Pity Party
It seems this is the time of year where every one becomes quite depressed about their current social status. The only one that I really ever Really talk to is Karl or Doug, and they live thousands of miles away from me. How depressing is that?! Then there's Kayla. We still talk, and I go over there every other weekend for the whole weekend. It's fun, but the only way we can really talk is by the phone, since we're both to young to drive. I am so not a phone person. It's just so...impersonal. What is so grand about talking through plastic? Nothing. The phone is so over rated.
Also, I want and Need a boyfriend. Now, that may sound compleatly desperate, but that's only because it is. I am so sick of being the third wheel to Everyone. I just want to stay home and cry anymore.
God, Kell was even better then this. Not that he was a bad boyfriend or anything, but there at the end he never talked to me. Thats all fine now, we're communicating now. Not fluent conversations, I haven't talked to him in forever, but a few e-mails and stuff but yeah, anyways.
All I ever do anymore is go to school, do the stupid dishes, endless homework, and then hide behind my books or the computer screen. Ashley and I don't really even talk all that much anymore since her and Andrew broke up, which by the way, she has yet to send him his ring back, and he still has a book of mine that I Do want back.
Oh, and the only music I ever listen to anymore is the sad depressing shit because that's the only stuff I can relate to.
I'm scared shitless that I'm not going to get asked to the Christmas dance, even though it's a few months away. If I don't get asked then I'm just going long enough to take a picture with Ash since this is her last year.
Speaking of seniors, it's really depressing to know that Kelly's graduating this year too. I mean we finally start making up, and then he's gonna be gone and graduated, and turn into the collage man and not have time to talk to dweeby little highschool girl via the internet.
*sighs*
I've come to the conclusion my life is pathetic.
That's all for now.
Rachel

[Edit]
Um....why and how did 'ring' get under lined? i have now clue how that happend but its rather weird... oh well

omg i didnt get home from babysitting till two thirty, and then i had to get in the shower and wash my face and all that good stuff so i didnt get to bed till like a little after three. i got to skip church this morning to sleep and that was a comfort i love...not that i dont like church...uh....anyways.
next weekend kayla and i are going to go to a few corn mazes and haunted barns and stuff, were gonna round up a few guys to go with us, because what fun is getting scared if you haven't got a mans arm to cling to? ; )
anyways, nothing much has happend today, iv just sat and played tetris for hours and hours. horribly addicting game.
i think karl and i are good now, i've been compleatly irrational lately, have no clue why, but yeah thats probably the reason we got into it.
this past week at school was pretty good. monday and tuesday were drags, seeing as how we had a full day on both of those days, but on wednesday's we always start school at 10, so i got to sleep in then, and on thursday they had to shut off the water in wheaton so we got out of school at 12:30, and then friday was going to be a bad day, but they didnt get the water fixed so we got out at 10:30. this week is gonna suck ass though because we're gonna have a lot of homework to make up.
anyways, thats that. later
.:.Rachel.:.

wow it has been so long since iv wrote. anyways, nothing Major has happend. mom and i hardly fight anymore, shes mainly distracted with ashley because now They fight all the time. um, kayla and kelby broke up after a year and a half and kelbys a little hairy dick now and hes mean to kayla, where as she's compleatly heart broken and depressed. im over at her house every other weekend since shes moved, and its great. um, school stinks, its retarded. and we haev a lot of asians, and though i have nothing against them, school has become fucked up. theres fights all the time between them and people how have been here since forever. its actually kind of scary because they're always talking about how they have access to guns and shit. pretty freaky.
karl joined the air force. i cried for like 3 hours when i found out because im scared that hes going to get hurt, but he keeps assuring me that hes not going to get shot down or something. i sure as hell hope not. we got in a fight last night, which is really weird and i feel bad now.
anyways, i have to go babysit, so ill start updating more offten. our computer was a piece of shit, but i think its pretty much fixed now so itll be easier to update. alright, goodbye
Rachel

whew alright it has seriously been Forever since i last wrote. School started like almost a month ago, and I've had homework like every freaking night, which is just peachy of course *rolls eyes*
my classes line up like this
1st - English II
2nd - Geometry
3rd - Biology
4th - Spanish I
5th - Government
6th - Housing & Family
7th - Creative Writing/Novels

So yeah of course it's just freaking peachy. Boring classes all day long. In Biology, we had to collect ten bugs, put where we found them, their common name, and then their scientific name. I HATE bugs. I detest them, they are freaking gross, and they...just eww. Nasty.
Spanish I is retarded. Our teacher is like 85 miles away, so, of course, we do a little confrence thing using the camera and the tv. The connection is Horrible, we always get "disconnected" or hung up on or whatever the hell they call it. It's hard as hell to hear her because they turn the tv up so loud that the sounds just reverberate off of the walls and echo and so we all always end up with a killer headache after the class. I'm so freaking ready to just drop the class, but it's required so whatever.
Geometry is fucking Gay.
The teacher has No idea what the hell she's saying. She doesn't even have her degree for teaching high school math.
Havn't talked to Kelly in omg forever. lmao ever since we broke up....didn't even talk to him then. Just kind of Told him we were over and then yeah. HE DOESN'T EVER TALK!!
havn't even talked to Karl or Nicole or Doug for awhile either. Dougs always off at one camp thing or another though.
anyways, the bell's about to ring. Thank God it's Friday and the day is over.
Rach

wtf ok nicole and i like hardly even talk anymore, but yeah for her s/n on msn, shes got something about how unless your karl, sam...and a few other people i dont even care who right now, then you need to fuck off. well im sure not one of those people. she used to be like "yeah, you and me are sisters" or "your my best friend" and stuff and now im getting told to fuck off?! fuck that shit.
Family Reunion today. oh joy was that ever fun *rolls my eyes* like every one that ever goes, all live close together in kansas city, and like only a few of us live down here and so were like shunned, expecially ashley and i sense like...well fuck if i know but yeah it sucked, so after we ate, we just got in the van and slept for like 2 hours. that passed the time away nicely. after that, we had to go to the horse pull. ashley's in ffa so i just hung around with kendra, who was there with her boyfriend levi, and levi's friend trey came along. omg is trey ever hot. dear lord. he has green eyes with like flecks of gold in them, and dark black hair and just compleatly cowboy omg. i was freezing cold and he let me have his jacket. we were forced to make small talk because kendra and levi were getting pretty fresh in his parents van and we had to watch to make sure no ones parents came. lmao kendra aint giving him any, only just messing with him, and when they were...done i guess...levi was walking all stiff, and he was like "this fucking sucks, i got blue balls and a hard weenie against my jeans. they are to small in the groin area at the moment" trey about died laughing. anyways, yeah he thought it was just wonderful that he was older then me, though its only by like 3 months. he's january 22nd, im april 29th. lmao he was so thrilled though so i was like whatever. OMG! he gave me his coat because i hadnt thought to grab mine, and he said something about how it was just like a girl to forget to bring a jacket, or some smartalic thing like that so i kicked him in the shin. lmao he so did not see that one coming. it was great. he ate like a pig and bought me hot chocolate. lmao i ran into dad and hes like "what fool gave you his coat?!" i was like omg thats nice dad *glare* lol he was just joking though. damn bastard embarrassed me though. anyways um....yeah i cant do anything with trey, hes attatched. some allison chick. i didnt ask how long they had been together or anything, because once i found out he wasnt single, we werent alone again, and i wasnt going to pick him and be picked in front of kendra and levi.
anyways, it was a fun day, ash and i made our own humor at the family reunion, and the horse pull was great, though i feel sorry for the poor horses that have to pull all them damn cender blocks. its sad. but anyways yeah.
omg my friend tyler, he used to be freaking so short and scrawny...
summer was nice to him!!!
hes...wow just nice. like he jumped over the fence to give me a hug (so sweet!) and like you could feel all the muscles in his back omg lmfao i was like 'wipe the drool of your chin rachel!' but yeah hes like one of my best guy friends ever. holy shit hes tall now too. well not tall tall but he made it over my head now at least. lol his dads really short too so theres not really much hope for poor ty. lord have mercy i couldnt believe it though. holy hell chris has changed a lot too. he used to just wear rip aways and shorts with a tee shirt with some sports thing on it, but now he wears jeans and...well still the same shirts and shit but yeah omg! lmfao i could go on forever. johanna lost a ton of weight um...jacob called me today, his voice has gotten So much deeper, and just...yeah lmao everyones changed. all thats changed about me is my voice changed a little bit, and my hair cut and the features of my face are more defined...or whatever but yeah, alright this is enough typing for one night.
oh holy hell nah on thursday we start school, we gotta finish up shopping tomorrow after church. im not really ready for it, but then i am. i dont know, same as every year i guess, but kayla, kelby and justin are gone, and were going to have more people to get used to and just ehh so not looking forward to it
Rachel

Oh my gosh. alright, my little sister, Taylor, always drives the lawn mower around. I'v seriously no clue why she enjoys this so much, but she does. We just let her, it's much easier then fighting with her. She had her friend Shelby spend the night last night, and today they called mom at work to see if they could drive it down to the creek to play, mom said they could. They go, play, come back, eat lunch, go back, play and on the way back, Taylor was sitting on the hood of the mower while Shelby drove it. For some reason they did not take the wagon that hooks onto it. Taylor falls off, and gets ran over by it. Not all the way, just the front wheels. Now luckely, this happend right in front of my grandparents house, and my grandpa and my cousin Brice was down at the barn, walking back up to the house, they seen it happen and they ran to help. Brice lifted Shelby off the mower because she was just screaming hystarically, and then lifted the mower off of Tay. Something under the mower had caught her head, and split it open, and she has road rash all over her body, her left cheek has a huge gash in it and her back, shoulders, and legs are in pretty bad shape also. While all of this is going on, I'm down at the house. Grandpa tells Brice to run up to the house and call me. He didn't do a very good job at staying calm.
Brice - "Rachel, hurry come down here fast"
Me - "Why, whats wrong?"
Brice - "Hurry and come down here"
Me - "Where are you?"
Brice - "At grandpas, hurry and come fast"
Me - "Why what happend?"
Brice - "Tay-"
As soon as I heard him say Taylors name I hung up and ran up to grandmas. I didn't think to grab shoes sadly and now my feet are all cut up, since the roads are gravel. Anyways, I get down to grandmas, I see Taylor on the lawn mower, where grandpa had set her, and she's shaking/rocking, and just screaming, so I finally get to where they are, and she just grabs me and hides her face in my chest and starts sobbing. I finally get her to calm down, and breath at least half way normal, and then lift her head up to look at her. Then, I pick her up, set her down on the grass and go back to the lawn mower to get it out of the middle of the road. As soon as I start it up, she starts freaking out again and screaming so I hurry up and run back to her, and just hold her. Grandpa goes to get dad, I sent Brice up to the house to call mom and tell her to come, and to send Shelby down so I can see what all happend because Taylor wasn't exactly in the talking mood. Shelby was crying as hard as Taylor was, the poor thing was just scared out of this world. She thought she was in trouble and yeah, but I'm sure I wouldn't be to sure of myself if I had accidentally ran over my best friend either. I finally convience her it aint her fault, and that she won't be getting in trouble and she calms down a little bit. Taylor kept her face burried in my chest, and just kept repeating that she was ugly, and she wouldn't let anyone see her face but me. I had to keep with her, watch Cory, Toby (Brices brothers) and keep Shelb calmed down, for like 30-45 minutes untill mom, dad and grandpa get back. They finally show up, along with Shelbys mom. They're all still at the hospital, I don't know what all's wrong with her yet, because they haven't called yet. She was having trouble focusing and her eyes were dialated and stuff, so I'm sure she has a concussion or something. I'm sure she's fine, and that she's just going to be really sore and stuff, and she'll have to have stitches on her cheek, possibly her head too. I wanted to go along with then to the hospital, but they laid the seats of the van down, and laid Tay on them, with mom back there holding her head and dad was driving. I could have sat in the passenger seat, but they decided I could just stay home. Yeah I'm mad about that, but oh well, I can't do anything about it. Anyways, yeah, they've been gone for about 5 hours now, so they should be back in the next hour or so.
Looks like Kelly has started updating his journal again, was a bit suprised about that one, I thought he had just quit. Maybe he'll stop ignoring me and start talking to me again. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...
- .:. - Rachel - .:. -

no one loves me no more!! no one writes anything to me. im sad and lonely
*hangs my head and walks away into the dark*
.:.Rachel.:.

yeah changed my colors when i said i was going to, but then everythings been so damn hectick that i just havnt had time to write again. i swear, i work all day (well i talk to karl like all day anymore, but i still go do my work and stuff so no one can say im slacking) and then i have to get the kids ready and then myself ready for bible school which is all week and yeah im stressed and just plumb worn out. i want to just go lay down and cry and never have to see the horrible, pain in the ass children that i have to take care of during bible school. one of the little psychos stole my glasses and then dropped them and someone stepped on them and now theyre bent, dads trying to fix them now, so i can barely see anything and im getting a headache and nicoles all freaking out about karl and...well i cant say but yeah its hard.
Um doug got back from his vacation today or maybe last night but yeah he got on today and was twice as horrible and twice as fast with the comebacks, stupid little fuck lmao hes horrible but yeah it was great i'd missed him.
Um theres this really hot guy that goes to church, name's Robbie and yeah OMG but then its kinda wrong cause, though he is 14, hes only in 8th grade so yeah lol hes hot and stuff but nope cant do that one. well not Do do that one just...ehh anyways. kayla thinks hes hot to so i aint the only one!
lmao i have made a vow not to masturbate no more. made it today at around um...3:30 or something i guess and so yeah im gonna see how long i can make it before i break.
ehh...yeah thats pretty much it. nothin else really to say, taylors asleep on my bed and i pray to God she aint droolin all over my covers cause um...ewwy
-Rachel

Change
um, screw the mopping iv decided i want to change my journal again, so im going to spend a few gettin my colors and stuff together and gettin' it all changed. im thinking green....yeah. alright whatever i suppose you'll see it when its done. new picture too i think
-- Rach --

um...somethings wrong with me....
i woke up at 7:00, took a shower, started laundry, did the dishes, picked up and swept the floors, cooked breakfast woke everyone up to eat it, and then cleaned both bathrooms and i feel restless like i want to clean something else. god help me iv turned into some warped version of mrs. suzie homemaker. lmao this is crazy and it must come to a halt.
hmm anyways, my last update was depressing, and it turns out i dont have to move on and away from the man i love because he loves me just as much. theres a few nic's on the way to absolute happiness but itll all work out in the end.
we have vacation bible school this week up at church. i had compleatly forgotten about it untill earlier when mom called and said i needed to have the kids ready and supper cooked by the time they got home and yeah caint wait *rolls my eyes* i have to take care of the first and second graders, some are really sweet, while others are a pain in the ass. oh well, kayla should be there to help me, i hope she dont forget, ill probably have to call her up later when she wakes up. she sleeps till like 12:00 - 1:00
holy crap yesterday i slept till 3:00 in the afternoon! ashley's had a really bad cold and shes graciously handed it off to the rest of us, and so yeah i guess i was just all blah and slept. what suprised me the most is that mom actually let me sleep, and then all i did after i got up was sweep the floor then i watched a movie and spent like 2 - 3 hours doing my nails and then later that night kendra came over to spend the night with ash and i stayed on the computer untill like a little after 2. omg like earlier that night i went down in ashleys room to give her her clothes and they were both trying to fit in her twin size bed...now they aint the smallest people mind you, and so i told them that they could go sleep in my bed, since its a full size, they said they was fine so i said alright and forgot about it. at like 3:30 they come and get me up and shove me outta my room and take over it, and theyre still there, sleeping in of course, letting their breakfast get cold (i woke them up, but they didnt come eat) anyways, i went down to ashleys room to sleep in her bed, and it smells like dog, and theres dog hair in her bed because freckles sleeps with her sometimes and so i was like nuh-uh and mom and dads bed has a ton of clothes on it because mom decided to go through her closet and get rid of like all her clothes and she got tired and just quit, so they pulled out the hid-a-bed that folds into the couch, and they piled all the cushions in the chairs and stuff and taylors bed, well yeah i could have slept with her but shes a cover hog and its been cold, so yeah last option was the kitchen floor. my hip hurts now because i sleep on my side usually but yeah i woke up feeling good so it all worked out. lol alright im tired of typing and there aint nothin else to say and woah i have to get off because this guy i dont like just signed on msn and yeah i dont like blocking people so...im just gonna go like...mop. yeah ill go mop. alright later
-Rach-