Graduation was last Thursday. It was sad: I got a shit load of money.... which I used to buy a bus ticket to Michigan for the 26 of June. Fuckin A. I'm excited though. Is it weird that I'm nervous about orientation? surely it's not That big of a deal. I have to take a "How
Smart Are You?" test. That's what I'm nervous about, I guess.
*Not all that smart*

I know this guy who's looking into getting Ashley and I an office job at George's. I've always wanted an office job, but at George's? Ugh. Whatever though, I need cash and they have it.

I feel so useless sitting at home while the kids are off at school. I've cleaned places in my house I wasn't even aware were here. For some reason I can't motivate myself to finish my room though. I need to finish picking my shit up and vacuum it but... *sigh* I don't know. I just choose to do other things. I really need to clean it though.
And why am I talking about such weird things on here? I should maintain important updates, not useless-to-all-who-reads-this-shit posts.
/sigh again.

Ramblings
I feel like something's missing in my life right now. It's like there's this giant black hole right in the middle of me and it's draining. I don't know what it is. There's numerous possibilities: The man I love is thousands of miles away, I'm graduating, I'm leaving my family behind me in a few months to move to a place that I've never been in my life. I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life and I don't even know if I'm ready for it. I am scared to death.
I don't know who to talk to about this, and that's the most depressing thing. My family just tries to talk me out of moving and what they say makes so much since that I feel torn when I talk to Kelly because he's so excited about it. Not that I'm not excited either. I can't wait, I honestly can't, but I just don't know how I'm going to be able to afford it. I think that I'll be fine once I get up there. I'll find a job, I'll work, I'll go to class, I'll have scholarships, I'll apply for state citizenship (and hopefully obtain it) and I'll be with Kelly.
That is what makes all of this stressing worth while. Knowing that I'll be with him. I love him so much that I think I'm crazy sometimes. He's such a goof and it makes me happy that he doesn't mind that I'm one as well. I can be myself around him; I couldn't with Karl. If I said the dumb stuff that I say to Kelly to Karl he would make me feel like an idiot. Kelly just says dumb stuff right back and I love that.
And once again thinking about the bottom brain made my depressed mood go right away. God I love him.

I asked mom if she wanted to watch Cliff Hanger with me and she said no. I have never turned her down when she asked me to watch a movie with her, but apparently that's just a one way street. I didn't quite know what to do for a moment. Then I decided I'd watch it by myself and you know what? It was still fucking awesome.
<3 Cliff Hanger

As I assumed I would, I stayed home today. A few people went to school I guess, but they all said that it's been the biggest waste of a day ever, and it's going to be that way all week. I wish they would have just let us miss a week of school and called it good. None of the teachers have anything for us to do. Well, no, I have to do the Senior Trip page for the yearbook, but I got that all set up before I even went on the trip, so that'll take like one day to set up all the pictures and captions so that's not even a big deal.
I'm really pissed off about the fact that I'm going to have to wear a damn bandaid on my nose to cover up the ring. It's 5 more days of school, like it even matters. My perverted comments are more of an attention grabber than my nose will be and I'm not wearing a fucking bandage on my mouth so wtf.
Oh well, I don't really care. The school system is moronic but I'm almost out of there.

Ugh, it started raining and cut the satellite up and so now no more King of the Hill.

Anyway, I cannot wait for June. I'm nervous as hell, but I still cannot wait. I happen to have the cutest, most amazing boyfriend ever, and I can't wait to spend time with him.

Senior Trip Anticdotes
We landed at Kansas City from Orlando at 1:30, we loaded up our luggage and left at like 2:00 and then it was a three and a half hour drive back home. I gave everyone their stuff and got on here to talk to Kelly, who, btw, I missed a LOT. Everything reminded me of him and I was sad a lot, but now it's ok.
I don't even remember what we did each day. There wasn't one day that Kandace, Tessi and I didn't go to City Walk though. It was crazy. I feel like my legs are freaking stones from walking so much. There were these fucking crazy ass lizards that fucking chased you and like ate your feet or some shit. Kandace and I were terrified of them so Tessi walked in front and scared them off of the side walks for us.
Um... we went to SeaWorld which, proving me wrong, was way cool, we went to Universal Studios, this Pirate Show which I got to help out in their little act and it was fucking awesome.
Um Sunday was my birthday and we all went to Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville and everyone sang happy birthday and I got this huge ass balloon hat that everyone said looked like a penis and it was fun. I didn't get cake though. I was sad, I've never had a cakeless birthday. I got my nose pierced that night. Tylor, Jessica, and Tessi came with us, but they were only 17 and couldn't do anything. Kandace, Heather and I got our noses done, and Johanna got her belly button done. It hurt so bad for a few minutes but then it was fine. I think I hit it a lot when I was sleeping though, because I woke up and it was just throbbing.
Plus, we were looking at each others and apparently mine got fucked up. it's supposed to be a screw and heather and kandace's are, but mine got bent and it's just straight. I don't know how I'm going to take it out now, but whatever. I have 6-8 weeks before I have to worry about that too much.

I'm getting depressed about graduating. I don't want to leave, but I want to leave and go be with Kelly. I feel like I'm trying to live two completely different lives and it's really stressing me out. I don't know if I'm going to school tomorrow like we're supposed to. I might just lay around, unpack and wash clothes.
Anyway, that's about all I've got. It was definitly a kick ass trip though.

Back-- for now
We got our asses kicked in Poultry. We got 6th out of 50 teams. I'm glad that it's over, but I cried. It was my last State trip ever. We did the best out of all the teams that went up there though, so that was cool.
It was probably the most miserable trip I have ever been on, though. I was definitly at the peak of my illness up there. Plus, my wisdom tooth is coming in, and instead of being a polite one, it's growing up underneath my other tooth, so my face was all swollen and ugh. It was still fun though. Miserable and fun. Oxymoron much? Renkoski kept me amused.
My parents came with on the trip as chaperones, but it was alright they're not too terribly bad in public, and all my friends like them. Plus... they spent a bajillion dollars on clothes for me when we went to the mall. I was happy. I got 3 shirts and a purse from Aeropostal, and 3 shirts from Maurices; all for Senior Trip, which is in 4 days.
I found out on this trip that we're going to be getting $350 back on Senior Trip. We did so freaking good at earning money throughout high school. That means we had $9100 extra, because each person gets that amount, and there's 26 people. oh mah gah.

I miss Kelly. I want to talk to him, but I want to go back to sleep as well. He's not on so it's looking like sleep-- after I unpack though. /le sigh
<3 him though.

Leaving today at noon for state... ugh. I wish to be shot.
Some bottombrain left me early last night -- I won't mention names, so I had lots of time to pack things I won't need.
I still sick as hell... I hope I get over this soon. Coughing suckzorz.

My nails are already starting to die. I think she was in a big ass hurry so just half assed them. I wanted to keep them until Senior Trip but I'm thinking that's not going to happen. Then again I might just go have them touched up and then they'll stay. Hopefully anyway.

Uh that's pretty much it. I'll be getting back on the 21, then on the 25 we leave for Senior Trip until the 30. I'm going to miss Kelly so much.

I am so miserable. I'm sick and grouchy and stressed. I think I was kind of rude to Kelly earlier and then now he's not on and I didn't mean to be but... ugh. He'll be fine. I've been mean to him before.
I was hoping I wouldn't be sick for Prom but there is no way that I'm getting over this by tomorrow. *le sigh*
Tomorrow we're apparently getting sleet and snow and blah blah blah.
Last years Prom was shitty too because it was all windy and our hair died.

Monday I brought up that tonight Kandace, Tessi, and I should go watch Disturbia. Then they were like "ooh let's bring Travis (Tessi) and Kyle (Kandace)" which left me the fifth wheel so I decided not to go. KC heard about this and is pretending to be Kelly for me tonight. lol it kind of makes me laugh. So I'm going to go watch the movie and I'm excited. Scary movie on Friday the 13th. Fun.

Now then, my dad ordered my boutineer for Jacob because I didn't have time to stop by and do so. I gave him very specific instructions. He brought it home tonight... it looks like shit. It's ugly, small, and doesn't even match my dress. So before I go get my nails done I'm going to stop by a different floral shop and see if they can get one done in an hour for me.

Anyway, it's storming like fuckin crazy so I'm gonna go.

Countdowns
As I predicted Unipeak is blocked, along with every other proxy they made me look up.
Poor little souls; their lives are now over.

5 days until Prom.
9 days until State.
16 days until Senior Trip.
30 days until Baccalaureate.
31 days until Graduation.
79 days until I see Kelly.

It's dwindling down to the end of everything.
I'm happy.
I'm sad.
I can't wait to graduate.
I can't wait to see Kelly in June.

I finally got my prom dress!
It's red and poofy and really hard to explaine...
I'll just post pictures of prom. It's going to be great.
We can't all decide where we want to eat though. Some want to go some place dumb like Burger King or Taco Bell.
Others want to go to Hooters.
Some want to go Chedders.
And still others want Ruby Tuesday's.
Who the hell knows.

I worked Thursday night for Bao because she was really sick, then Tessi and I went out to Kyle's to hang out with Kandace, him, and his roommate Joey. We drank, played a ton of drinking games and had a great time. We played Circle of Death (I think that's what it was called) and someone got the rules card and said that any time you had to drink you had to stand on your chair and yell "I love cock" at the top of your lungs. Problem? The ceiling fan was on and directly above the table. lmao we all almost got beheaded but we were too smashed to care. It was great fun.
Kyle has this huge ass poster of Johnny Cash on his wall, the one where he's flipping the camera off, and I swear his middle finger looks like a dick. It's hilarious.

Last night I finally got to talk to Kelly after shopping all day. <3 him!

Anywhores, I am going to Neosho with Ashley now in a desperate attempt to find something to wear for tomorrow. I <3 shopping.