anachronism
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2005 19 October :: 4.48pm
The concert was amazing. By far the best show I have ever been to. The first two bands were just so different and creative and the Dresden Dolls just topped it off. I've never seen a concert be so artisitc and energetic. I'm so glad I went.
My only regret is not bringing my camera. I want to kick my own ass.
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kellilynn21
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2005 18 October :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: [My Humps- BEP]
[Why Cant It Just Be Friday?]
I just got back from shopping with the lovely Kari Ann. It was fun. I <3 hanging out with her. She makes me giggle.
Has anyone felt like yesterday or today feels like Friday? Yesterday felt so much like a Friday, and today KINDA did.
So yesterday after school I went to Jordan’s, Duh. We had a Disney day. We watched Aristocats (sp). I loved it. I named my fish, well its not MY fish because its in her fish tank, but I got to name it. I names it Tulus (sp) from the kitty on Aristocats. I love Jordan. She’s like the only one that I would watch a Disney movie like that with and not feel retarded at laughing at the movie.
So yeah this weekend: probably the Forest Of Fear with Brianna and Jordan and more then likely Joey and Dan… Mmm well maybe I shouldn’t go. Kinda seems like 5th wheel to me but idk. I’ll figure it out lol.
Always: Saturday is my DrIvErS tEsT. Im scared shitless. Pray for me!
<3 .kell$.
*14 Days*
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brokenmentality
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2005 18 October :: 9.11pm
Erika, hey it's Keegan.
Just wanted to say hi, and that I care about you. and that I love it when we resolve our arguments. no matter how long it takes or how hard it is.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 October :: 10.25pm
god does anyone know where i can just get a stupid fricken timer that counts down days for you woohu . FOR SOME REASON I'M HAVING WAY TOO MUCH TROUBLE WITH THAT.
fucking STUPID ASS FUCKING DAY.
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Paradox
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2005 17 October :: 7.03pm
I Might get an Xanga, but it just seems like so much work to make it look even remotely cool. So I probably wont. Anyways. The past couple days have been great. No need to get into detail, but things have just been awsome.
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swimfan14
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2005 17 October :: 6.03pm
Mishy made this for me. She mad tons more but I'll post them later, since this is my favorite one with one of my favorite songs on it and she just so happened to be so smart and actually put the best lyrics from the song in there too!!
and just in case you are blind or something it says "I want you but I'm not giving in this time" and at the bottom it says "goodbye to you"
Yeah I know, it's cute.
I'm having OC withdrawls....I've watched the first and second season so many times I can repeat every line if you asked me too. I watch it everday. I'm serious. Two and a half more weeks until it's back on.
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anachronism
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2005 16 October :: 3.47pm
Erika, I love you. Hang in there.
Just remember guys suck and they were born idiots.
Juust kidding..
not. ;)
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brokenmentality
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2005 16 October :: 2.24pm
:: Music: Ani DiFranco
what a depressing day. as much as i want to get up and wash my face.. i just lay here in a dark room wishing i was everything that right now im lacking so bad.
my car is getting to me, i dont have a ride to work tonight. i dont know when im gonna have something to drive... my mom is bending over backwards to make it easier for me, but for godsake i've had my licene for over a year now, she shouldnt have to stress out so i can drive her car for a day... if only i was just in walking distance.
for about 20 minutes i was gonna stay home, brandi was gonna cover for me, and i was gonna pick up her wednesday... but then i realized that i would rather go to work depressed and upset and beable to see him on wednesday. but thats just me, thats just a sacrifice that i'm willing to make so we can spend time together. whatever.
i just want it to be winter so i can come home and bundle up and drink hot chocolate and chai and not feel guilty about NOT being outside on a beautiful day.
i've been thinking about college alot lately. i dont know what im going to do. im a fucking senior.. and i have no idea what i want to do after high school. something about that terrifies me immensely.
i just want to be out of here. away from everything that i've always known, or maybe everything that i've never truely known.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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kellilynn21
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2005 16 October :: 12.54pm
:: Music: Gold Digger- K. West
*WeEkEnD*
This weekend has been so much fun. I hung out with AshMeg and Lisa. Friday: Me and Jordan went to my house and we both got ready for whatever we were doing, then Jord brought me to Ashley's then Lisa came and picked us up and we all went to the game in Sparta. Then Lisa brought me and Ashley back to Ashley's, while she hung out with Chris. She didn't get back to Ashley's until like 2 in the morning so me and Ash were sleeping lol. Then Saturday morning all 3 of us went to Big Boy for breakfast. After that Lisa brought me home and i got ready for The Haunt. A bunch of people went. Kourtney and Justin, Megan and Luke, Emily, Brittney, ETC. I was suppose to to meet Brianna there too, but when i finally found her everyone was yelling at her for cutting. It was friggen one person but whatever lol. (Sorry Brie). Then the whole group went to the Corner Bar and ate, then after that Megan brought me and Ash back to the car pool so that Lisa could drive us home, but Lisa has a game today so she went home. And today: Me and Ash are just gunna watch movies and eat all this food her mom just bought lol. So yeah this weekend was so much fun. Its kinda nice to hang out with everyone that i did, sense i don't really hang out with different people that much, I'm usually just with Jordan (*Not Saying That I Don't Love You Jordan*). I was suposta see her(Jord) at the Haunt but they decided not to go. So yeah that was my lovely weekend. I have so much fun with Ashley. Shes so funny.
[17.Days.Till.My.Birthday]
*Comment.... It Makes Me Happy*
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lynds4090
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2005 16 October :: 12.54am
wow... i'm really stupid. why was out searching for someothing new? i dind't need it. i was just trying to fill a gap. i can live w/o seeing him everyday. i know we still feel the same. honestly today... wow one of the best days in along long time. it was simple and short. it was like anyother day. i loved how it doesn't have to be blown out of proporation... wow. i just wish we could see each other more often, but i know it is mostly because of me. i accept that.. i have to. in a way maybe ishouldn't of saw him today... it will be like we are starting from scratch agian.. having to say good bye agian... not knowing exactly when we will see each other. i'll live. i'll manage. i must. so yeah. i guess you can look at this as a good or a bad thing... i'll decide later.
made 47 bucks tonight doing absoultly nothing.. oh wait i painted my nails :)... gotta love babysitting.
parents coming home tomorrow.. we'll see how i can manage until when the go to flordia.. i just have to keep my distance. it is what i keep telling myself. if we don't talk we can't have an argument right? lol. j/k.. i'll talk to my mom.. just about pointless and stupd stuff.
going to bed night!!!!!
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 October :: 11.30pm
i feel so ........ like... like a major failure. I guess we did really bad today at the competition and i wasn't even worried about it at all and didn't even care if we got a bad score (that doesn't mean i didn't try though, becuase i did try to do well) but then when i hear we did bad, wow it just makes me feel really bad. i feel like such a failure but hey when don't i ? I really think if i was a neonatel nurse and i help a baby return to health, i will feel realy accomplished. i think it's what i really want.
i hate being left out and i hate not having fun with everyone else. i hate that feeling. andi hate being away from roman when everyone else can just walk down the hall if they want to see him. i have to drive 40 minutes.
i really need to brush my teeth and stop getting fat and eating ice cream.
seriously, when do I get to have some fun? Be crazy? anything....?
oh i almost forgot about the crazy lady and her fricken HOOLA-HOOP rings. which are oinion rings. she orders a full order of rings. then tells me i can send them back to the kitchen and take them off the table and her bill. i ask whats wrong and she yellls about how it's not a "HEAPING PLATTER of HOOLA HOOP rings" and how Jerry wrote her an email about how it's a HEAPING PLATTER and how a basket is NOT a platter. Well guess what lady?! Jerry knows nothing about the food or anything else. And i dont her that. "jerry doesn't know what he's talking about" She was a bitch so i didnd't even care. They left me 2 bucks. Whatever bitches. Who writes a restaraunt a freaking email asking about their oinion rings anyway?! freak. UGH.
I am not in a good mood. I wanna go cry or something. i'm freezing too. time for an electric blanket and some sappy music.
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anachronism
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2005 15 October :: 4.39pm
I got a new cell phone and it's a camera phone too!
I'm only excited, because my old one was a piece like you wouldn't believe.
Anyway, yesterday was a lot of fun. Kelly, Liz, Sammie, and Neilee rock hardcore.
I miss Brad.
Weekend homework sucks.
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brokenmentality
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2005 15 October :: 12.42pm
i guess its about time i update about homecoming. prom probably takes the cake cuz of everything we did before and after... but dancing wise... this one was the best!
me and keegan clashed, but at the same time looked really good together. the green and purple ended up looking very nice. i couldnt have been happier with my dress. it looked perfect, it wasnt to long, it fit wonderfully... *smiles. so anyways, me, keegan, stacy, brad and brandi went to timbers for dinner... i got meatloaf... heck yes! but then i made keegan trade me his steak.. giggles.
the dance turned out VERY nice. the decorations were awesome and i loved the theme. the seniors did a kick ass job.
we got our pictures taken right when we got there, hopefully it turns out good. we're not your average couple, and poses just dont work for us... so we did our own thing. thats what we usually do though... we always do our own thing...
but yeah.. the dance was great.. i danced with keegan all night.. almost as if nobody else was around. and the last song they played "you look wonderful tonight" is one of our songs.. so the night just ended perfectly. i got really good pictures, AND when keegan started break dancing... i didnt even get pushed the back of the circle... laughs.. i could actually SEE! its so cool that he does that.. i feel so cool dating him. *laughs again* i've never felt this way before.. or have ever thought that my boyfriend was cooler than me... its just amazing to think... wow, im dating keegan. i have to tell myself that from time to time...... he's so incredible.. and we're incredible together.
after the dance we just went back to keegans house and went to sleep. we were to tired to go bowling... and just feeling him close to me is all i need to make the night perfect... i know im overusing that word... but its the only word that fits.
the other day we went to klackle orchards and got pumpkins, donuts, apples, and gourds. it was so much fun. we got to ride in the "enchanted" pumpkins out to the pumpkin patch. keegans pumpkin is HUGE and mine WAS perfect until SOMEBODY broke the stem off. pshhh. but yeah.. that was a really fun day.
then last night after i got out of work we rented Crash and Call Me... we only watched Call ME cuz there was no way we were stayin up for two movies. it was ok.. but it really should have been classified as porn. lol. it was a BIT graphic to say the least. ahh well... what can ya do right?
so right now shelby has a bunch of little friends over because she turned 5 on monday... *tears.. she grows so fast* so todays her little birthday party. i have to go to work tonight... which i dont want to do... but when i get out we'll probably watch that other movie.
the good thing about having people over is that it forces me to clean my room. usually its a disaster, but my room is seroiusly the coolest room i've seen in person.. .not trying to be conceited or anything... but its pretty kick ass. so when people are over i always gotta show it to em. scott came over with keegan today... so in otherwords i was cleaning all morning. aww it was so cute. keegan came over to do some flips for all shelbys little friends. he's just so damn cool! *giggles
bad news though.... i cant drive my car anymore. we brought it in to get the breaks checked out and they said the front and back brakes are totally shot and it also needs new brake pads and roters and all that other stuff that me, being a girl, doesnt know anything about. but yeah, the cheapest they could fix it for is 650... and my mom doesnt think its worth putting that much money into. so i think we're gonna look into getting a different car.. possible an explorer. but i'll be out of a car for about a month im guessing... not like it matters.. i dont drive very often anyways. .maybe once or twice a week... if that. but yeah... thats my story.
yeah.. so i havent updated in awhile.. as a result this entry jumps all around and sounds kinda odd... but at least ya'll got the jist of my past week. alright... bye loves.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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anachronism
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2005 13 October :: 9.00pm
I want more nights like tonight.
But, of course something has to piss me off before I go to sleep, like a stupid as fuck email..why did I even bother trusting her again? She's doing the same fucking thing that caused all that shit last time. Whatever. Fuck you.
Anyway, today was good. Thank you.
Have a good time.
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swimfan14
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2005 13 October :: 7.03pm
It's not up to me anymore. If you really want me in your life then you'll find a way to put me there.
Yesterday at lunch everyone said that they can picture me living in Laguna Beach and they can picture me being one of the girls on the show. Then today everyone at lunch said they can imagine me being on sweet sixteen and having my birthday party like that. I sometimes can picture those things too lol. Megan was like "your just an MTV'er" lol.
Anyways I'm in a better mood now. Today I stepped on this boys(im leaving his name out of this little thing) foot while we were walking in the halls and then online he goes:
Ashley-feelings I used to have aren't there and for the first time in so long I really don't care. says:
Umm it was kind of boring. I thought I would get in trouble for my skirt being too short but I didn't lol.
Ashley-feelings I used to have aren't there and for the first time in so long I really don't care. says:
How was yours?
anonymous boy:
well this girl in a skirt stepped on my foot
Ashley-feelings I used to have aren't there and for the first time in so long I really don't care. says:
aww why would she do that ;)
anonymous boy says:
i guess she thinks she isn't a bitch or something
anonymous boy:
lol
anonymous boy:
j/p
Ashley-feelings I used to have aren't there and for the first time in so long I really don't care. says:
lol i'm not a bitch!!
anonymous boy:
j/p your not a bitch your a hottie
Ashley-feelings I used to have aren't there and for the first time in so long I really don't care. says:
lol thanks....
He's so sweet.
<3 ashley
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 13 October :: 7.04pm
oh my gosh so the one day i'm scheduled during the wekk they send me home and then now i realized i could have gotten to the FAFSA meeting. wow i was actually in a good mood and now. wow. aa;lkfjas;lkf grrrrrrr.
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wierdo
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2005 13 October :: 9.37am
:: Music: Def Lepard-when love and hate collide
Well lets see........i haven't been on here in a while.
My weekend was pretty fun. I went to the football game friday night, and then i think....i went home. Saturday i took Becky and Jessie out to dinner for their homecoming dance, so that was pretty......interesting. Then saturday night i was hangin out with a few friends and i stayed the night there. That was a lot of fun too. I got to spend some time with a certain someone. I kinda liked her before hand, but after saturday night it turned into a lot. Hopefully me and her can spend more time together and make something happen. I think we would both be happy with it. I'm hoping that she feels the same way though. Anyways, umm sunday i went home and just sat there and didn't really do anything. I went golfing, and then i went to tyler's house later on that night. But other than that, i work every day and try to make plans to do something when i get done every night.
I finally talked to my mom the other night. It was the first time i talked to her since my birthday back in April. But then again it kinda made me sad. I was hoping to hear some really good reason to why she hasn't called in so long, but her reason was she is too busy. Good to know she is too busy for her two kids. She can't stop for 15 minutes out of her busy days to call her kids that live 2,000 miles away? When her son just graduated from high school, and her daughter just had a baby and got her own apartment. So it was good to talk to her, but just sad to hear her say...."i've just been really busy."
So yeah, but anyways i should probably go now. Somebody give me something to do today and leave me a comment so i can read it. lol
Kevin
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brokenmentality
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2005 13 October :: 6.51am
just what i want to wake up to.
every day just keeps getting better and better.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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brokenmentality
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2005 12 October :: 10.02pm
i'll just set aside how pissed i am for the time being. its not going to do anything any good... and if i open up and say what i REALLY feel.. i'll have to hear how it hurt someones feeling... so yeah, i'll just pretend everythings fine and im ok, because im a fucking doormat.
before i get into homecoming.. i gotta vent. deal with it.
i understand that im short and blonde and tend to smile alot. does that mean that im perfect?! if i flip out on somebody... its like "oh damn, erikas pisssed" WHAT am i not allowed to show some irrational emotion? just because i hide how i feel in school to avoid added drama... doesnt mean i dont HAVE unneccesary drama. if i were to be totally honest with myself and most the people i surround myself with... i wouldnt have many friends. im not judgemental.. i just cant put up with peoples shit very easily. Grow the fuck up. we're seniors for gods sake. im counting the days before i get the hell away from all these people. we grew up together, we'll see eachother at reunions, pretend we were friends "back in the day" and move on with our lives. and i may or may not marry somebody from around here. im certainly not gonna plan on it. im 17 years old. why would i want to be tied down to love and commitment? am i happy with my relationship? yeah, because its a healthy relationship. we dont center our lives around eachother. thats a bit pathetic dont cha think? i seriously wish i could just go up to most every happy person in the hall and slap them and be like what the fuck is wrong with you! the world sucks! *laughs.... god im glad i can find humor when im so PISSED.
first times..... yeah.. unforgettable right.
just like i'll never forget the first time you put a recreation before me, or the first time you hung up on me, or the first time you just left me... because its not like i've never been abanded before right, or the first time you called me a bitch, or the first time i'll go to bed upset with you, or the fact that YOUR first time is with someone else. that ones my favorite. i hate that about you. HATE it. to bad you'll never have to experience that. physically feeling your heart break every time you think about, and at the same time wanting to vomit. maybe thats love, maybe thats what we're waiting for and this is just a preview.
*ahem* Love is never fully being happy, but settling for a great person with just less than what you expected. oh yeah, and throw in the... "its not fair" part and maybe the "drive eachother crazy" part.
i honestly am scared to death that i'll never fall in love with anyone. im to anal about love, im to picky... i know exactly what i want. but it doesnt exist. and that doesnt say anything bad about my relationships or future relationships... it just tells me that its time i take my head out of the clouds and think realistickly.
i dont know. im so irrational sometimes. i dont know why he puts up with my bullshit. tonight hurt... but so did yesterday. it never gets easier. it makes me wish we were in love so at least in my lowest moment i could tell myself "but its ok, because he loves me" and it kills me that i cant... but its not just that. its me too. im not ready for that. like i said... who knows if i'll ever be ready. ive encountered first hand love due to my mom and her divorce. i would rather go to hell then relive the events we suffered through. i honestly think chris was satan. but he didnt start out that way. man he fooled us. i dont want that to happen to me. and i guess im just scared to death that im gonna open myself up, become totally vulnerable to pain... and be fooled.
ok.... i took a break from the last paragraph and went to talk to my mom. she always makes me feel better. but now im just depressed.
im so fucking selfish. and i know that. and i can admit that....
maybe i'll get to homecoming a different day. i'd like to be happy when i update about such a great night.
this is one of those nights where a tiny part of you hopes you never wake up, even though im not suicidal.... eternal sleep just sounds so good sometimes.
4 ..chose the best times |
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anachronism
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2005 12 October :: 10.41pm
I don't want you to go anymore.
And that didn't help.
I'm freaking out.
I don't know what can make me not.
It's as if I feel like it's impossible for nothing bad to happen.
I hate this.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 12 October :: 9.32pm
This entry is not goign to make any sense. but i am going insane. i dont have to prove my love to anyone but roman. and i mean no one else needs to see anything. that's as far as i'm going to get into that. i am going crazy. college i dont even know what i want to do or antyhing anymore. i feel like i've basically been told i should not go into nursing. my brain is so crazy i can't even type a whole sentance without backspacing 8 times. i feel like i'm running around with no stopping. i'm constantly forgetting about things. i feel like the only time i get i need to scoop up for myself. i am broke and i dont know what to do. i need to enroll for college for duel enrolling and i dont know what class to take. i need to take the freakin act's . i need to apply for fafsa.
i have so much to do but i dont know where to begin. i want to just lie down and sleep with you and never get up.
and i can't shake the thought and i want it.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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swimfan14
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2005 12 October :: 8.59pm
Okay, so weird things keep happening to me and it's not just a coincidence anymore.
I will try to tell all of them if I can remember everything.
Oh and these aren't in any special order either.
I already told this story a while ago during the summer but I'll refresh everyones memory.
1) I was in Detriot and I had a dream that Mischa Barton was on the cover of Cosmo Girl. I woke up and I told my cousins friend about it and she said it would be really scary if she was on the cover of the magazine so that day we went to the store and we checked and she wasn't on the cover of it. I went home like a week later and when I walked in my room there sitting on my bed were all my magazines that I get and on the cover of Cosmo Girl was Mischa Barton and she looked exactly like she did in my dream and the reason why she wasn't on the cover in the stores is because that was that months issue and I get them a month early. So I thought that, that was really freaky considering how I'm obsessed with her. So of all people, it was her. I just don't know.
2) A few weeks ago I was at Sam Ballews and I stayed the night at her house because we had pictures the next day and we wanted to get ready together and then before I left I got into a fight with my mom because my phone charger just went missing out of my room and I wrote about this in woohu too. So before I left Sam and I checked my room everywhere and we took everything out of my bag because we were folding stuff to wear for the next day and putting it in there. I am 100% sure it wasn't in there because everything was taken out of it and Sam can confirm this too. So we get to Sam's and she wanted to use my hair krimper thing so I had to take it out of my bag and my phone charger was not in there..so then in the morning I opened my bag and there on top of all my clothes was my phone charger. I have no idea how that happened and Sam was even freaked out.
3) I had a dream a few weeks ago that my best friends parents were going to get divorced and then she called me a week later crying telling me that they were. (Chloe)
4)I went tanning a while ago with Kourtney and Lisa and Lisas car was broke and my tanning lotion was in her glove box so I asked if I could use my sisters because she has the same exact one and my sister said I could so then in the morning when Lisa picked me up she had her car back so now I had my tanning lotion in her glove box and my sisters in my purse and then after school we went to go tanning and I got mine out because I didn't want to use my sisters since I had my own back and then when we got to the tanning place I couldn't find my sisters and I searched Lisa's car everywhere and Kourtney and Lisa couldn't find it and I swear to god I had them both because I remember trying to figure out which one was mine and then when I got home I went into my room it was sitting on my bed..I was like omg.
5) The other day Lisa and I were at Target and we got into her car to leave and then an alarm went off right next to us and then another one right after, and then another one. I don't know what the point of that was or why it happened but I just thought it was weird.
6) The other day at school Lisa goes "omg I just..." and right before she said anything more I was like "got really dizzy" and she started freaking out because thats what she was going to say. So we both got dizzy at the same time. Odd!
7)Oh and yesterday I was talking to Erika Bauer, DeAnna, and Katie about how I never have subs in school and then today I had three of them. Weird!!
8) I had a dream about police officers and it had something to do with Lisa and then she got a ticket for speeding and then also she said shes been seeing a million more cops that normal and the other day we were on the freeway and she was going 85 and then someone passed us and it was dark by the way and were like "wtf why are they going so fast" and it was a cop and he didn't even give her a ticket for speeding..but that was just weird too.
and I know theres a few more things but I just cant think of them right now so I'll add them when I do.
EDIT
okay so more weird things I thought of.
Before I went to the Red Flannel Pageant with Elyse and Em we were talking about who we thought would win I said Sam, Brittany, and Lauren on my first guess. Elyse was suprised when she found out that my guess was true.
Then a while ago I went and seen Flightplan and before we left the person I went with asked me what I thought happened to the girl and I told them exactly what I thought and it turns out thats exactly what happened but I dont want to say it because it will give it away if you haven't seen the movie. Also I don't really remember how many people on the plane there was but I think it was 400 something and only two people on the whole entrire plane knew what happened to the girl and I guessed the two people.
Weird. Then the other day in the car with Lisa she goes "you know what song I really like" and instantly I said "photograph-nickelback"
and that was the song she was going to say. I don't know how these things happen anymore.............
yay mishy im sooo excited for my pictures and whatever your doing with those songs....
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swimfan14
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2005 11 October :: 9.31pm
Aww..that seriously meant so much to me.
After what I did, and he still forgives me. How cute. Seriously!
Ahh I'm so happy.
End of Story.
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swimfan14
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2005 11 October :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: Happy
Maybe it's time you looked at yourself & stopped blaming your life on everyone else.
<3 ashley
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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