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2007 28 October :: 8.49pm
so today .... was like the worst day ever.
except i bought a new camera. i know i know why why why but i can't stand not havin a camera. and this one is really cool i hope it's really as awesome as i think it is.
it has a million settings and stuff.
now if only my man would come home...where is he? work.......
stupid work and stuff. stupid stupid. what an awful day.
i thought wer were gonna see a movie today but ... doubt it.
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2007 11 October :: 12.33am
Tonight roman and i went out to east beltline- got coffee at beaners and then went into pet supplies plus and saw these bunnies and the woman let me hold one and then let roman hold the other and they were these dwarf bunnies and we want one really bad. i know that's bad- our apt is going to be all gross with pets but not really but we want one becaue they were so adorable and the woman said that they can be litter box trained and stuff and that they are good pets and you can let them out and hop around and stuff.
so yeah i duno. we might get a bunny i think.
and then we looked at halloween costumes . but we need to find something fun to do on halloween before we go and buy the costumes becaues they are expensive.
but if we do go somewhere we want to look all cute and costumey.
annnd then we went to the IMAX and saw transformers. i had never been there before so it was pretty neat. it was making me a little nauseous though because it is so big and stuff.
and other than that, i want to quit school because seriously i am doing really horrible and i studied hard and thought i did quite well on that last test and i did awful. i'm so pissed. at myself, at the class, at davenport, at the test. they are horrible tests. they are hard and confusing and stupid.
ugh
but seriously i don't want to be a fricken failure. i want to have a career. i dont want to just be a little housewife with kids. i mean, seriously- i dont care if it sounds pathetic to some people but that is my number one thing i look forward to - i look foward to having a family and raising our kids and being the perfect mother and wife. that is number one on my list and always will be but i reallly feel like i won't feel like i accomplished as much as i could have. i'll feel like i failed or like i didn't reach my potential. like... i have to have a CAREER too. at some point. you know? my mom regrets it so much and i don't want to have that same regret.
I hate school so much though. and i honestly really really don't have any idea what i would be good at.
but i'm shadowing this guy's that my dad knows daughter. ( i know i wrote that all wrong i dont care right now) and she is a nurse so i guess i'll find out then if i could handle it or not. which i know i probably can't. ughghghghgh hwhatever.
and anyway i like midnite sun and cruise and getting tan and sexy now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.
and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.
SHIT.
shoot.
well goodnight. any advice is welcomed.
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2007 9 October :: 6.29pm
i'm quite sure one of the many reasons i am not doing well in this stupid one night a week, three hour class is that there are computers in here. this a fricken computer lab. not a classroom. dude. seriously. it's 6 at night-there are plenty of other classrooms but no they stick us in a classroom with computers with access to facebook and myspace and woohu and email. ughghghhh and then the boredom hits and i'm online.
i've never done so bad in school. i think it's a sign. i shouldn't be a nurse. i doubt i can handle it. i'm compassionate but i'm too compasionate i cry whenever someone else gets tears in their eyes. i'd be walking around crying 24/7 and my waterproof makeup wouldn't hold up and also would clog my pores.
fuck you davenport .....i have such mixed feelings towards you- you gave me so much money and a good oppurtunity but no choices.
i think maybe we should break up. how do you feel about that davenport? i think maybe you are no good for me and i am getting no where being with you.
is anyone good at statistics? i'm not.
i really should just leave this class. i think i may. there's no point in me being here. i leave with pointless notes that i never ever look at. they mean nothing to me.
damnit.
stupid college. What else could i do with my life? seriously i dont think i would be good at anything. i'll be a good mom and that's really pretty much it.
i duno. gotta check homework i'm sure i'll be back
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2007 9 October :: 9.43am
I knew being patient would work out. =]
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2007 8 October :: 12.06am
So today i was in a really horrible mood. really life isn't that bad. i am just really really stressed and overwhelmed. i have too much stuff going on.
what it comes down to is that i am horrible at making decisions. and yeah
gosh now i forgot what i was going to say.
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2007 7 October :: 6.53pm
what the hell is a wedding anyway.
fuck this shit . i need a mother fucking vacation i swear to god if i wouldn't lose my scholarship i would leave this stupid fucking country in an instant. fuck the sholarship, i'm going to lose it anyway because there is no god damn way i'm passing that fucking class. who the fuck am i kidding whydidn't i just enroll in chic or some shit so i could actually have some income by now. seriously how the hell do people even fucking do it. theres no fucking way . i'd say i shoudl move back in with my parents but fuck it they are moving to florida anyway so too god damn late for me.
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2007 6 October :: 7.21pm
okay so red flannel is like scary and loud and ugly
and i dont know if i can go to one ever again. it had good parts and i liked the band competition but i couldn't wait to leave. i know, bad right but i duno
whatev
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2007 2 October :: 10.46am
Okay so I work on Wednesday and then I don't work again until Sunday.
I have to tell you guys something...
I'm so excited for Friday and Saturday. AHHH i'm such a loser. I've never been way excited for RED FLANNEL DAY lol except when I was in a band-it was a pretty big deal because of the performance and parade. but still.
I am like counting down the day until the Friday game and excited for RFD and the nothingness. I dont know.
I miss...
home?
and guess what!
I HAVE AN INTERVIEW AT THE PLACE I WANT SO BADLY TO WORK AT YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
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2007 30 September :: 10.47pm
:: Music: silence
I could spend all day trying to figure out why things are taking the course they are, but why? At the end of the day it isn't up to me. Things are the way they are because that's how they're supposed to be. Life isn't going to be easy every step of the way... I need to realize that.
I am going to face hard times and extremely difficult obstacles. There are going to be times when I feel as if nothing is going right and my heart is going to hurt. I need to embrace life for what it is, and what I have... instead of cursing it because it isn't what I want. I'm 19 years old, how do I even know what I want?
I don't, that's the thing. I don't know where I want my life to be tomorrow, or next week, or next year. I just don't know. What I do know is that I love him and I want him in my life. I need to realize that just because I want it, doesn't mean it's what is best for me and God will let me know if he is or not. Sooner or later God will let me know where I'm going and what I'm doing. I need to have faith in that, I need to let him show me the way instead of thinking I can do it by myself, because I can't.
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2007 29 September :: 7.55pm
:: Music: fever
well, if i never make it as a nurse at least i know i'll be a good housewife.
i make the best damn chocolate chip cookies ever.
i have the potential of being an excellant housewife.
sad.
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2007 28 September :: 1.54pm
i feel so sick to my stomach because i dont want to go to work. i would do anything seriously to not go. i want so bad to just not even go in but i know thats wrong and stupid. but i've only worked there for like a month so it's not like they'd be a good reference anyway ughghghgh i should just not go in but i dunno
any advice?
i need a new fucking job.
i'm gonna call midnite sun and cruise right now and try to fucking get hired so i have an excuse not to go in!
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2007 27 September :: 10.27am
ahh i love tr night. why does he have to be gay?
yay greys anatomy tonight i am so fricken excited.
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2007 26 September :: 5.53pm
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i need a new job.
please
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2007 17 September :: 12.05am
finally finished dying my hair. thanks to roman of course.
it looks kinda dumb but i dont care. i like the change. and since i am not cutting my hair because iwant it to be long at least this is a little change.
i love grey's anatomy omg. i love it so much. if i had a dying wish i think it would be to be a charatcter on greys anatomy. yeah fer realllllllllll.
shit.
i should replace meredith. because she is annoying and i loveh er but hate her at the same tie.
time
dont mind my typos. i just dont care and omg i can't breathe i feel like my throat is bleeding from all those chemicals and standing in the bathroom with all those chemicals for so long gahhhhhh can't breathe.
yesss! i love endoplasmic reticulum and ribosomes. gosh.
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2007 11 September :: 5.58pm
hes a handsome black man.
adn i just opened my book and it is confirmed.
i will fail this class.
grand.
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2007 11 September :: 5.53pm
great. my teacher is a really old, unapproachable man.
YES, he walked in to the wrong class and started writing his name on the board and a lady came in and said 'i thought you were in 301?"
"this is 301, isn't it?"
no its not hahaha- i still have a chance to get a better looking, younger, more approachable professor in this class. i'll keep you pposted as i'm sure you all care so much.
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2007 11 September :: 5.47pm
this is what you get because my statistics class is in a computer lab.
why is my math class in a fricken computer lab?
god am i typing really loud or is it just me?
i put my bags in the seat next to me because i dont want anyone to sit by me.
god i'm a bitch.
why are there so many old people that go to davenport. shit i hope thats my teacher because he's pretty hot. he's wearing a tie. oh, nope he sat down. anyway- old people? i hate having so many old people in my class because then no one talks out of turn and it's nothing like high school. everyone acts like they are so much smarter than they really are. i hate it. gosh that guy is cute. well - for a man . man. man man........................
shit i need to go drink and get the hell out of this clas. why am i in this class. i suck at math. i'm probably going to fail it. i did awful in my other math class. shit shit shit. why i am in this class. 3 hours of math. it's gonna kick my ass.
i haven't even opened the packaging on my book. maybe i should do that.
god i need some friends at this school.
but you remember i put my bags in the seat next to me so no one sits by me, right?
i'm a fricken moron.
lets get this show on the road before i write another pointless update.
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2007 11 September :: 5.44pm
the sky is pretty right now.
i'm going to have so many regrets when i die.
i'm never going to have that feeling again because i dont have enough time to.
i'm living my life grey's anatomy style. stop feeling sorry for yourself!
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2007 8 September :: 3.23pm
i feel weird.
something weird happened and i'm afraid to fall asleep.
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2007 5 September :: 7.53pm
we moved into our new apartment and it is so cute and wonderful and big and spacious and great and i love roman and we are so happy .
and my new job is really good i am so much less stressed. i can tell my body is thankful that i got a new job. my face is totally clear and i dont feel pissed off all the time. that job was no good for me. too stressful.
i love life right now except for school. school sucks but oh well. love
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2007 25 August :: 8.29pm
yay i got a new job.
at red robin in grandville! come see me.\
HOOORAY NO MORE DAYCARE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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2007 7 August :: 6.45pm
i made it into the nursing program.
my life is so incredibly crazy and stressful right now. on top of it all i hate my job that i am working 40 hours at every day. going in at 630 all week. sucks.
i sold another book online which is great but of course i can't find the cd that goes with it. wonderful. i need to go to the post office to mail it but i can't mail it until i find the cd and i can't go to the post office unless i get out of work on time and i have to return the library books but i need to go at a time when it's open beceause i need to get some more books for my report which is due in two weeks
annnnnnnnnnnd we are moving in three weeks and nothing and i mean nothing is packed or planned or anything. omg. or cleaned. ugh. no boxes. nothing ugh.
annnnnnnd we are going to ohio in two weeks and so we wont pack then.
we will never pack
we will end up throwing random belongings down the stairs and in our car . carload by carload and drive it all 5 miles to our new apartment and carry it in handfuls up our 3 flights of stairs.
gah
gah
gahasdjfa;sldkfjas;dflkajs;dflkjas;ldkfja;lskdfj;alsjfal;sjf;asdf
and all my classes. class every day. and no time for work.
what the hell am i going to do
and my hair dind't get done today because shit got messed up so i will have ugly hair for at least a week probably more.
fuck
i'm gonna go drink all by myself. me and my cats.
we're gonna go get drunk.
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2007 5 August :: 10.36pm
i cannot stand my hair right now. i wish i never had cut it all off. i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is like a tiny bit longer than shoulder length and all the same length, no layers.... it is my normal color which is like dark underneath and then it gets highlights in the front from the sun or whatever and i just can't stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tomorrow i am making an appointment. i mean i haven't even gotten it cut since like march or something so it needs it anyway and i haven't got it dyed or anything since last year. and i dyed it myself in probably like december or something.
so i am gonna get it cut and layered but only cut a little bit because i want it to grow out so badly. and then i am dying it all the same color - a dark brown with a little bit of a copper tint and then getting coppery or carmely highlights and blonde highlights.
yes sir. can't wait. because i fricken hate my hair.
and then i am not cutting it (as in majorly cuttting it- anything besdies a trim) until my wedding. which is a long way away so my hair will be super super long. i want it to be down to the middle of my back so that i can have huge curls and big beautiful hair for my wedding.
yup sothats my plan
just had to let you all know lol.
and yeah jess i still work at the daycare and i loved it when i first started but now i can't stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhh
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