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2004 1 December :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: Bleh.
:: Music: Slipknot- Vermillion Pt. II
Yes, yesterday was a great day...
But to think I fooled myself into thinking everythign would automatically get better again. I am still in a slightly better mood than I usually am in, but I am dreading tomorrow.
I might get bumped off the solo. Mr. Riel says he wants some 7th graders, too. Although last year he only wanted 8th graders. Which isn't fair. We've waited our turn, just to get bumped off? No. This is really unfair.
My one chance to shine will most likely be taken away. Mr. Horrell will be there. I want him to hear me sing... (Mr. Horrell is the chorus teacher over at the High School). Why can't Mr. Riel just leave things like they were before?
Meh. I won't let it get to me.
...Or I'll try not to.
I still have those butterflies. It's weird. I have this feeling like I'm floating or something.
=) I kind of like it. Even though it makes me feel even more lonely, there's just this... nice sensation to it.
*falls back and sighs* :] Wonderful.
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2004 1 December :: 7.20am
*twirls around* I feel so uplifted right now.
I finally got a decent sleep last night. 7 hours. :)
Yesterday I sung my solo. Three times. I didn't sound wonderful, but then again, I didn't mess up. My mom, dad, and brother came to hear me. Dad was so proud of me. I'm so glad I finally did something right. I'm so happy that he has pride in me for this. I'm just overwhelmed at the fact that now I'm not just "wrong". I finally did something he approves of.
Went to the mall for Carly. She needed to get stuff for New York. So I was thinking when I walked in "I don't care if I look like shit, it's Tuesday at 7, I won't see anyone I know here." Of course, right when I turn the corner, there's John and Randy. I immediately went into my 'love struck, butterflies in stomache mode.' *sigh* It was so nice seeing them again. I didn't realize before really how beautiful John's eyes are...
Off to school now. Later, gators.
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2004 29 November :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: Twas a good Monday..
:: Music: Slipknot- The Blister Exsists
Today was a good Monday.
Chorus//Mr. Riel went with the seventh graders to the Festival of Trees. I'm going tomorrow. ; ; I desperately needed today for practicing. Oh well. Wish me luck on my solo tomorrow. ^^; I'm soooooo nervous. GAH!
Family/Consumer Science// Sucked. Bob and Rhianna are great. Jake is always covered in foam particals from art. Get that foam off your shoulders.
Science//Told the class about how people got stabbed on Thanksgiving... Also we talked about how Mrs. Johnson cleaned her collards in a bathtub with a rag. XD Wasn't too excruciating... ;P
Social Studies//Mr. Moore was in one of his flip-floppy moods. We talk about slavery too much. Rashon said that we should've asked the slaves to do the work politely, instead of saying "WORK NIGGA, WORK!!" XD I'm surprised Mr. Moore didn't get mad, hah.
Math//Sooo teh funneh. Substitute teacher-ness. We were doing our symmetry projects, but I got like nothing done. Oh well. We made sex noise, and Carlos kept yelling "Let's get naked" in a hight pitched voice. XD
Language Arts//Fat, old substitute teacher. Haha. Took 10 minutes "in the bathroom" before class. Haha. Came back, didn't do any work. Rashon got a referral so I walked her to the ISS trailer. XD Drew stuff on people's arms, then copied Alex's answers.
Sang Britney Spears in front of Mrs. North's open door. :) Talked to Jesse. He looked pretty good today. I'm still undecided on my view on him, hah. I went ninja on Taylor's ass.
So, it's been a B-E-A-UUUUTIFUL day.
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2004 28 November :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: Sleepy.
:: Music: Hawthorne Heights- Dissolve and Decay
Well, yesterday was one of those really fun days.
Went to the mall with Renee. Got Aisha's Christmas present... And some Elmo armwarmers :D. There were actual Abercrombie models at Abercrombie and they were charging money for people to get their pictures taken with them. XD I laughed at them.
Later, we had a bunch of people at the Blockade Runner (hotel) for the Flotilla (a bunch of boats with Christmas lights on them, heh.) Aisha came over at around 2 or 3, and we headed over there. We hung out in the room watching TV and eating (XD) for a few hours, then other people started showing up. Amy, Stef and Calvin came. Aisha and I went and watched Life As We Know It while the boats were going by, then we went and sat in the closet and ate pineapple. A bunch of people came in the room so we tried to be really quiet in the closet so we didn't have to explain it. Heh. I burped really loud, though. And I laughed at Aisha's joke. "What do you call a gay person in a sleeping bag?-- A fruit roll-up." There was this really hot guy in two rooms down from us. We kept seeing him around the hotel. We ran outside in the rain, and some lady bitched at us. There was this band playing down in the lobby and there were drunk old people everywhere. It was great. Then we got in the elevator, and guess who was in there! The hot guy! So we started talking to him for a bit. We asked him which boat was his favorite. His face lit up, and he accidentally blew a spit bubble when he started talking about how cool the John Deere one was, it was strangely kind of cute... Then we went back to our room and threw stuff out of the window. We were on the top story, haha. We shook up a soda and threw it down on the sidewalk. It was so cool. Later on, we were hanging out in the hall, and there was the hot guy. We started talking to him, and he came out and hung out with us. His name is Justin. He's a BMX biker. Lives in Raleigh. Heh. So we hung out for a while until some bitch with sand in her vagina came out and started yelling at us about how she had to wake up at 5 in the morning.
Aisha, Stef, Calvin, Carly and I all slept in the same room... XD It was fun.
Had breakfast, and now we're here. And I'm in desperate need of a shower.
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2004 27 November :: 1.10am
:: Mood: Meh.
:: Music: Brand New- Sic Transit Gloria
You know, it's times when you're up alone at 1 in the morning that you get to thinking.
I've never really been wanted. People in general have never liked me. Never. Preschool and elementary school are supposed to be carefree days. I came home with bruises, scrapes, and bad memories. You're supposed to just be happy; Not care about what anyone else says or does. By the age of 7 I had and extremely low self-esteem. So many days went by when I came home crying. People always called me fat or ugly. Kids would push me into clover patches, and make me eat them. They'd push me down on the sidewalks. Why? I'm not sure. I dreaded going to school. Still do. My tears and screams of "I don't want to" or "Stop" never phased them. Nor did they reach the teacher's ears. This is the reason why I tend to stay away from crowded places. I fear humans. Since those days I've usually kept to myself, and never really tried to make friends with anyone, for fear that they would be like everyone else. Now things aren't quite as bad as then, but I still get made fun of occasionally. I just hate being out in public. I hate being seen.
I just hate it when people get offended when I don't want to go places with them. "Are you embarassed to be seen with me?" No. Maybe if some of you read this entry, it will clear some things up for you... But not many people read this, so I guess this was somewhat pointless.
Mijime Da.
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