~*Nothing But Drama*~

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:: 2005 11 December :: 10.29pm

wow... some girls are just sad.

jess and stacy... i love you!

:: 2005 10 December :: 4.34pm

If this what you want. This is what you get.

jennapie

:: 2005 10 December :: 4.06pm

I wish people would make their own opinions about people, and not according to what other people tell them about the person that they haven't met yet, or....I wish that people would keep their opinions of others according to what they saw and knew, and not change their opinions from things that happened between that person and another person.

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:: 2005 9 December :: 11.49pm

Alright so maybe it was worth it.

Tonight was fun. I love Dani, Megan, Emily Sorensen, Aaron, Scott, Matt, Emily E, Brittany. We always have so much fun.

But I should go to sleep now. I couldn't even stay awake for the movie.

<3 Ashley

just_peachie

:: 2005 9 December :: 2.15am

Well, needless to say, a lot has happened since I last posted.

First of all, my journal suddenly changed...hmm, i wonder what loving best friend would do that for me...Brianna, DUH! Hehe!

Lately, things have been quite...well...all over the place really. I haven't had time to see my friends. :( I miss them. Especially Brianna. I've had so many awesome times with that girl and i love her almost as much as I do Kevin. (Man I hate danglin'! Inside Joke hehe!) Kevin and I are IBO's now. Woot! We actually pulled Chad Menefee on as a partner, too. We're way excited. We've already turned a profit in the first month! So needless to say business is great.

Christmas is coming around obviously and I'm happy to say that I'm really in the holiday mood. It's been really fun so far. Except for the fact that I miss my mom sooooo very much. I'll admit it. Putting up the Christmas tree with Kev and Lee and Amie made me cry thinking of how my mom and I would always do it together. It's my first Christmas without my parents, and for some reason I'm taking it really hard. But other than that, the holiday prospect is generally positive!

I do have to be mushy though. Sorry! But I'm just blown away with the relationship Kevin and I have. It's everything I've expected from a marriage and more. We really love taking care of eachother. And with the whole Christmas without my mom thing. Anytime I've cried all he does is say, "Aww, babe, come here." And pulls me into a loving embrace and comforts me. Tonight he even suggested that we take a trip to visit my mom tomorrow, which was the sweetest thing. I just can't say enough about him!

So for everyone that I'm sure would eventually find out from the wonderful Cedar chain of gossip what I'm about to say, I'm saying it now so everyone can get their damn facts strait. I'm sure everyone knows about me not graduating last year. And I'm sure everyone frowns on that and whatever, but really, I don't care. You have absolutely NO idea what I've been through, and I'm not about to go through the whole list because I 1) That would take to long, 2) I don't want to relive everything, and 3) I don't feel like I should have to; just knowing that it's out of character for me not to have graduated yet is reason enough to know that there's more than what the "gossip chain" thinks they know. *deep breath* Ok, so why I just went over that, you ask? Well, I'm going back to school. To Cedar alternative. Yep, livin' it up with the rejects with the weird ass rainbow fucking walls. Now that I have a HELL of a lot more stable life, I'm going back. I'm sure there are those that are thinking, "Alternative? What, is she crazy?" No actually, I'm sane, thank you, and I'm doing not only myself good but others as well. I know that if I went back to the High School, I'd be kicked out by lunch time for kicking peoples asses that had the audacity to step out of line and make some mean ass comment about me being there. I swear to goshness that I wouldn't hesitate to sock anyone that has a comment about it. Which would also interfere with my work, which I don't have time for. At the alternative, I really don't give a rats ass what they think of me, or what they say to me. I've got a fucking mission and it's going to get done. Plus, the regular high school is all caught up in this he-said-she-said bull shit and who's with who and who's doing what and all the nonsense that really doesn't matter in the real world. It's shit that clouds the mind and dulls the senses. A place where the jocks date the cheerleaders because thats whats done in the movies and their girlfriend is a really easy piece of ass so it doesn't matter if she's annoying as fuck. A place of scandal and drama. And I don't mean the class, I mean the kind that people create because they haven't got a fucking thing better to do with their time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying alternative is going to be like a slice of heaven, trust me I'm not that naieve. Atleast the people there don't care about all that sugar coated bull shit. They'll be too busy swaping drugs to give a shit about what I'm doing. So even though that was long winded, it was something I needed to get off my chest. So there. I said it.

Well, I'm gonna quit here tonight. Maybe more later.

:: 2005 8 December :: 7.11pm

Today was probably one of the worst days of my life and I don't think it's going to get any easier until that day comes. The truth behind the reason why I didn't come to school yesterday wasn't all because I woke up late and I was sick. Yeah, both of those things are true but Veronica's mom did call me Tuesday night and she told me she was going to bring her to school on Wednesday and I was scared. I was scared to see her so I didn't want to go and when I got to school today I soon found out she was coming today. I can't begin to explain how scared I was. I don't know why I was scared. It's not like she was going to hurt me or something. I just couldn't handle it. I barely could look at her and when I did look at her for the first time, I can't even explain how it felt. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even introduce myself. Sam Foley had to tell her who I was. The only reason why I went near her was because someone told me that I might be the person to spark her memory. So I did it, just for her. It hurts so bad seeing your best friend look at you as if she's never seen you before. I just want to tell her all of our memories and I wanted to show her our spot but I knew it wouldn't help. It seems like were missing so much of our friendship. I feel like she's running out of time and it's frustrating because I want her to remember so bad, but she can't and I know it's not her fault. I miss her so much and I would do anything to help her, but unfortunately theres nothing I can do. Getting up every morning for school is just going to get harder and harder until she comes back. And if you don't understand how I feel, think about it happening to YOUR best friend. I think I'll probably cry tomorrow too. I feel like I still need to cry which is weird but thats just how I feel. Stacy told me I was cute when I cried and it's cute how many people kiss me when I cry. They did that in the play too.

It`s unbelieveable how we pick ourselves up everyday, just to be let down anyways.

That hurt. It's okay, I'll remember that next time.

Ashley

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:: 2005 7 December :: 10.51pm

stacy... reading that, i think made my heart stop beating. i dont remember breathing for a couple of minutes and my eyes welled up... which they hardly do. i miss you guys being "you guys" so much. and i'll support you in whatever decision you make. just know that you wont have to stand on your own and i love you sooo much!

:)

:: 2005 7 December :: 1.07pm

They said I can't take, what, what do they know, any girl who's anyone is out at the mall and I can't dress up, what, outta control. My friends stand out so I wanna be bold. Even no make-up, what they're outta touch. They think my blue mascara is way too much. It gets a girl wondering what's wrong with this world when a girl can't choose how to be a girl. They said you're going the wrong way, the wrong way to no where but I said it's the right way, the right way to get there. They said I'm too young to follow my own way to the future but I stand in my own way, right or wrong, it's the only way
that I'll get there.....

jennapie

:: 2005 7 December :: 12.49pm

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I�ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
�I�m fine baby, how are you?�
Well I would send them but I know that it�s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I�m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I�ve got to go home

Let me go home
I�m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I�m living someone else�s life
It�s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I�m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I�ve had my run
Baby, I�m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be alright
I�ll be home tonight
I�m coming back home

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:: 2005 7 December :: 11.43am

I didn't go to school today. My alarm never went off and when I did wake up Lisa was calling me and it was like 7:20 so I wouldn't have had time to get ready anyways. I don't feel good and I hate school so I guess it's okay.

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:: 2005 7 December :: 8.46am

sometimes you drive me crazy. this morning was perfect until you started feeling sorry for yourself. and as much as i want to just slap you and be like "QUIT WITH THE SELF PITY" i cant because i hate to see you upset. you have alot of stress this month... and sometimes i make it worse. i apologize for that. you know i've got your back though... as stupid and cliche as that sounds.. thats what we do. we catch each other when we fall... i know there are times i wouldnt beable to stand on my own without your support. and i pray to god that i make you feel the same.

i dont know whats wrong with me lately. i've been really depressive(ish) barely anything sets me into it... and hardly nothing gets me out of it. i dont understand. winter is supposed to be overwhelming in its beauty... and all i can concentrate on is how cold it is. how i lost my 4 dollar gloves, or how i'm ruining my "winter" boots by wearing them out in the snow. its hard enough that i can wear my heels in the snow.

and with the whole heels thing. i feel at times that i've become just that. the girl who wears heels everyday. i know it sounds stupid. but i also know that poeple have probably said amongst themselves something along the lines of "why does she wear those everyday" and no i dont care, but then again i guess i do. in a way i hide my insecurities in wearing them. i used to be really self concious about how i walked. now im not anymore. yeah.. im just gonna stop.. whatever.

i just hate school. and a part of me thinks that its just because of algebra. i dont mind any of my classes except that one.. first hour. so i have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning... which yeilds all my absences. the only reason i took that class was because one of my stupid math teachers told me that if i didnt i'd HAVE to take it in college and they would make me pay for it but it wouldnt count towards my credits. well its a good thing that's not true.. ESP after im in a class that im failing. it doesnt help that i have babbit. like im really gonna go home and do algebra for an hour. i hate the subject, im not gonna use it later in life, and its making me miserable. yeah.. i could suck it up and try harder and all that jazz.. but im a senior. i just want to get out of here. sorry if im not to concerened with one stupid grade. BUT this one stupid grade is gonna bring down my GPA. thats just GREAT.

i went christmas shopping yesterday... hoping to get it finished, far from that. which further put me in a bad mood. and what do i do when im in a bad mood? i take it out on whoever happens to be around me at that time.... sorry again doll.

i just go through phases where i hate existance.

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:: 2005 5 December :: 3.40pm

Well today was a bad day.

We didn't have to do our seminar skits because of reasons but anyways I really think it's a waste of our time. I doubt that some of the people in our school have the mentality to understand them and they aren't open minded enough to accept it. Some people's intellectual capabilities aren't so great. Thats just what I think. We'll see I guess.

Everyone knows that it was us that did shit to Josh's car so then he didn't notice it until this morning and he had to drive to school and he couldn't see out of the windows since of what we did so it caused him to go into the ditch and then he came into school with flour all over him. We all thought it was pretty funny and today he kept giving us dirty looks and he told us it's war lol.

I really am upset about Veronica and I hope she's okay. I miss her already. I was suprised that I didn't start bawling today. I cried, yeah but lately when somethings wrong I haven't been crying about it. I don't know maybe I'm just getting used to this or maybe I'm getting stronger.

When something bad happens to me, you don't care but when something bad happens to you then the world has to stop for you.
Thats how you are.

Nothing could ever be so wrong.

jennapie

:: 2005 5 December :: 1.05pm

I want some new jeans, I'm going shopping.

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:: 2005 5 December :: 8.46am

why does it have to be freezing in this school.

our stupid seminar thing is today... im just shooting to remember my monologue and get it over with. nobody wants to do it... nobody is going to be receptive of what we're trying to say. as far as im concerned its just a waste of our time. like its really gonna make people in OUR high school stop and think. everyones got their eyes closed to tight to see whats in front of them.. so who are we to tell them what to change.

saturday was the battle in ann arbor, it was pretty cool. i cant believe how good some people are. i mean... around here keegans crew is one of the only breakdancing crews around.. then you down to an organized thing where there are people from all over the state and you realize that break dancing is more than just a past time.. its an entire community of dedicated dancers. it really is more of an art than dancing. when they move their bodies command your attention. none of this hip hop shit that we see in our school.. i mean genuine dancing. it really makes me respect all the people who can actually DO it.. ESPECIALLY the Bgirls.

after we left the U of M... (it was in their rec center) we brought micah back to eastern and went up and saw his dorm for a little bit. i could NEVER live in a dorm. lets just leave it at that! i miss micah... and i reallllllly miss micah and keegan together. its like the shawn without the cory ya know?

hopefully i can get all my christmas shopping done this week or the next. i get paid today... but i know it wont be much. shiiiiiiiiit.

well.. i suppose i should get to doing something productive.