit anymore.
I can't sleep.
I'm kind of irritated right now because I have heart burn from bean dip..
And i really want grapes and apples and tums.

Oh and here is one of the only things that made me laugh today, other than Mike making some little mexican girl that was only like 2 years old start screaming..

Mike: I don't like the word beat down.
Me: It's two words.
Mike: Not if you put them together.

:: 2008 25 February :: 11.56pm

This is how you can tell that these people are my friends
At the same time I was LIVEBLOGGING last night, my good French semester abroad friends were doing THE SAME THING. My friends and I are meant to be together. Really. We are made for each other.

If you want to read their awesome (color-coded, triple-personality) liveblog of last night's events, you can just pop over here. They are hoping to get really popular and miraculously make a lot of money so they don't have to get real jobs after graduation.

Speaking of which, I am all out of friends after this semester. I realize though that I said this before I left for France and magically got friends so I'm not too worried. I am losing some of my very best friends this year so I am full of sadness. On a happier note, they want to go camping (?) this summer and have invited me along. That will be an adventure.

I love you all.

m&ms487

:: 2008 24 February :: 11.13am

I just finished writing a super cheesy autobiographical essay for my English 201 class. Something along the lines of: "Literature is humaness, it is unique" blah blah blah.

Shoot me.

Why does my sincerity always sound so insincere?

Easy day. One class. Brother-in-Training interviews (3) tonight. Coffee. Fundraising committee meeting. E-Board.

What am I going to do with the next seven hours of my LIFE!?!

This is so exciting.

:: 2008 24 February :: 10.11pm

LIVEBLOGGING - 80TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS
Falling Slowly (from Once) is nominated and they're singing it right now. I love that song.

It Happened One Night is the movie where the girl shows her leg to get a ride. Remember to tell Hannah that.

I am behind a bit (good ole DVR) so these times are off.
[10:41] That honorary Oscar guy was adorable.
[10:46] Seriously? How many songs from Enchanted are nominated? Also, Patrick Dempsey is a dreamboat.
[10:49] Answer: three.
[10:51] Falling Slowly won! I am so happy. That's one of my favorite songs.
[10:58] Jon just pulled that cute little girl back out to say her thank you because she didn't get the chance to. That is so cute.
[11:01] HEY IT'S PAUL DANO! I forgot he was in that movie. He is also a dreamboat.
[11:02] I've been waiting for the In Memoriam part. It's my favorite. Oh, Heath.
[11:05] Deborah Kerr died? Aw.
[11:25] Diablo Cody won for Juno and she's dressed like one of the Flintstones.
[11:26] Nick: You have a problem with what everyone is wearing tonight. Me: That's because everyone is wearing something ugly.
[11:26] Ellen Page looks adorable.
[11:33] It needs to speed up. Nick and I are hungry.
[11:45] SPOILER ALERT:No Country for Old Men won Best Pic. Surprise, surprise. Time to go get me some tacos.

Movies I want to see (that the Oscars are reminding me of):
Once (STILL! It's on DVD now so I guess I can rent it.)
Away from Her
The Savages
La Vie en Rose
The Squid and the Whale
All 100 films on AFI's list
The Heiress (encore, je sais, I really like this movie.)
The Darjeeling Limited (on DVD on the 26th)
Penelope (in theaters the 29th)
Any movie released when I was gone
Gone with the Wind
An American in Paris
The French Connection
Kramer vs. Kramer
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Rushmore (so I have all the Wes Anderson films under my belt)
Freeheld
Lars and the Real Girl
Ratatouille
The Last King of Scotland
Sweeney Todd

3 laughs | smile

:: 2008 24 February :: 7.35pm

So yeah nothing new has happened lately..
The guy on myspace that sent me that message, his profile has been deleted..

My sister had a dream about me.
She dreamt that I had a 2 month old girl that looked just like me, and i was hiding her from my family.

:: 2008 24 February :: 4.23am

things i've learned tonight

I've got this thing for this chick that kills her own spiders.

and

There is a 5 hour window on "sunday" mornings where I can't buy beer.

5 laughs | smile

:: 2008 23 February :: 8.39pm

We did not end up going to the hockey game because everyone bailed on us.

Oh well. I went out last night so I didn't really feel like going anyway. It was meant to be or something.

:: 2008 23 February :: 3.42pm

I got Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: an Introduction. Good old J.D. Salinger.

I am quite excited to read it but I might leave it for last and read the other two books first.

We are going to a hockey game tonight. Nick and I went to one last week and I had a lot of fun so I'm pretty excited for this one.

m&ms487

:: 2008 22 February :: 9.58am

I finally have the day off!

I'm planning on cleaning, though, but that shouldn't take very long. Maybe an hour or two. I have the day off tomorrow, too, due to a Kappa Kappa Psi service project.

They hired some more people at work, which is nice because I'm working less , but...I'm working less than I want to. I got cut from 32 hours a week to 15. I could settle somewhere around 24 (three days a week, eight hour shifts). That would be just fine with me.

Anyway, maybe I can use today to make my educational plan and figure out what I should minor in.

Maybe I can use it to play the Sims 2.

Maybe I should catch up on my portfolio in creative writing.

But I'll probably just sit around and drink and eat.

and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Michelle

sugarjackj

:: 2008 23 February :: 2.36am

I have become comfortably numb.