:: 2005 5 February :: 11.43 pm

i love this... arghh, cant even describe it.

work sucked tonight.. sometimes i just wanna shake people and be like SMILE.. why would somebody be so miserable all the time.

hmmm.. not sure why i got annoyed tonight.. must just be my girl nature or something... i dont know.. its irrelevant.

im to tired to update.. instead i think i'll go get warm under my blankets... MY blankets.. MY bed.... i could make a zillion "MY" updates, but i'll refrain due to repetitiveness.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 4 February :: 12.05 am

im sitting in my room, at my desk, on my computer, using my internet, looking at my pictures, listening to my cd player, in my house, with my own yard, with my own car parked in the driveway, and my own cat sleeping in the hall, and my own little sister sleeping in her own room and my mom sleeping in her own room.

sometimes i lose faith in the one thing that i should be focused on... and then he appears again, as if to tell me, he never left. i feel cradled in his arms and that feeling of peace is so comforting no words could ever do proper justice.

MY own past, helped set up our computer tonight. MY past was standing in MY livingroom... talking, laughing.... and so real. so incredibly real. there is a such thing as second chances... and there is ALWAYS hope in the future.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 2 February :: 2.11 pm

last night we spent the first night in our new house... we still have no water, but i slept in my own bed, and it felt so good it almost hurt.

this morning i went over to keegans to take a shower steepen his water bill a little... we got ready together this morning... awww.

yesterday was very good. better than expected.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 31 January :: 6.16 am

we moved all our stuff in saturday, but we dont have water, so thats what we're waiting on.

friday night i went to kent city to hang out with alyssa, we went to their basketball game and then to steak n shake with like 12 people.. kent city people are fun. met a bunch of new people, it was great....

then saturday alyssa came and helped us move.. and keegan came over after he got out of work. we went to meijers and got me a dresser and me and keegan put it together... more like i just watched and held a few boards for him. lol.. i didnt know how to help! but yesterday we put my sisters bunk bed together, and i TOTALLY dominated that. *dusts shoulder off.

we have so much fun. saturday night, and he's spending it with me, putting my furniture together.... :)

yesterday i had to work, but after work he came to the house again and my mom was working on the kitchen, and we working on my room.. i couldnt help but think how insanely lucky i am. we all didnt leave last night till about 11:30, he fell asleep while i was doing stuff... i just smiled and kissed him. he's a beautiful person.

now on for the rest of reality..

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 26 January :: 6.12 pm

tonight was hard, it didnt hit me till i got there.

there are no words to express enough sympathy, and yet no words would do anything justice.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 26 January :: 9.52 am

i need to stop being lazy.. and take a shower.

i've decided i hate the musical. no martino experience will ever compare to an H experience. This show is dirty, and by no means is there enough talent in Cedar Springs to pull off a broadway show. thats just my own opinion... you'll see when you see the show.



last night was perfect. all our nights are perfect... we're not perfect, but our imperfections make us perfect for eachother.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 23 January :: 10.17 pm

guess i should post quick.. damn woohu.

me and keegan and my mom painted my room.. and then me and keegan painted my closet.. we're finally gonna move in, this weekend hopefully... and i could just cry im so happy. and now my room reflects me, and my closet reflects me and keegan, because we got all creative with it, and its just wonderful, and its OUR house, and we're gonna move in, and away from this maddness.. and i can sleep in a bed thats mine and wake up in the morning and eat cereal at my own kitchen table with our own electricity. i can stumble to the bathroom in the morning and dread going to school as i pull out of my own driveway onto OUR road. you dont realize how much you take your house for granted until you dont have one. its been a year now.. and all i've been doing is dreaming and praying for this day to finally to come. for us to finally get back on our feet since this whole divorce has started. and now its finally happening, and chris can continue to ruin our lives, but at least we'll beable to cry in the comfort of our OWN home instead of the cold empty void of someone else's.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 17 January :: 12.07 am

last night was fun.

after we got out of work me becca and brandi went down to division to this 24 hour theatre thing.. incredibly bomb.

then we went to morningstar 75.. which i had never been to before. and it was real layed back, i liked it alot. but it was a hazy cloud of smoke.. and that kinda turned me off a bit.

we walked down division.. like 5 blocks.. and in my mind im thinking.. te he he, this is where the hookers are. i've never walked downtown before.. so to walk downtown in the dark is a big step for me. wooo.

this morning i went bowling with keegan.. he needs to stop showing me up in that game.. he got like 7 strikes in one game.. i kid you not.. and i was like.. pshhh. whatever. lol.

*hugs him.
words cant describe.

we were together all day except for the 4 hours i was at work. picked me up at 9:30, went to GR, went to his soccer game, i took his car to work, he picked his car up from work after his game, and then later came back and picked me up. then later brought me home.. thats the worst part about keegan. he makes time go so fast! time disappears when we're together, and i HATE that!

speaking of.. i need to call that favorite asian of mine.....
*runs to..

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 13 January :: 10.03 pm

i have 5 exams tomorrow.. i think i give up studying.

tonight i went to the wrestling match.... micah kicked ass by the way.... then i went to keegans soccer game. worked a little bit of studying in there. its all good.

i think im falling out of woohu.... for some reason.. i dont have any desire to update half as frequently as i used to, and when i do.. i say nothing of any importance.

my life just keeps taking one dramatic turn after another... and its exciting.. because i hate it. and i love it. and its new... and ughh. lifes a rush.. moment by moment... thats how you have to take it on. and now im fully ready to do that.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 8 January :: 11.08 pm

today was good.

keegan is good.
dinner was good.

scratch that....
keegan is amazing.
dinner was soooo good.

i talked to his mom for like an hour tonight... *hugs her*... aawwww..

keeeeegan. i get all happy when i think about him.

*breaths.
i have to remind myself to do that from time to time.


alsdkfgjal;skdjfsldkf :)

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 6 January :: 1.05 pm

i just got to school... my mom wouldnt let me drive in this morning cuz of the roads.. how cool is that. so i got to sleep till like 11:20.

our school is so stupid, honestly. 175 schools closed. ALL the schools around us... rockford, greenvile, tri-county, CTA (which is IN cedar).. but noooo not cedar springs. heaven forbid we have a day off.. however it can be slightly foggy and they'll cancel the day.

grrr... *shakes fist at administration.

the call back list was posted today... and i have to go back after school.. which i would normally be like OK, but i have to meet sue at 3:15 to get my crown fixed. so im like mreh... WHAT to do?! bahh.

i just totally zoned out for a minute there.
the library is really boring when there's noone in it... ahh well.

STOP SNOWING...

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 5 January :: 6.01 pm

we have so much fun.
*remembers... te he ha..

even though i am abusive...

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 5 January :: 8.43 am

nothin like being late for school.

eh.. its all good.
last night me, brandi and jamie made a movie for history.. its so funny.
te he he he.

then i came home, neglected my chem, talked to keegan... the night wouldnt be complete without our conversation of random things that make no sense (its true doll... we should record the things we talk about! giggles..), then went to bed.

i hope it doesnt snow that hard today.. i wanna go to grand rapids.

tried out for the musical yesterday. *crosses fingers*
seems like a real fun story line.
martino's trying to one up H, i can tell.
but he's doin the set.. which'll make the show all the better...
i dont know.. i think its gonna be a really funny show.

speaking of H.. i miss that man.


urgh.. my face is so dry. i hate winter.

me and brandi are both going in late today.. *wooo

this is entry is so pointless its killing me.
*dies.
*comes back to life.

WHAT is wrong with me.. gahhhhhhhd.

im getting two new purses today... if the weather permits me too.. woot hoot. that makes my day... purses, mmmm.

*licks lips.
reminds me of a cat. cats are cool. they sure are. yes indeedy.

mwha ha.
indeedy.
mwah ha ha.

who says that.
*points at self

WHY are you still on line.. GET OFF

(line)

madness...
silence is so loud.
ears, ow.. stop.

misha.aaaa.
*seductive groaaan.

what a gross word.. groan.. and isnt it also an onomotopoeia?

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 3 January :: 8.55 pm

im pretty darn well sick of all the drama...
stop fighting with eachother... if you dont fight, then you wont. errmm.. yes.

i dont know.. i guess im confused. one of my good friends is making really stupid mistakes.. result of poor judgement i presume. and i almost dont know how to look at her anymore. it makes me sad to see such a dramatic change in someone i used to know so well.

metron has made major hour cuts, im so mad i cant even think about it. in the next pay period (2 weeks), im schedualed to work twice... thats an 8 hour pay check BEFORE taxes. makes me sick... urgghhh.


our meeting went phenomanally good... so good that i dont even care how bad i slaughtered that word. nothing like i had ever imagined, yet all that i needed.

im trying out for the play tomorrow. mehh.. whatever.

i've been advised to not blow my check since i wont have many more after this one and the next one... again i must say... mehh.. whatever.


im in a state of frustration.. so i must go suffer through homework and finish my chai.

what would i do with out my chai to sooth me in times of adlckajsd;fkjas;dlckjsdl;iferhgn;bf (lack of proper adjective).

yeaaah. im so glad i have so many friends... riiight.
i have to basically pour my soul or start some gossip for anyone to take a minute to reply to my entries.
also sad... shows whats important to people.

next year we can all leave this hellish routine and never see eachother again. *counts the days.....

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 3 January :: 11.08 am

back to routine again...

stay up late, get up early, suffer through another day at school, go to work, come home, start over again.



at least i have things to look forward to now.
bahhh.. im to lazy to update anything worthwhile....

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2005 1 January :: 11.57 am

i got to spend new years with the only person i'd ever want to.
we played 5 games of bowling.. im getting better i am.

last night was just perfect. we seem to experience that alot.. perfection.
and i love that.




now to do my paper for dolbee that i've put off all break..

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 31 December :: 9.12 pm

yay.. i wont be stuck at home for another new years.

*dances.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 30 December :: 9.48 am

im all nerves.

how do you prepare for something like this. what do i say. what do i do when i see him. im getting there first.. thats all there is to it.


it hasnt caught up with me yet... it wont sink in for some reason.
i wish it would. i wish i could just cry and let out 16 years of frustration.

but im a soldier. :)
thank you for being here.. through everything.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 29 December :: 8.42 am

i have to go to the library today. WHO does that. who WANTS to go to the library. gahhhh. i dont. stupid dolbee.

tomorrow. its here.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 29 December :: 12.14 pm

i just found mint chocolate chip ice cream.
all is right with the world.

NOW im the happiest person in the history of ever.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 29 December :: 12.09 pm

im trying to tell of today and its perfection.. but find myself backspacing because nothing i say does us any justice.

we're that perfect.
and that makes me soo happy.
i love that.
i love this smile that wont leave my face.
and i love the smile thats always on yours.

awww. we're so cool.







thursday. gahh. im getting afraid.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 28 December :: 8.23 am

me and keegan are going shopping today.
correction: we're going to attempt to go shopping today! laughs*

thursday.. its almost here. am i ready for this?
i dont know.. but bring it on [i guess].
talk about nerves.... good lord do i have them.

i need someone to step on my neck. seriously.
owww.

i hate getting up early. when school starts back up again im gonna die. 5:00 seems impossible now. utterly and inhumanly impossible.

inhumanly..... word(?), i dont know. (dun dun dun)

i've soon come to realize that i have absolutely nothing to talk about.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 27 December :: 2.22 pm

yesterday was a hectic, crazy, wonderfizzle day.
i say wonderfizzle because im a nerd.
i saw it was because you made it that way.


so the day started out rough, yes.
but it ended perfect.
you really are everything that i need to be secure.
everything i need to be comfortable.
we're so alike it scares me, but makes me feel all... [adjective here].

i saw a side of you that i never thought i'd see.. not until later that is.
and it was beatiful. it really was. you're such an insanely beatiful person. and that makes me happy! *smiles.

you're so cool.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 25 December :: 9.59 pm

christmas was good. today was good. it started out rough, no lie... but theres no better feeling then being able to run to the one person who can just hold me and make everything better. ok, not everything better. but you sure have a way of comforting me, and melting away the pain. i wont elaborate, you know what i mean.

i met a bunch of keegans family today. i went over to his house around 11 (ish). his mom hugged me twice.... *smiles. i love that family.. i feel like its a second home. how weird does that sound... but i do. and i love that. i love being there because it feels so homey! and the rest of his family was so nice... im a shy one, i can admit.. but it was a good day. he's so good to me. you're so good to me!

i went to my aunt and uncles today.... and as i was sitting around the table listening to the crazy ramblings of the childs family... i thought to myself... so this is what its like to have family. because lately i've often thought that we were at a lack of one. but i realized today, that i would rather be nowheres else than with that side of my family. i had dinner there, and laid down for a nap, and shelby and ashley came tearing in the room i was trying to sleep in full force.... so i didnt take a nap. but it was so nice today. the i went back over to keegans and just .... (whats the word to describe perfection?) whether with his mom and his sister, or just each other... its just right. its just right.

so in regards to my christmas... i wont bore you with a detailed list of what i got.... just that it was an amazing day.

merry christmas loves.
erika.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 24 December :: 1.37 am

you leave me speechless and unable to draw a breath.
you leave me breathless and unable to comprehend time.
timeless, is our campaign.
you are incredible.

(to say the least)!





tonight was near perfect. close to perfect as perfect can get. i cant understand it.. i really cant. the way you make me feel, the way our eyes meet in the darkness. there's something magical about us. never have i ever felt this way before. nobody has ever made me feel like... me. i'm finding myself more and more each time we're together. and its genuine, it really is me. how cool are we?! i mean seriously. look at the total extremes of tonight. i keep going over every moment we spent together, and in each memory i keep a faded smile that comes out when i think of you. i cant even go on to talk about us or tonight.. because im feeling speechless.

there just arent words for it.

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 22 December :: 9.22 pm

i shopped all day today.
all day.
i dont want to shop ever again.
ok i lie.

im feeling all sick. stuffy, just blahh.
curse you damn weather.


maybe just because im feelin mreh..
but at this moment, im trying to think of something to say, but am entirely blank of any emotion.

all im doin is blankly staring at the screen.
thats e'nuff.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 21 December :: 11.32 pm

i never want to have a phone call like that, ever again.

it kills me, it really does. one of my best friends in the world, and look what happend. there's nothing i can do about it, nothing i could do to make it better.

i need to rant for a moment...

do you see what sex does? do you see? can you even begin to grasp the seriousness of it? she gave herself away to a guy who never respected her. never cared about her. and she made an awful mistake this weekend. i warned her about it, i told her it was a bad idea.... going to a hotel, how romantic is that. but she did anyway, and now she's sitting at home heartbroken. it really hits home for me. i know where i stand on sex before marriage, but she thought she did to. and she gave in to temptation and now is regretting it. so bad is she regretting it. it kills me to have to console her and tell her everything will get better. but what about the next month, just praying that she's not pregnant. he was using her for himself, and her being the sweetheart that she is, was completely fooled. i realize that yes, it does take two people... but it really doesnt matter. now i have to pick up the pieces that their mistake has left her in.

it makes me sad. nobody can resist themeselves anymore. everyone is giving in. every day you hear of somebody else.. another couple, another girl pregnant. its almost become a joke, and deffinately the major source of gossip at our school. it makes me sick to think that something so huge is being taken so lightly. people you would never expect.... and its gone. you can never get it back. is that something you're willing to sacrifice.

gahhh.. and now i sound like im preaching.. but im so upset right now. it IS a big deal, and now she realizes that.. too late. its just too late.

dont make that mistake, and if you care at all about the people who care ABOUT you, listen to them when they tell you you're doing something you KNOW is wrong.

6 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 21 December :: 8.38 am

this is to early for me.
i had to get up at 8 to make sure shelby was up and ready for tina to pick her up... so i try and check my email and it wont work. i hate that. crucial time for my email to work, and so it doesnt. what are the odds... gahh. it frustrates me.

im going to keegans house this morning... if tina ever picks shelby up that is.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..