friends | profile | guestbook


To find someone you love, you gotta be someone you love.

recent entries | past entries


:: 2006 5 April :: 1.27 am

i posted that as friends only cuz i kinda spilled, and i dont know who reads this drivel. I love you woohuers though...i love you a lot.

1 Thought | Tell Me...


:: 2006 31 March :: 1.31 am

I litterally feelsick right now. i just looked at facebook and i have an anorexic friend that is even worse than the last time i saw her. I feel like i am a terrible friend and also like there is nothing i could do anyway. ARG A LARG.

I am falling back into bad habits again after a couple weeks of being really good.I need to just suck it up and get my shit done.

I am going to caddy tomarrow and i am excited. i think it will be fun and relaxing. I will also get 2 new OTHs.

I made spicy nooles and gravy tonight. i figured out how to make good gravy from the food network, whic i watch all the time now. I guess i already knew, but now i have a way to do it really easily w/o lumps.

Tonight i tried omething new at work. I did truck unload. Usually girls arent put in that job, but i asked if i ould cuz i wanted to learn and i think i impressed all the other truck guys cuz they said i should try to work the trucks more often.

lately i have had a very interesting mix of good and bad experiences, i just need to learn from the bad and concentrate on the good.

Tell Me...


:: 2006 30 March :: 12.16 am

I LOVE ONE TREE HILL!!!

Tell Me...


:: 2006 27 March :: 1.09 pm

this weekend was very boring, but much needed. i feel like i have been rejuvenated. today i woke up at 9 am w/o feeling supertired. I have to go to caddy for a day this weekend. Fortunately i dont have to work on friday or saturday. I tink i am going to go on friday and spend the day and possibly the night. I dont know. I am skipping class today i think. I just really dont want to go for some reason. It is weird cuz i have been really good about this class...hell i have been good about class in general lately. I have also decided to fail my one class in favor of good grades in the rest. besides, i would have to ace the rest of it to even get a dc...if i were lucky. I am going to do well on my incomplete thoguh. i am just a little lost in the school dept. why am i even doing this? i think i will be happier next semester when i am back in some writing classes. goodbye

Tell Me...


:: 2006 22 March :: 11.37 pm

This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war… Hoping for their safe return… But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, Swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name?

Is it your name?

4 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 22 March :: 12.04 pm
:: Music: OTH Sountrack 2

I'M STAYING
I have finally stopped pussy-footing around. I have made an executive desicion. I am staying in the 'Zoo for the Summer. Granted, I am going to visit Caddy alot probably (hopefully) And to tell you the truth (Miche;;e) I expect for you to visit a little w/ me. YOU CAN GO TO MY AUNTS COTTAGE AND SEE THEM AND I CAN SHOW YOU CADDY! FUN! whoa. i got really excited just now. Anyway...

The concert was SO AWESOME. I am not in love with the band members. I dont really go for the super-short and/or super-skinny types. I do however, LOVE the music. I got completely squashed though durring the 1st 3 opening bands. There were these 2 guys who were complete jack-asses. There were about a foot taller than me and worked together to get in front of me. It was violent and mean and grrr. after the 3rd band i was sore and tired of fighting so i told them to lift me up and i crowd surfed to the front and just watched the good stuff from a safe distance. It was much better i guess. The music was amazing for real though. They did not however play my favorite song. I did think of Cali when they played Dance, Dance. I am really sore today.

My roomates are obnoxious. They got back at 2 am (ON A TUESDAY) and turned thier music up really loud and knocked on my door ( i was exhausted and sleeping) to ask me if i took any pictures. ARG A LARG.

BAsically, things feel better than they were a week ago. I have a good summer ahead of me. I am going to pass4/5 of my classes (hopefully) and i still have a sliver of hope in my last one. If not, i know i am going to be here this summer, so i can retake it! woot!

Tell Me...


:: 2006 20 March :: 9.37 pm

i have been on a little rollercaoster today cuz i am freakin a little (or a lot) about passing my classes and this summer. i talked to ryan today (he called me and it was great...made my day actually) then i started FREAKIN cuz he wants me to go to caddy this summer, and sean is gonna be back there too. and i want to stay here too. i really want to have a slow summer where i dont work every day. I have not had a summer where i didnt work everyday since i was 14. I mean sure camp isnt like an office job or anything, but just being able to decide for my self what to do with each day would be incred. here is what i emailed to chip this afternoon:

Chip-
i hate how people have to make desicions so far in advance. i am getting pressure from all sides about the summer and it is only march! i want to do everything. ryan is the new camp director and i know i shouldnt be since i knew it was coming, but i am a little upset. i wish i could go back and see where it all got off-track. i had the intent of becoming director since i was a camper. oh well. anyway, i was wondering if you could give me some more info about your prospective camp, i am trying to get all the info on all my options so that i can figure out what my best choice would be. also, i need to know if i need to apply any time soon. actually i dont even know if you were serious and so i guess i need to know if you were joking or not. you are hard to read in person and impossible online. i am stressed and confused

his response was:

alicia, i'll respond to all your concerns in depth later. In the meantime, relax and take a deep breath.

So really, that doesnt help at all. Still, i am glad he sensed my desperation and got right back to me.

There are 2 other HUGE factors in the summer equation.
1. I need to meet with an english advisor to see if I fail history this semester (which I am going to) if i can get all of my classes into the 2 semesters or if i will HAVE to stay this summer?
2. I need money more than i can say, so financially, being HO at Camp T would be my best bet, but emotionally that MIGHT be the worst. I almost had a breakdown last year...

I am SO confused...

1 Thought | Tell Me...


:: 2006 18 March :: 1.29 pm

Last night was superfun, sorry i fell asleep so early though guys. aNyway, we went to main street and sat a booth and just talked for a couple hours. We saw people we dont usually see and had a relaxed evening. It was very nice.

i feel yucky, my body is mad at me for the way i have been treating it lately and it has chosen this inopotune time to rebel. ARG.

thursday i talked to some of my teachers about my compulsive absence from class. the one is letting my turn in everything on tuesday, and going to try to thnk of an extra credit opportunity so i can pass her class...nice woman. See, in that class (when i go) i am the only one that talks and i say smart thinks usually (stop laughing) so she wants me to start coming instead of withdrawing (which i cant do since i would drop below 12 credits) so it is complicated, but basically, she likes me so she is gonna fiure something uot. YAY. My histor class is another story. I NEED to figure out a way to pass that mofo....damn.

Anyway! These last few weeks have scked in the school dept, and i wdont see that endong anytime soon. My last holocaust paper is due this week, and then i am dont making up that incomplete. I think i will get a B. good enough.

It is really sad that i have lowered my standards so much that just passing is good enough for me. I used to be an honor student who did extra work for my classes in HS...sometimes. but i mean, i just dont have any drive anymore. I guess that has gotten better lately, since i realized i am so close and want to get out of here, but what the hell am i gonna do once i do get out? I know i dont want to work at kohls as an associate making diddly forever. I want to not live paycheck to paycheck anymore. Arg, i am kinda stressed right now i guess....abou tmoney and school and life in general.

Fall Out Boy is tuesday. YAY

Tell Me...


:: 2006 14 March :: 9.15 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHE;;E!!!

9 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 10 March :: 1.09 am

Friday, March 10, 2006

Currently Listening
Blinking Lights and Other Revelations
By Eels
see related
Chip just emailed me saying he might be the director of a camp in az and he wants me to go there with him...and his GF...

Public - 12:41 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 9 March :: 5.14 pm
:: Music: none-AHHHH

computer labs rock my world.
so here i am in yet another computer lab ( my last entry was made from one as well.) I am still hiding out. i am going to go home and do dishes tonight though so i can stop hiding.

ANYWAY

HEre are the pertinent facts about my life today:

I have to pay a bill for the clubhouse utilities...just another way for the centre to FUCK ME...IN THE ASSHOLE...

I talked to my mom today and she was very helpful

i slept completely through my first 2 classes today

i failed the test in my last class

I received a bestbuy giftcard from the centre as payment for a previous screw, and bought 3 HP movies and season 1 of Grey's anatomy...still have 80 bucks too...woot

I am wearing my new shoes, and they make my heart dance the Rumba...i think

I am excited to see miche;;e which sounds weird since i should be sick of her after SB...but i am not.

That is all, goodbye.

Tell Me...


:: 2006 7 March :: 12.31 pm
:: Music: Spring Break Mix- Jack's Mannequin

It's like I wrote every note/With my own fingers
It is really odd how I can get up in a strangers face and even get inot fights with my friends, but i am really not as great at dealing with roomate problems. I have been in hardcore avoidance mode with my roomate. She left me a note over Springbreak that was true (since i am a slob) but also really rude and uncalledfor. I can't wait til next year, i wont have to worry about any of this kind of shit. I should not be cooped up in my room for fear of being yelled at. I have too much other shit to worry about.

**PS miche;;e i completely fabricated my kinship assignment. I made up a stroy about a guy i sat next to on the plane....this morning, 2 hours before it was due...procrastination!**

ANYWAY...

Spring BReak was AWESOME. I had a ton of fun with my good (and dorky)friend and my awesome aunties. Why is that i can have a ton of fun going to a prison and a capitol building? I mean most college students go to beaches and get tans...the only time we went to the beach it was cold and getting dark...oh well. We ate GREAT food all week. Here is a breakdown:

Saturday: Benihana (Japanese where they cook it right there)
Sunday: Greek (DeAnn cooked for us...YAY)
Monday: Mexican (little place w/ big portions...mmmm)
Tuesday: Samarai Sushi (proud of miche;;e, she tried it)
Wednesday: Leftovers (tired and shit)
Thursday: In n Out Burger (THE BEST!!!!)
Friday: Bucca di Beppo ( GREAT italian)
Saturday: Red Rum Burger...then home

It is funny that i account for my week through food...

Anyway, I updated my Facebook and FINALLY added some photo albums, so check em out, i will update again when i get the rest of the cali pics form miche;;e.

Here are the things i have to look forward to this month:
March 14: Miche;;e's b-day (to be celebrated on St. Patrick's Day)
March 21: Fall Out Boy and All-American Rejects Concert

Alright, i guess this is long enough for today.
I work Today, tomarrow, saturday and sunday, but we shopuld get together this weekend. Call me.

1 Thought | Tell Me...


:: 2006 5 March :: 9.31 am

what a thing to come home to...glad i am living alone next year....i am riled and can't sleep....damn you!

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 4 March :: 9.33 am

Leaving California.
Sad: Party of Two

Tell Me...


:: 2006 21 February :: 11.42 pm

BRIGHT EYES LYRICS

"Lover I Don't Have To Love"

I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love is an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me." [fades]




Lyrics to the song that plays on my xanga...

6 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 20 February :: 11.51 am

Monday, February 20, 2006

Currently Listening
One Tree Hill, Vol. 2
By Original Soundtrack
Halo
see related

meredith! what are you fucking thinking??? George likes you ya heartless bitch!



Hands searching,
groping for the promise of something more.
Fingertips tracing the contours
of a body wanting.
Leaving trails of goosebumps
and tiny hairs raised
in anticipation of the inevitable
and always wanted.
It meant so much to one
and nothing to the other.



YAY G.A. cured my writer's block!



Halo-Haley James-Scott

I never promised you a ray of light
I never promised there’d be sunshine everyday
I'll give you everything I have
The good. The bad.

Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below
So help me down, you've got it wrong
I don't belong there

One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me

And I.. I just wanna love you
Oh, oh I.. I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes
I'm only human and that's my saving grace
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there

Why, you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a..
I wear a..
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me






Public - 12:34 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

1 Thought | Tell Me...


:: 2006 19 February :: 11.28 pm

Aaahhhhhhhhh....MY EYES!!!
I just watched a gay guy get fucked by a ftm tranny....it was....too much for words....ahhhhhh

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 19 February :: 5.15 pm

Saw a good movie w/ miche;;e today...Everything is Illuminated. It was sad and happy and funny all in one.
I am going to clean today and read some, then watch my shows tonight.
right now i am watching this show on TLC called a face for Yulce. this little girl from Indonesia had a kerosene can explode in her arms and got 3rd degree burns on 40 % of her body. while she was healing her chin and arms fused to her chest. they are going to try to do surgery to free her from her scar tissue prison.

3 Thoughts | Tell Me...


:: 2006 18 February :: 10.19 pm

ahhhhhh woohu has been depressing....
i didnt read before i entered...
arg a larg
oop on a scoop
BAD NEWS BEARS

Tell Me...


:: 2006 18 February :: 9.59 pm

i saw a shooting star tonight.
my mind blanked.
it wasnt because there arent things i want.
it was because i dont deserve a wish.
I am a parasite.

Tell Me...

Woohu.com | Random Journal