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2006 6 June :: 4.20pm
December.
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xjayk
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2006 3 June :: 4.45pm
:: Music: Savage Garden- I don't know you anymore
Wow
Things can really change in two hours.
Brittanys tonight.
Dying my hair, I hope it turns out alright. Eh *shrug*
Man have you ever been so mad that your heart feels like its literaly breaking?
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2006 29 May :: 12.01pm
I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you
I just assumed that you eventually would ask
And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months I just wanted to sleep
Well the spring it did come slowly
I guess it did it's part
My heart has thawed and continues to beat
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2006 29 May :: 12.15am
It's also triple entry journal day.
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2006 29 May :: 12.12am
I'm now officially claiming "edge."
*stretches* Hah.
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2006 28 May :: 10.58pm
I'm rolling around the idea of getting my lip pierced again. Opinions?
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xjayk
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2006 27 May :: 11.09pm
:: Music: Dj Sammy: California Dreamin'
Man today was something else.
I went out with mum to buy wedding shoes, and smoothies for Christina. Damn Chrissy for not sharing. Yes anyways. Then we had people over right after I had a major break-down. It took my mind off of things for awhile until I completely fucked up my ancle again. I have very weak ancles and they tend to snap. It hurts like a bitch, then on top of the nausea I'm lonely. Whatever. I guess everyone gets lonely now and then but its one of those days I really wish I had someone here.
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2006 20 May :: 10.37am
:: Music: Deadsy - She Likes Big Words
Today I'm off to wonder around best buy and finally buy a new tv for my bedroom. Hoo-rah. I don't really have anything else to say right now, I just noticed that it's been 18 days since I last updated.
1 apparition |
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xjayk
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2006 13 May :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Blue October - Hate Me
Well, no parade this year. I didn't get to go since I was out of town. No cook-out either. I didn't feel like sitting around and feeling out of place. So Thaddeus went over to Ryan and Gregs. I hope they all have fun. Another reason why I didn't want to go is because I didn't have any friends there. Michelle had to work and that would have ment that I would have been stuck with Kimber. Now I don't have a huge problem with her but she finds the need somewhere in her nonexistant soul to talk about me; even though she has only met me about 5 times. Whatever.
- - - -
Hate me today, Hate me tomarrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
3 apparitions |
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xjayk
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2006 7 May :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Mudvayne: Happy
If you tie a rope to tight does it not break?
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xjayk
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2006 4 May :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: Deadstar Assembly-Breath for Me
Breathe For Me
by Deadstar Assembly
album: Deadstar Assembly (2004)
Listen to
Listen to me
I need you
A disaster's waiting to happen
These are the things I can't see through
When I'm saddened
It's not me
It's not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Breathe for me
Is this what it's about
I've reached for the strength to hold out
I'm leaving
The tears keep burning my eyes
And I have lost the strength to keep this alive
It's not me
It's not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Breathe for me
Breathe for me
I can't explain what I feel
But I know it's for real
Don't let me go back down
It's not me
It's not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Its not me
Its not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Or breathe for me
I've had a rough day...and I wish you could be here
The funny thing is...why should I ask you to be here
when I don't want to be here myself
1 apparition |
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2006 2 May :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: tired
Mom offered to buy me $100 worth of new clothes last night, but I went to mall to try to find some new shirts or whatever today and came home empty. I just called her and said to keep the money.
Jess ended up coming home from school today. I hope you feel better soon, love.
On a side note - Soul Calibur 3 is not nearly as cool as the second. Dammit.
so don't let the world bring you down
not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
7 apparitions |
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2006 20 April :: 12.51am
:: Music: Ice Queen
I have been sitting online for 9 years and I still make typos.
Right now:
I have 2 lights on.
The cat's asleep on the stairs.
Everyone is asleep.
I keep looking out the window.
No one is outside.
I'm updating x10.
I'm listening to music.
I'm rocking in my chair.
The chair is squeeking.
I'm wishing I had oil.
I'm pressing keys on a keyboard.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I'm reading profiles.
I'm wishing I never met Bateman.
I'm wishing I never met most of the people I know.
I just got done shaving.
Michelle just signed on.
I'm thinking about hearing fans in the orchard from Carley's room.
I want a present.
I need sleep.
I need to clean my room.
I wish I wasn't here.
I wish there was something on television.
I'm done with this entry.
2 apparitions |
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2006 17 April :: 2.18pm
research paper = pwned.
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xjayk
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2006 15 April :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: mellow
I can recall countless times starring into the reflective object placed in almost a mocking way in front of me. Matters not how long I look in, it could be a split second when raised the question what is that? What significance does it have? Is it me, or is it a figure one creates that portrays who or what one is supposed to be considering what the impression of the person in the mindset of one who’s looking.
I thought I knew but perhaps I’m only beginning to get a glimpse of what I am, what the creature in the mirror is. I cannot understand what is running through my mind at times to bring such negativity at one point then at another time so careless.
The mirror is neither friend nor fiend, but when I look I see something new every time. Part of the learning process perhaps. Also it leaves me to ponder if anyone else experiences this lack of knowledge of ones self.
Is the answer eluding me, or am I eluding the answer I’m looking for?
I want the answer to who I am. How can I tell though? I can see who I want to be, but is it the mirror that is showing me just how far I still have to go to reach the point in my life I want to exceed in?
Perhaps I think too much on simple things. Now that I’ve raised these questions I believe it’s time I start searching. I see what I want to be only through your eyes but getting to stay there permanently. Without needing you there and having me as my only support. That’s what I need, to find myself without anyone telling me what I should be looking for or what I should do, I need to find it on my own.
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