Caffine O.D.
Yeah. It's freaking 2 in the morning. I might be feeling an all nighter. Haven't pulled one in awhile. It definitely wouldn't be intelligent though. I do have class and homework to do.
Plus I have to make sure I'm awake for The O.C. and Gilmore Girls.
I swear those are the most fucking amazing shows ever.

I actually feel like I've got a buzz right now. It's totally cool. Thank you sleep deprivation and two pots of coffee.

Kelly left. A long time ago too. I left after he did, but then I started drinking coffee and things got too wild for my bedroom so I had to get back on here.
A few minutes ago Jacob got on and was talking about his friend Gabby and how amazing she was. I'm not stupid enough to pretend I'm not jealous. He's my best friend. And he's gone. And he's hanging out with Gabby at 2 in the morning. I used to be Gabby. Now I'm the one that gets a "wtf are you doing online at 2am?? dumbass, go to bed."
I wanna be Gabby again. So unfair.
But then wtf is wrong with me? Of course he's going to go find other friends.
Blah is how I feel about that.

The other night I had a dream about Kelly and I and we were like married and shit. It was weird. The dream wasn't weird, just dreaming it was weird. We've never even really talked about that, which ... whatever. I don't know. We've been together a year, and we're 18 and 20. Obviously I hope we stay together, I love him, he loves me, I'm moving to Michigan for fucks sake. But over the internet? Probably not the most ideal place to talk about that.
I felt like a creep for dreaming about it, and I feel like an even bigger creep talking about it now. To myself. On Woohu.
Kelly's probably going to read this and be like "What... the... fuck..." and I'll laugh and be like "Oh, yeah... it was 2:30 in the morning and I'd had about 12 cups of coffee lawl."
Then he'll say something that I don't understand and when I question it he'll go "gah Rachel... fail -_-" and we'll pretend to fight.
I wonder how annoying it gets when I say I love him all the time?
I don't even care. I love him. He is simply fantabulous.

I've decided I need to buy any and every Bo Bice album. I don't think I'd ever really listened to anything he sang until I watched Blades of Glory. He has an incredible voice and rocks that pianos ass. I want to play the piano so bad. You don't even know.

MSN is currently being a douche and making me download the latest version before I can sign in. I hate that it does that. I'm perfectly fine with the version I have, kthxbai.

My speech went over well, everyone seemed to like it. I was still told to talk slower though. Also they said that I sounded as though I were about to burst into tears at any given moment. Sweet.
So, I have to work in controlling my voice and relaxing. Lawl, yeah right, I'm in front of a room full of people.
Next week we have to give the speech for a grade though. Blah.

I am so boring. It makes me upset. I was never boring. In high school, I was the one of the "Class Clowns". You cannot be a Class Clown and boring at the same time. It does not work.
I need fixed. I need something more interesting to talk about than MSN being an ass face and my speech giving abilities.
Fuck.

I have survived my first college test.
Passed? Very doubtful.
It was in Political Science. I'm just going to have to read the entire book I think. He gives us power point lectures over stuff that he informs us isn't going to be on the test -- and none of it was on this test, so the statement is bound to hold true.
I don't get it, it's just a stupid class.
Tomorrow night I have Speech. I was really stressed out about it, I didn't want to get up in front of everyone and deliver mine, but right now I'm not anxious at all, even though I've only just now finished it. I feel like I could give it to anyone at the moment.
I'm a little short on the time, so I'm going to have to read a lot slower than I normally would, but other than that I think it will be alright.
Last Saturday was my final Orientation class, so now I've got that day back to do homework and talk to Kelly. Exciting? I thought so.
I have to do one last assignment for the class though, and turn it in sometime this week.
It looks easy enough.

I want to paint my room, but any color I pick out mom is like "oh, you can't use that color, it's too dark, your room will look like a dungeon."
or "that's way too bright rachel, you'll always have a headache."
It's really annoying. She's never in my room, what does she care?At the moment my room is a tannish color because we just never painted it after Trevor was in there, and he had everything navy with tan walls. It looked good then, but not so much with my pink, purple, and orange stuff.... Yikes.
I can't figure out what color I want it anyways, I change my mind about every day.

Anyway, that's all. Nothing really interesting. Nothing ever is in my life.

I eventually went to bed a little after four this morning, and then at 7:30 my dad woke me up because we were under a tornado watch and he had to go to the fire station and "spot" and whatever. So I've had 3.5 hours of sleep and a lot of coffee. I kind of feel like shit but I've still got homework to finish for tonight.
The worst of the storm passed, though it still looks pretty bad out, and it's supposed to hit again later on today.
We live by this little creek and it's well over the bridge. It's higher than it's been in years and it's a little crazy.
We definitly needed the rain, we've been in a drought and we had to put a burn ban on and blah. Still, it's a lot of rain in a very short time, and it's not supposed to let up until Saturday.

Anyway, this is a great song. She has a really great voice. And red hair. Gah.

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

http://www.demonbaby.com/pics/americanworld.gif

Pure Gold.

Life sucks
Kelly's hot
Test on Tuesday
Speech on Wednesday
I've had 8 cups of coffee in the past two hours
Peed about that many times within the last hour
Doing homework
Talking to Jacob
He sleeps through his classes a lot like a noob
My Speech teacher is in love with Hitler and Harry Potter
The End

It's slightly humorous watching someone type who doesn't know how to. My dad just freaked out because he put an apostrophe instead of a comma and didn't know how to fix the "problem".
I wanted to hug the poor guy and laugh my ass off at the same time.
I'm so his hero though, when it comes to computers. Go me.

I was kind of scared to go to Michigan to go to school because I knew how expensive it was going to be. I was havening to take out loans, even though I got almost $17,000 in grants and scholarships. Now I'm going to school and, although hating it, I don't have to pay anything. One grant covered everything, and I'll be getting money back. I feel like people are going to make it difficult for me to leave, finally, and go to school up there which costs about $20,000 a year as opposed to the estimated $3,000 I'll pay for one year at Crowder.
I'm positive that I don't want to finish school here. I don't want to be here now. I'm not enjoying myself at all. No matter that it would be more intelligent financially. If I have to, I'll wait a little while before continuing on with school. I'm in no hurry. I would need to find a decent paying job and get an apartment and a coffee pot and just wait it out. I'm praying that I'll be able to get a car within the next few months. I'm hating this more than ever.
I'll probably talk to my grandparents and see if they'll give me a loan for a car. They might, Lord knows they give enough money out to other people, why not their own granddaughter? At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I need to find a job like right now... but then there comes in the No Car situation. How would I manage to get there? How am I going to be able to afford an apartment in Michigan if I can't get a job and save money now, all because I don't have a car?
Since when did my life become such a huge and completely fucked up mess? I was always the one people went to because I had everything under control and thought out and I was a completely anal perfectionist. Now I'm like "oh... yeah, I don't know what's happening. Cool huh?" and try to play it off, but really I'm on the edge of a fucking break down.

Life officially blows.