godessalthena
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2017 25 May :: 2.19pm
i sit at work and think about what's going on in the world
what's BEEN going on in the world since the rise of man
thinking about all the plastic in our oceans and in our animals and our landfills
thinking about all the cancer and disease nuclear weapons and power have cause
all the cancer and dealt that corporations have caused
all the countless cultures that were erased due to christianity
people who were once, or still are, slaves to the greedy and powerful
and the. i look at the boxes with the never ending red dots
and all the cuts to our benefits
and all the retaliation and politics
and it's all i can do to not burst into tears
everything is so absolutely hopeless.
what's the point.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 15 May :: 10.08am
i said goodbye with my mouth
but my heart still holds you inside
twisted and contorted
did i do the right thing
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 13 May :: 1.26am
as you grow older and notice patterns in behavior
when i'm extremely stressed and feeling particularly out of control i floss
i also push my body way too hard and in the bad way i hope i wasn't as mean to myself as i think
sooo excited about j's new place! makes me nostalgic for my apartment
especially now that it's summer
sigh
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 4 May :: 9.27pm
first time playing quarters TOTAL DOMINATION
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 29 April :: 2.34pm
i am so so tired
why so tired
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 22 April :: 10.45am
i think my boyfriend and i have the same cycle
that or he really hates when i do stuff without him
either way i don't like it
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 15 April :: 7.28pm
finally home after the portland trip. concert was bitchin. had a super fun time.
can't tell if i'm depressed or just pms'ing
just love being home so much
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 11 April :: 10.00pm
every year i try harder and harder to love my birthday
and every year it gets harder and harder to enjoy it
it's just a reminder of how many people i've had to leave behind how many people i loved deeply who hurt me people who i trusted people i shouldn't have trusted dreams set on false pretenses and a deep desperate desire to be needed
all my self doubt and fear about the future
my shame and regrets
my failures
then combine with hanging out with people who i only talk to through text who all hate each other the futile attempts to have everyone have fun and get along and then becoming the DD because i can't trust anyone else
i just am a fucking wet blanket and i hate it but i feel powerless to change it
i hate this
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 7 April :: 5.42pm
happy birthday to me
vacation's all i ever wanted
vacation got to get away
2 Ideas |
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 31 March :: 11.09pm
shit shouldn't be this fucking HARD
my chest contains a heavy stone, where my heart used to be.
some days feel like heavy clouds trying to choke any semblance of joy out of me.
i always have been and always will be worthless.
life is pain. we are all alone. no one will every really understand us. nothing really matters in the end. when your flesh is burned or buried. to be eaten by worms or breathed in by animals. but you will be dead.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 31 March :: 8.36pm
i still have as much of a clue as to what i'm doing with my life as i did 10 years ago.
absolutely no fucking clue
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 31 March :: 10.20am
women are a commodity not people
women are a natural resource, a status symbol, a toy
women owe men for everything men do for them
they are only worth the sex they give freely
and if they try to take some power back by charging for sex they are vilified
women aren't people
women are tools to use in the gratifications nd fulfillment of men
if you treat us nicely, we owe you sex
if you buy us dinner, we owe you sex
if we are nice and friendly to you, we owe you sex
if we smile in your general direction, we owe you sex
if you rape us and ruin our lives, you shouldn't be punished because you have your whole life ahead of you
if you rape us and make us pregnant, we have to keep the baby with no support from you because we should have made better decisions with our bodies
if you rape us and we speak out, we are the whores who asked for it
but yeah, women have it pretty good. we have the power. we are in control.
but of what?
we are brainwashed from an early age that we aren't anything but bitches and hoes.
we are told we can achieve anything, but we are never treated equally
we are looked down upon
we are too emotional
we aren't strong enough
we are too shy
we are too outspoken
we are told to blaze our own trail, but if it isn't in high heels and full make up, you don't want it
we are told to shoot for the stars, while we are locked in cages
we are told to be ourselves and unique, but are shamed and scorned if we do not conform to the status quo
everything is quid pro quo for us
of all the jobs i've had, the one i stayed at the longest is the only one i haven't been sexually harassed at. it is one of the main reason i have stayed here this long.
but all of this means little or nothing to a majority of men. they don't see the problems because they don't have to wake up and hope they aren't assaulted, discounted or ridiculed because of their gender. ignorance is bliss. and no one wants to walk a mile in stilettos.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 16 March :: 7.41am
i gave my everything
to all the wrong things
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 10 March :: 10.49pm
am i depressed or am i happy?
im paranoid
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 10 March :: 5.14pm
every visit to a doctors office simply reaffirms the strong loathing and detestment i feel for the medical profession
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 8 March :: 9.23pm
yeah......... but why?
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 7 March :: 10.23am
endlessly behind at work makes me feel anxious
mandatory overtime makes me mad
i just want a legitimate day off
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 2 March :: 10.24pm
go see logan you won't regret it
2 Ideas |
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 1 March :: 8.05pm
i need to get some ear plugs for jams
because i already am half deaf i don't need help the rest of the way
sometimes the guitar teacher comes. she hasn't really played electric before but her and juanholio are pretty fairly matched when it comes to general skill and knowledge
he gets a special glimmer in his eye when she comes over it's cute
i hate how hopelessly hermity i am. but making friends is hard and talking to strangers that could turn into friends is the terrifying.
meh
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 17 February :: 7.01pm
3 out of 4 individuals on the special project team has the favorite animal of a giraffe
coincidence?
i think there's a definite correlation between weirdos and giraffe lovers.
oh and geniuses.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 16 February :: 10.02am
there's a hole in the bottom of my heart
and all my blood is spilling into my organs
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 16 February :: 6.40am
im tired and i am filled with sadness and disappointment with myself
i wish i could erase what happened
i wish i could have been smarter sooner
i wish i hadn't been such a shitty person
being with him makes me feel like i need to forget my past and pretend i was just born yesterday. i don't like hurting him, but i don't like being silent forever.
i just want to give up. it was easier when i wasn't loved.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 14 February :: 6.21pm
i love dog stars they make the commute home even better
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 12 February :: 10.28pm
everything is slightly up and to the left of center
not sure i like it
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 9 February :: 3.25pm
we presented our solution and options for moving forward today to all the big wigs
despite our dry run the hour before hand being really rough, we really pulled through at the end
while we were derailed a few times by the attendees that were not the intended audience, the top 2 executives for our department were very impressed and happy with what was presented
it feels so fucking good to have this milestone done
in just 30 days we solved a problem that's been plaguing the boss man for 4 years.
we are the fucking kings and queens of promise
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 7 February :: 7.34am
going dairy free for 3 weeks taught me my body hates dairy
day 2 of gluten free and it feels like i've been eating nothing but milk and cheese
fml
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 2 February :: 8.16pm
im mad
but i got some really cute clothes today
im most excited for the hello kitty dress with strawberries and a lace peter pan collar. it is so cute i could die
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 1 February :: 10.06pm
how do you decide when you're ready for kids?
now that it might actually be obtainable, i am getting very cold feet.
my track record is full of bad decisions... is this pontientally one more?
am i parent material?
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 30 January :: 2.57pm
i watched a documentary on netflix yesterday called HOLY HELL and i have to admit it struck a strong resonance with me.
there's one part where they are talking to one of the Buddhafield members and she was crying and just repeating "we trusted you".
and deep inside me i felt this overwhelming sympathy. i know exactly how that feels. when you entrust your whole being to another human. you give them all your love, faith, patience, service, time and energy. and in return they abuse this gift, and they warp it to satisfy their narcissistic megalomania. and you are left feeling empty, hollow and so utterly betrayed.
and the road to recovery is a long one. we all want to be loved and accepted and included so badly, that we allow others to treat us like refuse. we let them take from us to help them feel full, while depleting ourselves. while they full well know there is a hole in their heart and they will never be full.
but they just keep taking until someone finally wakes up.
and it hurts.
but we are not alone in our pain.
What do you think?
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godessalthena
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2017 27 January :: 6.43am
coheed & cambria for my birthday??? yes please!
4 Ideas |
What do you think?
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