BETTY PAGE LOVES ROBOTS!

:: 2007 14 June :: 11.58am

Exhail

About freakin' time

2 apparitions | pull the ghost

:: 2007 15 April :: 11.14pm

Birthday Madness
My birthday started out on a mellow note. I was late for school because I wanted to drop rose peddles for my mother. Last year she got me roses for my birthday and I thought since she couldn't be here that I'd go for a walk to...I guess talk to her. She would have never aproved of me being late to school on her behalf but I'm sure she'd forgive me.
I got to school and there was a four pack of monster waiting for me including a hug from mister j.r. It made my day.
Since it was a school night I did have to go back to Hamilton but my dad gave me a ride there after school by surprise. It was nice seeing him again. But after all we do work together so its no big deal. But it was my birthday.
Friday night was amazing lots of partying no sleep, then work a few hours after the party ended. Nice to go to work dead tired and a little bit of a dying buzz.

:: 2007 10 April :: 11.14pm

Oh my life is going quite swell. I'm sure you were wondering seeing houw you landed upon this site.

I live on a small farm with eight chickens twelve billy goats a horse and three hamsters (moe curly and the other one) a simpler life for me. My mother was finally taken by god and placed into heaven where she belongs. I loved her so much it breaks my heart to know that she wont be here to comfort me when I have a problem.
My step dad finally checked himself into rehab for his alcohal abuse, sadly it took my mothers death for him to realize he has a problem.
But that was some time ago. Things have changed alot this year.

My dad takes care of my sister and I live with my friend in Hamilton. I think it was for the best. I have a job and pay to live there so his parents aren't hassled with extra expenses. Its actually cheaper to have me there.

Things have been a bit hecktik if you can see that's why I haven't been online in such a long time. Other than myspace only to check up with friends though. Gotta go.

:: 2007 22 March :: 12.02am

Think Before You Start Talking

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

[Solo: Corey]

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

---------------

And I thought everything was going so well. Like I said earlier, new school, new boyfriend, new friends so what could be wrong right? How about the fuckin' bitch that desides to talk shit about me saying she was using me for three fucking years! First of all I think you'd have to be full of shit to say something about me or be using me in the first place. Second of all, I don't let people use me so I have no idea where your getting your fuckin' matierial from. And who was calling whom love? I don't remember me calling you up that often. Actually it'd be you wanting to hang out, you who'd go out and buy us movies to watch seeing how you were the one with the job. We hardly ever did anything that would cost money anyways. My god your pathetic. I'm through with you. I don't need shit like you in my life.

:: 2007 1 March :: 2.04pm

Born from silence, silence full of it
A perfect concert my best friend
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart had a home

Sing what you can`t say
Forget what you can`t play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
- My loveletter to nobody

Never sigh for better world
It`s already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

Wrote for the eclipse, wrote for the virgin
Died for the beauty the one in the garden
Created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
Failed in becoming a god

Never sigh for better world
It`s already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker`s cry, the one without tears
For I`ve given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother`s lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"

"Teach me passion for I fear it`s gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I`m sorry
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore..."

A lonely soul... An ocean soul...

:: 2007 27 February :: 1.57pm

..boyfriend?
Yeah nevermind him. Love him to death, but yeah I give....

:: 2007 26 February :: 7.32pm

New Feelings

New Boyfriend -J.R

New School - Wavecrest Career Acadamy

New Friends - Aisha, Bri, Mitch...

But with everything good there must be some pit falls right?
Yup

Lost - Some old friends

Lost - Thaddeus in someway

Lost - My mind

Found - Happiness and Stress

:: 2007 23 February :: 2.18pm

Yuup

In Nova Net once again.

I think I've lost my mind, I zoned out in class today and it seems like any thought worth thinking about ran out through my ears. Mhhm. I made me a necklace out of lace today in art -screw making another mardi gras mask I've made so many of them I'm surprised their not running out of my ass yet. Tonight should be cool throwning a little shin-dig at Thads with me new friends. It should be fun. It better be. I don't have that long to hang out with J.R seeing how his parents don't want him spending the night - I guess its understandable but it still sucks. So Hill, Christ, Aisha and I will be spending our night together wich I think is Merrily Pimp. Oooops gotta go my teacher is hovering over my shoulder right now.

:: 2007 16 February :: 2.48pm

I'm in Nova Net right now. One of the longest hours of the day, looking through HR Giger pictures and praying for my fifteen minute break.
Things are going splendid- I met someone, then lost them (on purpose) danced in the caffiteria, stole Matts gold fish, made a crap load of new friends aaannnnd I'm going to a partay tonight wich should be tons of fun. Thaddeus and I are getting along fine- we both say we should have some new people in our lives. Even though we chill everyday things haven't gotten ockward. I've taken pictures with Hillary- the coolest mobster pictures you would ever see. And had some girl time. I took Christs rasta to school today, just because it looks better on me than on him.
wow. That all sempt a bit scrambled. I'm going to get going- makeout time in the hallway. : D

:: 2007 16 January :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Blue October - Into the Ocean

As my thoughts play out I'm left with the realization that my life has taken an abrupt turn. It's been taking alot of those recently. The weekend left me to my thoughts, negative ones at that. I've realized I'm exactly what I hate yet love in the same manner, and that I am no longer able to look at a child in the same way as I did before without tears swelling in my eyes and regretful memories. Like everyone has told me lately "theres absolutely nothing that could have changed" and I guess it's a true statement, but if it truely were, if there really was nothing I could have possibly done then why am I left in such agony. School has passed much slower now...thank god it wont be to long before I'm out on leave for awhile. I need to get out, I need to get away.

'If god could respond what would he say?'

I should go to bed. That is all I truely can say I do anymore. My body is shutting down while my mind is fast at work, why couldn't it be the other way around? I want to stop thinking: even if momentarily. Just stop.

:: 2007 5 January :: 12.39am

'Hush little baby don't say a word'

Thaddeus: Baby! Baby! What baby?

Me: Uhh....

:: 2006 11 December :: 7.56pm

Looking Up...
The past few days have been wonderful.

Thad and I have finally been able to see eachother. Not that we never do but if you dont count the ride to school in the morning than we haven't hung out in a long time. Working 12 hour shifts are begining to take its tole, he's been cranky and I lonely. Thank god for friends. Thats why I've made it my mission to have Hillary over as much as possible. Sometimes I cant wait for a monday to come to be able to see Brittany, Penny, Michelle, Matt, Chris and well everyone else. They keep me sane. I shouldn't complain though, Thad says he's doing this to make a better life for him and I. He says that when I move in with him he wants to make sure everythings perfect. He doesn't want to work as much when we live together so he's working as much as he can now to save for when I arrive, so he can spend some time with me I guess. So 7days a week 12hour shifts...they cant be that bad right? He still gets his morning massage from me to motivate himself, and one at night right before work. As long as he gets thoughs everyones heads will be saved from the wrath of The Almighty Thaddeus John Game'Gamez and his almighty crankieness.
Sorry this may be a bit scatterd but hell, I'm the one this site means anything to anywho. So yes.

Leesh Out

:: 2006 21 November :: 6.10pm
:: Music: Fort Minor- Where'd You Go

I've been having a hard time lately. My mind has been packed with thousands of thoughts screaming at me all at once. Its getting harder and harder every day realizing the most important people in the world to me seem to be spiraling away, in the sence of distance. I have gotten to see Abbs and Mar its the hardest thing in the world for me, knowing when I have to leave and leaving them all together. Knowing that I wont be able to see them for a year or so while they move up to Boston, I held Abbi while she cried because she didn't want me to leave, its like that every time we part.
Thank god there is a Hillary in this world who surprised me with a heart warming letter that made me crie for like an hour. It was a good crie though. I love that girl, even though she cant say poop. : D She has always been a good one for cheering me up. She's been doing alot of that lately seeing how the majority of my friends are in jail at the moment or working 12 or more hour shifts.
This week will hopefully go better than the previous weeks, hey at least I get a break from work huh.

:: 2006 27 August :: 10.21pm

Informatik- A Matter Of Time
I am very stuffy right now. I can't handle my mothers house I'm allergic to the dog so it makes for a terrible congestid situation.
I went to Thads mothers house on Friday and spent the night there with Mike Jones, Michelle DeBoer, and Thad so I had a really good time, I missed hanging out with everyone. Then Michelle Thaddeus and I went to Michelles house and crashed there around 8am. Then after dropping Michelle off at work it left Thad and I to fend for ourselves so we went to a movie and then 13th street. Later on we brought Keith, Josiah, and Michelle back to Michelles house and had a hot tub party. It was a good night despite all of the fights that happend. I hate fights, I try to distance myself from them as much as possible.

:: 2006 3 August :: 6.19pm
:: Music: Zeromancer-Eurotrash

Last night was great.
I started out my night bored as hell until Michelle called and told me that she was going to be spending the night like it or not. So I quickly ran out to get some movies V for Vendeta and Tristan and Isolde a couple of my favorite movies. So when she got here we watched Tristan until we cried then it began to pour. Michelle and I looked at eachother and darted outside we were soaked in less than a minute. I can't remember the last time I ran in the rain with someone. Seeing how it was around 2ish we didn't worry about cars racing it was awesome. Then Michelle and I played Candyland, Guess Who and a little bit of Clue. I won every time in Candyland she won every game of clue with the first guess. Lucky bitch. : D