sendmemoney
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2004 23 May :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: decisive
:: Music: hoobastank - the reason
in the back of my mind , i'm thinking infiniti SUVs and nordstrom shopping sprees , which is , essentially , what i know of him , unless you count the two point five second witty replies that first made him not so crazy and made it okay to give him my phone number . but sprawled on the couch at eleven thirteen in the morning , waiting for the food to get here so i can say my goodbyes and my thank yous and my "see you next friday"s , i'm hoping he's working on this sunny saturday morning so i have an excuse not to see him . i'm thinking , your hair is everywhere , we are sweaty because the air conditioning is one of the many things currently under repair , you have a five o'clock shadow , or is it eleven o'clock ? , and that look you're giving me , that i catch you giving me from the corner of my eye when the beat is crazy and i'm on the dance floor giving it my all , is enough to make me want to stay here forever . i'm working it all out , figuring i can wear the same outfit if i just wash it enough , and i can get a new job and go shopping eventually . i'll stay in this house , even though there's no toilet paper , and i'll just use her towel when i shower . every little thing will be alright . what will i be missing ? nice dinners and backseat dvds , and delicious desserts in spacious apartments and maybe a house . and then somebody comes downstairs and laughs at you but you smile and admit "esta chica me tiene reventado" and there's not even so much as a question anymore . just hand it to me so i can add to the dark circles and have enough energy to grab my phone and tell my mother to forward my mail . i keep wanting to translate this song and send it to you but i keep putting it off , so here is the first part ... maybe eventually i'll get up the courage to follow through .
No soy persona perfecta
Hay muchas cosas que quisieria no hacer
Pero sígo aprendiendo
Nunca quise hacerte esas cosas
Entonces te tengo que decír antes de írme que solo quiero que sepas
Encontre una razón para mi
Para cambiar la persona que era
Una razón para empezar de nuevo
Y tu eres la razón
Perdoname por herírte
Es algo que siempre voy a tener en la mente
Y todo el dolor que te e traído
Quisiera poder llevarmelo todo
Y ser la que te limpia todas tus lagrimas
Por eso necesito que
Encontre una razón para mi
Para cambiar la persona que era
Una razón para empezar de nuevo
Y tu eres la razón
Y tu eres la razón
No soy persona perfecta
Nunca quise hacerte todo eso
Entonces te tengo que decir antes de irme
Que solo quiero que sepas
Encontre una razón para mi
Para cambiar la persona que era
Una razón para empezar de nuevo
Y tu eres la razón
Encontre una razón para demonstrar
Una parte de mi que no conosiste
Una razón por todo lo que ago
Y tu eres la razón
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 17 May :: 2.45am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: pendulum ft. lisa lind - back to you
but i KNOW the secret . it is not , however , two sandwiches at 11:30 and a bowl of cereal accompanied by a salad at 11:05 . it is quite the opposite , actually , but the secret part two is contradicting , so where do i stand ? stuggling to fulfill part two while part one lies abandoned , but not forgotten . ignored , but creeping around in the back of my mind , skulking , annoying , challenging me to somehow rid myself of its presence because it knows that i cannot . it knows that i am past that stage where parts one and two are so happily intertwined , so easy to learn . instead , i am older and wiser , but somewhere along the way , i forgot how to make it all work together . or maybe i just gave up on trying to .
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 17 May :: 2.39am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: pendulum ft. lisa lind - back to you
if it ever even mattered at all , i should have known that it wouldn't in the future . the signs were there but i ignored them . the signs still are but i continue to and it just makes the hard things even harder . and i don't know how long it will be before i rip myself away , or if i ever will fully , but i hope it's soon so that i can tell myself that the future is brighter , starting right now . step one . try and get an earlier start to bed so there is less thinking going on . step two . pray that it doesn't take over my dreams , because i was never one to handle nightmares . there is so much i want to tell you but i know that i'll always just say it's nothing . i don't know why you don't know that i lie to you . i wish you could hear just one of the practiced conversations alone in my car , where i tell you what you've always done to me and what i've watched you do to me with that same smile i watch everything with . with that smile that doesn't look anything like the one that he sees , but he doesn't matter anymore , because i pushed him away when i realized he wasn't like the rest of them . when i realized that i would never sit and write an entry about why i would be better off without him in regards to my happiness , which i've always thought was my own personal goal , above anything else . it's the tears that decipher what you really mean when you say what you do , and what runs through your head when your eyes are shut tightly is always what you should pursue . if you don't start somewhere , you'll never get anywhere , so here goes step one .
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 6 April :: 2.32am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: mariah carey - underneath the stars
it's an almost overwhelming sense of despair that begins to set in when i enter . i can smell it before my key is even in the lock , and the oblivious smile from one makes me realize that perhaps it is a sixth sense , while the obviously overly cheerful smile from the other confirms my suspicions . i'm eighteen , not nineteen , i want to yell . i want to cry , scream , jump over this white countertop and rip out your eyes with my bare hands , while he sits unsuspecting , blowing out candles . i avoid all eye contact because i am afraid of what will happen if it is made . for that one brief moment , our eyes meet , and i know that the hurt and disappointment in my eyes will mean nothing tomorrow , if anything today . i should be used to this by now , she reminds me , as you smile for the camera . i reach for the knife and soap both sides before sliding it into the dishwasher . i go upstairs to reapply the eyeliner that has faded because it is unfortunately not waterproof , to go somewhere that i know will only add to my increasingly fading emotions . i should stay . i should go downstairs and tell you i hate you to your face while i still have the chance . instead , i leave . before i reach the halfway point to my destination , i know i should turn the car around and go anywhere else . take my car to south county regional park and bury my heart somewhere in the sand beneath the slide , where it's not so readily available to you . instead , i ask you why you wore that shirt , when you know i'm a sucker for blue eyes . you kiss me , and i know why , and at that moment , i don't care more than i do .
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 10 March :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: diesel boy - drum n bass selection 2
before i can walk through the door , i hand over my ID and pray for it to be handed back , no problem , which it is . i open the door to hear the music for a second while the other five cross the barrier and the bassline hits so hard that my heart starts pounding ... later on , it's three a.m. and andy c. just dropped his first beat ... nothing too amazing , because aquasky's record is still on , but give it five minutes and you know i'll be out there giving it all i've got . soulslinger was kind of disappointing , but danny the wildchild would have been worth the five and a half hours that we drove to see him , even though we didn't get to . my sandals are shaking from the bassline , sitting on the edge of the speaker next to five empty water bottles and three empty beer bottles , and even though they have been abandoned for five hours , nobody would ever think of taking them . nothing can top ultra , but then nothing can top global gathering , but then new republic , loxy and ink , total science , technical itch , goldie , and grooverider makes me realize that nothing can top metalheadz . however ... before i'm even waiting in line , i can see that it stretches to the corner and it's only 10:30 , and that's when i know that NOTHING can top world of drum n bass . i'm not even through the door and i have three people to keep me entertained . at 10:49 when i do enter , i realize that 5 o'clock is far too early to leave , but after twisted individual , dj craze , bassline smith , friction and swift , ed rush and optical , dj ss and shy fx , planet of the drums , killa kela and mc trip , andy c. , fabio , and grooverider , i feel like my twenty dollars were well-spent . next ... afternoon , at 6 p.m. , after answering like FIFTY phone calls and handling them all in my sleep , i get ready for technical itch again , but he was somewhat disappointing . after ak1200 , my calves are so sore that i can't walk to the bathroom to drink water from the sink because i can't afford six dollars for a bottle , and my feet are so dirty that days later in the shower i'm still scrubbing them , but it's from five days of dancing , not just one , so it's no big deal . i hope everybody's spring break is as amazing as mine .
2 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 6 March :: 12.39pm
:: Mood: PSYCHED !!!
:: Music: CHEMICAL BROTHERS !!!!!!
Hey girls ...
Hey boys ...
Superstar DJs ...
HERE WE GO !!!!!
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 4 March :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: the beatles
picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies
somebody calls you
you answer quite slowly
a girl with kalaidescope eyes
celophane flowers in yellow and green
towering over your head
look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone
follow her hair down to her bridge by her fountain
her rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies
everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers that grow so incredibly high
newspaper taxis appear on the shore
waiting to take you away
climb in the back with your head in the clouds and you're gone
picture yourself on a train in a station with plasticine porters
with looking glass ties
suddenly somebody's there at the turnstile
the girl with kalaidescope eyes
lucy in the sky with diamonds
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 29 February :: 1.35am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: none
*sigh* i'm too tall for this .
2 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 22 February :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: diesel boy's project human
susanis a winner (8:35:17 PM): i wish you knew statistics
Sup 4 Man99 (8:35:25 PM): how bout this
Sup 4 Man99 (8:35:45 PM): Its probable that ur gonna get a grade below 85%
Sup 4 Man99 (8:36:01 PM): *cue rimshot*
susanis a winner (8:37:08 PM): ouch
Sup 4 Man99 (8:37:37 PM): yeah that was a bit harsh...
Sup 4 Man99 (8:38:56 PM): but is it true?
Sup 4 Man99 (8:39:08 PM): id say the probability for that is blue
susanis a winner (8:39:28 PM): i think the probability is apple .
Sup 4 Man99 (8:39:36 PM): intriguing
Sup 4 Man99 (8:40:11 PM): this would fit into Homer Simpsons theory of the donut shaped universe
susanis a winner (8:40:39 PM): i hate statistics
Sup 4 Man99 (8:42:12 PM): so what do u think the the percentage of the population is that hates it too? :-P
susanis a winner (8:42:31 PM): 100 ,000 % .
susanis a winner (8:42:37 PM): is that right ?
susanis a winner (8:42:38 PM): fuck
susanis a winner (8:42:40 PM): i think it was d .
Sup 4 Man99 (8:42:56 PM): no
Sup 4 Man99 (8:42:59 PM): it was apple
Sup 4 Man99 (8:43:04 PM): jeez you really are gonna fail
... mmm .... best weekend ever . i'm SO tired .
1 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 15 February :: 11.11am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: green day - insomniac
i will NEVER be the same ...
what the FUCK just happened ?!!?!?!!
...
nothing will ever be more amazing than last night . nothing else could ever even come CLOSE to the kind of experience i just had .
NOTHING .
1 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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plainmornings
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2004 14 February :: 11.28pm
envy me for I have been graced with the Godly sounds of Modest Mouse<3
it was soooooooo wonderful x a bagillion & a half!! Muchas gracias to Josh/Eric/Taylor/everyone else <3<3
got dumped in Miami & did the whole UM honor band thing. It went well I guess besides crappy music and bad players. The other bassoonists were cool (and cute lol) so it was all good. <3s to Chris & Eun Joo who made 2nd and 1st chairs!!
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Alfred Reed was at our concert tonight!! We all got autographs and pictures, it was obbber cool!
going to Orlando tomorrow. busy. bye.
6 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 13 February :: 2.31am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: chingy
i was WALKING THROUGH MY HOUSE .
We need to talk about it
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plainmornings
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2004 12 February :: 3.30pm
don't we all just LOVE pretentious fucks.
6 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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plainmornings
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2004 12 February :: 2.13pm
Fucking christ.
i come on here for 3 fucking minutes and i swear a bazillion pop ups flashed everywhere. The quicker i Xed them out, the faster they came.
This is ridiculous.
1 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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sendmemoney
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2004 9 February :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: ashanti - rock wit u
XxGHeTToTRaSHxX (1:49:19 PM): i watched the grammys last night
XxGHeTToTRaSHxX (1:52:44 PM): guess who won most talked about concert performance
XxGHeTToTRaSHxX (1:53:20 PM): CHEMICAL BROTHERS!
1 Silence is not the way |
We need to talk about it
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