I want to talk to Kelly... he's set to away. He wasn't there when I attempted to talk to him last night either, so... ugh.
Kandace, Tessi, and I are having a girls night thing tonight, and I'm leaving around 7:30 so I kind of wanted to talk to him before I left to let him know what was going on, but then obviously that isn't happening.
So I'm pretty nervous. I'm leaving in four days, something that doesn't even seem possible.
I know I won't be what he expects, and I doubt he'll be exactly what I expect, and that's quite terrifying.
What if we don't hit it off, don't have the chemistry that's needed in order to pull off a relationship? Do we just break up and will I still plan on going up there, only to possibly sit and be alone in my dorm in a state where I don't know anyone? Surely we'd still be friends. And then I guess that's a little obsurd, I've talked to a few people, and I'll be living on campus for Pete's sake, it's inevitable that I meet a few people.
I guess it's just really starting to dawn on me that I'm making a huge decision moving across the world to be with him. Pretty late in the game for that thought, though.
I'm not having doubts by any mean, I love Kelly to death, and I don't even want to fathom not being with him, but things do happen.
Just over a year ago I was planning a summer wedding with Karl. Now he's not even really in my life. We talk occasionally, but it pretty much consists of
"hey"
"hey"
"what's up?"
"nothing. u?"
"eh, nothin really either"
And then that's that.
Granted, there are like NO resemblences between Kelly and Karl, so it so wouldn't even be the same story.
Ugh, I just need to stop thinking maybe. I worry way too much, and these random thoughts that I'm sproutin out makes me feel like my mother.
Talk about creepy...

Mom's got a doctors appointment tomorrow, and then we're going to get our hair cut, get my shot records, and go shopping.
It should be a good day, unless something pisses her off.
Her and dad got in a huge ass fight a little bit ago, hopefully she won't dwell on that one.
Anyway, ballgames are hopefully almost over. Taylor and Trevor both have one tomorrow night. If he loses, no more for him, I'm not sure what the consequenses of her win/lose will be though.
Uh... and nothing else.
Blah


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The funniest thing ever happened a long time ago, and for some reason I just thought of it.
I was on a major caffine high from about 68 pots of coffee, and Kelly goes:
"My girlfriend is addicted to the bean. And the bean is not my balls... that's kinda weird"
I got so confused, but I didn't care because it was really funny, and still is.
I miss him! We haven't really had a chance to talk very long lately because we've been kind of busy, especially what with him going to PA for his {DS} thing. Then last night, I swear, Michigan died because I was talking to him and PJ and then they were both suddenly offline without a word. PJ ended up coming back later though, saying something about the internet crapping out, but Kell, I'm assuming, just got mad and went to bed. Hopefully I get to talk to him today though. I miss his voice!
I so need Kelly time.

It's been awhile due to the fact that nothing ever happens that's worth telling.
Taylor has become an emotional mess and is nothing short of perpetually hateful. I understand, Ashley's gone, I'm leaving, Mom and Dad are never around, but I'm not about to accept it and let her get by with it. She's 12, she needs to act that age and not like a 5 year old.
Just today she was rude all day, didn't clean up after herself and then left at 2:00 for band practice with her stuff strung out everywhere. I couldn't just leave it for mom to see when she got home, so I delt with it all, and then mom asked why I was in a bad mood, so I told her what all had happened. Mom didn't say anything about it until just about 5-10 minutes ago when Taylor was getting on to Trevor for leaving some toys in the floor, and Mom was like "Alright, well what about blah blah blah" and Taylor came in here and picked up a picture of me when I was a baby that was on the desk and she freaking "shot" me. I didn't say anything about it, I just let it go and kind of laughed, and then she came back and she was like "Hey, do I have anything on my back?" and as I was looking, she goes "... Like a knife" and then sat down on the love seat behind me and I was just like omg what a dumbass. I told her she could leave and she glared at me for awhile and then left.
I am really tired of her. A few days away from her will be great, as well as Trevor, because he himself has warped into a prick.

Anyway, enough of my family troubles.
I need a life.

22 days until I get out of here, and 23 days until I see Kelly. It honestly feels like it was just yesterday when I was like "Oh only 74 more days" and Kell was like "zomg 74!? Gah!" and I was like "oh haha, it'll come quicker than you think" ... I was lying when I said that. I thought it was going to drag out and take forever and be awful and I would cry. I was trying to make him feel better.
Joke was on me. It did go by quickly. I don't even know what the hell I did all those days.
I'm scared and nervous and excited.
I can't wait.
I definitly can't wait to see weird people on the bus. (Bus ftl btw) I want to take a tape recorder and do random interviews on people telling them I'm from E! Entertainment and talk in weird accents and change them throughout the "interview" and then make Kelly listen to it forever. I'm sure he would enjoy it. Heh.

Anyway, Friday night I went and watched Knocked Up with Ashley, Dustin, Seth, Rachel, Brooke, Derek, and Renkoski. It was so freaking good, even the guys liked it and they weren't too happy about being drug along to watch a "chick flick." It said fuck a lot. And put a lot of emphasis on "a lot" because holy hell. But I enjoyed it. It's my favorite curse word.
/goes back to reading my Bible.

... Yeah. I'm definitly one of those bad people they talk about in church. "Oh there's some people that are so two sided and they're good when they're in church but put them outside of it and they're drinkin and cursing and blah blah blah." There's a sum up of my life. I got good principles though somewhere I'm sure. I should be okay.
We'll keep fingers crossed just to make sure though.

I don't remember who did it first, but I really like Greenday's redo of Working Class Hero.
I'm also even more in love with Chris Daughtry. I know he's going to get discredited by a few people because he was on American Idol, but seriously, he is amazing. "Home" is stuck in my head for days on end, and I never get annoyed with it. Did I mention he's completely scrumptios as well? He's definitly a younger Vin Diesel, and that's just as hot as the original Vin. Good gah.
... Kelly's definitly the hottest ever though.
<.<
>.>

I'm reading 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath again. I read it when I was like 14 or 15 and I didn't understand a word of it, so I decided to give it a second go, and it's amazing. It makes me feel just as unhinged as the main character. I catch myself sitting there and testing the bounderies of my mental state, wondering if I'm going crazy too.
I love it. Definitly worth it if you're looking for something to read.

Long weekend full of mothering 5 children. I don't really want to talk about it. Too tramatic. I hate kids now. But only for a little bit. Give it a week, the pessimism'll wear off by then I figure.

I failed at making time to talk to Kelly this past weekend, not that there was potential time to do so, but ... yeah. Now I'm talking to him though. He doesn't get my sheetrock argument I don't think. Dad got it.

Mom's birthday was yesterday. We had an awesome surprise party for the old ass (now officially 40). Ashley came over and we hung out and made fun of dumb movies (mainly Open Water... omg is all I got on that one), wrestled, made fun of dumb siblings and family members, and then gave each other tattoos with a blue ink pen that fails at writing on skin so... yeah. It hurt.
Best part about everything? Left over cake and icecream.

This place has fallen into the Dark Ages. Nothing's going on.

Once again someone turned our air conditioner down too low and I'm cold. It doesn't help that I got a sunburn today.
I hung out with Ashley and I bought old-man "I'm a pedophile" glasses. You know the kind. They're so creepy looking that you try to stay away from the person in them and then they stop you and you can't run away from them for fear they'll stalk you all of your days, and so you're like "heh... wha?" and they start going on about how cool they are and how caught up in technology they are because they have a Window's 95 and you're just like "wtf dude? n00b" and then they grab you and hit you in the head with their glasses (now we know why they're made so thick) and then rape you and you die from diseases not even registered yet.
Anyway, my glasses... they rock the world. So BAMF. I look so sweet in them.

I miss Kelly.
I was a bitch to him Tuesday night, something I regret obviously.

I don't know what's been up with me lately. I want to say stress, but sometimes I feel like that's just an easy excuse everyone uses. If someone bitches you out, and then's like "oh sorry man, I'm just stressed" it requires an eyeroll from you. A long one.
I need work. I put in a few applications, nothing back on those obviously, since I'm sitting in my pj's at my computer at 11 something in the afternoon.
Life sucks, whatever.