Well, Last night was THE BEST! My Ryan came and we went to Stomp. I couldnt hold back my happiness, and i ran and jumped on him and we spun around hugging....just like on Dawon's Creek!!!!! It was a moment!

Ok, going home was bad, but it could have been a ton worse. I dont know, i just love it here and it keeps everything seperate...i dont have to deal wth my family crap...it is an escape.

OMG friday night was so fun!!! The chin story, The cream Pie w/ bugs, and my "revelation" "that is NOT what they feel like" haha...thanks girlies for some awesome inside jokes...whenever i go to steak and shake, i will think of friday's excursion...

Annie...thanks for the offer, and i will call you for sure if i need ya....i heart you...i hope everything is going well at ferris...and I will see ya over thanksgiving and we can have a manly...

Cadillac Sucks...My Family Sucks...I Miss 1st Fox!!!!! Tomarrow morning is gonna suck, we have to have a "discussion" SUCK MY COCK!!!!
GRRR!!!!!!!

I realy hope Max can come tonight...he told me last night he wanted to, but we were supposed to have a sleep over at auras tonight so i said he couldnt and now laura got a job, and she has to work and we cant have our girls night, so i want max to come now...i hope he still can...

oh yeah and last night i talked to betsy for the first time in like forever and she was nice and i think we might have worked things out...i still dont know why she was being a bitch, but at least we can talk now...

And Ryan might come on Sunday to go to STOMp with me...YAY!!!

I fucked up majorly today...I missed a test and I had no excuse really...I mean things have been supercrazy lately, and I am a slacker, but basically I could have gone.... i just forgot, and i thought it was just a lecture day. So I emailed the teacher and he is letting me make it up tomarrow morning at 10...YAY!!! i have a lot to do now though cuz I have to take the test at 10, I have a paper due in my 1230, and i have quizes in my 2&3 classes...I HAVE to go to math too...so I really hope i can get out of work tonight...it would be great...but i am not gonna get my hopes up or anything...

Drama Much?
I am so...well confused to say the least...there is s much unneccesary drama that it is like High School all over again...I hated High School and this is a very unwelcome reminder!

Last night i dyed my hair darker, and we ate some really good food and watch a lot of Felicity...it was awesome. it made me forget how sucky the night before was...today was fun too...i cant believe there was a three way tie for first in the bean game...amazing...

Just to reinterate...lay off the drama and go with the flow...whats done is done and dwelling on it will not change what happened...in fact it can make things a lot worse...cuz Drama Sucks Ass!

Tonight was very interesting...i hated it so much, but loved it at the same time...I wanted to not be aound so many people... was on a very short fuse and ppl were just frustrating me to no end...but then again i didnt want to be alone either, i wanted to be around like 2-3 ppl...it would have been perfect...unfortunatly my choices were a party with a bunch of ppl, or alone...i chose the party...


The best part f the entire night was the trip to meijer and fox...it was just the girls and the 5 of us are so fun when we are together. I dont know...i was so down then they totally cheered me up...

I have said some mean things to different people tonight, but i didnt really mean any of them...i am just frustrated. I expect the people here to know what i need and they just dont know me well enough yet...i am hard to read sometimes...I also expect way too much from some people who dont really owe me anything...i am sorry

I wish i was going to Rooney tomarrow, but it will be fun cuz we are having a girl party at Laura's so have fun meeting Robby...

I dont need any drama so please unless there is something going on that is completely detrimental...just grow up and get over it...things happen sometimes that force a person to go through things that they dont like, but adapting is the only way to survive...if it isnt gonna kill you...get over it...please...

Gun Bound is AWESOME!!! Andy and I beat Steve and Walter! It is addicting though...

Today wasn't too bad...I went to Spanish, but I fell asleep...which was bad mainly for two reasons...1. I didnt hear what she was saying and i need to know it, and 2. she knew i was sleeping cuz it is a small class... Anyway it made me feel bad too...I dont know why i was so tired...i shouldn't have been...oh well...

We played the bean game again and i like it more each time i play...I won last night, but Steve won tonight...tonight i TIED for 3rd...not as good....

I like the list of faves annie....i like those things too...hmmmm....here are some more for me...

Cards
Gun Bound
Milano Cookies
Raspberry Lemonade Capri-Suns
Rocky Horror Picture show
Care Packages
Vanilla pudding

That is enough for now...I am trying to only look at the positives at the moment...

Random Favorites:

Friendship Bracelets
John Cusack
Strawberry Milk
Fefe Dobson
Green
Fishing
Camp Torenta
Dispatch
Wet Hot American Summer

Random Dislikes:

Cheesecake
Dave Matthews
John Mayer
Scary Movies
Megan
Unneccessary Drama
Feet
Math


Phobia: Dinosaurs

The hockey game sucked and walking to the arena, then standing was killer on my knees...

oh yeah, last night I supermanned into a face-plant in the hallway and hurt my knees and left shoulder...arrg!

Megan is such a bitch! She called me as i was entering the hockey game to remind me her mom was coming tomarrow and i still hadnt cleaned the bathroom...it is her weekend and i am doing her a favor just by doing it so shouldnt i get to choose when i do it??? I think YES...ARRG

Well the last two days have been pretty uneventful except for the fall and the movie(we saw texas chainsaw massacre, and i am VERY bad at watching scary movies...in case you didnt know it...ARRG)I really miss Steve and Walter... why did they have to both leave on the same weekend?... ARRG! At least Craig is back now so I think I will go bug him now...instead of cleaning...Arrg he is gone too damn it!

I will be your friend...which is actually a pretty good deal, because it means that I will do almost anything on the off chance that it will make you a little less sad...you know who I mean...

Ok, Last night was really fun....three times!!!First, Max came over and I got lots of max hugs and it was great, then a bunch of us played Taboo and it was superfun, Then we played Settlers at 2 and sang Dashboard for like two hours...even Andy sang....It is so awesome that Mike and Steve like Dashboard so much, plus I love it when guys sing...it is cute awwww....haha anyway since I was up so late I overslept...whoa fire drill...ok I am back...anyway I walked to Brown in the fastest time I ever have cuz i didnt want Krystal to think I forgot her...that would have been terrible...I made it though...phwew...anyway...have a good day everyone!!!! I heart you all!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

MY MAX IS GONNA COME VISIT ME!!!!

YAY!!!!!

Well Ok, Things haven't been going that well lately...Michelle said something about leading a different life here, and i totally agree...i don't feel like me...anyway I am trying really hard to get back to the happy place i was at a couple days ago, but it is really hard...i dont know the way....I am trying to remember what ry said on the phone, but when i am here by myself without him, it is super hard...i went towork yesterday though AND i went to bed at a reasonable time...so i am getting a little better....we'll see what happens tonight...

Alright, so i am really sorry if i worried anyone with my last entry or my MSN name...i was having a breakdown and i REALLY just needed ryan...fortunately, he was there for me like he promised he always will be. We talked for like over an hour and i only cried three times and i only hung up on him once...that doesnt sound good, but it was better than i had expected...I am just so lost and i have trust issues and control issues and people walking all over me issues...basically i have a lot of issues and ryan really helps me put things in perspective...i may miss him or get mad at him a lot...but i dont know what i would do without him either...i guess it is a case of you cant live with em and you cant live without em...

Her are my new goals...
1. Think about ME more
2. Tell people what i am thinking
3. Stop falling for the wrong guys
4. Stop trying to contol things so much
5. stop being so scared of getting close to people
6. Stop being afraid of being alone
7. Don't push people away
8. Don't let things build up
9. Stop worrying what other people think so much
10. Relax

instead of doing what i would normally do which is stay up late and get nothing done, and feel like crap, i think i am going to go to bed...it is very draining to have a breakdown...I thank my lucky stars i have ryan, or else i dont know where i would be right now...i heart you Ryan!!!

Well today was not too bad...something is bothering me though, but i don't know what it is. i feel like something should be happening or is going to happen, but i dont know what it is...i dont know...i dont know how to explain it...something is missing...

Ahhhh i am such a f-wording girl!!!!S-word!!! I hate it when people are like i am right now...i cant help it but everyone is on my nerves too...

Oh My god...everyone has been ripping on me too, i drank this weekend...so what...people drink all of the time...why is it such a big dealthat i did...i grrrr...i dont think i was THAT annoying or anything...GOD!!!! I hate it here i wanna go home!!! I am tired of pretending all of the time...ahhhhhhh people here judge WAY too much!!! I am a good person, i am dependable, and friendly and i put up with a lot of crap...i need people to LAY OFF DAMN IT!!!

well, i finally talked to steve about the badness weirdness and thing are still sort of up in the air, but that is ok, since i dont do badness that often, but we also just had a really good manly, plus he hugged me...twice...yessss!!!!

I am such a slacker that it is ridiculous! I have so much h-dub, that i know i will not get it all done, but i still played settlers with steve and walter...i need to learn better study habits...

i hate that ryan and max are so distant...damn it! I told them last weekend that i needed them to make an effort, and so far they dont even give a shit...they dont even talk to me online! and i wrote max an email and he has not written me back! so i knew i always was the one to start talking or the one to call but i didnt think that if i stopped i would never see them...GOD!!! This f-wording (haha) sucks!!!!

I am so sorry to anyone if i was annoying or made you feel bad this weekend...i may have had fun but i understand if badness is not your thing...i also know that i was probably loud and obnoxious, so sorry... : )

So talking to steve makes me miss those stupid boys even more...i really miss max hugs and ryan looks and charlie hus...ohhhh charlie hugs! I miss charlie sooooo much...ok so am not ver coherent, and sound kinda whiny, but i just had sortof an intense convo, and i am feeling sot of tired, sort of mad and really down in the dumps...

Jesus christ! John Mayer is on tv...omg i ask ppl about Dave matthews all the time, and i only know of about three people that i am friends with who like him...yessssss *arm curled up* Also only one person has liked John mayer...who i hate more than dave!

Mikes new hair is so not far me, but i didnt say anything cuz whatever it is his head...yikes though, i like brown hair and black hair and blonde hair but not all on the same person at the same time...

anyway this entry is just a bunch of crap, but what do you expect at 4 20 in the morning? i should not be up right now at all..

ok, so last night was REALLY fun...i can't believe how long before this weekend it had been for badness...i still feel sort of drunk right now...yikes...anyway, the drama on the floor between Jeremy, Mike and Andy seems really strange...who talks like you people? Shit! Jeremy is right about the whole missing the trust of old friends....i miss being myself soooo much...annie, I read your entry about d-rock and i know what you mean, and i support you no matter what...and i just worry, but if it is worth the risk, then the good must be really good...i'll take him out for ya if he turns into an asshole again...let me know, cuz i got your back...

ok, so i also met a really cute boy last night...he is in a band and is friends with drunk laura. Cranium Bob is the name of the band, and don't anyone yell at laura about our study lounge being trashed...she feels bad already...he was cute though...

Oh yeah, and i feel really bad about steve too...

Ok, So last night I had a lot of fun, the hockey game was awesome and it was even more fun since we won...I love going...plus i got to stand in between steve and craig....ow ow...anyway, Megan said she didnt wanna go but i saw her there, then i also saw her at wendys afterward too...Then steve michelle and mike walked me to Hoeke...Matt introduced me to some pple, and we had some jack, then he walked me home, but ppl here were already asleep...damn it! plus megan was a bitch when i got back too!!!ahhh
so i called him back and we watched a movie in his room...cuddling is the BEST! I don't think I really want anything to happen there, but it was fun just to cuddle cuz it has been really weird here...i miss the hugs and touching...people need touch...my friends here are not really close enough for hugs or thigs yet and i was in withdrawl...anyway...i am super tire cuz i only had about 2 hours of sleep...

ok so i am not sure, but i think i did something to steve...he is acting weird, maybe it is the drinking...but he didn't seem very comfortable leaving me with Matt...i feel bad cuz i don't want to make him feel bad, but it was so good just to get away for a while and hang out with some different people...i needed it so much, and now i am back and it is sort of weird which makes me want to be gone again...oh well...it was a nice little escape for a night...

Ok, so spanish class sucks! we had a quiz today that i ACTUALLY studied for and i still did sooo bad! GRRRR

I decided that i need to do some badness too, i have gone WAY too long without it! I wanna get shit faced and finally let go...I need some major fun! preferably the kind that does not involve cards or sports on tv...not that i dont like that...its just that i need something new...

I totally slept through my advising appointment this morning too, but i registered online...I am not gonna lie...i am a little worried about how hella hard my classes are gonna be, but lately i have been wanting to be alone a lot more, so when i am I have been actually been trying to do h-dub...it is nothing against anyone on the floor, i am just in a funk...

I try really hard not to think about boys very much, since it is so depressing, but i am real damn tired of just being the friend...i need to get away from all of this and meet some people...I would not get with anyone on the floor, but seeing as i pretty much only spend time with them, i need to find something for me....especially since i dont want a caddy guy either....oh oh i forgot on my way from spanish i saw the best looking guy again...i see him every once in a while...he is so HOTT but he smokes...sick...so i admire from a far...ciggies...and chewing tobacco...are so SICK!!!

There is a lot you can tell about a guy from his shoes though...this guy wears pumas, but they are running shoes, like actual ones not the old school type...they are broken in too...like charlies...ahhh Charlie....hmmmm