Jaganshi
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2005 15 May :: 7.54pm
I'm considering doing one of those 'friends list cleanout' things.
So, if you still read anything on this blog, kindly post so I don't accidentally delete someone who might want to read the odds and ends I post.
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smilesideways
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2005 12 May :: 9.39pm
Propoganda to a new world, safe inside his stare. a place no heartache belongs. the weight of the world can be suddenly frozen. while small moments we share creep into our clenched fists. hidden tightly for bedtime stories.
i couldn't go anywhere with that.
new emotions. hear that calling. remmeber what it felt like? whisper softly, not too loud. you may scare yourself again.
i blame it on ADHD. i can not focus. and i then i hate it. bear with me. i'll get one good one.
spinning. we spoke words of wonder. and that was all, that was to it. being enough for goodbye. building slowly a wall between each breath. can't hear me knocking. a little girl with big expectations. waiting for the right time to answer. they never saw her like she wanted to be seen. the sight of her back. running straight into oblivion.
smokey laughter between us. no need to comment. we whisper our glances. tinted off color humor, just how we strive. brilliant and beautiful. classic as black and white. wired face and freckles, pretending it couldn't get any better. isn't that ideal? knowing left with an L, and right as in goodbye, we make changes. piles of stormy seas and forty dollar train tickets in sunhats and perfect composure. we make it our condition. catching dreams of music and lipstick, no one else really listens. returned lifelines, no one else would ever do that. the condition, brilliant and beautiful in each fingerprint.
isn't that ideal?
:)
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Jaganshi
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2005 12 May :: 4.29pm
This is all such a waste.
My mother is making me leave the house at night when they go to bed. I have to go out to my room now no matter when they retire. Don't get me wrong, I like living in the pool house. But I can't be online at night now without making a huge production out of it, and she bitches if I'm 'on that computer all day just like Mitch. I fucking hate that computer. All he ever does is play that game and I never see him and nothing ever gets done and I'm so fucking sick and tired of it." This goes on for another ten minutes until she gets tired, has something else to do or finds something else to bitch about.
Also, she bitches if I go out to my room to play final fantasy. That should tell you how hard up I am for effective escapism up here. Mindless repetitive leveling-up is preferable to anything else going on.
This is just such a waste. Where are those people who enjoy their vacations? Where are those people who look forward to going home from school so they can relax? Where are these people and why aren't any of them me?
We went shopping for food yesterday for four hours. Four hours of her bitching, both of them dithering about and Mitch wandering off because he doesn't want to be around her any more than I do. That kind of shit just drains the life right out of me. People wonder why I forgo emotions up here. I just don't have the energy for any of it. This is the kind of thing that saps the will to live right out of me until I'm just waiting for something to happen. Waiting for a good day, waiting for an open argument at least, waiting to be hit by a car. Anything.
Such a waste.
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smilesideways
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2005 10 May :: 8.49pm
painted some lines but it speaks only foreign tongue. never my idea, it's how i breathe. so understand. so i'll smile and you smile. let's remember moments like this. painted shells from neck and curiousity wanders through your blood. certain smiles can cause his fragile world to tumble beneath a heavy palm of regret and attitude. remain still and i'll let you unwind to the sound of soft purring from these spoken lips. words embodied with fire, unknown to this cause. we spill tarnished goods across the room. and i never thought you'd see me like that. mascara marked where we left off. sutble as a tear drop on my bottom lip. i always catch glances, remember that. but we remain untouched and unbroken. bottled up with ancient baggage writing us off. words are whispered, words aren't said. maybe it's how i breathe...
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jus4fun06
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2005 10 May :: 8.42pm
"Travis": yo wat the fuck is ur problem
"Danielle": i didnt say anything
"Danielle": i sweat
"Danielle": *sswear
"Travis": the who the fuck did
"Travis": then*
"Danielle": nate did
"Danielle": he was mad cause i wouldnt give kellies number
"Travis": y should i believe u
"Danielle": iono i really dont care if you believe me or not... i know im not lying...
"Danielle": i dont even know why i would do something like that.. .i dont want you... i really could care less abou tyou
"Danielle": no offense or anything
"Travis": non etaken but y would nate say something like dat bout me if u wouldnt give him her #
"Danielle": cause he kept saying he wants to fuck your girl and that he wants to break you guys up so he can have her
"Danielle": he said it in english and i wouldnt lie about that
"Travis": ok tom in the morning u me amber and nate r goin to have a talk and ur goin to tell amber everything u jus said to me
"Danielle": ok
"Travis": were goin to figure all this shit out
"Danielle": ok
"Travis" is away at 8:40 P.M.
i fckn hate drama. lol.
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