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godessalthena

:: 2010 28 July :: 11.22am
:: Music: NIN - I Ghost - 3

I don't know why but this song is srsly an orgasim for my ears.

Oh Trent, there is a small place in my heart just for you.

1 Idea | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 27 July :: 6.51pm

I hate how much time and experience changes a person..
It makes me feel so helpless to stop this spiral I see you on.
We never talk anymore and when we do it's always defensive manuvers..
We're like two fighter pilots with something to prove as we crash into this ocean.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 26 July :: 7.24am

<3 love is putting 6 1/2 days of music on my iPhone <3

I love you Sus!

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 25 July :: 6.06pm

bleh..

I need a change or I'll go crazy.

Blue hair soon :)

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 23 July :: 7.26am

Hello, exhaustion, my constant companion.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 23 July :: 12.59am

Tonight: HELLA FUN and serious possible new bff in the mix

Tomorrow: looks to be HELLA FUN with parents and Emily :3

Sometime this weekend: fabulous sister of wonderful doom!!

this weekend is looking to be fan-FUCKING-tastic :3

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 19 July :: 6.43am
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: "missed the boat" by modest mouse

something that's been nagging for a looooong time
We're all just trying to figure shit out. Why do we have to make it so god damned hard for each other?

I can't help but think most people are pieces of shit because they'd rather focus on how fucked up everyone else is rather than fixing their own internal issues.

If you don't like who I am or what I do: a. it's none of your business b. I probably don't care your opinion if I didn't ask for it and c. think about it - you're probably just jealous because I can make radical changes in a day that you will never be able to do in your whole life time.

So just jog on and worry about your shit and I'll worry about mine.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 18 July :: 9.37pm

Congrats on finally admitting it............

4 years later.........

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 18 July :: 2.53pm

Drinks + cute girl + me + Sus + joy = one helluva fantastic night

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 16 July :: 6.19am

Eeeee! I've lost 3 lbs this week!!!

1 Idea | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 14 July :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: happy

happy belated birthday to me!
I just got home from a truely WONDERFUL FANTASTIC MAGICAL dinner with my mom, dad and Zuzu!

We went to Scratch and had drinks and food and talked about silly things and funny things and there was a whole lot of laughing and it felt just like i've always wanted.

I felt like I was finally part of the family again and it felt like they all really wanted to be around me. I felt happy and loved and myself.

I really can't express how happy I was at that dinner. And how excited I am for the future.

I feel like taking a nap and having sweet dreams finally.

ahh! :D best birthday dinner ever!

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 13 July :: 1.02pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

finally change is coming...
Ahhh! :D

I love things.. And stuff.. And things :)

[ e d i t ]

the last few days have made me very happy.
happiest i have been since i lived in everett.
i finally get to have my family back..
i finally get to move on past all the trauma and bad feelings..
all the things in my life that have been difficult or fucked up are now on the mend. and while its only taken me forever to finally do something about it, i'm so glad i waited and the way it happened (for me) couldn't have been better for my mental health.

I feel like i may acutally have a chance at getting better. at being off my pills, at feeling like i'm worth something. i can't wait for the future.

i'm going back to school, i'm starting a fantastic career with a fantastic company, i'm getting out of debt on my own, sus is going back to school and starting a fantastic career. we're starting a beautiful life and i'll have two families who love me.

i can finally believe i'll be successful. i can finally believe i'm loved. i can finally know that there is something to wake up for and the sun is just as beautiful as it was so long ago.

i'm just SO fucking excited.
and SO fucking ready to get my life on track.

and compared to the road that i've been on, everything in my future feels like it's going to be a cake walk.

i love life.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 10 July :: 7.26pm

There goes my pain there goes my chains - did you see them falling?

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 8 July :: 8.51am

Ahhh I love happy visiting time with friends :)
finally having some company over tonight! And tomorrow! And going out Saturday :D

lunch with my lover today!
Lunch with Emily tomorrow!
Evening with Janelle Saturday!

Things should be entertaining!

What do you think?


angel_bob

:: 2010 8 July :: 2.12am

This is where I just keep talking and you guys can leave at any time
I have sunburn for the second time in my life and it sucks even worse than the first time as I am not 10 years old and have to work. At least I only have sunburn on my back, shoulders and knees unlike poor Nick whose face is red and peeling. I learned long ago that the first place I put sunscreen on is my face, especially on my nose and ears.

I've been sick for about a week now, just congested and gross and haven't been able to taste food for that entire terrible week. I was starting to think I wouldn't be able to ever taste food again (I had nightmares about tasteless Popeye's chicken and I cried a little) so I went into the bathroom with half a box of Puffs and emerged victorious! I then ate some ham dip and Pita House for lunch.

Speaking of Puffs, how great is it to be a company that has become a household name. I almost typed Kleenex before realizing I bought Puffs (because the only Kleenex at Meijer were the ones with lotion which gross me out and don't have nice, pretty boxes (Great selling point, companies! You've got me down pat. I take these to work and I want to look stylish while I wipe my nose every five minutes.)) and I was thinking about proprietary eponyms. Kleenex, Jello, Google, Vaseline, Q-Tips, Frisbee, Band-Aid, Velcro, Thermos...even Hi-Lighter. It's very interesting how our language has absorbed brand names as actual words. Maybe I'm just watching too much Mad Men.

I took a break from wedding planning for a week or two because I was having dreams about it and stressing out. Now I'm just more overwhelmed because apparently invitations are to be sent out 8 weeks before the wedding (which is the last weekend in August and OMFG IT IS JULY ALREADY WTF YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN TIME KTHX) and I keep having to explain to people (at work) that yes, I'm getting married, no he hasn't proposed. After 6 years, we knew we were going to do this, I don't need some hard consolidated mineral matter (thanks, princeton.edu!) on my finger to know that it's happening. Also, Nick lost his job which means we will soon need a cheaper and less awesome place to live which makes me sad but means more wedding money which we seriously need because my parents have said in the past that they aren't paying for it because they paid for their wedding so I can pay for mine. Although my mom did offer to help out after I called to tell her Nick lost his job. And I might need that help after seeing the price of these places. And my mom is the best dealfinder to ever hit deals.

Have you ever planned a wedding by the way? I don't know why in the world people want to stretch these things out over 6 months or even over a year! I'm stressed out already and I only have to deal with this for 4 months. I talked to Nick about it and he got me to calm down and figure out priorities which immediately made me want to throw up but I'm getting things done, kids (while throwing up)! I'm not actually calling anyone (because it's 2am and I talk to people on the phone all day at work why would I want to do it for leisure) but I've sent out emails and I have a few days off next week so hopefully I can get the hardest parts (ceremony and reception location) out of the way so I can think about food and food. And Nick was completely useless but now that he has time he is very useful.

Okay, this is getting long and I want to go watch another episode of Mad Men before I hop in my oatmeal bath so I'll stop now.

I love you all.

1 Idea | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 5 July :: 9.10pm

Sometimes you just can't fight the sorrow.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 2 July :: 6.50am

Lost 1% body fat in the last week :) which makes me feel really really goodabout myself :D

I want to be at around 16% to have a nice plush figure for my frame. Weight-wise that'd be 154 lbs-ish if I maintain my current muscle density (which won't happen since I'm starting anaerobic strength training soon).

I feel this goal is completely obtainable over the course of several months :)

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 1 July :: 7.22am

I feel bad that she likes me.. But it's so nice being persued by an intelligent and cute woman.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 30 June :: 7.53pm

I hate you. I hate you SO much. I hate you more than I've hated anyone in a long time.

You're butt-fucking-ugly. You're balding. You work a dead-end job and have no future. You fucking wreek. You're irresponsible trailer trash with one brain cell to your whole family and you have bad teeth.

Fuck you. And I can't wait until you are out of my life for good.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 30 June :: 5.09am

The way I see it either we have free will or god has a plan. You can't have both.

Either it was god's plan to have my brother sexually molest and rape me for a good portion of my formative years or god just sat back and watched because my brother has free will.

Either way that's fucked.

Amd then god planned for my parents not to see the signs of the abuse or to ignore them.. Or he just sat back and let them do that of their own free will.

Either way that's fucked up too.

I am done with religion.

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 29 June :: 5.29pm

Just worked off 515 calories :D feeling AWESOME

not even exhausted!

And I was told I'm a superstar by my superiors! Hell fucking yeah!

Now if only roomie situations were better... :/

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 28 June :: 5.40pm

I love being asked questions like: "what's your favorite movie?" or "if your life was a movie what would it be?"

I always say "the fountian" and the response I always get is: " now that's a movie I dont understand!" (nervous chuckle)

I love it! I love the look on their faces. It's so satisfying. Especially when they've been married for 10+ years and/or have kids. Ahhh

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 27 June :: 12.40am

Goth night @ A Club = love

What do you think?


angel_bob

:: 2010 24 June :: 2.05pm

Nick lost his job.

They eliminated the entire department.

Talked to him, he said the wedding is still on. He actually said "Why wouldn't it still be on?"

He says we'll be okay. He gets severance and we'll be fine as long as we move out of our awesome expensive apartment.

Just crazy timing.

1 Idea | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 22 June :: 6.02pm

Being in Spokane is a bummer..

But we bought some awesome clothes for Sus! And I got a cute skirt! The plans kinda fell through, but it was SO much fun going to the Metropolatin Grill with Sus and his dad for father's day :D that is the ritziest resturants I've been to in two years! The calamari were so cute and tiny :D and delicious.. Everything was delicious! And fun. And it made me feel really.. Happy inside :)

What do you think?


angel_bob

:: 2010 19 June :: 2.46am

Nick and I set a date.

October 23, 2010.

No, he didn't propose yet. Yes, I'm crazy. Yes, I'm planning it already.

I just figured that if I'm going to get married by the end of the year, I should start planning. I made him set a date without formally proposing since I already know we're going to get married (and have known for years). Talking to my mom (she was naming places and planning and talking about dropping her dress off and food and who to invite...it was awesome), really kick-started the process.

I also realized time is flying by and it's almost July. Like I said, if I want to get this done this year, I should start planning now.

I'm not counting myself as engaged until the ring is on the finger but this is official, kids. I'm not joking.

I'm more excited about this than I think I will be about the proposal.

I love you all.

P.S. I wanted to get married earlier but Nick and I already have the days off of work for October (and we won't have the money by August or September) so I figured why not do it then. I hate that being an adult means planning our wedding around when we can get time off but it's better than never doing it!

P.P.S. I wanted October 10 because then it would be 10-10-10 and Nick would remember it easily. Also 101010 in binary? 42. Perfect. But Nick said he's not planning our wedding on a day "because it looks good in binary" and he sent me this:

public static main()
{
If (you == "robot")
{
Console.WriteLine("OMG!");
}
else
{
Console.WriteLine("Are you sure?);
}
}

P.P.P.S. I don't think Nick's mentioned it to his family yet. I kind of don't want to yet because his older sister just got engaged and I don't want to ruin her moment. Everyone should have a moment that is all about them. Like birthday week. I just told people at work because I was excited.

P.P.P.P.S. Nick's grandfather is doing okay. Thanks, everyone. They ended up not giving him bypass surgery and just putting stints in because they don't think he could handle bypass. However, they give him a good 3-5 years as he is so yay for mediocre health!

3 Ideas | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 18 June :: 11.14am

Soooo it turns out since I work a late shift I get a 10% bonus to my total yearly salary. What that means:

I'll be making $21.45 an hour rather than $19.50. Seriously.

I will be out of debt so fast. I will be buying a new car. I will be able to afford the help to get the body I want. I'll be able to be completely finacially independant in under 6 months.

And you know what? If I had stayed in college I would have NEVER been presented this opportunity. So to all of you that told me I couldn't be successful without a college education:

FUCK YOU.

Hahaha I feel so fucking good about myself. I'm so happy. I'm so excited! And I'm so confident I'm going to get to where I want in life.

:D

What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 16 June :: 8.44am

Ahhh 2 more days until payday! And Seattle! And happiness!!

New clothes! Caught up in bills!

I also found ot my debt is down to $8,400 ish :D pretty fucking rad!!

Now if only Spokane didn't suck so damn much

1 Idea | What do you think?


angel_bob

:: 2010 7 June :: 1.24am

Nick's grandfather had a heart attack on Saturday and had a smaller one (without knowing it) earlier last week.

He's in the ICU with very low blood pressure and a very low pulse. He was going to have surgery tomorrow but his blood pressure is still very low and the blood thinners haven't left his system yet.

He's in the hospital up in Cadillac. As long as the surgery goes well, we will be visiting him later this week. Luckily, Nick and I both have some days off already scheduled (for our anniversary but whatever, family is first).

Happy thoughts would be welcome.

Love you kids.

4 Ideas | What do you think?


godessalthena

:: 2010 5 June :: 10.15am

Yesterday Sus's mom told me that she loves me and that the whole family loves me and that I'm part of their family :) and the best part was how sincere she was..

It's nice to know I have somewhere to turn if things get hard where I'll be met with warmth and understanding. Sus told me that if he and I break up Corky would still take care of me :) it makes me really happy!

I love being here! But the sun never truely sets this time of hear and it's trippy. The sun went behind the mountians at midnight and then started coming up again.. Trippy!

What do you think?

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